I find it striking that the two things I once lost sleep over and have wrestled with and been tossed about by are the two very things I sat in class today discussing, thinking about and realizing where my journey has brought me, namely women and leadership, and the person and role of the Holy Spirit.
One of my classmates made the comment, "So, I know you have this all figured out..." and proceeded to ask a question, but this preface to the question struck me. Apparently, something about me, either in my character, personality or in my role in ministry (which honestly, always sounds way more impressive than it feels to me-just an FYI) would cause someone to believe that I had come to some solid conclusions about the role of women related to leadership and the work of the Holy Spirit. Even as I write this I'm reminded of an interaction with someone TODAY asking advice about direction to pursue as a woman who feels inclined towards leadership. How did I emerge into this position of being a person of authority on these issues?
If you were to look inside my head and heart (which you should thank the Lord you can't see those all the time!) you'd find me not standing in one conclusive position but rather on a journey. I love to think of myself as a sojourner. I think we are all on a journey of discovery with God. And some people have been journeying longer than others but I think many of us are not on the same, straight-forward path but rather, like explorers, criss-crossing, sometimes finding ourselves in a familiar place with others we know, sometimes alone on a craggy precipice wondering how we got there, where to go next, and wondering what the heck can I actually get of value in this place? (But as I put forth this metaphor, which is not perfect but just a way I relate this in my mind, I am NOT stating that all paths ultimately lead to God...that is for another discussion at another time). I don't believe this journey is like a hierarchical scale or even like a stairway but rather like discovering the world. For example, let's say I have a friend who is a worship leader. They would have spent way more time, thought, and prayer (I hope!) on hearing God's heart about worship. Liken that to the metaphor: compare this person to a friend who lives in Seattle. I may know about Seattle, have some understanding and opinions on what the city is like, may have seen pictures and even visited and somewhat familiar with the city, but not as well or as comprehensively as my friend. But, every time I go, I discover a bit more, understand more, enjoy it or dislike it more, etc. (okay, have I stretched the metaphor enough?!)
To go back to the original part of this writing...I am on a journey of discovery of God's heart, purpose and value as it relates to women, and women in leadership at that. I am on a journey of discovering the depths of the work and person of the Holy Spirit. I could pause in my journey and tell you that "I am a spirit-filled woman, gifted and empowered to train and release leaders for the glory of God by the grace of Jesus Christ" and you could even pull out your map and maybe even draw a "you are here" arrow to me. You could also slap a label on it: missionary, charismatic, egalitarian, evangelical, apostolic/pioneer, leader, feminist (?), freak, etc. etc. But, I'm not static...tomorrow I will wake up, get on my knees, spend time in the Word and the world, go to school, spend time with friends, laugh, read, have conversations...and life will happen to me in return. I may be mugged, get lost, be grieved over the death of a loved one, see a friend of mine lose faith in God. I will fall, get up, run across an oasis or a desert; it will rain and it will be sunny. There is no way to sit still on this journey.
So what am I trying to get at in all this? LET'S JOURNEY...and let's allow one another to journey as well. For some the journey may be slow and arduous. It may take them through some rough places. Hopefully our journeys may be graced with companions and others to spur you on when you get weary. But I don't want to be pegged and classified and have four walls built around me with no promise of anything beyond that. God may bring me to new places of understanding and experiencing his Holy Spirit (oh and I pray that he DOES!). He may take me out of the role of leadership and into another area of ministry (and I want to be willing if it's where HE'S leading and not just because I'm afraid or someone else has decided that's what I should do).
I know I'm sounding a bit "John Bunyan-ish" but as we were looking at different perspectives and views of these two major issues (Gender, and the Holy Spirit) in my classes today, I was overwhelmed with the understanding that these are things that we can become divided over and wound one another over in our quest for understanding when we don't allow people to be on the journey of discovery of God, but instead put them in one camp or another and label and....well, you get the picture. And I'm not saying we can't disagree or question another person or pull out the Scriptures and discuss. I'm finding I disagree over some of these things with some Godly, wonderful people with major influence and fruitful ministry. What matters most to me is that we are all at least on the journey--that Scripture, the Holy Spirit, and other members of the Body of Christ are imputing into our lives and we, with humility, are ever growing and deepening in our intimacy and understanding (with head and heart!) of the character and person of God.
So...let's continue to journey!! And as you discover new lands, greater heights and greater depths or maybe rounding that mountain you've viewed many times but from different angles, I'd love to hear of your experiences, your thoughts, your wisdom that you have acquired along the way. We can swap pictures and travel-logs! :)
