My front door has a time warp

Why is it that every adult that returns home seems to step through some time warp that none of us notices but everyone feels? I have talked to SO many people that say they feel like a kid when they go back to their parents' house (or with whomever you lived with growing up). I'm feeling the affects of it today. Everyone is off at work and I'm stuck at home...literally. I don't have a car. So, I've been entertaining myself with video rentals (which I had to get a ride to go get) and typing up my newsletter. And my family KNOWS i'm an adult. I KNOW I'm an adult. Why don't we act like people have adult lives? I even find myself getting whiney and moody like a teenager. It's like the second I step through my front door my hair magically jumps up into a frizzy mess, my bangs get 10 feet higher, my acne magically appears and I am trying to find an excuse to stay up past my bed time...but, it's all blind to me and everyone around me until those magical family moments when you stop and think...hey, I live on the other side of the world ON MY OWN!!! I have a checking account and I pay taxes. What is happening to me!?!?!

So, I'm also trying to figure out what to do with my time here and make some major decisions. Prayer is always appreciatated. I honestly feel like Afghanistan is too much for my heart at the moment and I need a bit more time...not a lot but a bit. But, staying at home and just sitting all day is not refreshing my heart. It's mostly numbing it. So, I have some options. Please pray with me as I seek God as to what is best for me right now.

Oh and a little shout out to all you who have called or emailed about stopping by whenever I'm in your area...but unless it's outside of Gilbert, MN then it's probably not going to happen. If you really can't live without your Danika-fix until next summer, you'll have to come see me! I wish I could but between not having a car and buying plane tickets, it's just not possbile right now.

Ode to the airport

You know, I actually really enjoy the airport.
You would think after all the time I've had to spend in this self-contained limbo you would think that I'd hate the airport. But, I seriously enjoy it. I think I just love it that even though we are all here with separate passports we are all experiencing the same culture together. And it feels kind of like an exclusive club. You pay your fees and you get to walk through into the member's only area (aka "ticketed passengers"). It's the one place in the world where you can whip your belt off in public and no one thinks twice about it.

Today I sat down and finished my Seattles Best coffee (ah, I love America) just across from the door where you can greet people getting off their plane. I absolutely love that place...watching little kids scream out "daddy!!" and run and unabandondly jump into their father's arms, couples kissing after a long, or short, time apart, moms with 3 different spiderman backpacks hanging off their arms while dad and the boys are taking care of business in the men's room. I love it that people will dress in stalletto heels and faux fur jackets and sit next to the girl who looks like she rolled out of bed right into the plane in her sweatpants and a hoodie.

And, have you ever noticed that the people who work in the security area, especially around the holidays, are like super, super, super, SUPER happy. It's like they had 3 coffees and are chewing on candy canes all day. The guy today stamped my boarding pass like three times he was so excited about it. Maybe it's a ploy to distract us from the stress of security checks. Seriously, some day we are all going to have to strip down to our underwear to go through those and we'll probably only be able to carry our passport through. That will be a fun day.

Well, now after being in 9 countries and in through 6 different US states in the last month and a half, I'm headed back to "home" to spend the holidays with the family. My time in Colorado and Montana (and Wyoming for a night) was absolutely fantabulous and my soul feels much refreshed. I'm seriously amazed at the friends and family that God has placed in my life. If every girl could be so lucky.

Makeup and prayer

My friend (momma) Donna, who I'm staying with while I'm in Colorado, treated me to a makeover this week. It was quite nice to be girly, in public, and have someone give me some tips on my makeup. Anyways, Donna told me it was a shame after the makeover just to take me home. So, I took some pictures and decided to post one on my blog to show you all my irresistable beauty. ;) And, it would be a shame to let a good makeover go to waste (remember guys, I'm still single!)

Well friends, it has been a restful week so far and also so full of just the real stuff of life. I wanted to just ask you all to pray for some real amazing friends of mine who are also walking through some real tough stuff right now. So, please get on your knees and say a prayer for these faithful ones:

1. Kendall and Andi Koens:
Kendall has been battling cancer since last spring and is recovering from his surgery to remove the tumor. However he's had complications including a collapsed lung and is on a trach. Please pray that he'd be able to be home without machines for Christmas.

2. The son of Jason and Adrienne Graves, Noah Steven.
This precious little boy has been in the hospital since he was 2 months old (over 4 months ago) and the doctors are still puzzled as to what is wrong with him. Please pray for his complete healing and for strength and wisdom for his family.

3. Hans Baumann and family. Hans is a dear, Christian man who was recently diagnosed with acute leukemia and is expected to go home to be with Jesus within the week. Please pray for his family and him as they face this time together.

And remember, especially in this Christmas season, that life is more than spending money or if you get the Christmas cookies done just right or the fact that your lights on your house don't quite look like your neighbor's. Life is fragile and it's a gift for us...and Jesus' birth here on earth was the greatest gift we could ever have received. Let's live as if that is that is the most significant thing this holiday season. The rest of it, is just dust.

are you kidding me?!

So, I'm in the airport on my way out to Colorado and have a few minutes to get on the internet (yeah for wireless internet EVERYWHERE!)

But, I could not believe my eyes...I walked through the concourse looking at all the decked-out stores full of nice expensive goods for you to scratch your consumerism itch. Then I decided to head to the bathroom and right next to the women's room I spied an ipod VENDING MACHINE!!! You simply choose your style of ipod, any color, any size and any of the attachments. Then you swipe your card and $300 later you have a new ipod waiting to be grabbed out of the vending machine.

What will they think of next? Just between you and me, I think Apple is secretly planning to take over the world...yikes, and I just sold my soul to them--maybe that's why I had to get that barcode tattooed on the back of my hand. ;)

Happy Birthday Jimmy

So, today would have been Jimmy's 16th birthday. All he could talk about for his birthday was going to a local hamburger joint and feasting on their 1 lb hamburgers! So, our family all headed out to eat hamburgers to remember Jimmy (as if we can forget!! I always think that's a funny phrase...we are gathered here to remember...It's almost all I think about! Maybe "honoring Jimmy" would be the correct phrase. kay, enough rambling.)

I hesitated even writing a new blog because I loved it that when I opened my blog the first thing I saw was his picture. So, if you haven't yet read it, scroll a bit down and read my "what's in a life" blog-a tribute to my brother James.

Tomorrow my dad and I set off for a cruise that we had planned throughout this last year. It seems so out of context for me to be setting off, and I feel almost reluctant to get on that plane. I've been told by countless people that it will be good for me and I should go so I'm just trusting them (and it's non-transferrable, non-refundable so if I don't go, no one goes.) I'm still a bit numb and overwhelmed that all the last few weeks has held. It seems so snobby to feel unappreciative of a fabulous cruise in the mediterranean, but I think it's not so much snobbiness as perspective. People spend everything trying to get to places like I've seen often running over their family or cutting out time with people to work more. I guess I've just been dealt a mighty load of perspective, and I know that all the trips in the world and all the stamps in your passport mean nothing compared to the people that God puts in your life be it blood relatives or good friends or even people you can't really stand. All of them were created by Him and are filled with the beauty of God. How many times do we blow by and mistreat the most precious treasures in our lives?

I visited my dear friend Kendall and his wife Andi in the hospital this weekend. Kendall has been battling cancer and just recently went through surgery and is now on a ventilator and walking through some intense "perspective-giving" times as well. (you can check out his story and status at: www.caringbridge.org/visit/kendallkoens). I left just with a great realization of how fragile life is and how flippantly I sometimes treat it. And it's often when it's taken away or drastically changed that we realize those things. Too bad it has to be that way.

Sorry this post is a bit melancholy but I'm pretty sure if you're reading this you can understand why. Every day I wake up and I ask God, is this the day when the pain will get less? I am tired of being so sad but know that it's part of the grieving and healing process. Someone asked if I was mad at God, and honestly I'm not. I'm confused. I, of course, have asked the "why" questions knowing that I probably wouldn't get any answers. I'm frustrated at the seeming injustice of it all, but I know without a doubt that God is standing with his arm around Jimmy waiting to welcome the rest of us home when it's our time. And I know that until that time, I walk daily in the care and the presence of a God who loves, who feels what I feel, and carries me when I don't have the strength for even another step. You can't be mad at a God like that.

What's in a life?

What can I tell you about my amazing brother James? He had the most gentle heart I think I've ever seen in a boy his age. He was the perfect mix of "becoming a young man" and still retained his child-like innocence. He loved to play with toy cars in the yard, even at 15! And yet he had a girlfriend and had thoughts and opinions on politics and world events. He could entertain himself for hours and yet could get along with pretty much anyone. At times he drove me crazy, at times he probably rolled his eyes at his crazy older sister. I miss him like crazy. I just wanted you all to know what kind of a person my brother was, and still is in my heart where I will hold his memory forever.

He had a blossoming and growing relationship with Jesus. My favorite treasure from him was a letter that he wrote and gave me before I headed overseas a year and a half ago. I had gotten good-bye cards and well-wishes from so many people but I opened his before I headed off on the airplane. He had included a Bible verse, simple and yet full of truth, just for me to take with me. I sobbed when I read it.

There is a definite "space" in my family without James. It's a space we will run into every day and hopefully the pain will fade as we enounter that space. Until then I will fill that space with lovely memories of him and the peace of knowing that he is in his true home, that his heart is truly at rest and he will be waiting to welcome the rest of us when our numbered days come to an end.

James' obituary

Funeral

The funeral for my brother will be held on November 9, Thursday at 1:00pm at Biwabik Covenant Church. If you are wanting to attend and need directions, please email or call me.

On my way home....

It's shocking how one moment in your life can change it forever. It's amazing how one event, one person can affect people around the entire world.

Just a few days ago while I was in Tajikistan I received information that my second youngest brother, James (or Jimmy to some) was in an accident and is no longer with us. My heart is broken and I miss my brother so very, very much. He had one of the most gentle hearts I had ever seen in a boy his age and I had so many dreams of what an amazing man he would grow to be.

However, he is with Jesus now and our family is mourning his loss.

Currently I'm in the Amsterdam airport and just about to set off on the last leg of my journey home. I'm about to experience "home" as I've never experienced it before, minus a dear brother that I love with all my heart. It's times like these that you realize what is really important in life and all else fades away. I'm looking forward to being with my family. These last few days have been so difficult grieving on the other side of the globe from them. My team is like a second family to me and they have been amazing in bringing comfort and praying with me. However, I cannot wait to embrace my family here in America and weep with them and remember James together with them.

Please pray for me as I not only go through this time of grieving with my family but as I am re-entering my culture so abruptly and having to go through some massive loads of reverse-culture shock at the same time. I walked past a shop today that was all decorated for Christmas and I just stopped and stared (and almost fell over when I glanced down at the box of chocolates in front of me that were priced at $80!). I haven't seen Christmas decorations for a few years! Back to the 1st world, to individualism and equality among men and women. Back to luxury and entertainment and way, way too many choices.

Greetings from Tajikistan!!

Well, after a series of many, many miracles I made it to Tajikistan with another teammate of mine. It's a long story but we didn't have tickets the day we were supposed to leave. So, we decided just to go to the airport and to see what would happen. The day before we called the airline and they said the flight was already overbooked. But, we got a seat on the plane and here we are!!

It's been so nice to have a bit of freedom...as you can see I'm not wearing my headscarf nor am I wearing clothes that cover my bottom, other than my jeans! :) It's great. They speak mainly Russian here in the city so I'm a bit out of it communication-wise but most people also speak Tajik as well. Dari is closely related to Tajik so I can communicate and get around, although this usually comes after I explain that I cannot understand Russian and can you please repeat what you just said in Tajik?!

We've been meeting with people all week and speaking with local groups and recruiting students for an upcoming school we are having. The doors are really open and much has been happening.

While we are not doing that, I've also gotten opportunities to do a bit of shopping, get a haircut, go to a restaurant and even do a little bit of dancing! These things are absolute luxuries for me. Amazing what little bit of freedom can be found just on the other side of a border! :)

Happy Holidays!

Today totally felt like Christmas. We were up late last night and early this morning, packed into the kitchen, flour flying everywhere, dishes being washed and used, and washed and used again. The stove was heating food and browning it to perfection. We had our entire office staff as well as others that work at our houses over for lunch today on the last day of Eid. They all arrived in their new clothes and our house was just buzzing there were so many people here (we have people up visiting who work in Kabul as well). It's the closest thing to Christmas that I have experienced here! The picture is of us sitting around after our meal. Here we always eat on the floor sitting on "toshaks" and the food is all spread out on a "dasterkhan." The more full your dasterkhan, the greater an honor it is for your guest, so we FILLED ours! It was a great end to the three day holiday but I'm exhausted! I'm so thankful though because last year we were just meeting people for the first time during this holiday and now this year, we truly were able to have a house full of people that are like family. What a blessing.


We have also transformed our, until now, unused basement into a 24/7 prayer room. In here our team has committed to praying around the clock, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Already it has been an amazing experience. I have committed 2 hours every day from 4-6am. I have been blown away with how powerfully God has met with me during these times. I know God never sleeps but I didn't think he had much to say at that hour! ha! Nothing has happened here in this last year without a lot of prayer and seeking God first, both as a team and others around the world praying for us. How beautiful. I am being really challenged to begin seeing things with spiritual eyes and truly seeking the heart of God rather than just doing what seems good or logically right. Please join us in prayer as well. If you want specifics about what to pray for, please email me!

Welcome to my new blog! I figured this might be easier for people to access than myspace page and I've been wanting to add some pictures with my blogs which I am unable to do on myspace. So, my first post is a tribute to all the people who helped make it possible for me to get a new computer!! I converted to the Mac world and I have to admit I'm not feeling at all homesick for the ol' PC. So a BIG THANK YOU to all of you who contributed.

Next week Ramazan ends and there is a big celebration for three days called Eid. During this time everyone wears new clothes and visits family and friends congratulating them on finishing their fast and eating lots and lots of candy and nuts and drinking tea together. It's quite the celebration. And this year I have quite a few more people to visit than last year as I've made friends over this last year.

So, check back as I'll try to keep this as updated as I can especially posting pictures. Please feel free to add comments at any time as well! :)