a little bit of catching up to do....

I had this eager ambition to blog after every book of the Bible that I've been studying but in two weeks we went through six books and that just flew out the window. However, after my nose in the book of Romans this last week, I realized I need to blog something otherwise I will get snowballed under and lose sight of the reason I wanted to do this in the first place: to process and share the revelation which I've been blessed to receive in this season.

To start, a few photos from last weekend:


A group of us went hiking up a nearby mountain. I climbed this same one last year when I was in Taiwan and I'm so pleased to say I'm in MUCH BETTER shape this year than I was last year. I've been able to go running about 3x a week and have been doing yoga on my roof in the mornings. The day was beautiful and so life-giving. The next day we had "base fun day" at the beach (where I didn't get any photos...sorry) and I spent the day playing volleyball, playing rugby with a bunch of hard-core women, and trying my hand at surfing (which resulted in a gnarly bruise on my right thigh from the surfboard smashing into my leg)...oh yeah, and the best tan I've had in years.

But, all that being said, my head has been buried in the word and my face has been consistently tear-stained. I love what God is doing in my heart as he peels away layer after layer of brokenness, guilt, condemnation and wrong-thinking, replacing it with healing, freedom, love and truth.

So, here is the brief synopsis of what's been impacting me:
Philippians: God has been hammering at the issue of pride in my life and this book dealt another swift blow to it. The Philippians took a lot of pride in who they were as Roman citizens and their status. But, our pride should come from nowhere except in Christ. Paul curses in this book...do you know where?

Colossians: For some reason, I struggled just getting the work done for this book, getting hit with a wave of overwhelming perfectionism. Then 2/3 of the way through my work I realized, that's the whole message of Colossians! Christ is ALL we need. It's not about what we've done, what we know, what we can accomplish or even how spiritual we are. I don't have to live like I owe God anything.

Philemon: This small book brought up a mighty work in my life. I showed up in class that day as Miss Grumpy Pants, angry about some personal stuff in my life. I vented to a staff member who just smiled and hugged me. Then the lecture was as if the teacher had just eaves-dropped on said conversation. I wept all through class, went for the most intense run I've had for awhile, and made steps to bring about reconciliation and repentance in two areas of my life. Don't discount a SINGLE PAGE of the Bible, because this one little page, little Philemon exposed some deep things in my heart by the Holy Spirit.

1 & 2 Thessalonians: Our staff put on a great production with a skit helping understand the "Man of Lawlessness." But, one thing I was struck by was that these books were written to new believers--6 months to a year after Paul had preached to the Thessalonians, and he is talking about the return of Christ and suffering for the gospel. How often are these things we use in discipleship for new believers? But, one thing I was struck by is Paul's encouragement not to grow weary in doing good and to allow the Holy Spirit to sanctify us. That can be hard work, believe me, but so worth it.

1 Timothy: I thoroughly enjoyed this book!!! Paul is writing to Timothy while he is in Ephesus telling him to stay on, confront the false teaching and to disciple the believers and train up leaders in the church that was having some major issues. He encourages Timothy to persevere and that God will enable him to do such a great task. I found myself in Timothy's shoes in light of my last year in Af. and wishing I had had someone like Paul to write to me and encourage me like he did Timothy. When people were saying "you just gotta pray more" or "maybe it's a sign you should leave" I needed someone to say "this is God's work, he will do it." And "you are able to do what God has called you, through the power of God alone, not yourself." For my final application, I wrote a letter to Paul as if he had written 1 Timothy to me. Very good debriefing time!

Romans: Oh Romans. That pinnacle of theological thought. Predestination, the sovereignty of God and free will of man, justification by faith alone, Jews and Gentiles, the elect, etc. My head was wrapped around all this, all week. But then as I was finishing my final chapter, thinking I could just turn my theological brain off because it was mostly the greetings to those in Rome, I had this revelation: Paul ends the book in the same way he begins. He summarizes the theology of the whole book (and well, all of his letters and minstry) (see Romans 1:1-6 and 16:25-27). He basically is saying:
1. the gospel has been revealed through all of Scripture
2. the gospel is Jesus Christ and salvation through him alone
3. it is for all nations (all peoples)
4. It was given by the power and command of God
That's it. All that theological stuff in between fleshes out these things. The gospel is that simple, and it's that complex. If I can just believe, preach and live out these things, this is what God's purpose has always been and is today. This is the purpose of my life. And now I'm in 1 Corinthians and it makes so much sense that Paul is saying "I resolved to know nothing but Christ and him crucified", because this is the heartbeat of God himself. So in Romans...keep it simple. The gospel. Given for all people. Salvation through Christ. By the power and command of God. Amen.

Okay...if you are still reading, bless you my friend. I will release you to get on with life. But, if anything, these posts are a good time of reflection for me, and it is my blog after all.

I'm also getting involved in ministry here with the English club at the local university. I went out with some of the students last week to hang out and share life (and some stinky tofu...a Taiwanese specialty). Maybe I'll take some photos with the English club this next week. We had a discussion of Lady Gaga and her use of sexuality in her videos. Quite different from my discussions in Af-stan, that's for sure.

Identity

It's amazing how many things in our life tell us who we are...our family, friends, culture, society, experiences, rejection, love, hurt, joy, God, the church, winning and losing. I'm amazed at the fact that we really know who we are at all when these voices clamor in our ears day after day.

One thing God is going deep with during this SBS is my identity. I am spending every day, all day in the TRUTH. When I come face-to-face with who God is and what he speaks about his people, the darkness is exposed in me and it can't help but be stripped away. Every week finds me peeling another layer aside.

I have to admit, in this very public forum, I struggle so much with my worth. My default is to think my worth is in what I do, in that person looking at me and saying "wow, Danika, you are really good at _________." But that fades, and I go searching for it again. It's like drinking salt water in the desert. It never quenches and it only damages me inside.

The thing is I KNOW the truth of my worth. I know God's word. I hear his voice. I read of it, I even disciple others in it, I even TEACH this! But, do I believe that God's word for me is true? Do I say, "Yes, I have worth because GOD has given it to me" not because I've done something really well. (Or that i don't have worth because I'm not good at something). It seems like such a fundamental message, but I wonder how many of us, especially us women...because I don't understand the male psyche and if they struggle with this...really wrestle with our worth. That when we hear God speak his love over us, do we hear it as fluff, or do we drink deep of it and savor it? Do we reject it or do we embrace it?

There's a song that I have been listening to repeatedly because I almost feel like it's God's word to me right now. It's not a Christian song, but I believe the message comes from the heart of God:

Shine On, By Eric Bibb

Keep on when your mind says quit
Dream on ‘til you find your living it
I’ll be right by your side
Yeah baby keep on
Don’t stop ‘til you win your prize
Lean on all the love that is in my eyes
You’re a diamond to me, yes you are
Shine on

I know what you’ve been through
I see
But it’s time to leave it behind and let it be
Yeah

Hard-earned wisdom is something you can’t buy
It’s the wings of experience
That make you fly

Don’t look back
Don’t look back
Don’t turn around
You’re on the right track

I love the words "hard-earned wisdom is something you can't buy. It's the wings of experience that make you fly." I feel that who I am today has not come easily. I have never really had a simple life filled with ease. And even in this time of rest and refreshment, it's not been easy. The wisdom that God is refining in me is coming at a great cost. But it's because of these difficulties that I am me. I am tough because life has beaten me up a bit and by God's strength, I've gotten up and kept running. I am gentle because God has allowed my heart to be softened by heartache and the deep stuff of life and the suffering of others.

And I've wondered often, am I on the right track? This year I've sought the advice and wisdom of so many people I couldn't even count them, I've prayed and heard from God, but I've doubted myself. And here I am, in this new phase of life. I have no idea where the path is headed, and God is healing where the path has gone. I am on the right track.

And right now, my only duty is to lean on all the love in God's eyes. Because that love, that love is for me. It's for me.

Luke-Acts

In two short weeks, we studied 25% of the New Testament. That is how much the book of Luke and Acts is. Amazing. I have pretty much dedicated every spare minute of my day to these two books over the last few weeks. I wish there was a way to succinctly put what has impacted me here onto my blog. I don't think it's possible though. I'll make a small effort.

Luke-Acts is written by a Gentile for a Gentile, the only book in the Bible written by a Gentile. One thing I was amazed at while I was reading is Luke's intentionality at showing how Jesus in the book of Luke crossed some pretty strong boundaries to show his love and how that theme extended into Acts as the Holy Spirit was moving in the apostles and disciples to take the gospel beyond boundaries as well. For example, for nearly every miracle, healing or teaching that involves a man in the book of Luke, there is one involving a woman as well. Jesus reached out to women, who in that day were excluded from the temple, from learning the Scripture, and from respectability in society.

Then in Acts, the Holy Spirit through persecution scatters the believers to take the gospel to the Samaritans, a people group rejected by the Jews. I love the story of Philip. God speaks to him to go down to a remote desert place where he meets an Ethiopian eunuch. As a eunuch, this man would have been excluded from temple worship his whole life. He was never allowed, under the Jewish system, to really be close to God. But God sends Philip to show him, he CAN be! There is an intimate place of belonging for this man!

Wow, the heart of God to reach those who society excludes! Amazing! The day that we talked about women and outcasts during the book of Luke, I just lost it. I have lived as an outcast in a society where others have been even more outcast than I felt. I had pictures of women, the sick, the crippled, the beggars, the gypsies, the broken flashing through my head. People I've touched and prayed with, as well as people I've walked by or ignored. God's heart broke me. I wept all during class that day and I had this overwhelming question in my heart....WHO IS GOING TO THESE PEOPLE? They are not walking into our pristine church doors. They are not jumping on airplanes and flying to America and knocking on my front door. They are not calling me to ask me to tell them about Jesus. WE MUST GO TO THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How dare we think the call to the broken and the lost of the world is for someone else. The outcasts are all around us. They are the people we walk by and don't notice. They are the men like blind Bartemeaus that we, like the crowd, wish would just shut up and go away. These are people living in villages in Muslim countries and have NEVER HEARD THAT SALVATION IS FOR THEM!!! God is a God who reaches out to people, and we as his church have no excuse not to be doing the same!

It's a good thing that I am teaching on missions in a DTS in a month (in Montana). I need to release this stirring and the message on my heart. I can't hold it in! But, that poor DTS doesn't know what's coming to it! :)

In some other news: I am an AUNTIE! My brother and sister-in-law had their baby on April 27. She is a beautiful little girl. So, congrats to Jeremy and Rachael! I miss them so much and so wish I could be there and hold and snuggle precious little Alexee Iyla!


And here are some photos of some amazing women that I got some fabulous time to hang out with this weekend. And I must say, it's nice to have some semblance of a social life once again!




Alright, I'm off to bed. We start bright and early tomorrow morning and I'm hoping to get a nice early run in before class.