On my way to class Tuesday morning, my drive was an interesting one. I had to change lanes to go around this big truck that was pulled over to the side of the road with it's hazard lights flashing. Then in my rearview mirror I see this guy jump out of the truck, run over to the side of the road and full on kick the McCain/Palin sign stuck in the ground. Then, evidently pleased with his childish actions, he jumped back in the truck and sped away. hmm.
Then, I've been hearing the talk and getting the crazy forwards from those who are speculating that Barak Obama is actually the antichrist. I'm pretty sure that having a Muslim name, friends who are Muslims, and being a the favored candidate by some in Muslim areas of the world automatically means he's evil to the core...especially in today's naive and narrow thinking that anything Muslim is associated with all things evil. Well, for any of you who know me, you know how I feel about that.
So, a kind reminder to all my fellow American citizens....let's not be haters this election; let's not act like children. But let's vote responsibly and with integrity.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Oh Death, where is your sting!
My time in the Word of God today has been particularly poignant. It's amazing to me those times when the Word of God seems like it was etched out for you just for this time, this circumstance. As if God read your thoughts and penned these specific words thousands of years before to speak to you today. How beautiful the life that is contained in that book and in the breath of the Holy Spirit whispering in my ear.
Death has been weighing heavy on my heart. Watching the news about the tragedy of the death of the worker in Kabul, then a few days later the death of three others. To top it all of, the two year anniversary of my brother's death looms next week (November 1). My journey with God over the last two years has been infused with deep moments of prayer, frustration, resolution and paradoxical confusion of the experience of death.
This week in my study of the book of Daniel we have been concentrating on the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego as they refused to bow to the golden statue that Nebachudnezzar erected of himself and then were thrown in to the furnace of fire as punishment. And lo and behold, a fourth person appeared with them in the furnace and they were not even singed, did not even have the scent of smoke on them.
In the Beth Moore study I'm doing, she talks about this miracle and how a deliverance from death really builds your faith. But then turns to the inevitable question...what about all those who perish in the fire? Unexpected tragedies? seemingly "untimely" death? This is something that I haven't theoretically pondered but has been a soul-wrestling for me.
One thing that has deepened in my heart is knowing that death is not an end, but a moment along the journey. Death is not something to be avoided (because we can't!) but an event which closes one chapter and begins another. To be honest, I held a lot of fear in my heart after the initial news of the aid worker in Kabul. But, if we spend our whole lives trying to make everything as safe as it can possibly be, chances are we will never fully live the abundant lives God has called us to live. As I approach the two year mark of life on earth devoid of James' physical presence, I feel more resolve to not tip-toe around death (but neither do I cast myself into that fiery furnace either!). God has called me, God will guide me, and it is my hope that I will not be singed or even smell like smoke, but I want to stand and say with these three men, "even if [God does not save us from the fire] we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold." My loyalty is to God, not the fear of men, not the fear of death, not hiding under a safety blanket, not the golden image of anything on this earth.
Death has been weighing heavy on my heart. Watching the news about the tragedy of the death of the worker in Kabul, then a few days later the death of three others. To top it all of, the two year anniversary of my brother's death looms next week (November 1). My journey with God over the last two years has been infused with deep moments of prayer, frustration, resolution and paradoxical confusion of the experience of death.
This week in my study of the book of Daniel we have been concentrating on the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego as they refused to bow to the golden statue that Nebachudnezzar erected of himself and then were thrown in to the furnace of fire as punishment. And lo and behold, a fourth person appeared with them in the furnace and they were not even singed, did not even have the scent of smoke on them.
In the Beth Moore study I'm doing, she talks about this miracle and how a deliverance from death really builds your faith. But then turns to the inevitable question...what about all those who perish in the fire? Unexpected tragedies? seemingly "untimely" death? This is something that I haven't theoretically pondered but has been a soul-wrestling for me.
One thing that has deepened in my heart is knowing that death is not an end, but a moment along the journey. Death is not something to be avoided (because we can't!) but an event which closes one chapter and begins another. To be honest, I held a lot of fear in my heart after the initial news of the aid worker in Kabul. But, if we spend our whole lives trying to make everything as safe as it can possibly be, chances are we will never fully live the abundant lives God has called us to live. As I approach the two year mark of life on earth devoid of James' physical presence, I feel more resolve to not tip-toe around death (but neither do I cast myself into that fiery furnace either!). God has called me, God will guide me, and it is my hope that I will not be singed or even smell like smoke, but I want to stand and say with these three men, "even if [God does not save us from the fire] we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold." My loyalty is to God, not the fear of men, not the fear of death, not hiding under a safety blanket, not the golden image of anything on this earth.
Monday, October 20, 2008
I hate injustice.
I'm sitting in a coffee shop reading my required class reading on cross-cultural ethics. I paused to jump on the internet and see what has been happening in the world. There seems to be a bit of "chatter" among some of my friends in Central Asia so I jump over to the news page and read about Gayle. (if you haven't read this news story, read it first before continuing my post. Just click on the hyperlink.)
I also scrolled through the other news about the Taliban killing people aboard a bus (women and children included), a suicide bomber in the next province over from my city in Central Asia.
Then I sit here in said comfortable coffee shop under a cloud of emotions. I'm grieved at the loss of this woman who I know was probably not much different from me...felt compassion and a call, put a comfortable life aside and took on the harsh realities of life under a head scarf. I'm sad to have lost a fellow worker and sister.
Then I'm just angry that these people who kill and maim and destroy for an ideal in the name of religion, serving God, creating a land in the name of "God", etc, etc, etc. What kind of a God can see that the end justifies the means?!?! How can killing children in the name of Allah be a worthy cause? How can killing a woman, even if you believe her to be a spy, actually cross your mind, let alone be something you follow through on? Our world is a sad, psychotic, desperate place.
Then I'm scared. I'm scared at the way the people on my side of the globe are reacting my equating all Muslim people with Fundamentalist Terrorism (if this is you, DON'T! It's not true and it's a form of racism!). I'm also scared at how drawn I continue to be to this nation where my life could be taken from me. I'm scared at the discussions I'm having to have with my family about where to put my body should I die "over there." I'm scared that after all the effort, blood, sweat, tears, prayer, money, etc that's been put into A. that sometimes it feels like one step forward, two steps back. I question if what we (and by we I don't mean the US government) are doing is making a lasting difference. I want to go and give 150% there but at the same time I sometimes feel like running away because it's so complicated and overwhelming.
Because of my "occupation" I'm sure some people are waiting for the "light at the end of the tunnel" conclusion and I want to find that myself and cling fast to it. I want to be able to say glibly with others "there's a reason for everything" and actually believe it, but that would be merely a Christian-ese band-aid (and more in-line with fatalistic Islam than the message of the Bible). Truth is, encountering the injustices and tragedies of the world that I have has made me question God even more. Please don't misunderstand me. This questioning is not a losing faith or a doubting the existence of God. In fact, "questioning God" is probably not it so much as questioning MY perception of who God is. If God is too small to deal with these issues or too callous to feel about them or too ignorant to have expected them...then that's probably not God but my shallow image of God.
So, tomorrow I may wake up with more hope, but today I'm just a bit angry at the world. I'm a bit saddened by the perpetual fallenness of humanity and the endless loss that we inflict upon ourselves and others. And today, I'm really, really angry at the Taliban. I may not be a great Christian today. I'm probably not the most gracious M-worker, but this is just how I feel.
I also scrolled through the other news about the Taliban killing people aboard a bus (women and children included), a suicide bomber in the next province over from my city in Central Asia.
Then I sit here in said comfortable coffee shop under a cloud of emotions. I'm grieved at the loss of this woman who I know was probably not much different from me...felt compassion and a call, put a comfortable life aside and took on the harsh realities of life under a head scarf. I'm sad to have lost a fellow worker and sister.
Then I'm just angry that these people who kill and maim and destroy for an ideal in the name of religion, serving God, creating a land in the name of "God", etc, etc, etc. What kind of a God can see that the end justifies the means?!?! How can killing children in the name of Allah be a worthy cause? How can killing a woman, even if you believe her to be a spy, actually cross your mind, let alone be something you follow through on? Our world is a sad, psychotic, desperate place.
Then I'm scared. I'm scared at the way the people on my side of the globe are reacting my equating all Muslim people with Fundamentalist Terrorism (if this is you, DON'T! It's not true and it's a form of racism!). I'm also scared at how drawn I continue to be to this nation where my life could be taken from me. I'm scared at the discussions I'm having to have with my family about where to put my body should I die "over there." I'm scared that after all the effort, blood, sweat, tears, prayer, money, etc that's been put into A. that sometimes it feels like one step forward, two steps back. I question if what we (and by we I don't mean the US government) are doing is making a lasting difference. I want to go and give 150% there but at the same time I sometimes feel like running away because it's so complicated and overwhelming.
Because of my "occupation" I'm sure some people are waiting for the "light at the end of the tunnel" conclusion and I want to find that myself and cling fast to it. I want to be able to say glibly with others "there's a reason for everything" and actually believe it, but that would be merely a Christian-ese band-aid (and more in-line with fatalistic Islam than the message of the Bible). Truth is, encountering the injustices and tragedies of the world that I have has made me question God even more. Please don't misunderstand me. This questioning is not a losing faith or a doubting the existence of God. In fact, "questioning God" is probably not it so much as questioning MY perception of who God is. If God is too small to deal with these issues or too callous to feel about them or too ignorant to have expected them...then that's probably not God but my shallow image of God.
So, tomorrow I may wake up with more hope, but today I'm just a bit angry at the world. I'm a bit saddened by the perpetual fallenness of humanity and the endless loss that we inflict upon ourselves and others. And today, I'm really, really angry at the Taliban. I may not be a great Christian today. I'm probably not the most gracious M-worker, but this is just how I feel.
Saturday, October 04, 2008
A solo retreat
One thing you may notice about this post...there are photos. However, my camera is still out of commission so I had to resort to pulling out my 35mm which still had half a roll of film in it and pictures from who knows when. So, I got all the photos put onto a CD and I'm realizing once again why digital is definitely the way to go.
That being said, last week my Thursday class was canceled and the weather was gorgeous so I thought, why not take some time away? I hopped in the car I'm getting to borrow (which enables me to have opportunities like this! yeah!) and drove to Mississippi Palisades State Park...which is on the Mississippi River that is the border between Illinois and Iowa. I pitched my tent and spent a couple nights out in the "wilderness."
The campground was pretty empty and I found this little area where I couldn't see or really hear anyone and there was a little creek that was flowing through the trees.
(I tried to take a "cute camping photo" in my sleeping bag. But, the photo turned out a little bright.)
The time was so refreshing. I am so renewed when I get to spend time in nature and this time was no different. I hiked around on the hiking trails, read a bit, roasted marshmallows and bratwurst, watched the stars, prayed, journaled, read my Bible, and talked to God some more. It was refreshing. I didn't have any earth-shattering revelations but I came home with my spirit refreshed, my body energized, my hair smelling of campfire, and feeling that warm glow of spending time with God.
The only crazy thing was the first night I heard this growling near my tent at about 3am...I was hoping it was a racoon because I had seen one as I was pulling into my spot. The next night, there was something screaming and fighting in the trees near my tent. In my half-awakeness I was a afraid I was going to have to start rebuking demons...didn't help that video we watched in History of Christianity talking about the mystic Coptic monks in Egypt going into the wilderness and then encountering demons...hypothetically or real.
Some highlights of my time: I saw the most beautiful sunset as I was driving to the park, this spot in the picture above was a little isolated place off the path on the edge of the bluffs that I found to eat my lunch; I felt like a bird in its nest perched up here. I saw a shooting star the first night that trailed across half the sky, I feel asleep to the sounds of crickets, frogs and the creek, and I felt a lot more "centered" when I left.
That being said, last week my Thursday class was canceled and the weather was gorgeous so I thought, why not take some time away? I hopped in the car I'm getting to borrow (which enables me to have opportunities like this! yeah!) and drove to Mississippi Palisades State Park...which is on the Mississippi River that is the border between Illinois and Iowa. I pitched my tent and spent a couple nights out in the "wilderness."
The campground was pretty empty and I found this little area where I couldn't see or really hear anyone and there was a little creek that was flowing through the trees.
(I tried to take a "cute camping photo" in my sleeping bag. But, the photo turned out a little bright.)
The time was so refreshing. I am so renewed when I get to spend time in nature and this time was no different. I hiked around on the hiking trails, read a bit, roasted marshmallows and bratwurst, watched the stars, prayed, journaled, read my Bible, and talked to God some more. It was refreshing. I didn't have any earth-shattering revelations but I came home with my spirit refreshed, my body energized, my hair smelling of campfire, and feeling that warm glow of spending time with God.
The only crazy thing was the first night I heard this growling near my tent at about 3am...I was hoping it was a racoon because I had seen one as I was pulling into my spot. The next night, there was something screaming and fighting in the trees near my tent. In my half-awakeness I was a afraid I was going to have to start rebuking demons...didn't help that video we watched in History of Christianity talking about the mystic Coptic monks in Egypt going into the wilderness and then encountering demons...hypothetically or real.
Some highlights of my time: I saw the most beautiful sunset as I was driving to the park, this spot in the picture above was a little isolated place off the path on the edge of the bluffs that I found to eat my lunch; I felt like a bird in its nest perched up here. I saw a shooting star the first night that trailed across half the sky, I feel asleep to the sounds of crickets, frogs and the creek, and I felt a lot more "centered" when I left.
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Thoughts on Babylon
I started a new Bible Study with some women from my church this last Monday. We are going through a Beth Moore study on the book of Daniel. I'm pretty excited to delve into this book as I've kind of shied away from it feeling like it's too much to take on...prophecy, endtimes stuff, yikes. And yet it contains all those "oh so simple" Bible stories of Daniel and the Lion's Den, the fiery furnace, etc.
So, in our first session Beth Moore (via video) talked about the comparisons between Babylon at the height of it's success and present day America (or pick your choice of prosperous, wealthy, nation). Babylon (in Isaiah 47) is encapsulated by the phrase, "I am and there is no one besides me." (this is HUMANS saying this, not God). We talked about the concept of living for your own pleasure, as if you deserve all the things in your life. Now, before you dismiss me as ranting and being an American-culture hater, just stop and give it a thought as to how true this is in our society. I currently live in the suburbs of the third wealthiest county in the nation. There is not a thing I can't get to satisfy every whim I have within a 10 mile radius of me...and if I can't find it there I can get on the internet and find it. Now, this is not necessarily a bad thing, but what I do with all those choices and luxuries is where the true matter is. Where is my heart?
As we were gathering together I had that sense, you know the one, of conviction from the Holy Spirit. When I return from overseas I tend to be a bit overindulgent. I find myself thinking, "because I can." I'm going to have the large coffee, topped to overflowing with whipped cream and carmel, because I can. I'm going to watch tv for 4 hours because I can. I'm going to buy some new clothes for myself because I can...now, these things are not wrong inherently, but my attitude is. I find myself bemoaning my self-martyrdom status due to giving up these things (by necessity) while overseas and then letting the pendulum swing back and control my life here.
And now that I have all this in the back of my head, I've been noticing it all around me. I was reading the magazine "Real Simple" and they had a whole article on reorganizing women's closets so they can maximize what they have. They said that most women are finding they have too much clothing and can't utilize all that they own. One woman in the article had THREE FULL CLOSETS in her home!!!! The article was teaching her how to organize it so she could streamline her process of chosing her outfit in the morning! what?! Then I sat in the coffeeshop milking my small cup of regular cup of coffee for all it's worth (free refills!! I was shaking a bit). A guy came in and ordered something that the coffee shop was out of. He proceeded, in a very loud voice, to express his frustration. He said (and I quote), "You do understand how mad I am that I came here and wanted one certain thing and you don't even have it?! I will be back here this time tomorrow and you'd better have that drink. I don't want to be disappointed again." If our needs can't be met immediately, in the exact way that we want them to, we flip out and lash out at those around us. "I am and there is no one besides me." yikes.
So, I'm excited about this study, and nervous at the same time. The Bible has that way of "reading you" as well, doesn't it? I think it was Martin Luther that said, "The Bible is alive--it has hands and grabs hold of me, it has feet and runs after me."
So, in our first session Beth Moore (via video) talked about the comparisons between Babylon at the height of it's success and present day America (or pick your choice of prosperous, wealthy, nation). Babylon (in Isaiah 47) is encapsulated by the phrase, "I am and there is no one besides me." (this is HUMANS saying this, not God). We talked about the concept of living for your own pleasure, as if you deserve all the things in your life. Now, before you dismiss me as ranting and being an American-culture hater, just stop and give it a thought as to how true this is in our society. I currently live in the suburbs of the third wealthiest county in the nation. There is not a thing I can't get to satisfy every whim I have within a 10 mile radius of me...and if I can't find it there I can get on the internet and find it. Now, this is not necessarily a bad thing, but what I do with all those choices and luxuries is where the true matter is. Where is my heart?
As we were gathering together I had that sense, you know the one, of conviction from the Holy Spirit. When I return from overseas I tend to be a bit overindulgent. I find myself thinking, "because I can." I'm going to have the large coffee, topped to overflowing with whipped cream and carmel, because I can. I'm going to watch tv for 4 hours because I can. I'm going to buy some new clothes for myself because I can...now, these things are not wrong inherently, but my attitude is. I find myself bemoaning my self-martyrdom status due to giving up these things (by necessity) while overseas and then letting the pendulum swing back and control my life here.
And now that I have all this in the back of my head, I've been noticing it all around me. I was reading the magazine "Real Simple" and they had a whole article on reorganizing women's closets so they can maximize what they have. They said that most women are finding they have too much clothing and can't utilize all that they own. One woman in the article had THREE FULL CLOSETS in her home!!!! The article was teaching her how to organize it so she could streamline her process of chosing her outfit in the morning! what?! Then I sat in the coffeeshop milking my small cup of regular cup of coffee for all it's worth (free refills!! I was shaking a bit). A guy came in and ordered something that the coffee shop was out of. He proceeded, in a very loud voice, to express his frustration. He said (and I quote), "You do understand how mad I am that I came here and wanted one certain thing and you don't even have it?! I will be back here this time tomorrow and you'd better have that drink. I don't want to be disappointed again." If our needs can't be met immediately, in the exact way that we want them to, we flip out and lash out at those around us. "I am and there is no one besides me." yikes.
So, I'm excited about this study, and nervous at the same time. The Bible has that way of "reading you" as well, doesn't it? I think it was Martin Luther that said, "The Bible is alive--it has hands and grabs hold of me, it has feet and runs after me."
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Grad chapel
Wednesday October 1, I will be sharing in the graduate school chapel time at Wheaton with a friend of mine. We were both in Af-stan this summer. Looking forward to doing some sharing again and also looking forward to some more opportunities (like with you, your church, etc.). Pray that it goes well!
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