On the Far Side of the Sea

Rock-buzz

2012-01-19T09:05:00.000-06:00

I really love people. I love getting to know their stories, to hear about their lives and to share mine. I love it when two people start to connect on a heart level and we get into the real "meat" of life...the raw, open honest things of the human experience.

Thursday evenings you can find me at this place above...The Rock Coffee Bar in the city I live in. This place is the center of a lot of our work and ministry here. It's an English speaking coffee house where people can come in, get a free cup of coffee and have conversation. The goal is to have a place where you can have conversation about Jesus without having to brave walking through the door of a church, which many people would never even consider.

Most Thursday evenings I come home with a "Rock-buzz"....I love the fellowship, the challenge and the excitement of what these evenings bring. I never really know who will show up, what we'll talk about and what the response will be.

This evening was one of my favorite kind of evenings...I got to see familiar faces and invest in relationships that are continuing to go deeper. I also got to meet new friends and see friends that I hadn't seen for awhile. There's talk of times to get together, times to study the Bible together, and times to just have fun together. And Jesus is the passion that I am able to speak of openly. This ministry is such a blessing and I love seeing how God uses it to reach people where they are at, challenge them to consider and follow him, and a place where people can talk about "real stuff." It's one of those evenings where I just take a moment and realize, I love what I do. I'm so blessed that this is the life I get to live. And I was just so excited I wanted to share my moment of excitement with you. May God continue to reveal himself more and more to the people of Taiwan.

Meet the team!

2012-01-18T20:35:00.000-06:00

The last few weeks have been spent sitting in a classroom, talking about things like learning styles, team dynamics, reaching oral communicators, how to prepare a lesson, teaching through a translator and listening to many different practice teachings from those who are in the training time. The five of us (pictured from L to R: Julien, Becca, Danika, Aimy, Timmy) have had a number of team meetings to plan our teaching times, better understand one another and to learn more together about the nations we will be connecting with.

It has been two years since I have really interacted with the A people and my heart misses them. I'm excited to take a group of people to be able to pour into and build up these people, equipping them to live lives for God that give him glory and strengthen their faith.

As we prepare to leave, I'd invite you into our preparation process. Would you please commit to praying for us, for the teaching that we will be giving, for the people we will be serving, the contacts we will be working with, and just that in the middle of all of it, we would enjoy God and grow in him and together in relationship. Please also pray that the rest of my ground fees would come in. I'm still in need of (on top of my regular monthly support) another $500USD. My team's finances are mostly in as long as their monthly supporters also continue to give as they have committed. Praise God for how he's opened the door for this trip financially, with the contacts we'll be working with, and all the details that have come together.

Just to rave about this team a bit....each one of them will be returning here to Taiwan to staff and teach. They are all incredibly mature and each uniquely gifted. We have people from France, Egypt and USA and all of us have been involved in ministry to some degree in the past. I'm seeing we all really enjoy spending time together and are very relational with the people around us so I hope that continues to be the trend as we will have lots of time together and meeting with people over the next two months.

Teaching on Cross-Cultural Ministry

2012-01-13T19:26:00.000-06:00

Culture....
Something we may not deliberately think about, but it affects us every single day.

Culture is a normal part of my life.

I live in Taiwan. The last 6.5 years of my life I've been primarily in Asia. I know how to say hello and thank you in countless languages. I have friends on and from every single continent of the world and I feel like nearly any country I go to I would at least know someone who knows someone from that place. I have had the privilege to experience the joys and challenges of working in cross-cultural work for nearly 10 years now. I've made cultural blunders, and also known the feeling of learning something in a culture and because of it, connecting to the heart of another person. I love it.

Yesterday I got to teach on Ministering Cross-Culturally in our Titus Project class. And as I prepared and yesterday as I taught, I'm just so thankful. I'm so thankful for the variety of people that God created. For the nationalities and cultural beauty that he used to paint the canvas of the world. How very boring and ordinary the world would be if we all looked, acted, talked, and thought the same. God is definitely a God who loves diversity, creativity, variety and beauty.

And to my friends who live all over the world, speak any number of languages, have customs so very different from my own, I truly appreciate you and what you have contributed to my life. I feel I have become a richer person because of it.

Teaching on High and Low Power Distance in all our different cultures

Titus Project Begins

2012-01-06T18:47:00.000-06:00

Wednesday morning, 28 participants and 9 staff members started meeting together to learn what it means to be a teacher, how to be a more effective teacher and how do we all take our 9 months of Bible training and put it into a format that others can benefit from and utilize themselves.

This is a great group of students. Many of them have long-term vision to work here in Taiwan and in many other places around the world.

At the end of our three week training time, outreach teams will be headed all over the world to train and equip churches and church leaders all over Asia. This year we have teams in Mongolia, Japan, Taiwan, Bangladesh, India, and in two other locations that can't be listed here due to security. If you are reading this, please take a few minutes to pray for these teams as well as the believers in these locations that they will be blessed and built up and better equipped to minister to others.

My team has been meeting together and our teaching time is slowly unfolding. One prayer request is that in one of our locations, there is a great movement of new believers and young leaders being trained up. We want to work with this group but due to security we have been unable to find a place to actually meet and do teaching together. Please pray that a place will open up that we could help equip these guys as they are standing for truth in a place where Christianity is not welcome.

Also, we purchased our tickets to our first location in India! What has been just a far off thought and plan is slowly becoming a reality.

For more information on Titus Project you can check out the website

2011 Reflections

2011-12-30T20:31:00.000-06:00

New Year's Eve and all is well. 2011 is fading into history, and 2012 looms in front of us all. I love this time of year. I love new beginnings. I've always loved starting something new....a new project, visiting a new place, starting a new school, meeting new friends. Not that I despise the old, but the new really get's my imagination rolling and all the possibilities get me excited.

But I want to take a few moments and just reflect on this past year, the highlights that made it a great year to remember. This year was one of stability in the fact that the only places I traveled was home to visit family. I remained in Taiwan from January through the beginning of November....this is the longest time I've remained in one place since I joined YWAM....nearly 10 years ago! Staffing SBS challenged me and blessed me in so many ways. I was able to deepen friendships that began when I came to Taiwan, said goodbye to friends, and met new people.

The year began in the snowy wonderland of Minnesota on vacation but was interrupted a bit abruptly by a visa crisis in Taiwan and I had to return early in order to take care of my visa. This began a number of long hours helping with visas this year. God worked a number of miracles to help keep me and others in this country I learned so much this year. And I'm convinced visas are the most faith-building endeavors, no matter where in the world you are.

Staffing SBS

Studying the Bible has been one of the best things I've ever pursued and being able to staff the school of Biblical Studies was an incredible opportunity to go through the Bible again and learn and grow with other staff and students. As with every school it presented it's own challenges, ups and downs, sleepless nights, tearful moments and many laughs and hugs and deep conversations. Most of the people I worked with this last year will be staffing next year as well so we have an opportunity to go deeper and grow and learn and improve.

Enjoying my 30's
I know many milestone birthdays can be scary. However, I've been amazed at how much I've been enjoying being in my 30's. Making decisions hopefully with more wisdom and less compulsiveness. Discipling younger men and women out of what I've learned and seen in life, and enjoying friendships with people of all ages. I've just been really thankful for this season of life

Studying and Teaching the Word
There are so many days when I have this moment of realization and think to myself, THIS is my job! I spend most of my days reading God's word, speaking about him, counseling others in knowing his word better and talking about what we are learning. This season has been such a blessing in really cementing a foundation of truth in my life. For much of my life I secretly found the Bible a bit boring and dry and after SBS and now even more being able to teach, God's word has become so alive and so fresh and so relevant in ways that I never expected it. I feel as though I discover something new nearly every day.
I was able to teach a lesson on Figures of Speech in the SBS, shared an hour during the book of Acts on Pioneering, taught the book of 2 Timothy to the DTS, and taught Psalms, Exodus, Jeremiah and Lamentations to the SBS here in Taiwan. One huge thing I've been seeing is how God so perfectly orchestrated history and it's events to point us to our need for salvation from our sin and it all pointed to Jesus. He has always intended to be in relationship with us and did everything possible to make that happen.

Teaching English and Making new friends
Each week I work at our coffeeshop having English conversation with local students and helping with the Advanced English class. I've been able to deepen friendships, pray with people, share the gospel and really get to know more about Taiwanese culture and life through the people I've met. This has been a huge blessing to be a part of and get to know some amazing people. Pray for more fruit in this upcoming year.

Running
This year I was able to do a 5k with my mom, run a 10k on Thanksgiving Day and then ran my second half marathon here in Taipei. There is a great group of people here that loves running and working out together so it's been great motivator this year. Next year my goal is to get in even better shape and really invest in my health.

Time with Family
This year has been incredible in that I got to see family all throughout the year. My grandma and Dad came to Taiwan to visit me....my first visit since I moved overseas 6 years ago! I was home over Thanksgiving and just relaxed with everyone. My niece Alexee is growing so quickly and I got some Auntie Danika time with her. I am so blessed by these people.

Looking ahead to 2012

I'll be continuing here another year in Taiwan. I recently moved to a new apartment so it feels like a whole new beginning full of possibilities. I'll be staffing SBS again but before that I'll be leading a Bible teaching team to India and central Asia. I'm looking forward to being able to merge three of my passions: the Bible, teaching, and central Asia into one.

I'll be teaching the book of Hebrews in May in our SBS, a book I'm greatly looking forward to studying and getting to know more. I'm also hoping to do some traveling and teaching this year and will be making more of those plans as the year unfolds.

So, here's to a great 2011 and anticipating a fantastic 2012!

What have been the highlights of your year?? What are you anticipating this next year??

My New Apartment

2011-12-26T22:58:00.003-06:00

Well, after sharing stories of the crazy man in the stairway of our old house, moving houses, and leaving out all the sordid details of the frustration of dealing with our old landlord, I'm excited to show you a little bit of my new home. The photos of the living room and kitchen turned out a bit dark because (thankfully, and at this time of year it's a rarity) it was a sunny day outside and I'm not a gifted photographer.

But this will be my home for the upcoming year and this place has really been a God-story. We needed to move very quickly and we found this place in ONE DAY which was in our budget, was partially furnished and had perks in it like the flat-screen TV (and the 100 cable channels including some English ones) on the wall, AC in every room of the house, and a good amount of space for the three of us.

So, come on in...make yourself at home:

Our living room.....all decorated for Christmas too!

The kitchen...this is nice and big for Taiwan

The bathroom...everything in here was newly remodeled

My bedroom

and my bedroom...my study area

the living room and kitchen shelves as seen from my bedroom
The place is really open and spacious

This apartment used to be a four bedroom dorm housing for students with a kitchen, but they remodeled it taking out one bedroom which is now the living room so the kitchen and bathrooms are remodeled and the whole place is newly painted and quite well taken care of. This was definitely God's gift to us girls this upcoming year. You are always welcome to come on over for a visit to Taiwan!

Christmas Eve celebrations

2011-12-26T03:18:00.001-06:00

Christmas Eve arrived in Taiwan and I invited a bunch of people over to celebrate together. We had some pumpkin pie (I made with cans of Pumpkin from the US!), homemade cider (see below), eggnog, gingerbread cake and of course, pizza!! I made the above paper babbles to hang in the living room and they turned out pretty nice. We watched Christmas movies and talked about all the great things that happened in our lives this past year. God has truly been good.

Starting to make homemade cider...turned out delicious!

Our cute little tree

Can you see me waving at you?? Merry Christmas!!

A toast, from two distinguished gentlemen

Friends

More friends

I hope that you got to spend the holidays with people who you love and that there was love and fellowship around you to share in. Merry Christmas from Taiwan everyone!

Taipei Half Marathon, Round 2

2011-12-21T00:38:00.001-06:00

Oddly enough, the half-marathon at the end of the SBS is starting to become a bit of a tradition around here. Last year fifteen of us ran and it was about the same this year. This has been such a great community to challenge one another in getting out and running, staying healthy and fit. In an environment where study and sitting takes the majority of the day, this half is quite a motivating endeavor.

This next year I'm hoping to be better at eating healthy and exercising. It's just hitting me as I continue to get a bit older every year (though I know I'm still a little young'un) that I want to be better at taking care of myself because then I'm able to also give out more to others.

Those races and running while I'm at home in MN paid off because the last two weeks being back and finishing SBS, my training suffered a bit. But, I still finished the half, my time was a few minutes slower than last year but I also made a full-on potty break in the middle of the race....stood in line for the bathroom and everything.

I'm so thankful for the friends who I got to run late evening, sweaty humid runs at the university track with, Sunday morning mountain runs, running along the river together and of course, celebrating at a finish line with. It's been another incredible year, another amazing time of persevering with God through teaching, studying, living, witnessing, laughing, crying and celebrating life with.

"crossing the finish line"

NOW we're almost all the same height

A beautiful day for a race at 101
Thanks to all who came out to cheer us on! We have some amazing friends!!!

For those of you who are wanting to get out and accomplish something great this year, I'd challenge you to pick a half-marathon where you are at, and get out and start running. Two years ago I couldn't run more than 5 minutes without needing to stop, but you have to start somewhere. One of these days, I hope to accomplish a marathon as well.

In the spirit of the season....

2011-11-20T15:02:00.001-06:00

Thankful

So so so many things to be thankful for. I don't know why it is, but often times, it's easier to sit around and complain about all the things in life that are difficult, kinda suck, don't go the way we want, or are just a bit frustrating. I've been wanting to be more intentional about the way that I speak. I realize that often just to start conversation I'll complain about something....i.e. ugh, it's cold out today. or "man it's been raining a lot lately.""Dang, I'm tired today..." But what does that do? Where does that get any of us?

Coming home to MN has been a huge blessing. This trip has been different from many others in that I don't have a lot "to do" scheduled. No support raising (though, I need to do that soon, but felt I was to just relax and God will open up the doors for that at another time). No speaking, and this time, no running around trying to visit everyone I know. I felt this was a time just to BE and relax. Do a few things I love, and mostly just soak up down time with my family. The last few years of family time have surrounded tragic events rather than the mundane. I could use some mundane in my relationships.

Great friendships/Relationships
I've been able to have and maintain some amazing friendships despite the miles and the long periods of time not being able to see people. I was able to make a trip out to Colorado and the sole purpose was just to see good friends. I stayed a few days with my friends Nate and Steph (pictured above) who I served in A-land with. I also saw my cousin and her boyfriend, friends I met in Taiwan, a friend from grad school, other friends I served with in A-land, a friend and supporter I know from my days working at camp in high school, and another friend from Northwestern College (undergrad). I walked away from that week realizing that every season of my life has yielded some incredible friendships and though seasons of life change and we all change with them, we can still stay connected, learn from one another, build one another up and be invested in one another's lives. I'm so blessed by friends no matter where I've gone.

Health and Fitness
(photo taken after the 5k my mom and I did this weekend)

I came out of central asia very out of shape and carrying a lot of carb-filled-diet induced pounds. I still have a little ways to go in getting more healthy but I've been thankful to be able to do things I never thought were possible....like running a half marathon last year, regularly exercising and being active. My family is also getting more and more healthy and I'm so thankful because it means we can enjoy life together and we can enjoy our relationships a whole lot longer. (sadly as I write this though, I have fallen miserably behind in my half-marathon training for this current year! Gotta just get out there and run!...10k to come on Thanksgiving Day!)

Beauty in my Upbringing
(photo from Canal Park, Duluth, MN)

Coming home always reminds me of where I came from and what it took to get me to where I am today. I love my homeland of Minnesota and who it contributed to me being. I love my family and in all our ups and downs, tragedies, fights, laughs, failures and successes, it's impacted who I am. I started reading the book of Matthew this last week and was just meditating on the first chapter of Jesus' genealogy (can you tell I'm a Bible student/teacher??! Who meditates on genealogies?!) and the news of Mary's pregnancy to both Joseph and Mary. I'm continually struck by Jesus' humble roots. Yes, he came from a line of kings, but that line was birthed through prostitutes (Rahab), infidelity (David and Bathsheba), deception (Tamar and Judah) and questionable circumstances of parentage (really Mary? pregnant through the Holy Spirit??!). Jesus' primary concern was not how others viewed his family or trying to make a statement of who he was according to the world's values. We talk about the humble king who came on a donkey but the way he came into the world is a great picture of humility as well. God chose this path for his Son. He was not ashamed of it. Neither should we be ashamed of the origins in which God placed us.

more thanks to come....

I love my brothers, so much!

2011-10-31T21:01:00.000-05:00

November 1 is here in Taiwan. I was wanting to get up this morning and push through my to-do list. But I needed a moment, or a few, to sit and just remember and shed a few tears and miss my brother James.

Five years ago today he left this earth and there has been a hole in our family ever since. We all have walked through some incredibly painful times of grieving and in my perspective it has brought us all to a realization of how much we truly love one another. My brother William lost his best friend. My mom lost a child...a deep loss no parent is ever prepared to face. All of us lost a person who we treasured and deeply cared for.

What's strange to me is to think that James would be turning 21 this year. This year we could be going out for dinner and I could by him his first drink as a legal adult. Or he could have been in the Navy as was his plan and I'm sure it may have not been his first ;). He would be stepping into those dreams he had as a kid. But instead, he is burned in my memory as this young man. Our family has gone from us 4 kids around to three...though James is never really not with us. He always remains a part of all we do and all we are and all we are becoming.

I would do anything to reach out and give this guy a hug. I know he's with Jesus and God can do the hugging for me, but there is still an emptiness on this side of death when our loved ones are no longer here. I shouldn't be so resistant to remembering, even though it's painful and as I sit here, tears stream down my face. My brother was in incredible guy. I miss you James. I miss you so much.

Jeremiah teaching begins

2011-10-31T20:10:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I started my week on teaching Jeremiah and Lamentations. I've been so blessed this year to teach books that have allowed me to really see others' journey in their relationship with God. Psalms brought me into the communion between King David and God, Moses challenged me in Exodus in his journey of discipleship by the Lord and his ever growing confidence as a leader, and Jeremiah has challenged me to the core on what commitment and obedience to the Lord truly looks like.

The above "wordle"....(you can make your own at www.wordle.net) is of the text of Jeremiah. I've spent many hours and read over that text many times and am only beginning to feel like I'm digging into it.

One of the greatest things I have been challenged in is Jeremiah's call and his life's work is his obedience that went beyond understanding what God is doing. I like to know the "why" behind things. I like to know that what I'm investing my time and energy in has value and is producing something that will last. But God doesn't always give us that reassurance before he asks us to do something. This really stands out to me when the city of Jerusalem in under siege. Jeremiah is in prison and God speaks to him to buy a piece of property in his hometown. By this point in time he's prophesied the destruction of Jerusalem for nearly 40 years. He's seen it happen in his prophetic understanding, his circumstances don't lend to this being a wise decision and yet God tells him to. The text tells us he purchased it, and then he turned to God and asked for understanding about why he was supposed to do this. But, his obedience wasn't halted or even slowed by his need to understand.

In my journey with God, I don't feel I've been so trusting. Even now, there are things being laid upon my heart, stuff I've been processing about for the future, but I'm wanting a bit more of an understanding that it might be worth it, that I will see good things come out of it. But obedience to the voice of the Lord doesn't come with a guarantee of results, the guarantee we have is that the one speaking is trustworthy and good.

I hope to take some photos this week from class. I transformed the front of the classroom into a giant timeline and it's proving to be fun teaching this way. I have a few tricks up my sleeve for the rest of the week as well.

What the Poop just happened?.....or, thoughts on loving my neighbor

2011-10-25T10:04:00.000-05:00

Friday afternoon....seemed like any other ordinary day here in Taiwan. Minding my business, meeting with people, getting some work done. In the midst of normal, crazy walked into my apartment building.

Our second floor neighbors have some cleanliness issues. Serious cleanliness issues. They have piles of bags of something unidentified that have been in our stairwell for 2+ years and have never moved. Their living room is one big pile of junk/garbage with a small pathway through it. They own a dog....a very stinky dog who they also let out "secretly" at night to pee in the stairway cuz that's easier than taking him for a walk. They also chew and spit out beetle nut, also on these lovely stairs. These people are a constant source of frustration to me. When we have guests over, we have to apologize for the journey up the stairs to the apartment. Some friends run as fast as they can so that it can be over quickly.

So.....back to the crazy (yeah....we haven't even gotten to the crazy part yet!). While my roommate was waiting at the bottom of the stairs for a friend, a man who was "not all together there" walked into the building and tried loudly and quite adamantly to try to get into the first floor apartment. He must have known these people. When he couldn't get in, he dropped trou and went diarrhea ALL OVER the landing in front of the first floor apartment. He came running back down, poo down his legs and took off, leaving his poo in the hallway, which soon sent odors all the way up to our fifth floor apartment. I showed up at home just a few minutes after this all happened....there was no way to avoid the stinky lake of diarrhea. You had to walk in it to get up the stairs.

I was so frustrated I left....I spent the rest of the afternoon just boiling up with frustration inside. I arrived home 6 hours later to find nothing had changed, and the paper towels my roommate had put down so that you could somehow get beyond the poo-river, had been strewn all over and the other people in the building had just walked through this and scattered the poop up and down the stairs. and I can't even begin to describe how disgusting the smell was. I couldn't eat anything all day.

I don't get angry very easily...frustrated yes, but not angry. This made me so, so ANGRY. I was ready to go down and give my neighbors a mouthful of nastiness in English, but my other roommate was home and was not in such a rage so we calmly and quietly went down to ask them to clean it up. The man who lives there came and walked through the middle of the mess, just looked at us, said nothing, walked into his apartment (shoes still on....gag) and shut the door.

I didn't get much sleep that night. The angry monster kept my thoughts racing.

Next day, my roommate and I bought 2 bottles of bleach, pulled out some old mops and cleaned our stairwell top to bottom. It took us 2 1/2 hours and we used almost the whole 2 gallons of bleach and countless buckets of water. The "substance" of the poo had been kind of removed sometime during the evening, but there were crusty remnants everywhere.

This turned out to be actually very therapeutic for me. After we had thoroughly cleaned off the "landing of abomination" we just stopped and prayed for our neighbors. In that moment, I got a glimpse of how sad these people's lives are. Their external reality was just a reflection of their internal. They are a mess. They are broken and lost. They are in a really sad and pathetic state. It made me realize that loving my neighbor is not just having a cup of coffee with a really fun university student and sharing about my life and Jesus. Sometimes loving my neighbor means you scrub their crap....sometimes literally. Sometimes loving your neighbor means it costs you and benefits them. Sometimes loving your neighbor means that you have to speak hope into complete hopelessness. I learned a valuable lesson.

And the dog peed on the stairway again that night. Just an ordinary day.

Countdown to the USA!!!

2011-10-08T20:59:00.001-05:00

With all the mediums of technology to communicate through these days email, blogs, twitter, Facebook, etc, it still means you have to sit down and actually tap out the letters on the keyboard or screen and send it off to everyone.

Right now I'm in the process of switching over all my email updates to a newsletter email program so that I can send photos and nice looking updates without the hassle or sending ginormous attachments. This process is taking longer than I thought because I realized half the addresses I have are outdated, life here in Taiwan is quite busy at the moment, and it takes more motivation than I seem to have to sit down and work through all this.....
but it's coming soon!!!!
(and if you want my new and shiny updates, I'd LOVE for you to send me a current email that you actually check!)

And not only are my emails coming, but SO AM I!!!! to Minnesota and Colorado, and soon.

I'm taking about 3.5 weeks in the States for some rest and rejuvenation and reconnection with people because I will be working with Titus Project here in January (this will be included in said newsletter when it makes it's way to you!). I'm mixing it up with my visit home in that this time I'll be primarily at my mom's house in Mankato and therefore more in the area of the Twin Cities and southern MN. If you are reading this and you are near that area, I SERIOUSLY would love to see you. I'm really missing friends and family from back home and don't want people to feel shy about finding me (did you know I am an extrovert....it's true! I miss people a lot). I'll be home from Nov. 7-Dec. 2.

AND>>>> I'm also going to be in Colorado from Nov. 10 or 11 to 17. I'm flying into Denver and will also be visiting Ft. Collins...so again, I'd love to see you.

For both locations I'm not sure what the transportation situation will look like so if we get together, I'll make you a deal....I'll fly across the ocean, and then you can drive to meet me the rest of the way, sounds good?!

Before I head home I'm teaching the books of Jeremiah and Lamentations in the SBS here. For those of you who may not know this fun fact, Jeremiah is the second longest book in the Bible (Psalms is the first) so I've been spending a lot of hours pouring through the text and being very challenged by the life and message of this prophet. Take time to pray for me and for the students that will be studying this book. I teach three days: Oct. 31, Nov. 2, 4.

Well....I hope you enjoyed what is basically an email update in blog format. Just killing two birds with one stone. Next blog update will be more fun-filled and hopefully include some photos.

Oh yeah, and the countdown: 29 DAYS!!!!!

Chiggers: boo!

2011-09-23T01:58:00.000-05:00

Normally, this blog is for sharing my deep contemplative thoughts, or sharing a story of cross-cultural significance, to keep friends and family around the world connected with my daily life. It's my way of keeping you involved in the highs and lows of life while living far away from so many of you. So, here's to keeping connected.....

This is something I never thought would be a result of overseas living and ministry: Chiggers.

Now, I grew up in the Northwoods of Minnesota. My summers were spent building forts among the trees. I learned at an early age the proper way to search for and remove ticks after a day in the woods. I know how to bear-proof a campsite and have tried everything known to man to prevent bites from the mosquitoes that are the size of small birds in my back yard. But I've NEVER dealt with chiggers before and I have to say, I hope never to deal with them again.

About a week and a half ago, I spent two days outside doing various activities: A picnic in the grass after church with friends, an outdoor lunch with my church, a BBQ for the Moon Festival with students from my English class near the beach. Somehow over those two days, these little guys found their way onto my skin and burrowed deep.

I initially was afraid all the little red bites that appeared on my skin were bed bugs and I was freaked out. Bed bugs are near impossible to eliminate. I was imagining the discussion with my landlord, buying a new mattress, and figuring out how to clean everything in my room. However, I had no additional little red spots. So then I just assumed they were ant bites from the various outdoor eating adventures and they'd disappear shortly.

Oh, how wrong I was. Now I know that chiggers latch on and after about a week they fall off. THIS is when the itching really happens. And so it did. My arm started to itch like CRAZY and later that night it was near impossible to sleep and the welts on my arm were about 10 times their original size.

Thankfully, with Taiwan national health insurance, I marched into the doctor and for $5 got a diagnosis and some anti-itch cream and antihistamines. But these suckers are gonna itch for a few more days and I'm just gonna whine (a bit...) and shake my head at the crazy things that happen while living overseas. So the moral of the story is....no matter how enticing the grass looks in Taiwan, don't sit in it! And, living for Jesus sometimes requires weird suffering. And, building relationships sometimes costs you physical discomfort! ha ha!

Remembering....

2011-09-10T20:07:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning and went through my morning routine: worked out, showered, made coffee and sat down to read the news while eating breakfast. It was very similar to the same morning exactly 10 years ago when I stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom in my college apartment, getting ready for class and listening to the radio. That morning the plane hit tower one in NYC...and I watched on TV as the second hit tower two.

I watched the video on CNN today and could not hold back the tears. The emotions that day were suddenly upon me and I sat there thinking of all that has unfolded since that day. I watched as those buildings collapsed and the graves of 3,000 people were there, right before my eyes. People who have friends, relatives, children still alive today that watch that with even more pain in their hearts.

And so much has transpired. That day opened a door, unknown to me at that time, to move into the very land of these "enemies" of my country. I looked into their eyes, I passed Talibs on the street. I heard bombs and gunshots go off in their own backyard. I was taken in as family by these people who in the minds of my own nation are the enemies of all that is good: prosperity, education, democracy, the right to freedom and comfort, women's rights and liberalism, secularism, etc.

Now, my post is not intended to be a political rant, nor is it intended to express my opinion on America's war on terror (though I do hold my own opinions!)...but I've really been challenged lately from a lot of different angles. I've just recently finished reading the book "Tea with Hezbollah" in which Ted Dekker and Carl Medearis travel the Middle East and ask people what they think about the teaching of Jesus to love your neighbor and the parable of the good Samaritan. The dialogue is intriguing, some of the answers predictable, but the glimpse into the human heart and it's struggle to get beyond it's own hatred and prejudice, is humbling.

9/11, if we are not careful, may cause a bitterness in our own souls that will cause us to hate Muslims, to hate anyone with dark skin and an accent revealing Arabic as a native language. When we meet those who kneel on prayer rugs and press their head to the ground facing Mecca, those of us who to look to the teachings of Jesus and the way of the cross, we can't afford to hate. This is not the "ministry of reconciliation" Paul speaks of in Corinthians.

This morning I wept over the senseless loss of my own people who were killed for the sake of an ideology. Those who died that day never looked into the eyes of their killers. They never interacted on a personal level. They never had a conversation about what life was really about and what they believed. And I wonder, I wonder if anyone dared to set foot where these men, men who'd we'd label killers, and shared a message of love and reconciliation, of relationship with their creator, and common human condition of sin...I wonder if the result would have been the same. And this causes me to weep over those who haven't had a chance to even consider the message of Jesus. Afghanistan will never be "enemy territory" to me. I weep over that nation as I weep over my own. Oh God, help me to love my neighbor.

approval addiction

2011-08-29T20:10:00.000-05:00

There's something I've been greatly challenged by over the last while, a thing God is speaking into the depths of my soul, as well as the shallow areas of my sin and insecurity. This last week in church here in Taipei, the pastor shared on "approval addiction" or what we may call "the fear of man" in churches. I've heard so many talks and speeches on the fear of man, but calling it by the term approval addiction kind of shook me to the core.

An addiction is something that you usually orient your whole life around to have and it implies that you have an unhealthy relationship with that thing, depending upon it to temporarily fill some kind of need...you're stressed so you have a smoke, you're depressed so you down half a gallon of ice cream, you're an adrenaline junkie so you gamble, etc, etc.

And each one of us has this need to be loved by others. But what about when it gets out of hand, when you orient your entire life around getting people to like you, to praise you, to affirm who you are as a person (and usually who YOU want them to know you as...something you portray yourself as.) This is temporarily filling a need that needs a more permanent solution.

I thought this little image was a pretty powerful example:

This person is saying "love me, see me, don't walk away from me!"

Now here's the honest truth...I have a lot of the fear of man in me. I would like to deny it, talk about my utter dependence upon God's identity for me, my security in who I am, but there is a lot in me that wants others to think very highly of me, to paint an image in people's minds of a woman who is capable, fearless, bold, confident, intelligent, loves everyone and doesn't need anyone. Sigh, but inside, I'm often intimidated, fearful that what I think or believe will cause a negative reaction from others, I sometimes doubt the Lord can fulfill what he has promised, I feel rejected, neglected, over-looked, etc, etc, etc. I'm human. I'm fallen. I'm weak.

This week we are in the book of the Samuels in the SBS...a book that speaks volumes into the fear of man. Saul was a man who oriented his whole life around what people thought of him and this came at the expense of walking in obedience to God. I've been realizing the more we orient our lives around what others think of us, who the "right" people are to associate, or even spiritualizing it and calling it ministry when really we are doing things only to look good or to feel like we are making a contribution and have something to offer others, it can be at the expense of walking in our true identity and living a life of obedience to God. Saul could have been a great king...he had the greatest opportunity in all of history and yet he threw it all away for the sake of himself.

So...I throw this out there to open up a discussion. Honestly, I think we all struggle with this to a degree, some more than others. How willing are we to admit this, walk this out, hold one another accountable. And I want to be a woman who walks in the fear of the Lord, who holds the thoughts of God higher than all else, who is not swayed or makes decisions based on others' reactions. I've wanted to find a "quick solution" to shocking my heart into the fear of the Lord, thinking maybe I need weeping and repentance session with my face on the floor, maybe have someone shout at me and tell me how awful I am until I come back at them with confidence in my true identity, a self-help book and council and wise advice from humble leaders, but really, I know that walking in the fear of the Lord means KNOWING my Lord...spending all the time I can with HIM, hearing HIS heart, being honest with HIM. It can't be about me any more....it's gotta be about HIM.

The calm before the storm

2011-08-27T20:06:00.000-05:00

This is the most recent (as I type this) satellite image of these two twin typhoons baring down on the little island of Taiwan and heading toward Japan. I grew up in northern MN with the worst storms involving thunder and lightening and the occasional tornado warning. Typhoons (the Pacific Ocean's hurricanes) are quite a whole other thing. I experienced a few of them last year...the most epic one being when a bunch of us threw paper airplanes off the top of a building and watched them literally fly over half of the city that we live in because the winds were so strong and gusty.

But, today is such a weird day...before Typhoons hit, it is absolutely GORGEOUS outside. The sky is clear blue because all the clouds have been sucked back into the storm, it's a little breezy and the temperature has dropped (for a normally hot, humid tropical climate, this is a wonderful phenomenon to experience in August). And it makes me realize what that phrase "calm before the storm" really means.

And if you look at the map above, it's going to hit all of Taiwan pretty hard, but we are in the north so we'll get the storm a bit later. So, today I'm going to enjoy some time with friends and get out and just enjoy the blue sky and cooler temps. If only I could take a lesson from this, when I know busy or difficult times loom on the horizon, but still appreciating the NOW moments, enjoying the beauty, the change, even when it is mixed with uncertainty, dark clouds, and a lot of wind and torrential rains.

So, for those of you East-coasters who just braved your own storm, please keep Taiwan in your prayers as we brave our own! :) See you on the flip side.

Pain is a part of the process....

2011-08-06T09:28:00.000-05:00

I ran a half marathon a little over half a year ago, believe it or not.
I still have the medal in my room.
I still remember how it felt to cross that finish line.
I even have pictures to prove it (see below)...

And now I'm feeling like I'm back at square one trying to train for another one!
I took a 3 week "break" while I was prepping and teaching Exodus...BAD idea. I should not skip workouts to study and stress. That defeats the purpose. The workout is supposed to ease the stress and make sure those snacks I ate while studying don't take up permanent residence around my waist.

So....
I'm back on the training circuit. And sending out my intentions into the cyber-world maybe in a manner of accountability or of confessions from a slacker. But, I'm excited to run another half. It's true, you really do get addicted to them.
But I know these next few weeks will be a little painful. It's embarrassing when I can barely bust out two miles but I have to keep in mind, it's the way training goes! And I was thinking it's a bit like life, you know...sometimes you are going and you know you're prepared for it, when it gets a bit rough it's okay, you've been trained for it. But there are other times when you're stepping into something new or getting back into something again and the learning curve is steep and a bit painful...it hurts the pride, and maybe even the physical body.
So, I'm facing the pain and going to get back in shape to conquer these 13.1 miles!

Hopefully you'll be seeing me like this in a few months: :)

thoughts on the presence....

2011-08-02T09:20:00.000-05:00

presence of God that is. :)

Exodus has been mulling around in my mind and in my spirit after I finished teaching. I've been SO blessed to study this book and really, really loved the journey God brought me through with it. One thing I've been really challenged by is God's presence and I wanted to share a bit about it here...if I get too "teachy" or "preachy" please forgive me....but then again it is my blog, and my space to share my thoughts.

Anyways, the instructions for the tabernacle are given in the book of Exodus. I have always considered this kind of the "boring" part of this book, or the part that you could probably just not include, maybe mention that it was built and move on with life.

But, as I went through and processed this part of Exodus, I made the connection to Hebrews 8:5 in that what God did in the wilderness was a shadow of what was to come, namely through Jesus. The tabernacle was a shadow. It pointed to a much more glorious reality. And the whole end goal of the tabernacle was that God's presence would dwell with his people. He made a way that their sins could be atoned for and a holy God could dwell in their midst. The end goal was relationship and God's presence.
Well, hello....that's exactly the purpose of Jesus! The end goal of his death and resurrection was that God could dwell in relationship with his people. He provided a way that their sins could be atoned for and a holy God could dwell and draw near to a sinful people (ahem....you and me). The end goal is relationship and God's presence with man.

And this is the epic conclusion of all of history that is pointed to in the book of Revelation 21:3 "...Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man..."

God wants to be present in our lives.

After the sinning of the people by worshiping the golden calf, Moses interceded for the people. And God commanded them (Exodus 33:1-3) to leave Sinai and head towards the promised land. He says that he will still fulfill his promise for the people and bring them into the land but his presence will not go with them....

I asked myself this question: "If God promised to fulfill every promise in my life and yet he was not present in it, would I be content with that?"...namely, do I just want the benefits of God, the working of his power and great plans for my life, or do I really truly desire the presence of God in my life...Him, for who he is, no strings attached. The passage after this is Moses' well known interaction with God asking that his presence go with them and if it doesn't, it's not even worth it for them to go. Then he asks to see the glory of God.

Moses and Exodus has taught me a lot of God's intentionality with his people. God has pursued me. He has saved me. He has given me his word and his truth. He has set me free. But it also begs a response on my part....the design of my life has always been God's presence, not just "all things working out in a really good way."

So...let me leave you with that question:
Are you asking God only for the fulfillment of his promises or do you truly recognize and seek the presence of God in your every day life? What keeps you from the presence of God?

Teaching and teaching prep

2011-07-25T20:19:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I taught my first day of Exodus. The more I teach, the more I love teaching. I am quite the academic nerd in that I love the WHOLE process...I love studying. I love learning new information. I love when I come across facts that takes me to a deeper level of understanding about something. I love it when people ask challenging questions that make me dig deeper. I love studying current events and cultures and history and literature. sigh...I'm such a nerd. But it's who God made me so I will continue to be that.

I'm also very thankful that God took me on a non-traditional route of education. I could have studied and worked in a university (when I went to undergrad, my goal in studying English literature was to become a lit professor at a university!). But, I love that my academic passion has been an area that I've been able to used in the nations. I love that I got to work with training teachers in schools in Afghanistan....as a 25 year old young punk. I love that I'm getting to train future missional leaders in Taiwan as a 31 year old, not quite as young punk. I love that studying the Bible just doesn't bring about a head full of knowledge but it challenges the way I live, the way the students live, the way we see and know and love God.

Anyways, can you tell I love what I do?

When I was an SBS student I used to romanticize the studying/teaching prep process. I pictured the staff the few days before they are teaching sitting at a desk with a Bible open and God is just pouring out revelation on them, they are weeping and getting brilliant ideas for words to share in class.
Well, guess what I did the day before I taught?
Made cookie monster cupcakes:

I found the recipe online and I just couldn't resist! My small group got to enjoy these little guys....and it happened to be my dinner last night after I got done teaching too.

So, I thought I'd post a few photos from class yesterday so you can get a bit of a visual of what life in the classroom looks like. It's where a lot of my time is spent and each and every one of those people in that room has come to be so precious to me. I'm so proud of them as they put in very long hours to know God's word and to ultimately know God more. Please pray for them this week (and as you think of them through the middle of December) as they study through the Old Testament...some have never even read it before so this is going to be a deep and eye-opening season for them. Pray that they'd be following God's lead as to how to give out to others what they are receiving in this season. And pray for me as I finish out teaching tomorrow. Thanks for being a part of my journey!

(ha ha! Can you tell I have a common hand gesture when I teach?!)

What probably won't be included in my Exodus lecture.....

2011-07-24T02:20:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I teach Exodus.
Tomorrow I will stand in front of a classroom full of people and wax (semi-)eloquently for two and a half hours.
Tomorrow all of my prep is summed up in a few brief hours.

It has been such a privilege to be studying and teaching the Bible full-time. And I'm even more amazed that I feel like I am growing and being impacted by the book and my teaching time than the students most likely are. I'm walking away from my journey through Exodus extremely humbled by the process.

I've put my lecture together, my powerpoint is ready to go and I have things to talk about but I feel the things of the heart, how God has REALLY touched my life through this book will not be the primary content of tomorrow or Wednesday. That's probably a good thing though...this lecture is not about me and my transformation, but about God and what he did throughout history to love and care for his people.

God's really been speaking and teaching me a lot about "being" lately...and I have to admit that I tend to roll my eyes at people who feel like God is teaching them this. They get all over-emotional and just spend "soaking" time with God and slack in their responsibilities because God is teaching them it's okay not to be perfect all the time. So, if you're rolling your eyes at me, no worries friend, you're in good company.

But he truly is...and it's not so much about stopping and laying on the floor with my arms stretched out listening to praise music for hours while my lecture notes sit neglected on the table. But, it's more about allowing my heart to grapple with the fact that God chose to make his dwelling place with man. You know...he is perfection itself and he chooses to dwell with imperfection and sin...and not only that but to have relationship with people who reject him and do their best but always fail. God chooses us. God chooses me, Danika.

The students have read through Exodus in preparation for class and studying this week already and I've heard that the "part on the tabernacle is boring!"...which yeah, I don't really care how many cubits the curtains were either. But the tabernacle is touching my heart and moving me to tears at times because God dwells....God resides, he created this picture for the Israelites that expressed a spiritual reality for all time. God dwells with his people. God is not far off. He is not hidden. He is with me.

And because God chose to make his dwelling place with man, I don't earn anything from God. Who I am is who I am and God is with me. Yes, I want less sin in my life. Yes, I want to be less selfish. Yes, I want to be better at what I do and able to connect with people in a way that God is honored and I can go deeper with people. Yes, I want to do well at my job. But all those things don't define the personhood of Danika. I am who I am and I am the temple of the Holy Spirit.

I don't even know how to put these things into words today....which is probably good I'm not spending my six teaching hours talking through all of this. But, I am amazed today. Amazed by a dwelling God. We make a big choice when we choose to live together on this earth, whether roommates or living with family or the ultimate choosing to live together: marriage. But the fact that God pursued humanity and is present with us, though we reject him and question him and misunderstand him and for some even hate him, this humbles me.

If this concept moves your heart, take some time to meditate on Rev. 21. This is our eternal destiny with God. Amazing.

Emerging from the Wilderness

2011-07-17T03:31:00.000-05:00

Wow...long time, no write.

My family has come and gone. I had a GREAT time having my dad and my grandma visit. We ventured all over the place...spent time in Taipei, went to the night market, hung out with my English class, had a bbq with my staff, and then spent a few days at a gorgeous hotel in Hualien, a city on the east coast of Taiwan, with an ocean view room. It was good to reconnect, hang out, introduce them to my life here in Taiwan and my friends, and just BE together. This is the one thing that is very limited in living life overseas, just BEING with good friends and family. It's something I treasure so greatly now that it happens so rarely.

This photo was taken on top of Taipei 101, the second tallest building in the world.

Since they've left, life continues to be full and busy as always. It's been a great season of life thoughtI'm still learning the balance of everything that is currently on my plate.

This is a photo of my English class that I work with on Thursday evenings here. I'm getting to know many of them much better and have really enjoyed the growing friendships.

And here is another class I am involved with every day, our SBS!!!

Next week, July 25 and 27 I will be teaching the book of Exodus. So, pretty much every day since my grandma and Dad left I have been studying, thinking, preparing, typing, reading and getting ready to teach the book. I've been blown away by what I've learned from Moses' life and the things God does among the Israelites. It's a book whose story most of us are familiar with and it's been a joy and a privilege to be able to study it more in-depth. I'm excited about teaching so ask for your prayers as i finish my final prep work, as I teach and as I interact with the students as they themselves study through the book in about a week from now.

One thing that really challenged me was how intentionally God makes himself known in this book. It's caused me to reflect on my own journey of knowing God and realizing that God does all things in our lives so purposefully and his goal is knowing him and relationship with him. So, my question to you is, in what ways has God intentionally made himself known to you? How has that impacted how you live?

Visitors!

2011-06-13T20:17:00.000-05:00

My Grandma and my Dad made it here to Taiwan late last night. This is my grandma's first time outside of the US and my dad's first time to Asia! I'm excited to have them here and this is the first time my family and my life overseas has merged together for a time! Their travels went well, a little two hour delay which stared from the US but they met some good people on the flights, watched some movies and tried to sleep.

(I'll have you know this second picture was a self-portrait. I'm pretty impressed with my abilities if I do say so myself).

We took the taxi back last night and rolled into Danshui about 1am! So, needless to say we all just gave each other hugs and went to bed. But, today is a new day. I know many of you are interested in seeing how things go while they are here so I'll try to update my blog and include some more photos as I can.

And THANKS for all who sent stuff with my grandma. I haven't yet brought the suitcase over to my house yet, but she FILLED one whole suitcase and then some (60lbs of stuff!) It feels like Christmas and I feel so loved and blessed. And I've heard I have enough brown sugar to make cookies for a long time...so my roommates and friends here will also feel so blessed! ;)

A little randomness from my side of the ocean

2011-06-11T07:07:00.000-05:00

I've realized my blog has been sorely neglected.
Not so much that I've forgotten about it, but more that life has settled into a bit of a routine and once "adventurous overseas life" becomes "normal daily life" one forgets to take photos and document the extraordinary that is present in the ordinary day.

So, a few photos to keep you connected with life here:

Most of my life is still pretty much involved with studying the Bible and spending time with students...in this photo I am doing both. We had a pretty intense religious festival where I live so some of us hopped on the train and went into the city (where firecrackers are banned!) and had a quiet study day at Starbucks. I'm working on preparing to teach the book of Exodus the end of July.

I've had a few random adventures around the city of Taipei with friends including a sleepover at a Taiwanese friend's house before she moves to America. It was a fantastic evening of great fellowship and at church the next day we were all prayed over by the pastors. It was a huge blessing to have a Taiwanese pastor blessing me and my journey which has led me here to Taiwan for this season. So encouraging!

I continue to find random things here that make me smile from the crazy English phrases, dogs shaved in funky ways or riding on motos in various ways, or old men doing "exercises" up at the track by slapping themselves on the belly. I've grown to love Taiwan more and more and the daily parts of life usually put a smile on my face. And as hard as they try at English, I'm definitely feeling a push to put more effort into some basic conversational Chinese...hopefully next quarter.

And as always there are food adventures to be had and new things to try! Some new samplings this month is that I've gotten more bold with seafood, I've found out I really enjoy the coconut-pineapple jelly bits they put in the bottom of the drinks here, sampled some marinated squid and am continually trying new drinks at the tea shop. I'm looking forward to more adventures when my dad and grandma arrive in just TWO DAYS!

Teaching, teaching and more teaching....

2011-05-06T20:16:00.000-05:00

I realized I have a severe lack of photos, especially of myself. Much has been happening and I need to be more intentional to take some photos so I can let people in on a bit of my life. So, hopefully this little update can paint some pictures with my words.

SBS is proving to be a busy and full season of life. Before staff training things started picking up speed, getting my book ready to teach, getting settled in my house and anticipating a pretty busy schedule. Then staff training and then the students arrived and it was full speed ahead. SBS was busy but my responsibilities were limited to one thing: my studies. Now, my responsibilities are many between preparing for teaching, grading students' work, meeting with a small group of girls once a week, meeting one-on-one with students, handing back work and helping answer questions. Then I'm also in charge of the students work duty schedules and also have my hand pretty heavily in the students' visa process which this year is turning out to be quite complicated and time-consuming. I'm also involved with ministry here at our coffee bar once a week.

Last Friday I taught the book of Psalms! :) I struggled with this book a lot during my own school, I think just finding time to meditate and pray, using that portion of scripture as it was originally intended and instead focused on it as an academic exercise. So, my study and prep time really redeemed that book. I fell in love with the Psalms and am amazed at how much of the Character and Nature of God is in that book and it made me fall more in love with God as well.

Earlier last week I also was able to share for an hour on pioneering and the cost of missions during the teaching on the book of Acts. This hour blew me away! The night before I was going over my notes and it just felt dry and insignificant. I was a bit discouraged. That morning the other staff member who was teaching Acts and I sat and prayed and were both saying that we really wanted the students to grasp this book with their hearts and not just their minds. Well, God really moved during that hour and challenged students in areas of their calling to missions and their heart for the lost. I got a lot of feedback from that time and saw the students go out and share the gospel with others in Taiwan. Talk about having the fear of the Lord that day....I can't believe how privileged I am to be able to teach and speak into these young people's lives, to know that God is raising up others to go into the nations and I get to be a part of his plan.

....as a side note, there are a number of students who have a heart for the Mus.im world and we have been having some good conversations about it. I can see through these connections that it is no accident we are all here together. I'm holding my hands open and have been sensing some things in prayer but will have to keep you posted as to how this unfolds and the details later. :)

This week I also got the opportunity to lead Bible study in the DTS and will do that for two more weeks as well. I'm going through the book of 2 Timothy with them. And on Thursday evenings I work at the coffeeshop that we run here and will be helping lead the advanced English class also. We had an interesting discussion this week in light of OBL's capture and had a very animated and lively discussion on the role of religion in a nation. There are a few Christians in that class but most of the students are Buddhist. Please pray for the friendships and relationships I've been invested in there!

And finally, we had a staff conference this last weekend and a few of our Taiwanese staff were ordained. We also spent a great weekend together just fellowshipping, praying and hearing how things are moving here in this country. As I saw these amazing men and women being prayed over and commissioned out, I was so overcome by how blessed I am to be here and learning from and growing with these amazing people. I am seeing this season is a refining one and one that is going to build into wherever God takes me in the years ahead.

And to let you all know....I found out my other books I'm teaching this year: Exodus (2nd quarter) and Jeremiah (3rd quarter)!!!! I'm SO excited to study and teach both of these books!

An Unexpected Peace

2011-04-24T02:12:00.000-05:00

So, Asia has a LOT of people. And I live in a bustling Asian city. Not only that, but it is a tourist city so on the weekends when the sun is out the streets are packed, the restaurants are full, the traffic is nearly driving over my toes and humanity is EV.RY.WHERE!

A typical street scene on the weekends:

Yesterday I ventured into Taipei to restock some knitting supplies (I know, I'm a nerd) and I had planned to sit in a coffeeshop and work on grading. After looking in 4 different coffee shops and not finding a single table to sit at, I decided I would get on the train, head back towards my city, but get off at another stop and work there. Same thing. No room. People ALL OVER!

By this time, I was crabby. I wanted some space. I wanted people to stop bumping into me. And I wanted my own seat on the train rather than elbowing for my own little plastic handle to hang on to. I arrived back in Dan Shui, went to a coffee shop near the train station and worked my butt off the rest of the evening. I walked home, ready for rest and rejuvenation, when I find there is a crew of workers on a street opposite my house that are repaving the road....ALL.NIGHT.LONG.

Now, normally, I'm pretty extroverted. And after living in Asia for five years, my need for personal space and time has adapted to the culture and I find I'm much more flexible. But, I seemed to just reach my limit. I woke up this morning after finally falling asleep around 4am cuz the trucks got a bit quieter (oh yeah...and they were directing traffic all night with the aid and use of a WHISTLE! gah!) but I was just so tired and wanted to not face masses of humanity. The sun was shining and I really wanted to go for a walk or to the beach but just couldn't handle the crowds. So, I decided to go for a walk but head towards where I knew were some quieter neighborhoods. I walked, and walked and walked and soon enough....this is where I'm at:

Maybe you're thinking, "Wait, there's nothing there" and to that I answer....exactly! I was so overjoyed and had a great time just praying and thanking God for living in Taiwan, remembering what Easter is all about that the death and resurrection of Christ is for these masses of humanity. I walked back home with a smile on my face...and so blessed by the beauty around me:

I'm so thankful that God knows my heart, knows just how to fill me up when I feel so depleted, speaks my love language of beauty and the outdoors! Now I'm ready to spend the evening hanging out with people again!

The Fullness of Time

2011-04-13T09:03:00.000-05:00

Today we received the final government letter that we have been waiting on so that 50 people can get their visas for Taiwan. I am so excited about this as we've been praying and waiting and I've formed about 100 different "contingency plans" of what to do with the students who are waiting on this letter...one of our students is on a visa where she can only be in the country 2 weeks at a time and has to go in and out every 2 weeks until this letter arrives. I've been thinking about this letter quite a bit. And today, the glorious news that it has arrived...there is still more work until the students have their actual visas in hand, but the rest of the process is possible, until this letter arrived we were staring at impossible.

But with all of this, I've been thinking about God's timing. In both Galatians (4:4) and Ephesians (1: 10) Paul uses this phrase "fullness of time" when he's talking about the coming of Jesus. When you think about it, from the time that Adam and Eve sinned to the time the Messiah and the promised redeemer finally arrived on the scene, that was thousands of years. And yet, it was at just the right time, not too late, not too early but in time's fullness, according to God's plan.

I know that God does things for a reason and I know he's trustworthy, but in our "instant" society when we can get anything we want when we want it with credit cards, microwaves, internet, etc. I forget this aspect of God in my impatience and my selfishness. God's timing is for our good. And it is always right.

Waiting is the test of trust...those amazing truths that I know with my brain, does my anxious heart also know it when the stress level rises? The lesson that I've learned in this whole process with visas on the base is seeing once again that God never lies and he is faithful. When we received the first news that visas had been denied and the base had a day of prayer and fasting, the overwhelming message was that we were to move forward and God was going to be faithful to us. We weren't even sure if having an SBS is possible...but NOT ONE of the students walked away because of visa complications.

Then came the news that the visas were approved (Yeah!) shortly followed by the news that we couldn't get the government letter because of some issues on the government side. In all of this, I kept thinking about what God had promised....we have 57 students in Taiwan with hearts wide open to know God and his word more. He is good. He is faithful. And his timing is always right.

I find it ironic (or just the way of God) that the first approval news came the day before SBS started. Now, this letter went through the DAY that the students were buying tickets for their first visa renewal run to Hong Kong (some are only on 30 day landing visas, waiting for this letter). To me, God was clearly speaking that though there may be a time of waiting, he does not fail and he will always come through.

Dependence upon God and trust in his ways is something that I think is always a challenge when I have my eyes fixed on the circumstances. I've been thinking about that letter a lot, but only when I fixed my eyes on God did my heart find peace.

These visas have been so much work and have taken control of large portions of my day. But the lesson God is teaching me and being on this journey of faith is invaluable.

God is faithful and he is trustworthy...his plans come in the fullness of time.

Staffing SBS begins

2011-04-05T04:33:00.000-05:00

SBS 2011 in Taiwan began a week and a half ago.

I'm feeling so blessed to be here. It has been an incredibly busy season, for sure. The students began arriving so there have been new faces to see and people to get to know. I've been thanking God I'm a bit of an extorvert so I've been getting energy from hanging out with new people and learning their stories. It's a bit overshelming because there are 57 students in the class, plus the above pictured 25 staff members (one is missing in the photo), so there are lots of relationships to invest in.

I have a lovely group of three women who are in the small group I'm leading.
And then every three weeks I have three students whose work I'll be checking and this also gives me the opportunity to get to know them a bit as well.

I have to admit, it's been a bit strange to transition back to being a staff member. I was rather enjoying my season of being a student and just being a sponge. At the same time, I feel parts of me lay dormant last year and I'm excited to be utilizing my gifts.

One area of that is teaching!! I will be teaching the book of Psalms this quarter at the end of April--it's only one day of teaching for three hours, but the preparation has been so rewarding. Ashamedly, I really slacked in my study of the Psalms during my school. So, this has more than made up for it. I think one of the biggest highlights has been seeing who God is in the Psalms...time and time again his character and nature is praised, affirmed, repeated. If you close the book of Psalms without knowing God more, you've missed the message.

I also taught Figures of Speech this morning (See...you can use an English Literature degree in missions!!) and I'll be sharing some Bible teaching with the DTS as well in May. So, I've got some great teaching opportunities. I'm really hoping that I can make some trips outside of Taiwan and teach in some other schools as well this year.

The visa drama continues as our visas nearly were ready to go through but they got submitted wrongly (not our fault) so we are waiting on the correction to be made to see the final push through. This is especially important because a number of our students are having to leave the country repeatedly until this goes through and they can switch their visas over to their resident visas. Lots of info...for me it just means some long hours and helping students think ahead for their visas until this thing gets sorted out. I'm going to have a major party when everyone's visas come through and are in their passports, finally!

Taiwan springtime has been lovely. I spent my Sabbath this week laying on the beach soaking up the sun. I heard snow was falling in MN this week so I was very, very thankful. I'm also back out running again....cuz I want to try to run the FULL MARATHON in December this year. So, I'm getting back into the swing of running and realizing what three months of slacking can do to help you fall out of shape again!

There's no minute like the last minute!!

2011-03-24T05:42:00.000-05:00

Great news friends.....

WE GOT OUR VISAS ISSUED!!!!!

50 visas got approved and issued after nearly four months of struggle and difficulty. This is a very, very, very good thing. The crazy thing is we got the news this morning and SBS starts tomorrow. We have 60 new students who arrived not knowing if they would have a visa for the entire time, many of them budgeting to fly out of the country multiple times but all coming in faith because we believed that what God said to us, he was going to do.

Wow....what a way to start a school, with the favor of God and a miracle for us all to experience!!

We dive in tomorrow morning. I'm super, super excited. This school is full of students who feel they have a long-term calling to missions and God has shown me that my presence in this school and these particular students are not an accident. I want to be a part of seeing people walking out that calling, no matter how costly or difficult it may seem. We have a great staff team and we've enjoyed getting to know one another during out staff training time.

So.....here we go!!!

An ever-expanding heart

2011-03-18T04:47:00.003-05:00

The above two pictures represent what is going on in my heart these days. The first are the mountains of Afghanistan and Tajikistan. I climbed this mountain one day and just had a sense of worship and thankfulness as I stood on that mountain and gazed at the rugged landscape around me. The land was harsh and a bit uninviting, but it had become home to me. I love the people. I love the smell of the kababs on the street and the taste of green tea at a good friend's house. The language just feels good in my mouth now where at one time it was like spitting out cotton balls. My prayers and tears have soaked into that land.

Now I find myself physically in Taiwan, a much different country. (the second picture above) I have an apartment surrounded by busy city streets. People around me are constantly on the internet on their phones. I'm surrounded by temples and parades in which the people carry their idols down the streets. I wear shorts in the summer and I have the freedom to go for a run or sit at a coffeeshop and study. My local friends are dealing with issues about dating and getting a good job rather than will my family let me go to school or will our family have enough money to heat the house all winter or will one of the daughters get married off to pay for fuel.

It's a different world.
And yet, each has been home in that season.
I am called to be where I am at.

Yet, my heart really misses Central Asia. I know that much of who I am now is tied to that place. My heart is forever connected. This year, I am called to staff SBS and teach and grow in teaching. I know this is the season. There will be students to disciple, friends to be made, and people with whom I get to share the gospel of who Jesus is.

But, my heart is constantly pulled toward the Muslim world, especially central Asia. I have been encouraged to be totally 100% focused on where I am, and I believe I am doing that as best I can. God is ever increasing my heart for the people of Taiwan and I have been so blessed to see the beauty of this culture, to see how God is moving here and get a vision for the future of this nation and people. What a privilege to know God's heart for people and be a part of it!

So, for now, I keep these pictures both in my heart. I have truly become a citizen of nowhere and where I put my feet, there is home for that moment. My journey continues and I really am not sure where it's leading come December 2011 (when my visa expires). There are many options. So for now I invest where I'm at. I hope those of you who are interested and invested in my journey (supporters, friends, family, people who read my blog and updates and think of me) will just pray that I'd follow the one who is walking the journey ahead of me. I don't want to just figure out the next step of my life plan, but rather, I want to follow the one who has authored it.

31 Years of LIFE!

2011-02-14T07:45:00.003-06:00

Maybe I'm an oddity in life, but I have really enjoyed turning thirty and now being "in my thirties." There was no dramatic emotion that came with the number. In fact, I have enjoyed looking back and seeing so much of the great things I've been blessed with in my life.

God has truly blessed me. I was no one of significance in the world's eyes. I come from a small town, a family that struggled financially my growing up years, none of us held important high-profile positions or were super-educated. And yet, this family molded me, taught me the things in my life that have made me the woman I am today. Material possessions were never of utmost importance, I was told I could be and do anything I put my mind to, and my grandma brought me to church and introduced me to the God that I now serve with my life and being. Despite struggles and even tragedies, my family still remains close and cares for one another to the best of our abilities. They have never been an opposition to the choices I've made with my life, even when it meant moving to a war-zone. I am an incredibly blessed woman.

And being the incredible processor that I am, I always come upon milestones (New Years, the end of an event, Birthdays, holidays and anniversaries) and love to dream about what is ahead....what am I running towards? When I celebrate 41 (hopefully with as much thankfulness as my thirties have ushered in) what will the next ten years between now and then hold? Can it top the last 10 years? It will be difficult to beat...graduation from college and later grad school, joining an organization that seems to release and encourage the gifts and identity God has knit within me, living in Asia for now five years, training teachers, raising up leaders, venturing to places most Americans have never seen, visiting now 28 nations, investing in hundreds of friendships, laughing until my gut has hurt and crying until I had no tears left to cry. Adventure, passion, joy, frustration, friends and confrontations, character refinement, faith, and healing. Man, God has been so GOOD!!! Some of the best gifts of these last years is seeing people come from death into life, from lostness into being found by their God, from feeling alienated from God, to belonging to his family and being able to be a small part of their journey with God.

So, as I begin a new year of life, with ever-deeping friendships, hand-in-hand with a God who loves me so much it hurts and armed with all my life experiences already, I don't want to ever settle for less than God's highest. I want to live life with abandon and not be held by fear of man, not to be boxed in by others' expectations of me, or even my expectations of myself.

Take my life Lord, it's yours...whether the years ahead are few or many, joyful or painful, on the mountain or in the valley, as long as I'm with you it's going to be the ride of a lifetime!

Friendship with the Lord

2011-02-09T20:02:00.002-06:00

I found this verse tucked away in the Psalms during my study time yesterday:

The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant.
Psalm 25:14

The verb here "to make known" is to know by seeing it, almost experientially. So, the covenant that God has made known to us is ultimately made known in Jesus. Because God has kept all his promises, I have friendship with the Lord. What an amazing thing. May I be a woman who fears the Lord and knows his friendship.

Just a tidbit.
I'm loving my study times.

New Year Hotpot

2011-02-03T21:43:00.006-06:00

新年快樂!!
Happy Chinese New Year everyone!

This year was my first year celebrating Chinese New Year. If I wanted, I could celebrate the New Year three times this year: the traditional Jan 1 new year, Chinese New Year (Feb. 3), and the Afghan New Year on March 21. That's just a whole lot of newness and fresh starts!

One thing that is a regular part of the celebrations here in Taiwan is what is called hotpot. Basically, it's just a bunch of vegetables and meat thrown into a pot and cooked. There are some special sauces you eat with it and it's Oh-so-good! A friend of mine who did the SBS with me invited myself and some other friends from church to have hotpot together. So, here's some photos to get you in on the action (which is a step towards one of my new years resolutions: take more photos!)

You start with a little bit of these....various forms of pork, fish, crab, tofu, along with some veggies

And you cook it together in a pot.....voila, hotpot!

The thing that after living now five years in Asia (!!) that I so appreciate, is much of life is done to encourage community and friendship. Things are done so that the whole group can be a part of it. I'm still a western individualist at heart, but I'm enjoying community to its fullest. I'm so thankful for the friendships in my life here:

me and Zoie...we both did SBS together and lived together

Friends from California, Panama and Taiwan (respectively). Wendy and I also did the SBS and lived together last year.

A good friend and now fellow staff, Charis.

Teaching prep

2011-01-27T20:50:00.005-06:00

I had a conversation with a 30-something friend of mine about how we were feeling that when we turned thirty that was when we were living more out of who we are and not just wandering around trying to figure ourselves out. But, I'm still shocked to find that I've existed on this planet for almost 31 years and I'm still figuring out who I am. I bet that will be a life-long journey.

I have three weeks here in Taiwan with a pretty open schedule. I have this continued tension of hating routine and every moment of my life planned but I'm also realizing that if I don't have at least a little bit of structure, I get lazy and waste time and procrastinate so easily. So, I had this "game plan" for coming back that I'd write a list of goals that i'd like to accomplish (to feed that need to achieve something every day that is within me) but I have managed to stay true to that list only periodically. Sigh. I envy people who are disciplined and structured within themselves.

So, I'm trying my hardest to sit myself down and get my teaching prepared, but also enjoying the time I get to hang out with friends and next week getting to experience my first ever Chinese New Year and celebrate my birthday!

I'm teaching the book of Psalms in our first quarter here. As I've been studying (when I actually do sit down and study), I've been struck by the thought of how relevant our emotions are to God. The psalms just explode with every kind of emotion which are all raw and exposed before the Lord. We get the privilege to glimpse into someone's intimate conversations with God...but every time there is sorrow or anger, it usually moves towards worship and praise. Even what we perceive as the "bad" emotions can be used to lead us to worship the Lord. And the Psalms were used in public worship....and in our culture today I feel like the pendulum of emotions in public worship swings two ways. I've seen the extreme emotionalism where people don't think the Holy Spirit is among them unless there is weeping or hysterical laughter. The emotion is more important than the object of worship. But there is also stoicism where emotions are seen as a sign of weakness and a lack of spiritual maturity. The Psalms give us a great balance of truth and the human expression of our emotions.

So, I'm pressing on. There is lots to think about. How do you pack the entire book of Psalms into 3 hours of teaching? But, I'm enjoying the journey and hopefully I can share some of my insights as I prepare with you who take the time to read my blog from time to time (thanks by the way! I'm honored you're here.)

"Home"

2011-01-21T19:51:00.003-06:00

I made it back to Taiwan two nights ago. I had to return early from my vacation in Minnesota because I had some issues with my visa that couldn't be taken care of in the US. So, I made the flight back and headed into the Foreign affairs office yesterday in Taipei. And thankfully, that is finished and I can work into settling into my new apartment here in Dan Shui.

I always find the trips back and forth across the ocean a crazy mix of emotions. There are many books on the experience of missionaries returning to their home lands, and I watch so many students go through it after they finish a training school with YWAM.

It's a strange feeling to return to a place that you once labeled as home, and sometimes still do, but the feelings and experiences of "Home" are so entirely different. I am actually a visitor to home. Everyone else has their own schedules, their own space and their own stories they are living out. I am jumping into their schedules, space and story and there are moments where I wonder how mine fits in to that place. We talk about old memories we have, from when my life was more integrated with theirs. We update on how things are going giving the broad overview of life and not having time to go super deep unless we intentionally take it. I have to repeatedly answer questions about if I have a boyfriend or not, feeling slightly like a teenager and a little bit like a spinster. ha ha!

It's a strange transition. And it always leads me to ask the question, "where do I belong?" I am no longer American in the traditional sense. I look less and less like what is expected of a 30 (soon to be 31!) year old with a Masters Degree and work experience. Questions that are normal to answer--"what's your home address?" "What's your phone number" have multiple answers for me and long explanations. I don't belong in America. And I am living in Taiwan currently, but I am definitely a foreigner here. I have a piece of Afghanistan within me, but that's not home either.

I am a student and a teacher of the Bible, so my thoughts continually go back to God's story. And it feels a bit like a cliche to say that "this world is not our home." But, this experience into missions has made that cliche very much a truth and reality to my heart. This morning I was reading from Psalms (which I will be teaching the first quarter of the School of Biblical Studies here in Taiwan) and Psalm 84 has a familiar verse: "How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord of hosts! My soul longs, yes, faints for the courts of the Lord..." I think my soul is fainting for the courts of the Lord these days. The temple for the people of the OT was the place where God's presence dwells among men. Today we have the Holy Spirit and yet we live in a now but not yet tension of knowing that the fullness of living in God's presence will be realized in our heavenly home.

So all this rambling to say, I'm thankful that I don't belong. It is in the longing to belong that I meet with my true place of belonging, at home with the Lord. The longing is an ever-present reminder that there is nothing in this world that can bring absolute fulfillment.

I'm "home" in my new apartment, but this place will fade. I'll move somewhere else, people and friends come and go in and out of my life. I am loved by those near and far but my true home awaits.

Unto us a Child is Born

2010-12-26T12:33:00.002-06:00

In my School of Biblical Studies, we finished with the book of Matthew. Prior to that, we had spent 6 months going through the Old Testament. The book of Matthew is FILLED with Old Testament scriptures and prophecies that are fulfilled through the coming of Jesus. Many times studying the Old Testament I had moments where I thought, "Man, I miss Jesus!"...then we'd study passages in places like Isaiah and he seemed to jump out of the pages. All of the OT is in anticipation of Jesus.

The Christmas story is something that we can dull our hearts to. I know I have. This year it took on a new reality. When I was finishing my school, we read the book of Matthew outloud and i got to chapter four when it says Jesus went out preaching "Repent for the kingdom of God is at hand." I used to listen to that phrase as a harsh statement kind of like that "turn and burn" type preaching. But as I read this outloud this time, tears welled up in my eyes. The kingdom of God was made available because Jesus came as human being. Until then, it was a shadow, it was a distant reality and something that men fell into sin because of their impatience to wait for it and hope for it.

The kingdom of God, the place of acceptance and love and hope and peace, it's available only because the supreme ruler, creator and magnificent and all powerful God of the universe became a child. He suffered human maladies, limited himself to the human body and experience, and suffered death and rejection by the very people he came to save.

Christmas...what a beautiful event. Our God, became one of us, so that we could be with him. Such a simple truth, and yet such a profound one. I hope each one of you takes a moment to meditate on the meaning of this holiday and the implications for your own life. Allow truth be be profound in your own life and stir your heart.

Running the Race with Endurance

2010-12-22T17:13:00.002-06:00

Well, it's been awhile hasn't it?

Sadly, the prophets never made it to my blog. This season of life studying the Bible went by faster than I anticipated. I savored every minute, but many of those minutes didn't make it to blog-land.

Much of that is because these last few months, my extra time was spent training for the Taipei half-marathon which I just ran on Sunday, Dec. 19, two days after I finished SBS and the day before I flew back to the US for Christmas.

I only started running in January of this year. My exercise routine in Afghanistan consisted of pacing my courtyard, jumping rope, and workout videos. When I hopped on the treadmill at the gym in January I could barely run 5 minutes at a time without needing to stop. On Sunday I ran 13.1 miles in 2:38:12--not a super fantastic time, but my Personal Record considering it was my first half-marathon.

But, this time training for my marathon has really got me thinking about some things and I feel it parallels the life lessons I've been learning throughout SBS. Hebrews says it this way:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (Heb. 12:1-2 emphasis mine)

If I had just shown up at the race without training, I never would have crossed that finish line. If I had not started out slow, I would not have had the endurance to push through the 13.1 miles. I've been thinking about this concept of endurance. I believe I hadn't taken endurance into account in my Christian life, in missions and just in my personal well-being. I beat my body and my soul into the ground very quickly over the last few years. And I've been having to make choices and alter my lifestyle to live in a way that runs with endurance. I think too often we can tackle things as if they were a sprint--"I'm gonna get up at 5 am EVERY MORNING and pray for 2 hours." "I'm gonna lead this outreach team without taking a break because if I don't people are dying and going to hell" "I'm going to say yes to this ministry or this commitment because no one else is doing it and I want to serve others. It doesn't matter I'm already struggling to keep up with what I'm doing."

One thing that really struck me is that in training and building to endurance in running, the rest days are just as important as the days of 10 mile long runs. Without the rest days, the muscles don't get a chance to recover and remain weak and could even lead to injury. I believe this is the way God wants us to live our lives. This is why he was adamant about Sabbaths for the people, for the animals, and even the land in the OT. God designed us to rest, so that we could run further and faster.

The half-marathon was an epic way to finish SBS. For the past four years that I was unable to really run, it was freedom to me, both body and soul. For the physical discipline I was able to commit to during hours of study during SBS it was a life saver. And for the ways that God spoke to me, it was a priceless experience. Plus, I accomplished something that less than a year ago seemed like an impossibility.....and I'm even contemplating a FULL marathon this next year.

So, keep running....but with endurance. Take your rest days, slowly build up the miles, don't expect something out of yourself that you just can't deliver on, but don't give up...you may be able to do it in the future. And in our spiritual journeys, God wants people who will endure, who are committed to the long-haul, who will put in the early hours and the long distances so that when race day comes you can run with a smile on your face.

Wisdom Literature, part 2

2010-10-09T20:46:00.002-05:00

The Bible journey continues and the path that leads through the wisdom literature has challenged me and refreshed me all at the same time. So, I'll update you on the highlights of this last week:

Song of Songs
he he,
I thoroughly enjoyed this book, let me just say. It's one that we don't tackle too much because of the nature of its writing. It's either awkward and embarrassing or we over-spiritualize it. There are a lot of differring view points on the interpretation of this book. Is it talking about a relationship between a man and a woman, or between Christ and the church? There is a lot happening in the church and the 24/7 prayer movement around the world that takes a particular stand on the issue. I listened to some of the music coming out of that movement while I charted (aka...studied and interpreted) this book...it made for some interesting thought processes as I looked at the text and what I believe it is saying.

One thing I've ALWAYS struggled with is that this book is credited to being written by Solomon. How can a man who had 700 wives and 300 concubines be the authority on relationships and love? How can God use him as an example, especially when he led the entire nation of Israel into a downward spiral of idolatry because of his wives? (see 1 Kings 11 for more on that). After studying this book, I can say with near absolute certainty, I don't think Solomon wrote it.

And I can also say with near absolute certainty, I don't think this was intended to be interpreted as Christ and the church. (gasp!) (The intent of this post is not to theologically defend this position, though if you're interested in further conversation on this, I'd be up for that dialogue). This is a documentation of a relationship of commitment and a example of marriage, fidelity and healthy sexuality that stood in opposition to the immorality and the extravagance of Solomon's lifestyle choices.

As an area that spoke to me personally, in Songs 8:8-10 the woman's friends are questioning her what to do with their sister who has not reached puberty yet. How do they help her when she begins a relationship? The conclusion is if she guards herself (is a wall) then they will encourage her. If she however is loose morally (a door) they will lock her up and guard her for themselves. The woman's response is the following:
"I was a wall, and my breasts were like towers; then I was in his eyes as one who finds peace."
So, she's saying that she guarded herself as a grown woman and it brought peace to her marriage. That to me was an encouragement in my own lifestyle choices. I don't throw myself on every man that crosses my path. I don't flirt for fun. I guard my heart....but that means i will have a peaceful marriage in the future. A man will not doubt my commitment to him some day.

This is a book worthy of study and contemplation on an area that sometimes the church is really silent about but the world speaks so loudly to us, our sexuality. We should be asking God for his highest in this area.

Ecclesiastes
This is a book I'd like to spend more time thinking through. It is quite an interesting read and I admit, I'd love to sit down with someone who was not a Christian, who was maybe agnostic or a bit a of a skeptic, and just ask them about this book. This book views life through an earthly viewpoint--seeing the meaninglessness of daily life and the futility of all human effort because we all end up in the same plight--dead. And yet there is a hope that is woven throughout the book that God is bigger than the hopelessness of this world and one's greatest way of living is to fear God. There is a balance of good and bad in life. All are part of the human experience and we aren't to run away from any of it. But, neither are we to find life's greatest meaning there. We studied through this book quickly and this is a book that needs some more thought and meditation. I hope to come back to it after SBS and think more on it.

and now...the prophets
The prophets are the part of the Bible I think I could tell you the least about before I started SBS. We are finishing the rest of the school with them and then capping it off with Matthew (we begin and end with Jesus). So, I hope to have some great revelation and understanding over the next few months. Stick around....

Wisdom Literature

2010-10-02T19:46:00.003-05:00

Well, break is over.
And we're back into the swing of things. Third quarter had begun and the next break I get will be graduation from SBS. Hard to believe it's going by so fast.

This week and next we have the privilege of Ron and Judy Smith teaching the OT wisdom literature: Proverbs, Job, Song of Songs, and Ecclesiastes. They are the founders of SBS and very wise people themselves.

Proverbs
The proverbs assignment was so enjoyable. I was so amazed at how much great stuff is in this book. We picked four themes of the proverbs and then assembled all the proverbs related to that theme from the book. I've always intended to do something like that out of the book, but now I actually had the time. I encourage you to do that if you are able. One of the themes I looked at was the fear of the Lord. I am realizing now how much of the Christian life requires the fear of the Lord. And wisdom is not something you get without it. Another thing I was challenged by in this book is that it repeatedly says "Get wisdom." I always viewed wisdom as something that passively happens to you as you experience life and learn from those experiences. But, Proverbs says that we must work to get wisdom....we cultivate the fear of the Lord, we put ourselves around wise people, and we do humbly but actively learn from our experiences. I want to make it a life journey to get wisdom.

Job
What an intense book....the great OT book on suffering. Though, I'm realizing how much Job is also about wisdom. Job demonstrates the failure of human wisdom in the face of suffering and in comparison to the wisdom and sovereignty of God. When we did our first outloud read through of this book and I had listened to Job's friends repeatedly trying to get Job to repent from some great sin he had committed so it would alleviate his suffering, and listened to Job cry out to God asking why wasn't he answering him, when God finally answers, I nearly wanted to cry. God's answer is essentially was "Job, who are you? And who am I?" And I believe this is the great fundamental question of human existence....who are we? And who is God? And when those two things get put into perspective....worship is the response.

I was greatly challenged by Job in the midst of my own grieving and suffering over the last few years...and seeing more of the reality of human suffering in general. Our God is great. And we are small. And there is so much in life we don't understand.

So, next week we are diving into Song of Songs and Ecclesiastes. I'm sure it will make for some interesting discussions with my fellow classmates!
And as promised, a few select photos from the last few weeks of my time in Taiwan:
With a friend visiting the National Palace Museum

Mmmmmm....fresh grilled squid anyone?

A peek inside a temple as I walked by. It's been interesting going from an Islamic culture to a Buddhist/Daoist one. There is definitely so much to learn and understand here. But, bottom line is, we are all looking for something/someone to worship.

A gorgeous sunset at a beach party over the break. This was also during the Moon Festival so after the sun set, people lit tons of red lanterns and set them floating off over the ocean. This was probably one of my favorite evenings of the break. I'm so thankful to be experiencing so much beauty.

A break in the kingdom...and a break in SBS

2010-09-26T00:20:00.002-05:00

Whew!
I can't begin to describe the state of exhaustion I was in when I handed in my work for 1&2 Chronicles and made my way to a local restaurant for a celebratory burger with some friends. SBS is 2/3 finished and we've made it through history to the fall of Israel and Judah into exile.

I've been fascinated that even though I've read through the Bible a few times before, there's still more and more that I am discovering I never knew. The kings were a fascinating study....what I'm realizing over and over in the Old Testament is that God is faithful to his promises, men are not, and yet God shows them his mercy. That, in a sentence is what really stands out to me.

And I used to look at the Old Testament and deep down in my heart I thought, wow, God's kind of vindictive and mean. He lays out rules and then punishes people for breaking them. But I'm realizing, especially since the book of Deuteronomy that God is like a parent...he gives people the option to choose the higher way. He puts structure and rules in place for our good. He punishes people when they disobey, for their good and they should know the good way to live. God gives us choice, and depending on our choices, God either disciplines us or blesses us. We would call this good parenting, and I don't know why we fault God for this. My view of the character of God is definitely deepening.

BREAK TIME
Our break started out with a typhoon here. I have never experienced one before so it was a new experience. The whole city shut down and there weren't many people to be found on the streets. In Asia, that makes it feel like a ghost town outside! Some of us decided to make paper airplanes and shoot them off the roof of our seventh floor apartment in the middle of the gusts of wind. I have never enjoyed paper airplanes so much!! Some of them we watched fly around for literally a few minutes. Amazing!

I was so tired, I've spent most of the last week sleeping, reading, knitting (I found a craft store in Taipei!!!!!) and enjoying friends here in small groups. Last break we did so much stuff in large groups that I was exhausted by the time class started again. Tomorrow morning we will be diving into Proverbs and I feel much more refreshed.

I hope to post some photos from our evening last night when we honored our SBS staff. It was such a delightful time....and a great excuse to dress up and look great! I MC'd the evening so didn't take may photos myself. So, when I steal some from friends, I'll post them.

900 years of the history of Israel

2010-09-12T04:41:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I woke up at 6am, made breakfast and my standard french press of coffee. Then I made my way to Starbucks, opened up my computer and my Bible, drank yet more coffee and made my way through most of the book of 2 Kings over the next twelve hours. I find on days like yesterday, I finally wind down the work and walk away with what I am sure is a scientific term: SBS coma. Wow. it takes about an hour or so to snap back to reality and have a conversation with real human beings.

This next week we will finish the book of Chronicles so since I last posted, the Israelites have just made it in the promised land, they did a lot of really stupid things and turned away from the Lord again and again in the book of Judges. Ruth shines as a bright light in the midst of the Judges and leads us to King David who appears on the scene in 1&2 Samuel and then everyone who comes after him is measured up to his standard (and fails) throughout the times of the kings of Israel and Judah. So there is about 900 years of the history of Israel in just over 3 weeks. Whew.

So, in effort to keep up with writing about the books I'm studying, here we go.....
Judges
This was quite the difficult book. At the end of it I just felt....well, really sad. Joshua was such a book of hope and promise and it all comes crashing down in Judges. There are some decent people that God uses (aka Deborah) but then you have some real characters like Samson who you just want to smack across the face and tell him to take a cold shower! What struck me is that Judges reveals the real side of humanity. Without the grace of God, without his standard of goodness and his moral law, humanity would spiral further and further into its own sin. The Bible has caused me to see how prone to sin humanity is, and then I turn that mirror upon myself and realize, yep. That's me too. It's been a good reality to face because a lot of times I think I'm pretty awesome. So, to bring some good ol' embarrassment into my life, I thought I'd also post the skit that my group did for the book of Judges. We got assigned our classmates and portions of scripture and my group ended up with Deborah....guess how played Deborah?

Ruth
The book of Ruth occurs during the time of the Judges. When humanity is wrecking havoc in their own sin, Ruth and Boaz and Naomi arise as a bit of a light in the darkness. An interesting study for you if you are so inclined is to look at the character traits of all three, a little character study if you will. And Ruth shows how the line of David came....which as we all know, is also the line of Jesus.

1&2 Samuel
We study these as one book because they were written as one book, just divided on two scrolls, when they were first written. Samuel focuses on the lives of Samuel, Saul and David, and then a bit on David's son Absalom (And as a side note, I'd recommend the book Tale of Three Kings by Gene Edwards for those of you who have not read it). A major contrast and lesson that runs through the book of Samuel is the fear of man vs. the fear of God. Saul embodies the fear of man, lives and even dies by it. David continues to walk in the fear of the Lord time and time again. Throughout this book, it held the mirror up to my own soul and I can see the fear of man so much in me. I make decisions based on what others think, I view myself in comparison to others, I like my strengths and try to hide my weaknesses. Saul peeled back a lot of my layers this week of study. Another thing I'm always impressed with in King David, is his willingness to bring people around him and to encourage them and see them grow into leaders. I get a kick out of the four hundred men who gather around him in a cave while he's on the run who are in distress, in debt, and bitter in soul in the cave of Adullam. Then at the end of Samuel you have a list of David's mighty men and their exploits and their bravery. God can use the least likely people to do some great things for the Lord. There is hope for all of us yet.

So, folks there you have it. I'll get to Kings and Chronicles next weekend when we begin our second break! I'm looking forward to some time to relax, hang out with friends, get some good nights of sleep in, and maybe try to see some new things, besides the classroom and my Bible, as thankful for both of those as I am.

Running through the wilderness

2010-08-21T21:45:00.002-05:00

AH! life goes by so fast and you never know what one day will bring. I apologize for the email I sent to many promising a blog update on Leviticus a few weeks ago...but some events in life put blogging by the wayside. However, I wanted to take some time to sit down and update you on some continuing thoughts from the Pentatuech (the books of Moses: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy) and Joshua.

Leviticus
I had no idea how deeply this book was going to shake me. When talking about Leviticus it is usually that boring book of sacrifices and laws; what can be so interesting about that? As we began this book, I realized I had to wrestle with some very foundational questions....Why is blood necessary for forgiveness of sins? (Heb. 9:22) Why did God put a sacrificial system in place that man has never been able to live up to? Why do the people need to put so much energy and focus into the tabernacle, why do the priests need to give their whole lives to burning animals and going through all these rituals? How does Jesus really fit with all of this? I have a bazillion and one sanitary Sunday school answers and things that I know Christians should say. But Leviticus halted me in my tracks and made me think, "hey wait a minute, why exactly was Jesus the only way to God and the only thing that brings forgiveness of sins?" Now, before you think I've lost my salvation or turned my back on God, let me reassure you that I haven't....
And let me turn aside on a bit of a rabbit trail to encourage you if you are a Christian, to really think about why you believe what you believe. I really needed the foundations of my faith to be questioned to realize that they were secure. And people can smell a fake from a mile away. I can tell when people are just spitting out what someone else told them. This week in Leviticus, was surprisingly deep for my walk with the Lord.

Now, at risk of sounding too "Sunday school-ish" I realized this week that this whole system was put into place to show humanity that there is absolutely no way that we ourselves can attain holiness. When man sinned, the only remedy became the redemption through perfection, through Jesus. I don't understand fully why God put things into place that only he could fulfill in Christ. Why the cross? But, what I do know, is there is nothing righteous in me. There is no way I can attain any goodness or keep myself living a perfect life, free from sin. The sacrificial system exposes that...there are two sins that are to be offered for unintentional sins. We sin without intending it because that's what people do...our heart tends toward selfishness.

All of this is still stuff I'm processing and filling in my own theological gaps with truth as I continue to study. But here's what I do know after Leviticus: "I am a great sinner. Christ is a great savior." (John Newton)

Numbers
Numbers is often referred to as the "armpit of the Old Testament." I can definitely see how this is possible as the whole book deals with the constant rebellion of the people of Israel. They complain, they doubt God, they fight their leadership, they get themselves sentenced to forty years in the wilderness. But what makes this book like an armpit is the people; God is still the hero.

One thing that spoke to me out of Numbers was something that I saw in the character of God when I was in A-stan. In chapter 12 of Numbers, Miriam and Aaron grumble against Moses saying that God is playing favorites with him but they also are just as special as he is. They are jealous of him and want some credit for themselves. The great thing about this event is that Moses is silent through the entire chapter. God is the one who responds to the accusations and crappy attitude of Miriam and Aaron. He calls them to his presence in what I can picture a parent would do with a bunch of children bickering in front of them. And God speaks to Miriam and Aaron saying that Moses is faithful. God defends his reputation and shames them for questioning Moses' character.
---the reason this speaks to me is this was a lesson God so clearly challenged me on in Af. There were times when my character and integrity were in question as a leader and as an individual, some times by other teammates, and many times by locals around me that saw me through their worldview lenses. I am a single female away from my family. Through their eyes, my character is immediately in question. One day I came home to graffiti on my front door of a very inappropriate accusation. It had been there all day while people walked by reading it, knowing who lived inside. A dear man who is like a grandfather to me helped sand the word off my metal door. And I knew it hurt him as it hurt me that people would do something like this. But that day God spoke so clearly...my reputation was in his hands. He defends me and I don't have to defend myself. My job is to live for the Lord and if I am misunderstood, then I am misunderstood. If we spend our lives consumed with proving to other people our intentions, we are living in the fear of man and can become slaves to others' opinions. I hope I, like Moses, can live a life allowing God to be the defender of my character.

Deuteronomy
I won't say too much on this book. The week we worked on this book was a very intense week for me personally so I have to admit I wasn't able to focus too much. What I do love though is that you really get Moses' heart for the people he leads. He talks of interceding for the people time and time again after they rebelled in the wilderness, laying on his face for forty days and nights without food and water (Chapter 9). That was a great challenge to me to be interceding for others I lead. Moses' life has for a long time been a challenge and example to me. We did a character study of his life during this book that I hope to continue to grow and learn from.

Joshua
We just turned in the book of Joshua yesterday. What an amazing testimony of obedience to the word of God! Throughout the book God speaks something to Joshua and in the next sentence it says, "So Joshua told the people" or "So Joshua did as the Lord commanded." He feared the Lord even when God asked him to do things that seemed opposite to human logic....like circumcising all the men right after they entered into the land they were supposed to make war on (chapter 5). Or marching around a city just blowing trumpets (Jericho--6). Or turning back to fight against a city that they had just lost a battle to (Ai--chapter 8). God's faithfulness is so clear in this book: "not one word has failed of all the good things that the Lord your God promised concerning you." (23:14) And this same God is the same faithful God today. I was challenged as to how I fear the Lord and if I see him as a God who fulfills his promises and a God who is trustworthy. Do I live that way?

So....if you are still here with me to the end of this novel, bless you. I have great intentions to continue to blog but life sometimes takes over. This week I am apartment sitting for some friends so have been able to get by myself and take some more concentrated time to pray and process through things. This opportunity could not have come at a better time. Thanks to all of you who pray, support and love me. I need your friendship so dearly. It means so much to me!

The Old Testament begins!

2010-08-01T05:33:00.003-05:00

We are into the Old Testament right now. I'm absolutely loving it and have had many moments already of exclaiming "Have I ever really read my Bible?"

So, let's get into it...
One thing I haven't really considered is that the Old Testament was also written for an original reader. With the New Testament, it's easier to keep in mind because you're reading actual letters from a person and for a person or people. We are diving into the Pentateuch, the first five books of the Bible, books that Moses wrote. He wrote these for the second generation of Israelites after they had left Egypt and before they entered the promised land. Moses documented their journeys and all that God had done as a reminder and an encouragement as they continue into the promised land without him.

But he is writing to a society that has come out of pagan religion in Egypt. He is showing over and over again how their God, their Yahweh is higher than any other god they have ever met.

Genesis
This book is full of stories that those of who grew up going to church have heard time and time again. But if you read through Genesis, it is also full of "adult" moments, sexuality gone wrong, rebellion, selfish-ambition and manipulation. I was struck again and again at how dysfunctional the patriarchs (Abraham, Isaac, Jacob) were and how full of grace and mercy God is. One thing that struck me was the vow Jacob made to God after he had his awe-inspiring dream of the ladder going to heaven and the angels ascending and descending upon it. God had just spoken his promise of redemption to him that had originally been promised to Abraham, that he would make him a great nation and give him land. But Jacob has the audacity to tell God "If God will be with me and will keep me in this way that I go, and will give me bread to eat and clothing to wear, so that I come again to my father's house in peace, then the Lord shall be my God." (Genesis 28:20-21) This shows me the prosperity gospel is not something we invented in my generation. Jacob is saying "if you'll bless me and keep me comfortable, then I'll serve you." Well, we can look at Jacob and say "shame on you" but how often is this the way we approach God? God, if you take care of my family and give me a good job and a good church and keep my life pretty stable and comfortable, then I'll worship you with all I've got. One thing our teacher this week challenged us on was what would you do if God never blessed you again? Would you still serve him? Would he still be good? Would he still be your God? What a challenge! Do I serve God for what I get from him? Do I love God more than I love his promises?

Exodus
I have an affinity for Moses. From the first read-through we did of this book (we go through the book five times) I wanted to teach it next year! I love seeing Moses go from a blithering coward to being the leader of a nation of 2 million people, walking in the fear of the Lord. The biggest thing Moses' life speaks is that it doesn't matter what you think you can't do, God can use you. And, God refines those he calls.
One thing I was struck by was in the section on building the tabernacle. God asked everyone to bring a contribution towards the tabernacle from "whoever is of a generous heart" (Ex. 35:5) This section repeats the phrase "all who were of a willing heart" who gave towards the building. So, we see a great example of abundant generosity on the part of the Israelites. But additionally, these are people who are coming out of slavery. They had been made to build entire cities to store Pharaoh's wealth in egypt (Ex. 1:11). However, they are giving out of a willing heart and offering their own services willingly to build the tabernacle of God, the dwelling place of God. God doesn't make slaves of his followers but invites people with a willing heart to be a part of his purposes. So, this also is a hugely applicable point: Do I view God more as a slave-driver or do I give to him with a willing heart and participate in what he's doing with joy? Is God your task master or is his presence and dwelling place with you your delight?

And this week we are diving into Leviticus. Believe it or not, there's already so much I'm getting out of that book. Seeing how God desires that his people are set apart in a way that shows their God is different from all other gods is so important. I've been thinking a lot about atonement throughout the New Testament and why exactly it is that God requires blood in order for forgiveness (Heb. 9:22). As a Christian, I take this for granted, but I'm stepping back and asking okay, why is blood required for forgiveness of sins? Why couldn't there be any other way? What does true forgiveness mean? What does it mean to be atoned?

Gah...Isn't Bible study amazing?! For years, I deep down found the Bible a bit dry and too full of rules and strange things that seemed a bit irrelevant. I've grown in my hunger and understanding of the word over the years, but this season is like a Bible dessert buffet. I just can't stop....it's all so good. I just want to eat and eat until I explode! The word of God is a treasure truly to be delighted in and savored!

So, I'll leave you with a few pictures from my every-day life:
This first one is a breakfast place a block from my apartment. This lady makes amazing dam bing which is a homemade dough she rolls out and cooks on the grill pictured along with an egg and green onion. Then you drizzle this brown thick soy-sauce like substance on top and you have a FANTASTIC breakfast for a mere $0.60. I spoke my first full sentence in Chinese to this woman: I want one dam bing. :)

And this photo is of my small group on a study day we recently had during the book of Genesis at Starbucks. In a school of 50 students, it's nice to be able to have a small group to meet with, pray for one another, share a bit of our lives and what God is teaching us in this season. I've grown to love and appreciate each of these ladies so much!

A few things that have made me laugh lately

2010-07-20T09:24:00.004-05:00

Maybe their standards for handicap accessibility are a little bit different here in Taiwan.

This is actually a really delicious drink that I discovered: kumquat lemon juice with prunes. It's like a tangy lemonade but the prunes add a bit of natural sweetness to it. However, it's a bit embarrassing drinking this delicious beverage because it looks like floaties in toilet water.

It's the end of the world as we know it....

2010-07-18T02:49:00.004-05:00

Ah. the book of Revelation!

Duh, duh, dunnnnnn!

Armageddon, a rider on a white horse, a great red dragon, the mark of the beast... it stirs up apocalyptic nonsense in our heads and really we wonder if God was so good and normal beforehand, why does he get so weird when it comes to the end times?

And when is the end of the world? 1984? nope. Y2k? evidently not? 2012? I guess we'll wait and see.

I approached Revelation not so much with fear but with frustration. I've heard this book taught from so many different points of view. I have heard the teaching of Israel being God's chosen race to the end of time and 144,000 of them are chosen to rule and reign. I have heard people get in arguments over this book. And I have been made to feel really stupid in the past because I just. didn't. get. it. I know Jesus wins and all, but why the craziness?

After studying this book, I see things in a whole new light. The way we approach the Bible in SBS is to lay aside all the things we've been taught or what's been interpreted to us before and just let the text speak for itself. It's been really refreshing because you don't have to be a genius or a theologian to study the Bible. In fact...most everyone who read the books of the bible for the first time were neither of those things either. In fact, the majority of them were illiterate. But this is a bit of a tangent....

Revelation is apocalyptic literature. This means that it is written in a certain style and form and follows certain rules of this kind of literature. I had never really thought about this before, but it should be one of the main things we grasp when interpreting this book. It is structured in cycles looking at one event but from many different angles...it's like creating a 3D movie: a lot of different cameras are set up from different angles so when all put together it creates a picture with greater dimensions. This is the book of Revelation. So, it is not a chronological book but is looking at the return of Christ from many angles. Also, in apocalyptic literature, numbers are symbolic according to the Jewish mindset to which this book was written. Too often we have chosen which ones we like to be symbolic and which we take literally. So, I won't express all my interpretations and views of this book because it might spark debate which is not the intent of this post.

The intent is to say, I was REFRESHED by this book. One thing that really stood out to me is that Jesus appears among the lampstands. The lampstands are symbolic for the church and the crazy thing is that he is among them. His presence is their promise to endure, to stay strong, to keep preaching his word. Then when the Bride appears, the New Jerusalem, what is the defining feature is that the dwelling place of God is now with man. We just started Genesis this week and the fulfillment of what happened at the fall, the separation of man from God because of their sin, God then promises that he will bring a redeemer. Eternity comes with the promise of God's presence; that is a GOOD promise. This is the promise that we can hold to. God wants to be with us for eternity. His goal is to be with his Bride.

Another thing that struck me was in chapter 22 it says, the Spirit and the Bride say come. God is calling people to himself, but the church's job is to do the exact same thing. This is our job until Jesus returns, to extend an invitation to the world for the marriage supper of the Lamb. The Spirit and the Bride have the same goal. To be together for eternity, and to invite others into that.

Amen! Come Lord Jesus!

Gospel of John

2010-07-03T19:35:00.003-05:00

So, here's the crazy thing I've been experiencing about studying the Bible...there are some well known and well loved passages in there for me. But, with my face in the Bible and my heart open to the Word every day, there are things that I have brushed over or really thought insignificant that are making the greatest impact in my life. For example, the story of Philip sharing with the Ethiopian eunuch was so powerful to me when we studied Acts.

This week we dove in after our week break into the gospel of John. John wrote this book after Jerusalem was sieged and the temple was destroyed (70AD). If you remember, this book is full of Jesus' "I am" statements: I am the bread of life, I am the resurrection and the life, I am the good shepherd, I am the light of the world. John is writing his gospel that people would believe in Jesus for eternal life. Judaism in most of its forms is gone. Jesus is what they need. John was also coming against teaching of the day called Gnosticism. This teaching said the flesh was evil and the spirit is good so Jesus must have been a spirit that appeared to be a man or he was a man who was blessed with the "Divine Spirit" for awhile and then it was removed. So, John shows the absolute need for Jesus as well as him being fully God and fully man.

So, the whole Gospel was great, and for those of you who know and love this book, John is a very personal gospel. It's the only one that includes things like the prayer Jesus prays for his disciples and the washing of the disciples' feet, John leaning against Jesus at the last supper, the vine and the branches. You feel the friendship of John with Jesus and how it changed his life when you read this book. I personally was blessed by that.

But, what hit me unexpectedly was the raising of Lazarus and the weeping of Jesus. It happened at an opportune time as Wednesday would have been my Grandpa Gene's 73rd birthday. I came into class and we had worship that morning. In worship, I tend to just let my heart be at a real honest place before God and so often I end up very emotional. In the middle of worship I realized the date and was hit but how deeply I miss my grandpa. I remember calling home last year and talking to him. He always called me names like Pumpkin or Sweets. He was a man of few words on the phone but sometimes he would pray for me. He would always tell me how much he loved me. My grandpa is the man who most treated me like a princess.

And it hurts that he's gone. It hurts that James (my brother) is gone. I know I will see them again on the other side of life, but there are two huge empty spaces in my family that will never be filled. They will always be there. The tears come and go, but there's always an awareness that there should be another person around. Family photos are just a little bit emptier.

When Jesus hears of Lazarus' illness and then that he has died, he knows that he will raise him back to life. And for that reason, I've always wondered why Jesus weeps at the tomb. It's the only time it's recorded that he cries and it's when he knows he's coming to raise someone back to life for goodness sake! But Mary comes to Jesus, falls at his feet and says, "Lord if you had been here, my brother would not have died." She weeps. Jesus sees her tears and those with her grieving. He weeps.

It hit me....Jesus is moved by what moves us.
Jesus is moved by my deep loss over my grandfather even though they are together in heaven at this very moment. Jesus may even grieve and weep with me now, though he knows that resurrection and life is to come.
Jesus cares about how I feel. I don't have to change it, fix it, overcome it, hide it. I can feel and Jesus will be there.

I so needed that this week. Because in that time of worship, I lost it. I wept. That ache of loss over my grandpa and also my brother was like a bowling ball in my chest and it sent the tears cascading down my face. And I admit, I was embarrassed. Why couldn't this happen when I could run to my room and be alone and let it all out? Why in front of 70+ people? And these people have no idea it was my grandpa's birthday. They just watched me lose it and some felt awkward and wondered from a distance if I was alright. Only a few gave me a hug.

But Jesus, he sat there and he wept with me. He didn't feel the need to give me words that made me feel better, or made him feel better. He didn't fix it. He just wept.

I wanted to post a photo that i have by my bed right now. My grandma sent it to me in a package because she found it while going through things at the house. In the photo on the left is my mother, in the middle is my great-grandma Potter (my grandpa's mother, who died when I was pretty young) and to the right is my grandpa, the man who has been there for me since I was born. The man who always treated me like a princes. The constant in my life when so many things changed.
And me...I'm the one week old baby in my great-grandma's arms. I love my family. Through all we've been through, we've stuck it out and still love each other and we're still there. And we miss and grieve so much because we have loved.

Direction

2010-06-21T21:03:00.003-05:00

Ha! If only getting direction in life were as easy as seeing a sign and following it.
I am on my week-long break for SBS right now so I have some extra time for things like reading and visiting the zoo (which is where I took the above picture because I loved it so much)....and blog. For those who follow my blog, it has been awhile. I'll post again soon about my studies and my trip to MT, but for now, back to the subject at hand.

I picked up the book Just Do Something, by Kevin DeYoung and have been reading it since I was in Montana. It's a pastor's response to young people's confusion about the will of God and lack of commitment in today's world among Christians. I sometimes found him hard to follow because he'd make a bold, clear statement followed by a "Not that I'm saying such and such is a bad thing..." to refute what people would say in response to his bold statement. So, it was hard to discern the line of logic he was drawing sometimes. I also hesitate to agree 100% with him on his theological outlook to that never-ending debate of the sovereignty of God and the free will of man. I also differentiate from him a bit on how I think God speaks and directs his children. But, all that to say, he makes some very valid points. Too many Christians are sitting around on their butts waiting to understand the perfect plan for their lives rather than getting up, taking a risk, and seeing what happens...or as the title denotes: just doing something.

I admit, I've been tossed around in a season of indecision, confusion over the direction of God, and wondering what I should do with my own life this last year or so. The Lord, in his mercy, revealed unrest in my soul and even anger at him for feeling like I was "forced" to stay in Af....a country that I love with my whole heart, but it had worn down my soul and my own pride and stubbornness had led me on a journey that I could see was headed toward burnout. I wrestled with the question "If God clearly spoke about moving here in the first place, if I leave, will I be disobedient to God?" I had many a conversation with wise counsel with this issue and that pointed me to my two months in Scotland to pray, debrief, seek God and more counsel.

So, there I began to see God's heart for me. I was not a machine he had programmed to get something done for the kingdom so I could rest in eternity. He truly does care for my soul. He cares for the relationships in my life. He cares for my family. He cares about the fact that I want my own family. And those desires on my heart and the things I love to do are not more spiritual if I set them aside to do what is "hard-core" or ministering in areas I feel people expect me to do. In other words, I just got honest with who I am and the truth of who God is.

Which led me to SBS and this season of life. I am continuing to see that I love teaching. There is something about getting in front of a group of people with the Bible in front of me, or teaching about things I'm really passionate about like culture or the oppressed or worldview or whatever, and leading people through a process that turns lights on in their heads and stirs their hearts towards the things I feel are on God's heart. I have spent a lot of time thinking that wanting to be a teacher was prideful because it put me up front. I taught for 12 hours in Montana and each hour, though draining mentally and physically at times, gave me more energy and excitement than the last.

So, many of you and even I myself at times may be wondering what I'm doing here in Taiwan. I keep getting asked if I'll go back to Af. and I honestly don't know at this point in time. But, I made a decision this last week to speak with the leadership here in Taiwan about staying on at least another year and staffing the SBS, the school that I am currently in. It would mean opportunities to teach different books of the Bible, to grow in my understanding about the SBS and how it works (because in the back of my mind there is still a desire in my heart to see Bible training duplicated around the world in places where there is not access to training yet), I can disciple and train up other future leaders in the mission and of all things....I'm really enjoying it here and the growth this place is adding to in my life and would like to stay on another year. It's not official yet as the leadership still has to make staff decisions and such, but the process is started.

I've been reflecting on the direction of God quite a bit. I've been fascinated to follow Paul's journey in all his ups and downs. He had divine guidance (the road to Damascus, the Macedonian call and God speaking to him to not be afraid and preach in Corinth), but he also had moments where he said "it seemed good for us...." to head out on their second missionary journey, at another point to travel through Macedonia, and his desire to see Rome. I believe this is a season of "it seems good for me" to stay on another year in Taiwan.

a little bit of catching up to do....

2010-05-22T20:17:00.003-05:00

I had this eager ambition to blog after every book of the Bible that I've been studying but in two weeks we went through six books and that just flew out the window. However, after my nose in the book of Romans this last week, I realized I need to blog something otherwise I will get snowballed under and lose sight of the reason I wanted to do this in the first place: to process and share the revelation which I've been blessed to receive in this season.

To start, a few photos from last weekend:

A group of us went hiking up a nearby mountain. I climbed this same one last year when I was in Taiwan and I'm so pleased to say I'm in MUCH BETTER shape this year than I was last year. I've been able to go running about 3x a week and have been doing yoga on my roof in the mornings. The day was beautiful and so life-giving. The next day we had "base fun day" at the beach (where I didn't get any photos...sorry) and I spent the day playing volleyball, playing rugby with a bunch of hard-core women, and trying my hand at surfing (which resulted in a gnarly bruise on my right thigh from the surfboard smashing into my leg)...oh yeah, and the best tan I've had in years.

But, all that being said, my head has been buried in the word and my face has been consistently tear-stained. I love what God is doing in my heart as he peels away layer after layer of brokenness, guilt, condemnation and wrong-thinking, replacing it with healing, freedom, love and truth.

So, here is the brief synopsis of what's been impacting me:
Philippians: God has been hammering at the issue of pride in my life and this book dealt another swift blow to it. The Philippians took a lot of pride in who they were as Roman citizens and their status. But, our pride should come from nowhere except in Christ. Paul curses in this book...do you know where?

Colossians: For some reason, I struggled just getting the work done for this book, getting hit with a wave of overwhelming perfectionism. Then 2/3 of the way through my work I realized, that's the whole message of Colossians! Christ is ALL we need. It's not about what we've done, what we know, what we can accomplish or even how spiritual we are. I don't have to live like I owe God anything.

Philemon: This small book brought up a mighty work in my life. I showed up in class that day as Miss Grumpy Pants, angry about some personal stuff in my life. I vented to a staff member who just smiled and hugged me. Then the lecture was as if the teacher had just eaves-dropped on said conversation. I wept all through class, went for the most intense run I've had for awhile, and made steps to bring about reconciliation and repentance in two areas of my life. Don't discount a SINGLE PAGE of the Bible, because this one little page, little Philemon exposed some deep things in my heart by the Holy Spirit.

1 & 2 Thessalonians: Our staff put on a great production with a skit helping understand the "Man of Lawlessness." But, one thing I was struck by was that these books were written to new believers--6 months to a year after Paul had preached to the Thessalonians, and he is talking about the return of Christ and suffering for the gospel. How often are these things we use in discipleship for new believers? But, one thing I was struck by is Paul's encouragement not to grow weary in doing good and to allow the Holy Spirit to sanctify us. That can be hard work, believe me, but so worth it.

1 Timothy: I thoroughly enjoyed this book!!! Paul is writing to Timothy while he is in Ephesus telling him to stay on, confront the false teaching and to disciple the believers and train up leaders in the church that was having some major issues. He encourages Timothy to persevere and that God will enable him to do such a great task. I found myself in Timothy's shoes in light of my last year in Af. and wishing I had had someone like Paul to write to me and encourage me like he did Timothy. When people were saying "you just gotta pray more" or "maybe it's a sign you should leave" I needed someone to say "this is God's work, he will do it." And "you are able to do what God has called you, through the power of God alone, not yourself." For my final application, I wrote a letter to Paul as if he had written 1 Timothy to me. Very good debriefing time!

Romans: Oh Romans. That pinnacle of theological thought. Predestination, the sovereignty of God and free will of man, justification by faith alone, Jews and Gentiles, the elect, etc. My head was wrapped around all this, all week. But then as I was finishing my final chapter, thinking I could just turn my theological brain off because it was mostly the greetings to those in Rome, I had this revelation: Paul ends the book in the same way he begins. He summarizes the theology of the whole book (and well, all of his letters and minstry) (see Romans 1:1-6 and 16:25-27). He basically is saying:
1. the gospel has been revealed through all of Scripture
2. the gospel is Jesus Christ and salvation through him alone
3. it is for all nations (all peoples)
4. It was given by the power and command of God
That's it. All that theological stuff in between fleshes out these things. The gospel is that simple, and it's that complex. If I can just believe, preach and live out these things, this is what God's purpose has always been and is today. This is the purpose of my life. And now I'm in 1 Corinthians and it makes so much sense that Paul is saying "I resolved to know nothing but Christ and him crucified", because this is the heartbeat of God himself. So in Romans...keep it simple. The gospel. Given for all people. Salvation through Christ. By the power and command of God. Amen.

Okay...if you are still reading, bless you my friend. I will release you to get on with life. But, if anything, these posts are a good time of reflection for me, and it is my blog after all.

I'm also getting involved in ministry here with the English club at the local university. I went out with some of the students last week to hang out and share life (and some stinky tofu...a Taiwanese specialty). Maybe I'll take some photos with the English club this next week. We had a discussion of Lady Gaga and her use of sexuality in her videos. Quite different from my discussions in Af-stan, that's for sure.

Identity

2010-05-08T22:49:00.002-05:00

It's amazing how many things in our life tell us who we are...our family, friends, culture, society, experiences, rejection, love, hurt, joy, God, the church, winning and losing. I'm amazed at the fact that we really know who we are at all when these voices clamor in our ears day after day.

One thing God is going deep with during this SBS is my identity. I am spending every day, all day in the TRUTH. When I come face-to-face with who God is and what he speaks about his people, the darkness is exposed in me and it can't help but be stripped away. Every week finds me peeling another layer aside.

I have to admit, in this very public forum, I struggle so much with my worth. My default is to think my worth is in what I do, in that person looking at me and saying "wow, Danika, you are really good at _________." But that fades, and I go searching for it again. It's like drinking salt water in the desert. It never quenches and it only damages me inside.

The thing is I KNOW the truth of my worth. I know God's word. I hear his voice. I read of it, I even disciple others in it, I even TEACH this! But, do I believe that God's word for me is true? Do I say, "Yes, I have worth because GOD has given it to me" not because I've done something really well. (Or that i don't have worth because I'm not good at something). It seems like such a fundamental message, but I wonder how many of us, especially us women...because I don't understand the male psyche and if they struggle with this...really wrestle with our worth. That when we hear God speak his love over us, do we hear it as fluff, or do we drink deep of it and savor it? Do we reject it or do we embrace it?

There's a song that I have been listening to repeatedly because I almost feel like it's God's word to me right now. It's not a Christian song, but I believe the message comes from the heart of God:

Shine On, By Eric Bibb

Keep on when your mind says quit
Dream on ‘til you find your living it
I’ll be right by your side
Yeah baby keep on
Don’t stop ‘til you win your prize
Lean on all the love that is in my eyes
You’re a diamond to me, yes you are
Shine on

I know what you’ve been through
I see
But it’s time to leave it behind and let it be
Yeah

Hard-earned wisdom is something you can’t buy
It’s the wings of experience
That make you fly

Don’t look back
Don’t look back
Don’t turn around
You’re on the right track

I love the words "hard-earned wisdom is something you can't buy. It's the wings of experience that make you fly." I feel that who I am today has not come easily. I have never really had a simple life filled with ease. And even in this time of rest and refreshment, it's not been easy. The wisdom that God is refining in me is coming at a great cost. But it's because of these difficulties that I am me. I am tough because life has beaten me up a bit and by God's strength, I've gotten up and kept running. I am gentle because God has allowed my heart to be softened by heartache and the deep stuff of life and the suffering of others.

And I've wondered often, am I on the right track? This year I've sought the advice and wisdom of so many people I couldn't even count them, I've prayed and heard from God, but I've doubted myself. And here I am, in this new phase of life. I have no idea where the path is headed, and God is healing where the path has gone. I am on the right track.

And right now, my only duty is to lean on all the love in God's eyes. Because that love, that love is for me. It's for me.

Luke-Acts

2010-05-02T08:52:00.004-05:00

In two short weeks, we studied 25% of the New Testament. That is how much the book of Luke and Acts is. Amazing. I have pretty much dedicated every spare minute of my day to these two books over the last few weeks. I wish there was a way to succinctly put what has impacted me here onto my blog. I don't think it's possible though. I'll make a small effort.

Luke-Acts is written by a Gentile for a Gentile, the only book in the Bible written by a Gentile. One thing I was amazed at while I was reading is Luke's intentionality at showing how Jesus in the book of Luke crossed some pretty strong boundaries to show his love and how that theme extended into Acts as the Holy Spirit was moving in the apostles and disciples to take the gospel beyond boundaries as well. For example, for nearly every miracle, healing or teaching that involves a man in the book of Luke, there is one involving a woman as well. Jesus reached out to women, who in that day were excluded from the temple, from learning the Scripture, and from respectability in society.

Then in Acts, the Holy Spirit through persecution scatters the believers to take the gospel to the Samaritans, a people group rejected by the Jews. I love the story of Philip. God speaks to him to go down to a remote desert place where he meets an Ethiopian eunuch. As a eunuch, this man would have been excluded from temple worship his whole life. He was never allowed, under the Jewish system, to really be close to God. But God sends Philip to show him, he CAN be! There is an intimate place of belonging for this man!

Wow, the heart of God to reach those who society excludes! Amazing! The day that we talked about women and outcasts during the book of Luke, I just lost it. I have lived as an outcast in a society where others have been even more outcast than I felt. I had pictures of women, the sick, the crippled, the beggars, the gypsies, the broken flashing through my head. People I've touched and prayed with, as well as people I've walked by or ignored. God's heart broke me. I wept all during class that day and I had this overwhelming question in my heart....WHO IS GOING TO THESE PEOPLE? They are not walking into our pristine church doors. They are not jumping on airplanes and flying to America and knocking on my front door. They are not calling me to ask me to tell them about Jesus. WE MUST GO TO THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How dare we think the call to the broken and the lost of the world is for someone else. The outcasts are all around us. They are the people we walk by and don't notice. They are the men like blind Bartemeaus that we, like the crowd, wish would just shut up and go away. These are people living in villages in Muslim countries and have NEVER HEARD THAT SALVATION IS FOR THEM!!! God is a God who reaches out to people, and we as his church have no excuse not to be doing the same!

It's a good thing that I am teaching on missions in a DTS in a month (in Montana). I need to release this stirring and the message on my heart. I can't hold it in! But, that poor DTS doesn't know what's coming to it! :)

In some other news: I am an AUNTIE! My brother and sister-in-law had their baby on April 27. She is a beautiful little girl. So, congrats to Jeremy and Rachael! I miss them so much and so wish I could be there and hold and snuggle precious little Alexee Iyla!

And here are some photos of some amazing women that I got some fabulous time to hang out with this weekend. And I must say, it's nice to have some semblance of a social life once again!

Alright, I'm off to bed. We start bright and early tomorrow morning and I'm hoping to get a nice early run in before class.

Ephesians and Mark

2010-04-22T18:42:00.002-05:00

Wow, time flies. I am nearly finished with the book of Luke and realized I haven't posted anything about Ephesians and Mark.

One of our teachers said that SBS is like trying to take a drink out of a fire hydrant. SO TRUE! Truth and revelation is being blasted at me and I'm trying to soak in what I can, but there is so much!

EPHESIANS:
I love this book, always have. It's like a mouthful of worship in the first chapter. I love how Paul busts out into worship just because he's so overcome in 3:20. One thing we talked about in class was how impressed Paul is with God. I want to be that impressed with God that I spontaneously break out in worship because I can't keep it contained.

I was thinking back to my time in Ephesus in 2004 as I read this book. If you EVER get the opportunity to walk the ruins of Ephesus, it's well worth it. I remember standing in the amphitheater there, closing my eyes and trying to hear this massive crowd chanting "Great is Artemis of the Ephesians!" and how I would feel as Paul having preached the Gospel and having this confusion and anger all around me and my heart for the people to know Jesus. The Ephesians' culture was pretty intense, steeped in spirituality, magical practices, abundant sexual immorality, and secret cult practices. But Paul addresses these issues telling the Ephesians they have rich inheritance and a new identity and to get out of these practices!!

What greatly impacted me about the book of Ephesians was towards the end of the passage about putting on the armor of God...Paul encourages the Ephesians to pray, and to pray for boldness for him to preach. Sometimes we think that defeating the darkness is to stand up and shout and go through all these intense spiritual warfare practices. There is a time for that I believe, but what defeats the darkness more than anything: PREACHING THE GOSPEL!! It's that simple. This brings people from darkness into light. This is what rescues people from the lies and bondage over their lives, is knowing they have freedom in Christ. For some time, the gospel has felt like sawdust in my mouth, I'm not sure why, but I feel I've lost focus of who it is I preach for and what the good news really is. So, I'm having a fresh revelation of the gospel and there is a stirring in my spirit to share that with others again, praise God!!

MARK
I'm continually in awe at the fact that even though I've read through the Bible in it's entirety numerous times in the past, listened to sermons, studied the Bible on my own, and even took a class on some books, like Mark, that I feel like I'm reading some things for the first time and really SEEING it. I never stopped to think about the context the book of Mark was written in, but it was written during the time of intense persecution to the believers in Rome. Nero, the emperor at the time, was rumored to have set fire to the city of Rome and when people started pointing the finger at him, he in turn blamed it on the Christians. He did the most horrible things to torture and punish them, like turning them into human candles and slowly burning them alive. So, the life of Jesus that Mark portrays is one of urgency for the believers to understand Jesus' authority over all things: disease, the demonic realm, earthly authorities, natural elements, etc. And Jesus was going to suffer and die. He was going to be rejected. Mark is using the gospel of Jesus to tell the believers in Rome that their suffering is worth it because Jesus suffered and gave it all for them.

What I was really struck with in the book of Mark as we went through it was the interaction with the disciples. Oh my gosh, they didn't get it. Jesus says to them: "I will suffer, die and rise again." and they immediately questioned "What does he mean by that?" (i.e. Mark 9:31-32) We have the gift of hindsight, but still, the disciples kept hitting a wall. And oh, the patience of Jesus. And how much patience has Jesus had with me in my life? I believe I am in this SBS because of the patience of Jesus. I tried to a lot in my own strength and wisdom, like Peter, like James and John. Yet, Jesus is patient in my block-headedness.

**********

Well, that catches you up a bit on just a taste of the revelation blasting out of that fire hydrant. I am very excited to share with you about Luke. God softened my heart in a big way this week. But, I have a lot of homework in that book still yet to finish, so that will come hopefully this weekend.

A little tour of my life

2010-04-10T22:26:00.006-05:00

In the busyness of moving across different continents and countries, I've been very bad at playing "tourist" and taking photos of everything. But a couple of days ago I grabbed my camera and took it along with me throughout a bit of my day.

First, here are some photos from the YWAM 50th celebration we just had this last week. The founders of our organization are traveling around the world this year to 43 locations where there will be gatherings to celebrate what God has done over the last 50 years and to cast vision for what lies ahead. It is an exciting time to be a part of YWAM and I've been blessed to be a part of the celebrations here. I'm sad I'll be missing the one in C.Asia because much of my time in YWAM has been invested there, but celebrating with the YWAM family here has been a blessing.

With friends at the 50th celebration:

Now, welcome to my world here in Taiwan:
This is the apartment building where I live. The apartment is the entire top floor. Believe it or not, I live with 19 other people! We have 7 bedrooms and a big living room (you can see the living room in an earlier post.)

This is the street in front of my place. Motos (scooters) are ubiquitous here.

This is the view from my roof. I come up here to get some quiet, alone time. It's been quite the transition from a big village to a big bustling city!

And here's my bedroom! Yes, there are three bunkbeds here. I have 5 roommates. But, the reality is, I pretty much just sleep here. The rest of my time is pretty full.

This is our classroom. There are 58 students and 19 staff members. It gets pretty full in here. The cool thing about this place is that it used to be a night club and not a reputable place. Now, it's packed full of people learning the word of God. God can redeem anything.

And this is where I will be spending most of my time these next nine months...devouring the word of God, many many hours in the Bible. Bring it on! I'm so thirsty for some refreshing and have already been greatly impacted by what we have been studying.

So, I hope that lets you get a better peek into what I'm doing and what my life is like. It's quite the change from the last 4 years but I believe I'm right where I should be and though there are a lot of unknowns ahead, I have peace and trust that God is holding me and things will unfold in their time.

Confessions of an SBS student

2010-04-07T03:25:00.002-05:00

We just finished the celebrations here in Taiwan for the 50th anniversary of YWAM. It was a fantastic time to hear where we've been and to dream about where we are going. Loren and Darlene Cunningham, the founders of the organization, were here to impart to us. I was impacted by Darlene sharing about some mistakes of the past and times of correction of the Lord. She spoke about being blessed by the intervention of God when they/we had gone astray and thinking about where we would be if he would not have given that correction.

Well, I feel in a season of correction and re-alignment myself. One thing God is shining a light on, a very bright one at that, is my pride. I'm seeing that I am a big reason why I was burning out this year. I thought I was more than I was. A lot of the reasons I said yes to things wasn't so much because I felt called by the Lord to do them, but because I wanted people to be impressed with me. So, I'm confessing this in a public forum. I want to welcome the correction of God on this.

And now SBS (School of Biblical Studies) has begun. Already, as I've mentioned, the Word of God has shown me areas of my wrong understanding of the character of God. And I am struck again at what a privilege it is that I am here, just being refined by the Truth of God, able to spend hours soaking it in.

I have a bit of a rebellious spirit, I must confess. If someone tells me I should do something, I want to run in the opposite direction just to show that I can be right without their advice (uh, hello again Pride!). I have secretly wanted to do an SBS since I joined this organization and gotten really annoyed when people told me I should do one. I thought to myself, I can understand the Bible as well as you without doing the school (ahem, pride). I even have a fancy Bible degree and have spent a lot of time studying the word on my own, even using the inductive method. When people were expressing their positive experience in SBS, I read it as judgment on my own journey with the word of God (and there again, my pride).

However, I must renege on that because I've realized, if I were to quit SBS today, I would never read the Bible the same way again. And I also realized, it's not because the school is better than any other school, or because I've suddenly got "the answers," but it's because I am not allowed to be lazy about studying the Bible any more. The things we are learning are not hidden or unavailable for every person...we are just looking at the text and allowing it to shape us! But, I have no excuse not to know the Word, and not to be impacted by it. Today we looked just at the background of Ephesians...had a little experience of it, and though I have even been to the city of Ephesus, I am reading the book with new eyes, seeing even deeper levels of truth.

So, there it is...pride, rebellion and laziness. But, the beauty of it is: "In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight" (Ephesians 1:8) I am loved and accepted in all my rawness and yet God continues to bring me into newness.

Titus and Easter morning!

2010-04-04T03:24:00.004-05:00

I turned in the book of Titus yesterday. And while, it didn't find me on my balcony crying my eyes out, there were some great things I got out of the book.

Titus is on the island of Crete (I guess I never really thought too much about that before!) and Paul is asking some big things of him...to appoint elders, to confront the false teachers and to teach. You know, no big deal.

I could really feel for Titus. He had a big task ahead of him, his church members were a little unruly (issues of drunkenness and lack of self-control), and he was young and had to take a stand.

One of the things that struck me, was a statement that Paul makes about rebuking (and normally, I'm not drawn to passages on rebuking!). Titus 1:13 says, "rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith." There were some big issues in the church that needed to be dealt with, and it must have been intimidating for Titus as an outsider to come in and bring correction. But, Paul's heart comes through...it's for their own faith, not for Titus' or Paul's reputation.

Now, I HATE confrontation. I love when things are peaceful and everyone loves one another. But, I also know, that is not always the case. I've also learned in leadership this last year, that often the most loving thing you can do for a person is to confront them, not allow them to continue in their error. I want to keep this motive in mind...that rebuking is for the sake of the faith of the person.

************

on a separate and unrelated note, we had brunch in our apartment this morning and a time of worship. It was so great to celebrate Easter morning with this group of people. I have been blessed by the people in my school already so much. Here are some photos from that time:

Galatians

2010-03-31T09:12:00.002-05:00

So, I started my SBS (School of Biblical Studies) last week and we just finished our first book, Galatians today. For those of you unfamiliar with this school in Y, it's nine months of studying the entire Bible inductively. You go through each book of the Bible five times throughout the course, aiming to observe, interpret and apply. It is a school I have been wanting to do since I did my DTS and haven't had the time to do until now. I consider it an immense privilege to be able to be here.

There are 59 students in my school, 19 staff members. It makes for quite a crowd of us. I am living in an apartment in the city of Dan Shui, Taiwan until the end of this year with 19 other people, 5 of whom are my immediate roommates. Despite the intense community and my introverted tendencies, I've been really enjoying the fellowship of the other students, hearing their stories and getting to know them. It is immensely refreshing to just be a student, to soak in the word of God for HOURS throughout the whole day, and to just allow God to work on my heart (all while enjoying the occasional cup of coffee at Starbucks!).

So, I hope to blog here about the things I'm learning from each book. It will probably be a bit more personal and less informational, but if you are wanting to share with me things you are learning from these particular books of the Bible as well, I'd be happy to open it up for dialogue! "Iron sharpens iron." I'd love to be sharpened by you.

So, Galatians. First, I must share a bit of personal history with this book. I took a class in college on Romans and Galatians for my Bible degree at Northwestern College. I'm sure the professor was great, but I really struggled with that class and felt like I hated theology, I hated the term 'justification by faith' and I felt like I nearly lost my salvation by the end of it all. We got really deep into theological debates and I felt like these books turned to sawdust in my mouth. I was so confused as to what I really believed. To top if all off, I ended up doing a project with the person I was dating at the time out of the book of Galatians, and it ended up being a real interpersonal struggle and we didn't get a very good grade.

So, I came to Galatians this last week with that history. I had to admit, I was disappointed that we didn't start somewhere else, anywhere else. But, dive in we did. We learned the method of inductive Bible Study and tore apart Galatians for ourselves. As I saw Paul's heart for the Galatians, how they had once embraced the Gospel so wholeheartedly and now they were being taught by false teachers that what they received wasn't enough, but they needed circumcision/the law as well. I believe Paul sums it up when he says if they turn back to the law, they are saying Christ died for no purpose (2:21). When we look to anything else for our worth, identity, value, salvation we say that Christ was useless. That is the seriousness of legalism!!

I have really been challenged by this especially after running myself in the ground and nearly hitting burnout. I was so convicted this week of the pride in my heart . I thought I was a super-leader. I thought I could do so much in my own strength. And I started looking outside of God to fulfill my needs. It brought me to the place I am now...brokenness, weakness, dependency. I am thankful for where I am now, but so saddened that I de-valued Christ and that is what brought me here. Grace. Oh the sweet, freeing grace of God. I spent a good deal of time this week just repenting of my pride.

Another thing that really hit me was areas of my understanding of the nature and character of God that are untrue. One of the staff was giving a lecture about the phrase "the fullness of time" that God brought Christ into the world (4:4). God's purposes were never just the law but it pointed to Christ. And this took 2000 years to happen. God's timing is never wrong. And he doesn't lie. Then she said, "God doesn't play games with you." This struck me straight to the core. I have been believing that God has messed with me this last year. I committed to things that fell apart, I hoped for things that were huge failures, and I somewhere along the way came to believe that God was messing with me, speaking promises and not fulfilling them. Again, I was up on my balcony just weeping at the revelation of my unbelief.

But, it's been SO GOOD! If I was spending so much time in the word and not being changed by it, I would surprised. It's a huge privilege to be able to just allow God's truth to wash over me. And the beauty is that God brings up these areas in our heart for healing, for freedom, to give us something new. Before I came to do this SBS, the word God has been speaking is "Behold, I make all things new." He is taking away the garbage to give me something new and beautiful.

So, thank you friends for letting me be a bit vulnerable, and I just ask for your prayers. I'm asking God every day for the spirit of wisdom and revelation (Ephesians 1:17) not just for head knowledge, but for heart change, so that I may share it with others.

Dubai

2010-03-21T20:41:00.002-05:00

I've made my way through Dubai a number of times as it's the easiest port of entry to Af. Most times I crash for a night and continue my journey. This time, because I had to get my visa for Taiwan, I ended up staying about 5 days and renting a car.

My last day I drove to see the Burj Khalifa, which is now the tallest building in the world standing at 162 stories. Oddly enough, I'm about to board a plane where what used to be the tallest building is, Taipei 101. This building is so tall it reaches the clouds. Unfortunately it is temporarily closed so I was unable to get up there. But a word to the wise...if you do want to visit it, buy tickets ahead of time on the internet. They're about 4x as much if you just show up.

Anyways, I just wanted to post a photo, say I'm still alive and making the journey. There's so much to write and a number of times I've wanted to sit down and blog, but it's been quite a busy and emotionally exhausting season. I will post things here as the muse stirs.

(and I took much better photos of the building with my camera but it's currently in my checked baggage as I sit through a layover in Malaysia. When I get settled in Taiwan, I'll post some more).

All the Single Ladies...

2010-03-04T06:08:00.001-06:00

At the risk of sounding like a cynical single woman, I wanted to post something I’ve wondered about for a long, long while. I joined the organization I currently work with eight years ago (!!). I did my training in a semi-comfortable location in the USA and attended conferences packed with lots of young people of all shapes and sizes eager to “Go!” and serve where God has called them. We heard people serving from all areas of the world in all areas of the world, challenging us to take up the places where no one or few people are serving.

Tonight I sat around the table at our single girls’ house. There are six of us here and one currently out the country. The two families and the one single guy live at the other house. We were talking about the ratio of single men to single women in these parts of the world. Many of us have served in other areas and as we “compared notes” we realized, us single women DRASTICALLY outnumber the single men. In this country in my organization, it’s currently 2 single men and 14 single women, another location: 17 single women, 0 single men, you get the picture. It seems the further away I get from developed nations, the less men who are “workers” I see. And yet when I listen to M’s theory in classes or seminars or read books on it, most strategies are geared towards men, especially in predominantly Mus. parts of the world.

My question is, “where are the men?” Why is it that very few take up the challenge to go to the hard places, and yet single women seem to flock to those areas? And, men….don’t you realize how many amazing, marriageable women there are on the field…ones that aren’t afraid of the icky spiders or walking through mud but yet still want to have a hero in their lives and someone to care for them? Women who are sold out and are going to serve Jesus with or with out you?

Of course, I wish I could objectively ask these questions so people don’t point and go “ah yes…she just turned thirty and is now starting to get desperate and bitter.” I’m not. But, I’m just curious. And I’m wondering if maybe we should start championing strategies that focus on women, especially since we make up the majority of the workers in remote places. I have heard it said that Mus. women are the largest unreached people group in the world. Maybe that’s why so many women are taking up the call…because it is definitely on the heart of God.

But if you are a single man, sitting at home on your computer, wondering what to do with your life that will make a difference in this world...I could offer advice and make a few suggestions. I know this nation would welcome you with open arms.

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end

2010-02-23T00:06:00.005-06:00

I'm gradually making my way back overseas again and saying plenty of goodbyes along the way. I spent a few days in Scotland getting in as many conversations as I could with people, grabbing the few things that I left there and soaking up the things I enjoy about that place. I'm so thankful for my time there to rest, pray, process and just be. The people at the Scotland base welcomed me with open arms and created a space for me to heal and spend time with God.

My first morning I went to get a cup of coffee and a scone at a local place and then walked along the beach. It's a bit hard to see in this photo above, but the Isle of Arran is in the distance, but all you could see was the snow covered peaks of the island and it was perfectly framed by the clouds. It was so beautiful and I took this photo with my camera phone because my nice camera has a dead battery and the charger is still in Af-stan.

It was hard saying goodbye to my family. It almost felt that if I stayed that we could stay in this incubated period of mourning my grandpa's death, but leaving was like saying "I'm moving on with my life." The emotions of it is struck me more than I was anticipating. The next time I return home (wherever home really is any more), it will be a very different place.

On a positive note, I've enjoyed the phase of being Auntie Danika to Bella, my brother and sister-in-law's daughter and their new daughter they are expecting in May. I managed to make two blankets while I was home, one for each girl and went on a bit of a shopping spree for new clothes for the girls. I only wish I was going to be home when Alexee is born! Here are some photos of the blankets:

for Princess Bella:

A pink blanket for a pink-loving princess.

and for baby Alexee:

She's been a very active little one so I found it fitting that I found a pattern for a monkey blanket. It was a bit more work than I expected being that it was color-work and it's two-sided. But, I'm very happy with the way it turned out and was so happy to be able to give these to Bella and Rachael before I left.

Goodbyes never get easier, in all their forms. You would think in my line of work where people are constantly in and out of my life, I'd get used to it or find better ways of dealing with all the emotions that come with saying goodbye. Yet, I suppose it's a good thing that it's hard to say goodbye because it means you love and are loved.

A Chicago getaway

2010-02-16T20:30:00.005-06:00

This last weekend I had a beautiful gift of a plane ticket out to see some good friends. I was so happy to be able to travel out and see Sasha and Beth and catch up on life and everything else. It was a quick trip...I stayed 2 nights, but I was able to see where both these beautiful and wonderful women are living and where post-grad school life has taken them.

Saturday we managed to cram in breakfast downtown, a stroll through the Art Institute (free all February for those who want to go!), a little shopping, coffee, a Valentines' comedy sketch (pretty hilarious...people send in their breakup letters, texts, voice mails, etc, and they turn it into a show once a year. Very cathartic for the broken-hearted or single at Valentines' Day), and my dear birthday buddy Sasha (her birthday is 2 days before mine) made me tiramisu early morning the day I arrived which we took spoons to in Beth's apartment and finished off the next day.

Sunday was a day for church downtown and another coffee shop and then off to the suburbs to hang out at Sasha's, pray for the people she's been interacting with and enjoy a wonderful homemade dinner. Later that evening, a Turkish friend of hers called concerned about a bump her baby boy had taken to the head. We went over and I immediately felt at home....cushions on the floor, tv blaring, vibrant curtains and plaques of Mecca and passages from the Qu'ran on the wall. The kids ran around and the tired mother talked and asked me questions about not being married and such. I felt instantly back in Central Asia...and I loved it! The next day we stopped by to see how the little boy was doing and the woman had made an Uzbek rice dish I LOVE and homemade bread and green tea. Delish! If I moved back to the US, I would be her neighbor!

I'm so, so, so thankful for friends that are willing to stay connected despite the distance and love moments like these where I can descend into peoples' lives and share our hearts, our prayers and a few laughs together. These ladies are the best valentines a girl could have!

Turning 30

2010-02-07T00:11:00.003-06:00

So, I turned thirty today.
I think your thirtieth is one that there is a lot of hype leading up to, but it felt a bit anticlimactic today. I thought I was either supposed to have some kind of emotional crisis or be jumping up and down about all that life holds. It felt a bit like the day after yesterday.

All that being said, I'm pretty happy to be thirty. I have no regrets about life. I've seen things and had experiences that people classify as "once in a lifetime" and I get to view as another ordinary day. I've seen much of the world. I've gotten to make a difference in peoples' lives. I've been deeply impacted by other people. I don't know how much more living I could have crammed into these thirty years!

And I look forward to what is ahead. I have no idea what truly is ahead. (do any of us really?) But after next December I have no idea what life may hold. I'm such a planner and not having at least a plan in process used to really freak me out. But, now I'm seeing the potential of all the possibilities and knowing I'm following in the footsteps that God has laid out for me. And that makes the unknown exciting rather than scary.

Today my family didn't have plans until the evening so I pulled my brother out of bed at about 10am this morning and asked if he wanted to go x-country skiing with me at Giants' Ridge, the nearby ski hill here in northern MN. I went downhill skiing on Wednesday but have never tried the x-country ski trails. We rented skiis and hit the trails. Well, I am a much better down hill skier than I am x-country. I was wobbling as I tried to skate ski, and I forgot what a full-body workout it was!

Here's some photos from our day:

My brother William was a brave soul as I dragged him along. He took a number of spills but kept getting up and pushing on.

I was pretty excited that I was upright most of the time and enjoyed the trails. However, as we were coming down a hill and around a corner, another skier was just standing at the bottom of the hill. William fell to avoid hitting her, and I tried getting off the track to avoid hitting him. Well, I basically belly-flopped head first on to the groomed trail, going down the hill at a pretty good clip, and I'm pretty sure I bruised or cracked a rib on my right side. If I laugh or breathe deeply I feel a good amount of pain. Funny, I've been rocketing my body down mountains on skis for a number of years and have never done that and then I go down a bit of an incline going cross country and get a pretty good injury.

But after it all, we still had smiles on our faces! I'm thankful for a brother who's willing to get out and do some fun stuff with me. I see my family so rarely so times like these are ones I'll treasure for a long time.

So, cheers to a new decade. I hope there are many adventures to come, many new friends to meet, continued relationships that will deepen and grow, and a God who is the spearhead of it all and loves me so much that he is writing me a pretty awesome story.

Thanks for all the birthday wishes!

Sorting through memories

2010-01-29T20:16:00.005-06:00

It's amazing how the line between life and death is so thin. One can jump across it so fast. You lose a loved one in an instant. But, after that death, the changes come...some slowly, some hitting like a freight train.

This last week I have tackled the task of cleaning out my grandpa's office. We are going to transform it into a guest room as the first order of business in all that is ahead this year with my aunt and uncle coming back for a season and helping to get the house ready to sell.

I have to say, this office was my grandpa's lair. I was sorting and tossing things and realizing if he were alive, I never would have been allowed to do it. I felt mischievous in a weird sort of way. Like I was eating out of the cookie jar or sneaking money from his wallet. And I've realized, my grandpa hated to throw anything away. He'd replace things that needed replacing...like, let's say his wallet wore out after years of use, he'd buy a new one. But, I found all the old worn out ones in his desk. And he saved not only every bill and receipt over at least the last 15 years, but he didn't even throw away the envelopes the bills came in. Whew. It's been quite the task.

But, tomorrow some guys from the church are coming to take the desk and filing cabinets into the church. So, I had to get everything ready...I'm happy to show a piece of my work:

Here's the desk area that is clean not only on top, but inside and underneath. You literally could not see the top of this desk to begin with.

But, in the midst of throwing a lot of things away, I came across some real treasures as well. I had my share of tearful moments, remembering the legacy my grandpa left and the life that he lived. Here are a few things I found:

This photo is of my grandma and grandpa in their first year of marriage. What a good looking couple!

These are my grandpa and grandma's high school diplomas. My grandpa graduated from Gilbert High School in 1956 (I attended this same school while I was in Junior High), and my grandma graduated from Biwabik High School in 1960 (where I went for a short time in Elementary school).

And I also found my grandpa's senior yearbook:

He was quite the handsome guy!

And here my grandma signed my grandpa's yearbook, full of giddiness as you can see by her excitement about being the "future Mrs. Gene Potter." How cute!

My grandfather was by no means a perfect man, but he was one who provided for and cared for his family and loved so many people along the way. It's been a hard process to sort through his very personal room, but I'm thankful for the experience. I feel like I know him a bit better. And I still miss him as much as ever.

A different kind of book recommendation....

2010-01-23T14:39:00.004-06:00

I've not been too diligent with my blog lately, not because I don't have much on my mind, but I have felt as though I keep having the same thing on my mind. These last few weeks my grandma, my aunt and myself have begun a journey of helping my grandma move forward in a life that no longer includes my grandpa. It's a task that I feel we are all doing out of necessity (vs. desire) and therefore has had it's stressful and difficult moments. In many ways, we are protected within our little bubble of grief but all of us are facing major life transitions that we could not have anticipated even a few months ago. There have been moments that reminded me of the novel "The Secret Life of Bees" in which a bunch of sisters and friends living on a bee farm face all that life has brought them or taken away from them together. I am thankful for our moments of breakdown and tears, the arms that are always there to give a hug, the frustration or anger that we each take with a grain of salt because we know it comes from a place of deep grief and hurt, and the moments of laughter and odd impulses (like the day we burnt piles and piles of wood from the yard, keeping a fire blazing well into the night and roasting bratwurst on precariously assembled skewers).

Our pastor gave my grandma the book Tear Soup, by Pat Schwiebert & Chuck DeKlyen, which looks like a children's book but is story about a woman walking through grief. In the book, making tear soup is the metaphor for the grief and it shares the story of how this woman makes the soup...it's bitter at first and she spends much time at the stove adding each drop. People around her get tired of eating nothing but tear soup and so for a season, she eats it alone. It talks about how everyone's soup is their own recipe and it can't be duplicated, and it always takes longer than expected to make a pot. For those of you who have walked through grief, are facing grief, or have friends that are grieving, I recommend this as a beautiful resource. I cried and cried when I read it. At the end of the book there is a list of advice and resources for people who are grieving or who have friends that are grieving.

I wanted to post here the list for "If your friend is making tear soup" as I found it to be helpful advice:

** Be there for your friend, even when you don't understand.
** Be a source of comfort by listening, laughing, and crying.
** Stick close to your friend and defend their right to grieve.
** Allow your friend to make mistakes... or at least to grieve differently from the way you would grieve.
** Send flowers. Send money if you know this would help.
** Send cards. The message doesn't need to be long. Just let them know you haven't forgotten them. Send one every few weeks for a while.
** Call your friend. Don't worry about being a bother. Let your friend tell you if they don't want to talk about their loss right now.
** Answering machines and e-mail are great ways to keep in touch, allowing the bereaved person to respond only when they feel up to it.
** Try to anticipate what your friend may need. Bereaved persons sometimes don't know what to ask for.
** Avoid offering easy answers and platitudes. This only invalidates the grief. Be patient. Don't try to rush your friend through their grief.
** Give your friend permission to grieve in front of you. Don't change the subject or tell them not to cry or act uncomfortable when they do cry.
** Ask them questions. But don't tell them how they should feel.
** Invite your friend to attend events together, as you normally would. Let them decide if they don't want to attend.
** Don't assume because your friend is having a good day that it means they are over their loss.
** Be mindful of holidays, birthdays and anniversaries.

Etiquette

2010-01-07T13:21:00.002-06:00

After sending out nearly 250 acknowledgement cards after my grandpa's funeral, I would like to give a word of advice to all of you out there....when you send a card or give a gift to someone whether it be at a wedding, a funeral or a baby shower, PLEASE put your return address on the card!! It saves people a LOT of time and hassle and it's not arrogant or self-serving. People actually want to send you a thank you or express their appreciation someway. It helps in the grieving process, believe it or not.

And I've also wondered why so many people send a copy of the obituary? Is this customary as well? Why is this?

Remembering and grieving the old, eagerly anticipating the new

2010-01-05T12:42:00.003-06:00

The new year always brings it's nostalgic traditions...I mentally write a list of all the things that I did and that happened this past year. Many of us do. It's a good way to reflect and remember the last year. For many it was a difficult year. For me, I have to say, probably one of the most difficult. I gladly closed the door on 2009. However, in closing that door, I said goodbye to some dear things in my life, most prominently my grandpa.

The funeral was a wonderful remembrance of him. It's hard to sum up someone's life in an hour and a half. And most of our memories and our words are held captive by the tears and the ever-present lump in the throat. I shared on behalf of our family at the funeral. I felt I needed to, and I'm so glad I did. The tears fell, but I thought of how many times my grandpa has sat in the audience of my other speaking enagements, and I was so glad to have one soley devoted to him. Our dear friend of the family, Kim Sampson, put together the most beautiful tribute in photos and with music. My grandma requested that it not be posted on youtube simply because it is a personal thing, but if any would like to see it, I'd gladly sit with you and a box of tissues and view it again.

The hardest part, which I hadn't anticipated, was right at the end when the pallbearers picked up the coffin and carried it out to the hearse. For some reason, I sobbed from a deep place in my soul. I knew that was the last I'd see my grandpa's face here on earth. Everyone speaks the consolations of our hope of meeting in heaven (which don't get me wrong, that is a GLORIOUS hope, one I know deep in my spirit) but it still doesn't take away the ache of the immediate separation.

Now I have been spending my days at my grandma's house, cuddled up avoiding the below zero temps outside, and sorting and remembering and again, being pressed on all sides by that emptiness that someone leaves behind. When the front door opens, for a split second, I expect it to be grandpa. I'm still having a hard time talking about him in the past tense. But he's gone, and our family grieves together.

My Grandpa Gene

2009-12-23T04:44:00.002-06:00

December 21, my grandpa went home to be with Jesus.

I received a message from my mom to call home and once again I found myself on the other side of the ocean receiving news that a loved one was suddenly gone. As with last time, my first thought was "I want to go home." With it being the holiday season, however, I wasn't able to get a flight until Christmas Day and will spend Christmas eve night in London.

It's hard when all you want to do is be with your family. But, I'm also thankful for the respite before the storm. I've had a few days to just be with me and my grief and Jesus before diving into the frenzy of details that comes with a death (apart from the frantic search for plane tickets, but God also provided a very caring and helpful travel agent here in Scotland for me). It never seemed fair to me that the first thing you need to do when someone dies is plan an event. It would seem more fair just to sit and cry for a week.

I had a dream about my grandpa last night. In it he called me "sweets"...a nickname he often bestowed upon me or my mom or aunt. Though he was quiet and reserved, my grandpa knew how to love.

He and my grandma have been a constant in my life. When many things seemed chaotic, unstable, always changing, they were a pillar of security and strength. I lived with my grandma and grandpa for nearly five years when I was a kid, and those are five years I'd never give back. Those were a foundation for who I am as a person and also for what my relationship with my grandma and grandpa has been. They are two of my dearest friends, and were second parents to me my whole life.

My mind this last day or two has been flicking through memories of my grandpa. I want to share a few with you that you may know him more, and that I can capture some of these things.

- camping trips and fishing with grandpa. I never understood why we had to wake up so early to go fishing, but we were up, before dark. Grandma would be fixing sandwiches and making coffee, which grandpa would put in his light teal-colored thermos that he also took to the mines when he worked there. We'd head off to the lake and fish out of grandpa's canoe. He'd catch fish like magic, reeling in one after another. I'd get excited when the tip of my pole would quiver, only to discover I'd catch yet another batch of weeds. His fishing skills always seemed larger than life.

- many years of picking out the Christmas tree. I have a number of memories of walking through the snow looking for the perfect tree. I'd see pines that would look good and point them out, but grandpa kept walking. I knew he had tree-picking skills that were beyond me. He'd spot the tree. Carefully walk around it, inspect the trunk, hem and haw. Then take his hand saw and haul it out of the woods and into the basement for some trimming and to dry out. And he was always right...the tree was perfect.

- I got to go hunting with grandpa one year. Hunting is a sacred activity for my grandpa. We went up to the hunting shack and it seemed like something out of a book. We drove to the middle of nowhere, walked even further in, and crossed over a beaver dam to get to the shack. We slept in the one room in beds that creaked and was heated by a wood stove. I got to go out to "help" grandpa in the deer stand the next day. It was my job to look for the deer and tell him when they were close. He didn't get anything...he never got anything unless he was alone. But he invited us along, just the same.

- Labor Day Family camp with Ma and Pa Potter. I desperately wanted to go to Family Camp one summer. ALL my friends were going (and I wanted to invite a few more), and I wanted to go too. Somehow me and a number of friends went to camp that year and Grandma and Grandpa came along as our chaperones. We were one, big, crazy family. All my friends and the camp staff called them Ma and Pa and it stuck from that day.

- Grandpa's labors of love: My grandpa was a handyman. He was always tinkering on something, and his house is full of unfinished projects. But, he was always there to lend a hand. I remember the one summer he came out and single-handedly built a handicap access ramp for one of the cabins at camp. He put so much work into our church building...he would be there late into the night hours and up early and off again the next morning. He built me a doll house as a kid, not able to finish it in time for Christmas and promising to add the windows and doors later. After a few years, I drew them on with marker.

-The cribbage champion! Cribbage is a family game. Grandma shares about when her and grandpa were first married, they didn't have a TV so would play hours and hours of Cribbage. You cannot be a part of our family if you don't know cribbage. Whenever we get together, to this day, the cribbage board is always near and someone always asks, "you wanna play a round of cribbage?" My grandpa LOVED this game and was so good at it. And it is because of him, I have had to be shrewd at counting my points, because he inspects every hand and if you miss something, he made sure to point it out!

-Grandpa's generosity. My grandparents have been a great source of courage and love as I have pursued missions. They put on event after event with me and for me. They have given out of their own pockets for what I do, and they have always told me how proud they are of me. When I come home, often broke and wondering how I was going to continue in this lifestyle, grandpa would always come, quietly and with eyes full of love and slip some cash into my hand.

- a hard worker. My grandpa could not sit still if you tied him down. When he "retired" he'd be out in the yard all day or working on the church building. He valued hard work...sometimes too much! He'd shovel the driveway all by hand because the snowplow was broken...wanting to fix it rather than buy a new one. I find it fitting that he died while working, not while sitting on his recliner watching TV.

-a father to many. My grandpa is a father-figure to so many. I'm sure there are many that could share stories of how he was there for him. He has a way of quietly expecting better things out of people. He would take camping trips with young boys who didn't have fathers and just be there for them. He looked forward to those times so much. He was a constant male figure in me and my brothers' lives when other men had a tendency to come and go. He was always around for others at church, the young people at work, at Youth For Christ, Covenant Park....he never took it on himself to officially be a mentor to young people, and yet many seemed drawn to him as such.

Well, there's obviously so much more to be remembered about him, but I just wanted to share a bit of what was on my heart today. In many ways, this is what I'm looking forward to most when I get home with my family...pooling our memories together, crying and laughing over them and honoring a man whom we've all had the privilege of having our lives impacted by. I am who I am today because of my grandpa and I'm sure everyone in our family could say the same. He was a great man.

a little light reading...

2009-12-20T16:39:00.002-06:00

I've had a lot of time to read a number of books while I've been on holiday. I've read magazines cover to cover, rather than skim them and enjoy mainly the photos. I've also re-read the entire Chronicles of Narnia series, along with a couple John Grisham novels which I can plow through in a day or two and feel entertained and still somewhat intelligent.

I'd like to recommend the two most recent books I read. The first is Donald Miller's A Million Miles in a Thousand Years (he is also the author of Blue Like Jazz)

For those who have appreciated Donald Miller's witty, down-to-earth style and honest perspective on the Christian life, this book remains true to that. His style amuses, challenges and engages you throughout the whole book (and yes...there are some quirky illustrations in this one too!)

Two screenwriters invade Don's life on a project to write a screenplay about his life. Through this process he is struck by the power of story in the human existence and what it tells us about our purpose and our life with God. He defines a good story as a character wanting something and going through conflict to get it.

He points out that characters in stories always change, but that the change comes with risk and it always costs something. The greater the change, the greater the cost. He states that "the point of life is character transformation."

We are drawn to people who live good stories, whose lives count for something and challenge us to think and act and love and respond in a deeper way. A "character is what he does"...not in a legalistic way of what we do is our identity, but we don't live good stories just by sitting on a sofa and willing our stories to be good. We have to get out there and live them. In the book Don does this by taking a trip to Peru to hike the Inca trail (and inviting a girl he was interested in along for the experience) and going with some people to bike across the US. He deliberately tries to live a better story.

I also appreciated the point he made towards the end of the book that someone one who is living a good story invites others into it and in turn that other person lives a better story as well. This is something I want to improve in. I admire people who are so welcoming and can get people on the fringes involved or can get a group of people together. I want to invite more people into my story.

So the book leaves you with the question "What kind of story are you living?" What does your story say to others about what you are living for, what gives you purpose? Who writes your story? I have to admit with my 30th birthday just around the corner, I've been looking back over my life and the story I've lived. It's been one of adventure, that's for sure. I don't feel as though I've wasted my story on a sofa feeding my brain to a television. But, I sometimes find myself waiting for the story to happen to me, rather than contributing a line or two to the plot myself. I want to pick up the pen and write a bit more....

************

The other book I recently finished was The Search for God and Guinness. This book gives an overview of the history of the Guinness family of Ireland and the beer that they are so famous for.

Guinness began in a time when gin and drunkenness was wreaking havoc on society. The brew that Guinness is famous for was offered as an alternative to hard liquor and a better option than inebriation. The Guinness family, many of them devout Christians, also used their wealth and influence to bring about societal change. Many of them helped improve housing in Dublin and offered a job environment that far surpassed many of the other factory jobs. They sought to improve the quality of life for their workers and in the process were also astute businessmen and immensely successful.

This book gave me a great appreciation for the history of beer, and the way the Christians have interacted with it. I found his chapter on prohibition in America and the average American Christian perspective on alcohol enlightening and insightful. Though the book doesn't offer a straightforward Biblical treatise of Christians and alcoholic consumption, I daresay it quietly speaks to the positive influence beer has had in the face of the bad reputation it may have received over the years.

And I have to say when I drink my next pint of Guinness, I know that it has been a part of a wonderful tradition not just of brewing but of societal influence and godly people making a difference through their business. If you want a good read on an interesting model of faith and the workplace, I recommend picking up this book.

Switzerland

2009-12-17T04:55:00.004-06:00

I have not been blogging as much as I intended on my vacation...and for a good reason. I've been too busy enjoying life and haven't been on the computer much.

I just got back from a fantastic time in Switzerland with my friends Zac and Stef Fischer. We all did our TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages) training in Montana summer of 2008 together. Zac and I were in a teaching group together and we had some great times together, and a lot of laughs. I don't think I've laughed as hard as I did that month...between the random, sarcastic banter that all in our teaching group are adept at, to randomness of other students, and bizarre skits. So, when they heard I was going to be in Europe they invited me to Switzerland.

My time in Scotland has been a break, but it's also been a time for processing, prayer, seeking advice, debriefing, and just letting the noise in my head and spirit quiet down so I could hear the voice of God and hear myself breathe. Switzerland was a time to put soul-searching in the shelf and appreciate friendship and the beauty of God's creation.

And find beauty, I did! Zac and Stef just welcomed me into their every day lives as well as showing me some of the highlights the country has to offer as far as views and landscapes and good food. From sunsets over the Alps to the lakes that are so blue it looks like the sky fell into them and is just puddled there between the majestic mountains, it took my breath away and restored my soul. I have a love affair with mountains that began when I moved to Colorado and I think will remain an addiction until I die. (still asking God why I am living in a DESERT!)

I was also introduced to Raclette, a fun Swiss specialty. You melt cheese in small trays in the little oven on the middle of the table, cook your veggies and meat on top, and then put it all over potatoes! It was delicious and an interactive, community way of sharing a meal together. If you ever make it to Switzerland, I highly recommend it.

So a huge thank you to my hosts and friends the Fischers! I'm so thankful our paths crossed for a crazy month in Montana and that our friendship continues. The more I get to know you, the more I love and appreciate who you are. God has put his great heart for the nations in you and I know that he will impact many lives through you. He has given you talent and passion and fun that is a blessing to all you interact with. Thanks for welcoming me into your lives and generously blessing me! Let's meet again on this little globe sometime soon.

Step in to the pub

2009-12-01T13:35:00.005-06:00

Well friends, come with me on a wee journey to a nice pub down yonder. We've frequented a few but this one tonight is of note because Sunday evenings are live music nights. Here, come through the door and order yourself a pint at the bar. It's quite the nice atmosphere in here isn't it? Dark wood, small tables and cozy booths. Well, it would be quite nice to stay in here but once you've got your Guinness, follow me to the back room....

Here, have a seat at the big wooden tables. How fun to join 12 other strangers at your table isn't it? The music is mellow and folkish. A couple is singing and harmonizing and you'd swear it was in the English language but the lilt in their accent is so strong that you can't recognize all of the words. The candles provide the majority of the light in the room, save a few lights along the wall and shining onto some paintings.

The Scottish men sitting next to you proceed to down two pints, two bottles of beer and three shots of whiskey without seeming affected at all. I know if I had that, I'd be crawling out of this place on my hands and knees! But the Scots are known for their liquor intake and subsequent tolerance. I will just take my time with my Guinness and have no need for something else, because it truly is like drinking a loaf of bread.

The music is lovely isn't it? Although it seems as though "unrequited love" is the theme for the night. I guess that provides material for the most emotionally charged lyrics doesn't it? Thankfully the man with the bagpipes or the banjo player will jump in with a lovely Scottish tune that makes you feel like getting up and dancing a jig. The mandolin and the fiddles fill in the gap as well. In between those songs, it's almost like a library as people huddle and whisper to each other or carry on conversation in low tones out of respect for the music. The white-haired men pipe in with an occasional acapella tune about a bonnie lassie they once knew that broke their heart. Death Cab for Cutie even made it on the repertoire this evening.

Well, that was fun. On the way out we stop and I give my compliments to the banjo player and he leans in so close his nose almost touches my face. He smells of cigarettes and whiskey but seems a nice enough fellow. I have to ask him to repeat himself a few times because his of thick accent and within the next five minutes he's invited us to every gig he's doing up and down the west coast the next month. We'll be seeing you Mick! We really must go. It was a great experience, maybe we'll see you another time soon.

Change is a'comin!

2009-11-27T04:45:00.003-06:00

Do you ever get that sense that you are at the verge of something new, something that will flip your world upside down and you have no idea what it is? Like you just want to run after it with everything you have, and yet you are hesitant because it will mean life change and leaving things behind.

This is the amorphous zone I'm in right now. I'm happy to say that I'm a bit more happy right now. I had some great times of prayer, some debriefing, building some new friendships, hung out with people that have different perspective, different experiences, and wisdom to offer.

One thing I am breaking free from is GUILT! I have been tending to hang that like a weight around my neck and making decisions out of it, and holding back because of it, and sitting under a cloud of it. I have had some time looking at the root of guilt in my life and breaking it off. I don't think I will never feel guilty again, but I feel as though I've found a dose of freedom during this time. And Christian guilt is the worst. We shroud it in this thing that looks like holiness and servanthood, but really it's ugly, stinky guilt. Really, we are not called to take on all the world's load, we are not called to be walking martyrs because it induces some kind of spiritual perfection in us, we are not called to serve because there is no other option....we are called to live an abundant life in Christ! We are called to run the race marked out for us. We are called to take on His yoke. We are called to live a life of fullness and abundance, not heaviness and drudgery. My mother and I spoke last night on the phone and she even commented that I don't sound so guilty any more. Praise God! Freedom is a beautiful thing.

But still, there are some decisions in my hands right now. I have a number of things that I'm praying through, processing and talking with people about. I wish I could divulge more, but I do ask for your prayers as I wade through all this. I guess the thing I can tell you is that change is happening. I have had a sense that transition was upon me this whole last year. That feeling is even stronger than ever. So, I'm waiting on the Lord, asking him for the fullness of this next season for me.

I will be heading to Switzerland in a week and I'm looking forward to a change of scenery and hanging out with friends I haven't seen in a while as well as exploring a country that I have not been to yet!

19

2009-11-23T06:15:00.004-06:00

Saturday came and went.
The rain fell. I walked the streets of Glasgow, sipped on a Starbucks Gingerbread latte, and thought about my brother James, a lot.

It would have been his 19th birthday that day.

It seems like a cliche but I really can't believe three years have passed with him no longer on this earth. When he died, I thought time would have to stop to just absorb the loss, but as anyone who has walked the path of grief knows, time continues to pass, whether you think it fair or not.

There is this forever space in my life. It's so strange now to meet new people and they have no idea the space is there. They have no reference to tell them what once filled the space apart from the things I can tell them. I still don't know how to answer the question "So, do you have any brothers or sisters?" The pain is not so sharp but the answer still seems forced and never complete.

I woke up Saturday just more aware of that space than I have been other days. The day passed. People, mostly strangers, interacted with me without knowing, and life moved on. The day was relatively quiet. No expectations. No cake. No phone calls home to say "Happy Birthday little bro!" Just rain, memories and a few tears. Another anniversary come and gone.

To the depths of the well

2009-11-10T14:05:00.004-06:00

Burnout comes when you come into a higher level of responsibility and haven’t tapped into the corresponding revelation of God.

This week I am sitting in on the lectures for the School of Frontier Missions here. The speaker is sharing on Member Care.

Today she made the above comment and it hit me straight to the heart. I felt this resonate in relation to the wall of burnout that I have encountered myself. She had us take some time to seek God as to the challenge in front of us and what God wants to say about who he is in response to it.

So, the following is the picture I received:

The challenge:
I am standing at a well of water. In my hands are a bucket and in front of me is a crowd of people waiting for water. I have been giving water out, quite energetically for quite some time. The well was brimming full and many people have received water as they came.

Over time, I noticed the well was starting to diminish. However, I didn’t think much of it as there was still plenty of water every time I dropped the bucket down into it.

Now, I’m at a point where the bucket and the rope it is attached to is barely reaching the surface of the water. I begin to panic, and I begin to stop giving out the water. I think to myself, if I give out any more, it will be gone. I should wait for it to fill back up or for a good rain shower. I can’t give away what I don’t have.

This is so clearly how I’m feeling right now, a deep vacant well, an empty bucket and many people asking for water. But, what is God saying in the middle of it all? What is the revelation I need to go with the corresponding level of responsibility?

As I listened, God spoke:
Your perception of the well must change. You are seeing the well as empty, when really, you do not know the depths of the well. The resources you have to go to the depths have only gotten you so far, now you must go deeper for water. In the depths the waters are fresh, cool and life-giving. The well will not run dry. It is not empty, you just have to go deeper.

Take me deeper Lord! I will send my bucket down to those depths. Fill it! Take me to that depth with you!

The love of God

2009-11-05T05:46:00.004-06:00

Yesterday there was a break in the clouds and the rain. I glanced out the window of the YWAM base and saw the sea was still and it was almost as if it was calling my name. I put on my coat and grabbed my camera and walked along the beach for about 2 hours. The seals were basking on the rocks and playfully jumping in and out of the waves. The sun over the Isle of Arran painted pictures across the sky going from golden to purple.

I’ve been consumed by the love of God the last few days. In many ways I came here wanting to search for answers and direction. I feel that those will come in time, but first and foremost, God wants my heart. And he wants to take me deeper with him, and open my spirit to his extravagant love.

Sadly God’s love is something we reduce to a basic Sunday School concept and we nod with agreement in our “spiritual maturity” when we talk about the love of God for people. When really, the love of God is something that should make us weak in the knees when we encounter it. It is the very force that sustains our existence, and it is the very thing that makes life worth living. How dare we be passive about it.

Sadly, in my drivenness, I’ve put the love of God on the backshelf. Even in this last week, God has dusted it off and set it in front of me. I’m forced to reckon with the love of God, and when we encounter it, we are never the same.

The love of God washed over me as I stood on the beach yesterday. Me, small, meek, insignificant in the scheme of things, but known by the God of the universe. He spoke his love as he painted a majestic sunset across the sky for me. His Spirit whispered to my heart. Words of intimacy, beauty, love.

“My beloved speaks and says to me, ‘Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away…’” (Song of Solomon 2:10)

If you have not heard the song by Kim Walker, I suggest finding it and letting the truth of God’s love sink, sink deep into your spirit. Not just Sunday School knowledge, let it ruin you and weaken your knees. Let is send tears down your face and shake you to the core of your being. This is the intensity with which we are loved:

He Loves Us

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by Glory
And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me

Oh how he loves us, so
Oh How he loves us, how he loves us so

We are his portion and he is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes
If grace is an ocean we’re all sinking
So, heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

He loves us
Oh how he loves us
Oh how he loves us
Oh how he loves

A few beautiful things in Scotland so far:

2009-11-02T09:08:00.001-06:00

On time trains. coffee. Glasgow. the sea. sleeping in. rain. more rain. lots of refreshing rain. curly hair because of the rain. new friends. old friends. a comfortable bed. corporate worship. red-faced Scottish men offering to buy me a pint. grocery stores. brie cheese. Guinness. high speed internet. skype chat with my family. the sun peeking through the clouds. smiling hellos. the front seat of a car. more coffee. hot water. men that look me in the eye. hugs. a walk by myself. my headscarf in the bottom of my suitcase. the Scottish lilt. men in kilts. soy lattes. using a credit card. cadbury chocolate. prayer. jeans. the English language. green grass. the fall leaves. electricity at the flip of a switch. freedom.

A few photos from a walk I took this morning:

Teams will come and teams will go...

2009-10-27T20:25:00.005-05:00

I am presently preparing to catch a flight this afternoon for a much-needed two month break. I'm looking forward to refreshing and spending time with God and hopefully making some new friends.

But, as it is in this organization, the door is always a revolving one. I got up early this morning to say goodbye to a team that has been here with us for the past month. I really enjoyed having them here and they served our team and blessed the people of this place, especially the women, so much. It was life-giving to me because much of the stuff we did together is where my heart is.

This photo was from a local friend of mine's birthday party. There was much dancing, talking and eating after this photo was taken.

I love meeting new people, but it's always hard to see them go. Thankfully, the world is a really small place and chances are I'll see people again.

Off I go!

Get you up on a high mountain....

2009-10-06T09:35:00.005-05:00

(Isaiah 40:9)

There is something exhilarating about mountains. It is such hard work to push your body up one, but once at the top, you forget all the pain, all the exhaustion and the burning in your lungs, and you stand in awe at the view around you.

I hemmed and hawed about whether I should join my two friends on the hike up the mountain. I was the one who pushed for it, but when the morning came I panicked a little. I was afraid I would hold up the group. I have been working out fairly consistently but the town we were in sits 6,000 ft. above my city. Then we were going to ascend another 6,000 ft. I wasn't sure I was used to the altitude and in good enough shape. But that morning, I got up, hard-boiled some eggs and of course, drank a good strong cup of coffee. I donned the strangest outfit I've ever worn hiking a mountain before: black dress pants (they were the most durable and comfortable of the two pairs of pants I had with me), a punjabi top (to maintain culturally appropriate attire), a fleece jacket and a head scarf.

We set out before sunrise...myself, a friend and former teammate of mine from America, and a Pakistani man working with another NGO in town. The two of them started walking really fast, and I was a bit worried the pace might wear me out quickly. We had to hike an hour just to the base of the mountain, traversing peoples' wheat fields and passing by shepherds already bringing their animals out for early morning grazing.

As we started up the mountain, all the jump-roping I had been doing the previous months was paying off. I was keeping pace with the men and even urging them on at times. Our Pakistani member of the group insisted on taking a few tea breaks on the way up. He even bought his own full thermos of black tea and a glass! We told him you could meet 100 hikers on a mountain in America, and he'd be the only one with tea to share! While he took tea breaks, I kept moving forward and beat both of them to the top.

At the summit (sitting just over 14,500 feet according to the GPS) the view was fantastic!!! We could see the peaks of the mountains from three countries all around us. I was in awe at the beauty of creation all around me. We had lunch and then sat at the top for about an hour. The guys took a nap. I closed my eyes for a bit but wanted to just take in the beauty and the grandeur all around me. Creation always leads me to praise the creator. I can't help but worship in the outdoors. This day was no exception. I let the praise flow while we were up there.

I have been hoping for an opportunity to do some hiking and climbing since I've moved here but this was the first real opportunity. The mountains closer to where I live are still littered with landmines and I haven't wanted to take that chance with my life! This area however saw little to none of the war and the countryside is free and clear. I hope there will be more opportunities like this in the future.

Girl, you wear your bathrobe with STYLE!

2009-09-30T01:02:00.002-05:00

I wish I had any pictures from that morning, but words will have to create the scene instead. Every Saturday is the Tajik Bazaar. On this day, the peoples of from either side of the Tajikistan border come together to mix and mingle, sell their goods and reveal close up the juxtaposition of two very different worlds.

A river runs between the two countries and at one place the river splits, leaving a small piece of land in between. You cross a bridge on either side of it, leaving your passport behind at the border station and a lingering question haunts you, "which country am I in right now?" There's probably a legal answer for this, but on Saturday, bumping shoulders with Tajiks and Afghans, it's anybody's guess.

It's mostly men at the bazaar from the Afghan side. My friends and I walk through the crowd, feeling a bit like celebrities as the local governer, the principle of the school, the head of security, and the border commander all stop to say hi and give their greetings, many of them wearing their Karzai-style coat giving them an air of dignity and even, maybe, royalty, at least in this small village-kingdom that they rule.

The thing that strikes me however, is the women. My head has been so immersed in Afghan style, literally even, as I wrap my headscarf around me as it keeps getting blown off by the wind, that I am taken aback at how different Tajik style is. (and feeling a bit shameful as I remember a time when I looked at a map with all the "stans" and thought, isn't it all the same?!). The Tajik women are both selling and buying at the bazaar...already revealing the somewhat greater freedom of movement and involvement outside the home. They are dressed in what I can best describe as a flowered moo-moos, and of course, their pants underneath are another pattern and color scheme entirely than the top. I brush by girls in their young twenties who would look right at home in America: skinny jeans and t-shirts with name brands boldly printed across the front.

Janna, one of the other girls on my team, elbows me and whispers "oh my goodness. Check out that girl!" A Tajik girl walks by us with head held high. She has around her a terry-cloth robe which is brightly pink striped with the words "I love you" written all over it. It's dotted with red hearts. She has on pants just as bright and knee-high rubber boots. What I might wear to a "bad taste party" she has carefully purchased, dressed in and paraded through the bazaar in this collision of cultures.

The story of the goat and the mouse

2009-09-28T12:14:00.005-05:00

Well, I am back from the remote northeast and there are many stories to tell. I figured I'd just post on here as I have time. But I wanted to start with a little fun tale that was a memorable experience. (and as a note of caution, for those of you who aren't so keen on bathroom stories, skip this post and wait for the next one to come...)

It was late at night at our friends' guesthouse. Their accommodations are a bit more well, primitive than a 5 star guesthouse in say, well, anywhere else. The toilet is basically an outhouse (but keep in mind, many peoples' bathrooms are just a spot somewhere on the ground outside).

This particular night, I had to use the bathroom after the generator had been turned off for the night. So, I donned my handy-dandy headlamp and made my way to the outhouse. I lifted up the seat to the toilet, and I don't normally glance down into the toilet of outhouses, but my light from my headlamp happened to shine directly down into the hole. I saw something moving in the light. I did a double take and saw a white little mouse scurrying around on the...ahem, pile. My thought was, "sucks to be that mouse right now." Then I turned around and what should have made its way into the outhouse behind me but a goat! I grabbed the broom in the corner and hit the goat on its butt trying to get it to make its way kindly back out and leave me in privacy. However, the goat was stubborn as all get out and refused to move, let alone leave me alone to take care of business. So, I figured well, goat and mouse, we will experience this trip to the bathroom together.

Yep, a moment I will remember forever...and the goat and the mouse probably will too.

Our team

2009-08-29T01:01:00.003-05:00

God has entrusted his task "to the ends of the earth" to people such as these. :) Inspires great confidence doesn't it?!

Our team is off to a more remote part of the country for a few months. I am helping co-lead the team for a month of this time, helping getting project things set up and running, and especially talking with the government officials. It is going to test my language skills for sure!

So remember us as we go. I won't be near the internet for about a month's time and we are not guaranteed cell-phone coverage where we will be. I'll post some photos and an update when I return to civilization.

Until then....

2009-08-14T09:22:00.005-05:00

I took photos of my room when I first arrived back in February. I looked around at all the work that had to be done and figured I’d feel a lot better about the process if I took pictures and compared the progress.

Today, the president of the country came to my city so we are just keeping a low profile today. I usually spend at least one of my two days off all day at home, catching up on reading, doing my laundry (in the machine, or by hand, depending on whether there is electricty). Today was an electricity day and so I decided to tackle a project I have been waiting two years to finish…I hemmed my curtains. I had a local woman make them for me but she made them about a foot too long and they have just sat there with the extra foot piled at the bottom collecting dust….a LOT of dust.

Well, I took out my sewing machine that I bought off another worker that left earlier this year. It is a beautiful sea-foam green and is from Japan so I can’t read a thing on the dials and have to experiment and guess and hope that I have the right tension for the stitches, etc. And, I actually hemmed my curtains. I’ve been looking at them every weekend thinking, “I should hem those” but something else always seemed more important. I guess life still can be productive when you are holed-up inside your house! ☺

So, without further ado, here are the before and after pictures of how I’ve made my room into a nice little sanctuary…
Before: (sorry the poor quality. They were taken with my camera phone at night)

After:

The room is a weird shape…long and rectangular. So, I split it into two with a sitting area so the other girls can come in and sit and chat and we watch movies in here sometimes. The other half is my bedroom area and I just finished what I was wanting to do by hiring someone to make my bookshelf. Now, after 7 months, I have finally unpacked all my stuff!

Colorado rest

2009-07-23T11:25:00.003-05:00

This last week I spent in Colorado around Denver, Colorado Springs and the Breckenridge area. I can't tell tell you how refreshed my soul feels when I am in the outdoors. It makes me wonder why people in Colorado are not some of the happiest on earth.

I also had some time to catch up and hang out with my dear friend Augustine (pictured below) and Bob and Donna (my other, southern parents) and visit the Y base while I was in town. It so blesses me to have relationships that can continue on even after months and even years of not seeing people. If I didn't have friends that could just pick up after time has passed, well, I wouldn't have very many friendships at all because I'm so in and out.

So, this afternoon I board yet another plane and begin yet another journey across the ocean. It's strange how this jumping back and forth, switching from tank tops to head scarves, speaking English and Persian in nearly one breath, going from green trees to brown desert within a day has become normal. I have to admit that the transition and the current stress of life overseas has taken it's toll on me. I am sensing a need for a possible extended rest. I may not know what that looks like and I feel that I am to keep going hard through the finish of our school (March 2010). For those of you who do pray for me, I'd ask for you especially to lift up this area. I want to walk in fullness and really am seeking to find joy again in what I do, my relationship with God, and with others.

To those of you I spent time with in the States or talked with on the phone during this time...thank you for blessing my life! You are all so important to me and thanks for pouring into our friendship. I love you!

Jeremy and Rachael's wedding

2009-07-13T13:08:00.003-05:00

My brother is a married man!
In one day I gained a sister-in-law and a new neice!

Through my blurry-eyed jet lag I was able to arrive at home, get my hair cut, get a cute dress for the wedding, and engage in the rehearsal dinner and all other wedding activities in style. It has been so great to be home for this event as Jeremy is the first of our family and my cousins to get married.

The wedding was very casual and it was a beautiful day in the park. The ceremony was quick, simple and sweet. Rachael's beautiful daughter, Bella, stood up front with Jeremy and Rachael. She seems to be quite taken with her new dad as well as her "Uncle Bill." I have to admit, it was quite the adjustment to hear this little girl call my mom, "Grandma." I love how our family is growing!

The reception was a lot of fun with dancing and visiting with relatives. It was very special for me to be able to share this day with them. I'm so thankful I was able to make it back. I often feel so far away from home and distant from people but being able to make it back and participate in these important occasions makes the distance seem a little less.

So, congratulations Jeremy and Rachael (and Bella!). I wish you the best in your future together and may you grow closer as a family (and to our whole family) and continue to love one another even more every day!

With the bride and groom

The siblings together again

Engagement Party

2009-07-04T01:57:00.003-05:00

As in most cultures, engagements and weddings can be all-consuming, big events. This culture is no exception. At the time of engagement, after back and forth communication between the man's family and the women's family (most marriages are arranged here), an agreement is made and then an official party is held to announce the engagement. Unlike my own culture however, the woman stays at home while the families party. Last week I had the privilege to attend the party.

If the family has money they rent a wedding hall and have a big ordeal, but if the family has less money, like the family that I attended the party with, the event is held in the home.

So, I donned my visiting clothes (the ones with the sparkly sequins all over them...yes, I'm contextualizing!), went over to a local friend's house and then we went together to the party. We were seated in a room which proceeded to fill to the brim with women and children. And just when I thought we couldn't fit more people in, the whole bride's family showed up announcing their arrival with hand drums, carrying a tray of gifts on their head. Later they will present these gifts for the bridegroom and members of his family. They usually consist of clothes, scarves, toiletry items and such. The women entered the room, and we proceeded with the formalities of kissing each other three times on the cheek with each woman. I was trying to count how many kisses I gave/received but after the first ten women went by, I lost track!

We sat around and had tea while the young teenage girls played the hand held drums and took turns dancing in the center of the room. After a few cups of tea we went to another room where the lunch was set out for us. I had to smile when I was seated next to a plate of rice that I was told was made with less oil (my friend knows foreigners don't consume as much oil as they do here) and I was handed a spoon, rather than expected to eat with my hands (which by the way...I have mastered the art of, but still prefer the spoon if it's an option!).

So there was more eating, and there was more dancing, and there was much chatting. I love the world of women that I get to experience here. They sit around talking of weather and kids. The women are nursing their babies, chatting about their children's upcoming school exams and laughing and dancing. There is so much beauty seated in that room. I can sense God looking down on them and delighting in them and longing to call them his own. What a privilege to experience!

Beauty in the desert

2009-06-22T07:06:00.005-05:00

In my compound, surrounded by concrete, sits a garden of beauty...reds, oranges, yellows, pinks. The flowers greet me in the morning and remind me of how we as humans are attracted to beauty. With my garden in full bloom, my eyes don't dwell on the brown, mud-brick walls, or the gray cement. They dart straight for the brilliant colors and complementing hues of the flowers.

Beauty can be found in unlikely places here, hidden in the lines etched on a woman's face, peeking out from under her scarf. It can be found in the hand that slips into mine by a little girl walking down the street next to me. It can be found in the lilting language as someone says, "you are like family to me." There is dust and dirt and sweltering heat and violence and fear, but there is a beauty to be found in this land.

I'm also finding there is a beauty to be found in the spiritual desert. In seasons of dryness, when the voice of God seems a far-off whisper, when circumstances buffet us like a storm, when people wound us in uexpected ways, Beauty breaks through. The soft breeze of the Spirit blows through our life. The nearness of God breaks the distance of humanity. He kisses our foreheads and floods our hearts. And we can't help but turn our eyes to the beauty and away from the grays and browns and dullness of our lives.

Let us fix our eyes on Him!

Where am I again?!

2009-05-23T02:21:00.004-05:00

In the capital city, there is a hotel that costs $250 a night to stay in. When you walk through the massive security gates you enter into a world that is nothing like the one you left behind. You can change into a bikini and go for a dip in the pool. You can sip a cappuccino while checking your email on your computer via wireless. You can get a massage or a facial. You can eat at the buffet for a mere $35 a person. You can stroll through the garden with the roses in bloom, the fountain flowing, and the grass soft beneath your feet. For some, in other parts of hte world, this is may be an everyday experience. Here, it is a rare treat.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to see the dance recital of a studio here in town. Some of my friends' children were in it. So, I went with others to see the performance and then afterward we sat in the courtyard, eating the best bowl of ice cream I've had in awhile, letting the breeze blow through my hair as my scarf rested on my shoulders and then topped it off with a nice strong cup of coffee. I was in heaven. What a blessing! Here are a few photos from my day:

In this last photo I am wearing an antique wedding headdress. The shopkeeper said it came from the city that I live in, but the stitching on it was from a group in the south part of the country. I don't know if any of that was true, but it looked so funky I couldn't resist a photo opp.

Dr. Mom

2009-05-11T23:35:00.002-05:00

11 May 2009 marks the day my mom officially completed her PhD. studies! She successfully defended her dissertation and can now be called by the prestigious title of Dr. I'm so proud of her because she went back to school when I was still in high school and went on to continue her Masters and PhD studies in Indiana. She persevered through some really difficult times, especially when my brother died. She put in the long hours, the sacrifice and stuck it through even when she felt she couldn't add another word to her dissertation. She's an amazing woman and I'm so proud of her!

Beginning of the school

2009-05-10T10:36:00.003-05:00

Today was our first day with our students. We still have a few more on the way as they are coming from remote locations around the world. It's an exciting season and I have a lot of anticipation as to what He wants to impart to us. However, I am still struggling to juggle the responsibility of my role here and saddened over not being able to do as much of things that I enjoy doing, such as teaching. I've also been processing how I might be able to have an opportunity to do a bit of writing. We'll see.

I thought I'd post some photos for some updates on our work on our house. There is still more to do in the kitchen and in the classroom but here is where we are at right now:

The kitchen:

The classroom:

I wish I had some before pictures because then you'd be able to see we got a LOT of work done! I'm looking forward to all the things happeing in these rooms...great food being created for fellowship times over meals, and great teaching and prayer times in our classroom.

Construction and New Beginnings

2009-04-28T02:24:00.004-05:00

In a short time we will have a house overflowing with guests, new students and long-term staff. Our school will be beginning (and if you need more details...email me as I won't post about that on here too much). But, because of that we are expanding our kitchen which meant rerouting our front door. In addition to that we are fixing up our classroom, readying our house for more people and basically, keeping busy all day long.

Construction in this country always intrigues me. I picture what people like my grandfather would think if they came here...like when I first moved into my house in 2005. it was a "brand new" house but I had to turn on my ceiling light by putting two wires together without getting shocked by 220 volt electricity. One day I went to open my door and the doorknob snapped off in my hand, thereby locking me in my room until someone heard me and opened the door from the outside. Things are cheaply made, jimmy-rigged, temporarily "fixed" and done as cheaply as possible. We discovered this when finally decided to tackle the issue of our basement walls constantly leaking water thereby causing mold and damage to the wall. We dug out next to the wall and discovered that the evidently the hole for the basement had been dug, some bricks thrown against the sides of the hole, and some plaster and paint was put over the bricks. There were big gaping holes where large quantities of water were seeping in. Lovely.

So, to give you a peek into the world of construction here, I thought I'd show you a bit of what we've been having worked on lately:

This is our kitchen after the cupboards and everything was taken out. As you can see, we have a ways to go. We are expanding it out into what used to be our entry-way. We are adding a serving window because we eat outside for half of the year. We are also adding nice marble counter tops, some storage areas, and a new sink. So, consider this the "before" picture.

Here are the guys helping us get this done. Yes, he is applying plaster with his hands. That's the way things get done here. The guy on the far right has worked for us for a few years. He has been such a blessing to us here...he is a man of integrity and has such a soft heart. We'd love to see him in the Family some day.

This is how cement gets mixed here. You can see the shovel and the bag in the background.

Here's our newly installed front door. The room that this door enters into was my first bedroom I lived in here. This room has been used for many things. Now it's the entry-way and bit of a community hang out place.

The exciting thing about all this is it reminds me that there are new things to come, more people to walk through this place, and more that He wants to do among us. I'm looking forward to seeing how things grow and change among our community here.

Visiting Basil in Taiwan

2009-04-14T02:57:00.008-05:00

Well, friends, in response to the floods of emails and messages on facebook, I was going to give you a little update on my trip to Taiwan to visit Basil. I was able to get away from work for a week and visit. I stayed with some other girls working with my same organization at the base there in Taiwan. However, I have to admit, most of my time was spent with one person....

Taiwan is beautiful, especially when coming from the deserts of central Asia! We had a chance to go to the beach, cruise around the city on Basil's moto, hike one of the nearby peaks, spend some time in Taipei, sit at starbucks, and just spend some quality time together. It was great to be able just to see Basil's life in Taiwan, meet his friends and roommates and be in the midst of the places he spends his time. So, he's seen A-land and now I've gotten to see Taiwan.

This week was a real blessing...thanks for all of you who expressed your excitement and your support and your prayers for us. We are both very excited about this season and the way God has brought us together. The week FLEW by but I'm so thankful for the time we were able to hang out. I'll continue to keep you posted! ;)

Here are some more photos from the week:

The ferris wheel...on the top of which we took the above picture of the two of us. The view of the city was fantastic!

A typical scene of the streets of Taiwan.

The view from the top of the hill we climbed. Unfortunately it was a little hazy but it was still beautiful!

Driving around on the moto.

Spring picnic

2009-03-31T08:56:00.005-05:00

In a world lived behind walls, under a veil and hiding from the darting eyes of the crowd, freedom is something that can be a rare experience. A woman's life is all about hiding, not standing out. But then Friday rolls around and the entire city bursts out of the walls into their cars and taxis and drives away from the city to enjoy the beauty of the rugged landscape. The time is limited...if you don't go now the scorching summer sun will beat you there, rendering the landscape brown and you wasted by the heat.

But springtime means hills are green, the weather is cooler and people are ready to get out after having tons of relatives staying for the new year.

So, this last weekend, me, some teammates and my staff headed out to the green hills in the shadow of the craggy mountains. We were in an area that was heavily trafficked by fighting about 8 years ago. Now, thankfully, the mines have been cleared and the tanks have rolled out, leaving just overgrown memories of tragic days.

I love days like these, when I have the freedom to be outside the wall, without staring eyes, the sun shining down (not beating down) and the wind blowing. I can let my scarf slip a little to my shoulders and I can race my teammates up the foothills and toss a frisbee around and play soccer to my hearts content. I was so at peace. I wish I could get out like this more often. I also wish I would not have taken my time in Colorado so much for granted and gotten out hiking and skiing more. So, I hiked until my calves were stiff and ran around until I was out of breath and took advantage of the beauty of a day of freedom, out in the hills.

Riding donkeys

The beautiful scenery

The ladies

A bit of the language learning process

2009-03-21T09:38:00.000-05:00

Believe it or not, it has been a whole month since I left American soil! Returning to this place has been quite the adventure with it’s ups and downs. It’s a good thing I like life to have a bit of advenutre and the unexpected, because that’s what I get every day.

But, in the process of getting settled in here and back into life, I have started up with language lessons again a few days a week. I’m very conversant in my language but I’m finding that I tend to use the same words and grammar structures over and over to make my point. People understand me, but I was getting in a rut. Thankfully, we are connected with a woman who is an amazing teacher, and I’ve been working with her. She doesn’t let one object marker or one mis-conjugated verb slip by. Frustrating sometimes, but so helpful!

So, yesterday we met again and rather than just go into sentences and the picture story we have been working through, she spent some time telling me about the customs here surrounding New Years. Many of them I was familiar with but there were some things, like the things that they do at home that I hadn’t heard much about. So, there I was listening (and feeling pretty proud of myself that I was picking up probably 80-90% of what she was saying) and asking questions.

Then she tells me about what happens at home the night before New Years day here. The young children will put henna on their hands and wrap cloth around it overnight so that it sets in really nice and dark. They then wake up early, pull of the cloth and run around showing everyone how beautiful their hands are (My opinion is still to be decided on that….I love henna if it’s the decorative and intricate designs, but here also, they just cover their entire palm in it…so their skin is a brownish/orange. They think it’s beautiful…often I just think it’s, well, orange.)

Then my teacher tells me that they spread out the dasterkhan which is a giant tablecloth put on the floor for eating. Then she tells me that they fill it with things that have seen in them (not the english word seen but a word here pronounced the same way). Now I was wracking my brain to try to remember the word seen. I didn’t know this word. So, I kept listening to her story to figure out if I could pick up the meaning. She gave me some examples and then continued on telling me the whole family sits around these things, and they are really good things and they pray for the New Year together that God would bless it, that they would have health, etc. Now, my training from Wheaton was kicking in and I was thinking, well, this sounds a bit like folk religions, and I bet seen maybe means something like a magic power, or something that has strong characteristics to it. I wrote these notes in my language notebook and made a mental note to check with a local teammate of mine.

My language lesson ended and I went to talk to my teammate about it, thinking I’d hit on some deep meaningful thing in the culture. As I told him the story he said, “oh yeah. Seen…as in the letter S. They are all things that start with the letter S.” Sure enough I looked over my list of things she mentioned: sabzi, safed, somoloq, etc. Not the deep spiritual meaning I was thinking for sure! But my next question is, “why? Is there a meaning behind it, or just a tradition?” I’ll have to find out and get back to you. (although, I’ve figured out “why?” is a frustrating question to ask here because you usually don’t get an answer, or not an answer that seems conclusive!)

New Years is coming!

2009-03-14T05:38:00.003-05:00

I took a couple pictures while I was out and about in town this week. The streets are more full of people than normal, both from the warmer weather (it was up to 80F this last week!) as well as preparations for the New Year festivities which will happen a week from now. The city is full of energy, they are beautifying everything and planting tons of trees and flowers, repaving the streets, and I keep waking up to the sounds of my neighbors beating the dust out of their rugs and cushions outside every morning.

Myself, I'm also expectant of the year to come. There is lots of energy here, lots of expectation and lots of anticipation for what this year is bringing. I know that I too have to do a little house-cleaning, some preparing and some time just sitting with Him.

What a wild two weeks!

2009-03-09T08:04:00.004-05:00

It has been quite the whirlwind being back here these last two weeks. I feel like I've been here for a few months with all that's been going on! About a week after I was here one of the short-term team members ended up having to be brought into the military hospital because he had a seizure in our bathroom. It was an incredibly scary day and one of my worst fears as a team leader was realized.

However, the peace of God was upon all of us as we sprang into action and got on our knees. The photo above was the day that the student was released from the hospital. (the sign says welcome back). He's currently on his way out of the country to get further care. We were very sad to see their team leave.

This is a new season here. I'm realizing how much more my focus is on equipping the team and getting ready for our school in May. I am enjoying it in that a lot of my giftings in the area of leadership and teaching are going to be used, but I really miss having as much time with the local people as I did before. I am hoping to get some visiting time in this week as I've been in the house having meetings all day the last few days.

Home again!

2009-02-25T00:35:00.002-06:00

I wish I could take video of all it takes to get to my home here in Asia. Yesterday I took a taxi drive up through the mountain pass that has banks of snow on either side of the road at least 10 feet tall in the deepest parts. There are these huge trucks that are painted so brightly with tassles and jingling things hanging off of them. They don't seem to fare well over the pass so every so often there would be one stuck in the middle of the road, or the tunnel. In front of one I even saw a small fire going and a bunch of guys gathered around warming their hands and chatting while the hood of truck stood gaping open and traffic passed by around them.

I got up to my house last night and was so warmly welcomed by my team and the short-term teams we have here. They made pizza and cake for my birthday! amazing! I got the biggest hugs and hugest smiles from my Afghan friends. It's times like these that I realize how much I love being here and what's truly important here.

Then I went home to my room and also realized how much work I have ahead of me as I glanced at my pink and purple walls in desperate need of paint, my curtain-less windows which I draped a sheet across and an empty room that needs a bit of a domestic touch to feel like it's my sanctuary. The cable for electricity for our street also blew out last night. It is being worked on as we speak so I am using a friend's computer at our other house. The realities of life here. So, no shower today...maybe tomorrow, maybe not. And I hope to at least get some new carpet today for my room. We'll see how it all goes.

Ladies Taxi

2009-02-23T02:06:00.002-06:00

Yesterday evening I arrived in Dubai. This city never ceases to amaze me on how cosmopolitan and globalized it looks and feels, and yet how much a part of the Middle East it is.

As I exited the airport to catch a taxi to my hotel (which by the way, had the HUGEST bed I've ever seen. Between that and the cold medicine I took, it was a delightful night's sleep) I was ushered off to the side to what they called the Ladies Taxi. What an amazing idea! The driver was a woman, she only drove women passengers (and families) and get this...instead of yellow and white the car was PINK and white!!! The woman wore a pink and white uniform (complete with a pink head covering). I wish this would catch on in Af! I would LOVE to avoid being hassled by men in a small space for a extended periods of time as he drives me across the city. Maybe I could open up a ladies taxi station in my city! ;)

And you know you're in the Muslim world when: there is a sign on the ceiling and on the wall indicating which direction mecca is in the hotel room.

Well, my flight leaves in less than an hour. I was just taking advantage of the free internet at the airport. My next update will be from AF!

My new camera

2009-02-18T14:57:00.006-06:00

Well, I'm excited about my recent purchase of a new camera to take with me overseas. I was disappointed when the lens on my old one malfunctioned last summer and I've been without it since. It was going to cost about $150 to get fixed so I decided rather than doing that I'd invest that money in a new one. I find that a camera is such a necessary item to let people in on the world that I am experiencing as well as useful for our advertising, brochures, and slideshows that we do. I've been wanting a digital SLR for a long time but opted for a high-end point and shoot...about as good as you can get without getting into the professional range of cameras. So, after I get everything set up, I hope to share some good photos with you!

Packing my bags, taking only memories

2009-02-17T14:28:00.003-06:00

I know many of you reading this have had your fair share of transitions and maybe even lots of moving in your life. It's never easy. I forget the tumult of emotions I face every time I pull out my suitcase and begin to fill it. However, this time I've been unpacking my suitcase to refill it again. I've been bouncing around from place to place for over a month.

You know what the weirdest experience for me is? It's when people are discussing their plans for the week or two after my departure date and I'm realizing, I won't be here! Many people have joked saying "yeah Danika, every time I see you, you're saying goodbye!" I know some have this perception that I just can't or don't want to sit still. But the truth is, the transition is always hard. I am missing out on my friend's first child, missing out on my friend's new house, missing out on my friends' marriages.

But, I set out again in hopes of a future that has been called into being by God himself. This was his plan from the beginning. And, to be honest, the adventure is fun! The land of the Afghans beckons to me once again promising many conversations over cups of tea, many giggles with my team over random incidents, many tears, many friends, many experiences, many lessons, many visits to government buildings. The good and the bad and everything in between lie ahead and I anxiously await it.

I depart Saturday.
Can you believe a year and a half has passed since I made my way to start grad school? wow! For those of you following my blog, you'll know that my camera died at the end of the summer this last year. The lens somehow got off it's tracking and refused to work. So, after much debate and research on the internet, I purchased a new camera and will be back in the business of giving you a visual of my life. (though I still have to pick it up at the store, so you just get my words in today's post!)

Pray, pray, pray....and for those of you who post, please remember my location and keep your comments "sanitized." Thanks!