A struggling idealist

I had an epiphony in a dusty van on a way to a village a couple summers ago in Afghanistan. Someone had the book "Please Understand Me!" for the Myers-Briggs test. Well, as we had about 7 hours to get to this village I had time to pillage the pages that told me all about myself. For those who are interested in those things I am an ENFJ. Although when I took this three years before that, I was an INFJ....maybe proof that environment and necessity can change your personality. I don't know. So, in other words, I'm now more extroverted than I was before.

Moving on...
So, I was looking through this book and there was a lot of information but one thing that was like a light bulb going on was that I am an idealist. I'm actually an Idealist (with a capital "I"). I had never verbalized this or formed a thought about it, but it was so true. I realize that most of the time I have a running image in my head about how I feel things should be, how I should be, even sometimes how others should be. After further contemplation I realized that with idealism, comes great disappointment. No one lives up to how I think they should be, and I'm the primary failure of my own expectations. I had grand images of myself before I moved to Af...making instant friends, impressing them with my language, leading people to the L'd, changing the face of the nation.

And I fell short of those expectations. And I learned so much about my humanity and my dependence on God and his using "the weak things to shame the strong."

So, now I'm trying to figure out how I manage my idealism as it can be a strength (let's put the term VISIONARY on it and now it looks like a positive thing). But, then I need to come down off my cloud and have real expectations of myself.

Like today. It's my first day back at Wheaton. I have these visions of grandeur of me really digging into my studies and soaking up every minute for all it's worth. I have dreams of me making amazing new friends and initiating social activities that everyone loves. I have dreams of being the right blend of intelligence, wit, and beauty to attract someone's eye from across the campus and have him asking his friends "who is that girl and how do I get to know her?" I have dreams of me volunteering with some of the Muslim students in neighborhood and striking up life-changing conversations, and being the student that the professors talked about for years to come and all the amazing impact I am having in the nations and in missions.

Sigh. But I'm just Danika. Sometimes I can do really impressive things. Most days I'm just down to earth. In need of grace. My own efforts don't produce much but my efforts, anointed by God and led by his spirit can produce much more.

I think on days like today where idealism, pride, insecurity and all my humanity run together, I need to remember, I'm loved. That God....loves....me. Full stop. My mind needs to stop racing and just rest in the fact that I am loved by the God of the universe. Selah.

Some photos from the summer

These are all the students who did the TESOL class with me. They are from USA, Canada, Switzerland, Thailand and Brazil. We had a great school but were very happy to be done because it was exhausting!


For the course we had to teach a total of 26 hours. We had an English course for internationals at a church in Kalispell. The last night we did a "cultural exchange party" where people brought their ethnic foods and did some dancing and such. Lots of fun! This photos is of us teachers and students chowing down on some amazing food!


And really, the bigger the Bible, the greater the holiness. What can I say?


My friend Kelly and I tackled a 10.5 mile trail in Glacier National Park. We looked so cute that day I just had to share it with everyone else!


And this is us being attacked by mosquitos at the lake that we hiked to. They were seriously scarier than even the mosquitos in Minnesota. They were nasty!


This lake was so deep and so blue it took your breath away. We could see the fish swimming around in it. It was totally worth the uphill 5.2 mile hike to get up here!

Finishing up in Montana

Early Monday morning I'll fly out of Montana and back to Chicago. These last few weeks have been pretty busy and full. So full in fact, my inbox is full of unanswered emails and my blog is collecting virtual dust.

Two weekends ago my friend Kelly and I got ambitious and hiked 10.5 miles in Glacier National Park to see this beautiful, crystal clear mountain lake. We realized on the way back as our knees were pounding into the path that it was pretty much uphill the entire way to the lake. That's why we were so out of breath the entire time!

Last weekend I went with a few other TESOL students and went camping in Idaho. It's a beautiful drive there although our campsite was a bit close to the highway and near a gas station with some incredibly cranky women that worked there. So, it took away from the natural beauty of the area! However, we had a great time hanging out, laughing like crazy and enjoying nature.

In between hiking and camping I actually have been working like crazy to fulfill the requirements for TESOL certification. We taught a total of 26 hours. The practicum teaching was challenging but really enjoyable. I had the advanced level and really enjoyed interacting with the students. I've also realized that my teaching as well as my empathy for my students has changed since having to learn a second language myself. I understand the frustration of having a fully developed adult brain but only being able to communicate things like a child. It can be very frustrating. I miss my students already and hope to stay in touch with at least a few of them.

So, yesterday we had our Love Feast (a traditional event in most YWAM schools!) and we had our graduation today. I'll be staying through the weekend, resting a bit and then heading back to Chicago in order start grad school on the 27th of August. Whew! So, now I'm officially certified to teach English to second language speakers. It's been really great to put another tool in my belt. I really learned a lot especially in the area of assessment and being able to figure out where people are at in their language ability and to help them accordingly. I also learned how to teach grammar so it's not so dry and boring. This month has been a huge blessing and I'm looking forward to seeing how God will use it in the future.

The end of the second week

So, Friday is here and I'm breathing a sigh of relief. This weekend I have two days that will not be 12 hour days of class/lesson planning/teaching. Whew. It has been pretty intense.

This week we began our practicum which means that in addition to being in class, I am also teaching a group of students in a nearby town. My class is the advanced class which means they know quite a bit and can sometimes outdo me in what they know about grammar. Still, I think it's going well. We are having some interesting conversations and interactions. I have students from Mexico, Japan, Columbia and Brazil.

Last weekend I was able to go out to Glacier National Park and experience the vast beauty there. It is breathtaking! Unfortunately, my camera lens is having an issue (I talked to a camera shop this week and they estimated it will cost about $120 to fix!!) so these pictures are borrowed from others that went on the trip. (so on that note, pray for wisdom about what I should do with my camera!)


Some fellow members of the TESOL class and myself.


Some mountain goats


Glacier is BEAUTIFUL!!!! A picture barely does it justice.