AH! life goes by so fast and you never know what one day will bring. I apologize for the email I sent to many promising a blog update on Leviticus a few weeks ago...but some events in life put blogging by the wayside. However, I wanted to take some time to sit down and update you on some continuing thoughts from the Pentatuech (the books of Moses: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy) and Joshua.
Leviticus
I had no idea how deeply this book was going to shake me. When talking about Leviticus it is usually that boring book of sacrifices and laws; what can be so interesting about that? As we began this book, I realized I had to wrestle with some very foundational questions....Why is blood necessary for forgiveness of sins? (Heb. 9:22) Why did God put a sacrificial system in place that man has never been able to live up to? Why do the people need to put so much energy and focus into the tabernacle, why do the priests need to give their whole lives to burning animals and going through all these rituals? How does Jesus really fit with all of this? I have a bazillion and one sanitary Sunday school answers and things that I know Christians should say. But Leviticus halted me in my tracks and made me think, "hey wait a minute, why exactly was Jesus the only way to God and the only thing that brings forgiveness of sins?" Now, before you think I've lost my salvation or turned my back on God, let me reassure you that I haven't....
And let me turn aside on a bit of a rabbit trail to encourage you if you are a Christian, to really think about why you believe what you believe. I really needed the foundations of my faith to be questioned to realize that they were secure. And people can smell a fake from a mile away. I can tell when people are just spitting out what someone else told them. This week in Leviticus, was surprisingly deep for my walk with the Lord.
Now, at risk of sounding too "Sunday school-ish" I realized this week that this whole system was put into place to show humanity that there is absolutely no way that we ourselves can attain holiness. When man sinned, the only remedy became the redemption through perfection, through Jesus. I don't understand fully why God put things into place that only he could fulfill in Christ. Why the cross? But, what I do know, is there is nothing righteous in me. There is no way I can attain any goodness or keep myself living a perfect life, free from sin. The sacrificial system exposes that...there are two sins that are to be offered for unintentional sins. We sin without intending it because that's what people do...our heart tends toward selfishness.
All of this is still stuff I'm processing and filling in my own theological gaps with truth as I continue to study. But here's what I do know after Leviticus: "I am a great sinner. Christ is a great savior." (John Newton)
Numbers
Numbers is often referred to as the "armpit of the Old Testament." I can definitely see how this is possible as the whole book deals with the constant rebellion of the people of Israel. They complain, they doubt God, they fight their leadership, they get themselves sentenced to forty years in the wilderness. But what makes this book like an armpit is the people; God is still the hero.
One thing that spoke to me out of Numbers was something that I saw in the character of God when I was in A-stan. In chapter 12 of Numbers, Miriam and Aaron grumble against Moses saying that God is playing favorites with him but they also are just as special as he is. They are jealous of him and want some credit for themselves. The great thing about this event is that Moses is silent through the entire chapter. God is the one who responds to the accusations and crappy attitude of Miriam and Aaron. He calls them to his presence in what I can picture a parent would do with a bunch of children bickering in front of them. And God speaks to Miriam and Aaron saying that Moses is faithful. God defends his reputation and shames them for questioning Moses' character.
---the reason this speaks to me is this was a lesson God so clearly challenged me on in Af. There were times when my character and integrity were in question as a leader and as an individual, some times by other teammates, and many times by locals around me that saw me through their worldview lenses. I am a single female away from my family. Through their eyes, my character is immediately in question. One day I came home to graffiti on my front door of a very inappropriate accusation. It had been there all day while people walked by reading it, knowing who lived inside. A dear man who is like a grandfather to me helped sand the word off my metal door. And I knew it hurt him as it hurt me that people would do something like this. But that day God spoke so clearly...my reputation was in his hands. He defends me and I don't have to defend myself. My job is to live for the Lord and if I am misunderstood, then I am misunderstood. If we spend our lives consumed with proving to other people our intentions, we are living in the fear of man and can become slaves to others' opinions. I hope I, like Moses, can live a life allowing God to be the defender of my character.
Deuteronomy
I won't say too much on this book. The week we worked on this book was a very intense week for me personally so I have to admit I wasn't able to focus too much. What I do love though is that you really get Moses' heart for the people he leads. He talks of interceding for the people time and time again after they rebelled in the wilderness, laying on his face for forty days and nights without food and water (Chapter 9). That was a great challenge to me to be interceding for others I lead. Moses' life has for a long time been a challenge and example to me. We did a character study of his life during this book that I hope to continue to grow and learn from.
Joshua
We just turned in the book of Joshua yesterday. What an amazing testimony of obedience to the word of God! Throughout the book God speaks something to Joshua and in the next sentence it says, "So Joshua told the people" or "So Joshua did as the Lord commanded." He feared the Lord even when God asked him to do things that seemed opposite to human logic....like circumcising all the men right after they entered into the land they were supposed to make war on (chapter 5). Or marching around a city just blowing trumpets (Jericho--6). Or turning back to fight against a city that they had just lost a battle to (Ai--chapter 8). God's faithfulness is so clear in this book: "not one word has failed of all the good things that the Lord your God promised concerning you." (23:14) And this same God is the same faithful God today. I was challenged as to how I fear the Lord and if I see him as a God who fulfills his promises and a God who is trustworthy. Do I live that way?
So....if you are still here with me to the end of this novel, bless you. I have great intentions to continue to blog but life sometimes takes over. This week I am apartment sitting for some friends so have been able to get by myself and take some more concentrated time to pray and process through things. This opportunity could not have come at a better time. Thanks to all of you who pray, support and love me. I need your friendship so dearly. It means so much to me!
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