Ha! If only getting direction in life were as easy as seeing a sign and following it.
I am on my week-long break for SBS right now so I have some extra time for things like reading and visiting the zoo (which is where I took the above picture because I loved it so much)....and blog. For those who follow my blog, it has been awhile. I'll post again soon about my studies and my trip to MT, but for now, back to the subject at hand.
I picked up the book Just Do Something, by Kevin DeYoung and have been reading it since I was in Montana. It's a pastor's response to young people's confusion about the will of God and lack of commitment in today's world among Christians. I sometimes found him hard to follow because he'd make a bold, clear statement followed by a "Not that I'm saying such and such is a bad thing..." to refute what people would say in response to his bold statement. So, it was hard to discern the line of logic he was drawing sometimes. I also hesitate to agree 100% with him on his theological outlook to that never-ending debate of the sovereignty of God and the free will of man. I also differentiate from him a bit on how I think God speaks and directs his children. But, all that to say, he makes some very valid points. Too many Christians are sitting around on their butts waiting to understand the perfect plan for their lives rather than getting up, taking a risk, and seeing what happens...or as the title denotes: just doing something.
I admit, I've been tossed around in a season of indecision, confusion over the direction of God, and wondering what I should do with my own life this last year or so. The Lord, in his mercy, revealed unrest in my soul and even anger at him for feeling like I was "forced" to stay in Af....a country that I love with my whole heart, but it had worn down my soul and my own pride and stubbornness had led me on a journey that I could see was headed toward burnout. I wrestled with the question "If God clearly spoke about moving here in the first place, if I leave, will I be disobedient to God?" I had many a conversation with wise counsel with this issue and that pointed me to my two months in Scotland to pray, debrief, seek God and more counsel.
So, there I began to see God's heart for me. I was not a machine he had programmed to get something done for the kingdom so I could rest in eternity. He truly does care for my soul. He cares for the relationships in my life. He cares for my family. He cares about the fact that I want my own family. And those desires on my heart and the things I love to do are not more spiritual if I set them aside to do what is "hard-core" or ministering in areas I feel people expect me to do. In other words, I just got honest with who I am and the truth of who God is.
Which led me to SBS and this season of life. I am continuing to see that I love teaching. There is something about getting in front of a group of people with the Bible in front of me, or teaching about things I'm really passionate about like culture or the oppressed or worldview or whatever, and leading people through a process that turns lights on in their heads and stirs their hearts towards the things I feel are on God's heart. I have spent a lot of time thinking that wanting to be a teacher was prideful because it put me up front. I taught for 12 hours in Montana and each hour, though draining mentally and physically at times, gave me more energy and excitement than the last.
So, many of you and even I myself at times may be wondering what I'm doing here in Taiwan. I keep getting asked if I'll go back to Af. and I honestly don't know at this point in time. But, I made a decision this last week to speak with the leadership here in Taiwan about staying on at least another year and staffing the SBS, the school that I am currently in. It would mean opportunities to teach different books of the Bible, to grow in my understanding about the SBS and how it works (because in the back of my mind there is still a desire in my heart to see Bible training duplicated around the world in places where there is not access to training yet), I can disciple and train up other future leaders in the mission and of all things....I'm really enjoying it here and the growth this place is adding to in my life and would like to stay on another year. It's not official yet as the leadership still has to make staff decisions and such, but the process is started.
I've been reflecting on the direction of God quite a bit. I've been fascinated to follow Paul's journey in all his ups and downs. He had divine guidance (the road to Damascus, the Macedonian call and God speaking to him to not be afraid and preach in Corinth), but he also had moments where he said "it seemed good for us...." to head out on their second missionary journey, at another point to travel through Macedonia, and his desire to see Rome. I believe this is a season of "it seems good for me" to stay on another year in Taiwan.
