We just finished the celebrations here in Taiwan for the 50th anniversary of YWAM. It was a fantastic time to hear where we've been and to dream about where we are going. Loren and Darlene Cunningham, the founders of the organization, were here to impart to us. I was impacted by Darlene sharing about some mistakes of the past and times of correction of the Lord. She spoke about being blessed by the intervention of God when they/we had gone astray and thinking about where we would be if he would not have given that correction.
Well, I feel in a season of correction and re-alignment myself. One thing God is shining a light on, a very bright one at that, is my pride. I'm seeing that I am a big reason why I was burning out this year. I thought I was more than I was. A lot of the reasons I said yes to things wasn't so much because I felt called by the Lord to do them, but because I wanted people to be impressed with me. So, I'm confessing this in a public forum. I want to welcome the correction of God on this.
And now SBS (School of Biblical Studies) has begun. Already, as I've mentioned, the Word of God has shown me areas of my wrong understanding of the character of God. And I am struck again at what a privilege it is that I am here, just being refined by the Truth of God, able to spend hours soaking it in.
I have a bit of a rebellious spirit, I must confess. If someone tells me I should do something, I want to run in the opposite direction just to show that I can be right without their advice (uh, hello again Pride!). I have secretly wanted to do an SBS since I joined this organization and gotten really annoyed when people told me I should do one. I thought to myself, I can understand the Bible as well as you without doing the school (ahem, pride). I even have a fancy Bible degree and have spent a lot of time studying the word on my own, even using the inductive method. When people were expressing their positive experience in SBS, I read it as judgment on my own journey with the word of God (and there again, my pride).
However, I must renege on that because I've realized, if I were to quit SBS today, I would never read the Bible the same way again. And I also realized, it's not because the school is better than any other school, or because I've suddenly got "the answers," but it's because I am not allowed to be lazy about studying the Bible any more. The things we are learning are not hidden or unavailable for every person...we are just looking at the text and allowing it to shape us! But, I have no excuse not to know the Word, and not to be impacted by it. Today we looked just at the background of Ephesians...had a little experience of it, and though I have even been to the city of Ephesus, I am reading the book with new eyes, seeing even deeper levels of truth.
So, there it is...pride, rebellion and laziness. But, the beauty of it is: "In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight" (Ephesians 1:8) I am loved and accepted in all my rawness and yet God continues to bring me into newness.
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