New York City (in four days)

In typical fashion for my team, I got a phone call from my team leader asking if there was any way we could meet up to discuss some team stuff and plan for this next year while they were in the United States. Well, three days later, I was on a plane headed to New York City. A stash of air miles and a cheap ministry guesthouse made it possible.


This is the place where I stayed, a place called Hephzibah House which boards guests who are involved in some kind of full time ministry whether pastors, missionaries or other ministry workers. (so if you fit into this category and need a place to stay in New York City...). The guesthouse is located in Manhattan on the Upper West Side, which made for an ideal location to explore the city as well while I was there.


So, in the mornings I got out to places like the picture above, Cafe Lalo. This is the cafe in the movie "You've Got Mail" where Meg Ryan's character is supposed to meet her mystery friend from the internet. When I visited though, I forgot my copy of Pride and Prejudice as well as my flower. To top it all off, Tom Hanks never showed up. sigh. But, I did get a great (and expensive!) cappuccino and some time to journal. Also in typical New York fashion, while I was sitting in the cafe I was hearing French, Korean, Russian and English being spoken. You gotta love America.

In the afternoons I met with some good friends of mine who are leading our team and work in Central Asia. We had a great time catching up with one another as well as planning, dreaming and praying together for this next year. Those of you who receive my email updates know that there is a lot of things happening this year, so it was good for us to get on the same page and see things moving forward. I will be sending out a newsletter hopefully within this next month to update people, but as a heads up, I will most likely be headed back to Asia earlier than I had originally planned, and therefore have to get my support at a sustainable level before that time...again, these are details for a newsletter to come.



The last day of my trip I took the subway down to the area of the World Trade Center tragedy. I have wanted to pay a visit to this place since the day it happened. This visit was more emotional for me than I had expected. As I walked around the area with other camera-sporting tourists, it was interesting to me that as people walked around the area, there was still a sense of reverence and quiet among them. They talked to each other in near whispered voices. They paused quietly to look upon the construction site where they are working on the foundation for the new building. I felt odd taking pictures because being a tourist there didn't seem appropriate. But, I couldn't leave without taking a few images with me.

I also was contrasting in my emotional capacity, the balance of American patriotism and love for my country, and my love for the people of the nation that was the breeding grounds for this action. Oh how we need reconciliation in this world. And we need more than just memorials, but we need to look each other in the eye, face-to-face and forgive and LOVE. And I believe that that love doesn't come from within ourselves, but from a God who created and loves all the peoples of this world. I want to continue to love the people of both these nations whose history was written together unexpectedly at this location seven years ago. I'll never forget but it's not merely because the tragedy of that day hangs in my memory, it's because the hope of a nation and people in Central Asia is before me every single day.

Come here often?

I am right in the middle of taking my comprehensive exams and thereby winding down with grad school. In fact, in about three hours I will be taking part in my oral exams, the final section of the exams. I'm excited to be done with them, to say the least.

But, I have to share some humorous experiences that I've had taking these exams. The last two weekends we've had take-home essays as part of it. We have a couple hours to write on each section (no notes, no books). So, since at home I feel rather distracted and not so ambitious or intellectual, I packed up my laptop and headed to Starbucks the first weekend. I made a point to head to a coffee shop in a different suburban area than where I'd encounter other Wheaton students. I got my coffee and was happy to see that this shop even had a semi-partitioned off section. I cozied up and felt a little private to take my test. Well, about 5 minutes after I had tore into that envelope with my test question a couple who was just screaming with insecurity walked in and sat down right across from me. There sat on two living room chairs with a coffee table between them. After arguing about who gets the chair facing the rest of the coffee shop (to which I turned up the volume on my headphones and missed the conclusion of that discussion), about five minutes later the guy moves over and sits with the girl on her tiny little chair. They then proceed to take part in touching and kissing activities to which I'll leave out to keep this G rated. By now, I'm feeling a little bit uncomfortable. I try turning up the volume, shifting in my chair, leaning my head on one hand so I can't see them out of the corner of my eye, trying to focus on my exam! Eventually I look over and ask them if they wouldn't mind doing that somewhere else. I got a LOOK from behind the heavily make-uped eyes of the girl. So, I moved myself to the other side of the coffee shop and the couple made their way out the door soon after. I finished the rest of my essay in peace.

This weekend my exams were longer and had some breaks in between. I spent part of them at the library and part at Caribou coffee. At caribou after I had grabbed my coffee and was plugging in my computer this curly-haired undergrad sat right next to my table and joked about my computer (which was the same as mine). He started to gab on and on and was asking me about myself and started to ask if I'd like to grab a drink (was he old enough, I thought). I told him I had a lot to do and put my headphones on. Then, five hours later after I had finished my exam (yeah!) I was packing up my stuff and there was another guy near my table who struck up a conversation with me (also inquiring about my computer...it kind of had that "cute dog" affect I guess). He proceeded to ask if I come to the coffee shop often and next time I come in if I'd like to get a cup of coffee with him and talk! (and may I interject that he is from North Africa, most likely Muslim. Ironic, given my line of work.)

So, I drove home, laughing outloud. What an experience. I have spent hundreds of hours studying at coffeeshops and nothing remotely like these two days has ever occurred. Then when I am taking the biggest exams of my grad school career, the men swarm like bees. I wonder if there was something on those exam papers?!

Singled out at church

I don't know what the deal is but the last two Sundays at church I've managed to sit behind "That Couple"...you know the one: young, oozing with beauty and smelling of suburbia. They absolutely can't keep their hands off each other (his arm is around her waist during worship and around her shoulders during the sermon) and they whisper to each other the entire service. My church meets in a high school auditorium and so we have the typical folding auditorium seats. I happen to be a little short (ahem) so every time this couple leans in to tell each other about who knows what I am cut off from any view and feeling of participation in the service.

Sigh.

I'm going to have to start choosing my seat more carefully in the Sunday service, sadly enough.

Needing a change

Yesterday I went into my hairstylist with the intention of getting my hair about shoulder length, some subtle layers, and I left with a short, sassy little do. I was feeling a bit crazy and sensing that ever-present, itching desire within me for change and something new. I really like the new look and kinda feel a bit more grown-up.

I've realized I have a really hard time sitting still. I've had other adults, further down the path of life than me, tell me it's just a phase but I'm beginning to realize this is a part of who I am. I really like experiencing the new. I love digging into a new project, no matter what it may be: trying a new recipe, checking out a new store, starting a new book, starting a new craft project, starting a new class, venturing into a new country, starting a new NGO, meeting a new person, planning a new adventure, learning a new language. What I have a hard time with is carrying through the new to the finish. I'm realizing how many half-crocheted blankets I have sitting around, how many plans I'm making when I have responsibilities to finish, other languages I'm wanting to start learning. In YWAM I tend to fit in well because "pioneering" is an every day word in that crowd. Here in the Wheaton, suburban area, I'm feeling like a fish out of water in a land that is putting down roots, prides itself on it's long standing history, you can't get a job unless you're willing to commit a year etc, etc. I wonder if I will always be an anomaly in America. I'm definitely feeling like it lately.

So, friends, in a moment of vulnerability, I'd ask for your prayers. I am feeling a bit lonely and disconnected. I feel like a puzzle piece without the rest of my puzzle, trying to figure out how to fit in a puzzle I wasn't designed for (how's that for deep metaphorical language!) But for real, I think this is the typical experience of every cross-cultural worker or anyone who finds themselves in varying contexts. Believe it or not, I'm missing the intensity of my lifestyle overseas. I'm growing weary of the "coffee shop" culture of spending way too much time chit-chatting over the every-dayness of life. I want to put my hands to something new and messy and chaotic again.

At the same time, I guess it's good that I'm feeling this way. I did fear a bit I'd return to America and never want to leave and go back because I enjoyed it too much. Granted, I've loved how comfortable life has been this last year and a half. But I know from experience that comfort is not the highest goal in life. I want to get back to aiming higher.