Babies Don't Come with Instruction Manuals

I am a researcher....I love information and collecting all I can about different subjects. I thrived in school; then as a teacher I have file BOXES on different subjects.

So, when I got pregnant, the research started again. I read pretty much cover-to-cover the What to Expect When You're Expecting book. For each baby item we purchased, I read all the reviews and then when we received it read all the instruction manuals (you practically have to with the car seat in order to figure out how to put your baby in it safely!). I spent HOURS online researching cloth diapers and even attended a two hour class! And I honestly don't feel like I went overboard with it all...I was just trying to do the best I could to figure out the best decisions in the myriad of things to do, choose from and prepare for.

Then this little bundle of joy came into our lives. Oh what a day, to hold my tiny, beautiful, squirmy, wide-eyed, dark-haired baby boy. Every day was filled with new things to be experienced, decisions to make, moments to cuddle and a new normal to adjust to. Then I began to encounter things that there was no instruction manual, website, expert,  or clear answers for.

Here is my list of things that I discovered there was no manual for:

1. How in the world do you dress your baby for cold weather?!
Ok...I'm from Minnesota. It's pretty simple to us Northern Folk. It's freezing cold, you add more layers. Function trumps fashion.
But with babies....you can't add big fluffy warm layers when you are going in the car seat. When Josiah was just two months old, we took him in the car to a place we would be back and forth from warm buildings and walking around outside. Do you dress up in a warm snow suit and then take it off every time you are inside or in the car? How complicated!! We ended up dressing him in a couple layers (a longsleeved onesie and a hoodie) and covered him in blankets in the car seat, put him in the baby carrier against my chest when we were outside and covered him with a blanket. But seriously, it was quite the process to figure out.

2. Where does baby sit in the restaurant?
The first few times we went out to eat, we placed the car seat in the booth or on the chair next to us. Each time the host asked us if we wanted a high chair. I politely refused each time but inside was thinking, are you crazy? Can't you see he's so tiny and can't even hold his head up?! How in the world will he sit in the high chair? Little did I know most restaurants have high chairs or slings that hold a car seat so they can sit next to the table.

3. Baby change tables in public places
I NEVER paid attention to those in the bathrooms before and now it's one of the first things I check for when we are out and about. One thing I've noticed....most places have them these days, but most public places keep their restrooms significantly cooler than the rest of the building. Have you ever tried to change the diaper of a little boy when it's really cold?! You really have to watch out for, um, well....spraying.

4. How to schedule your life around breastfeeding
Breastfeeding. *SIGH* I could write a novel just on that journey. The HARDEST thing I've had to do in quite a long time (and that's saying a lot considering I've lived in a war zone).  My post-partum emotions mostly erupted over breastfeeding issues. It's only been the last month or so when I feel we've gotten to a good place in breastfeeding. There is a lot of information on how to breastfeed. I worked with an incredible lactation consultant. But there was nothing to tell me HOW to schedule life around breastfeeding....when do I wake up to make sure myself and the little man are both fed, dressed and ready to go out the door and he isn't crying out of hunger 15 minutes later? How do I schedule feedings when I have a babysitter giving him a bottle and I get home intending to feed him and it's 10 minutes after he's eaten? What happens when you are standing in line for stamps at Christmastime at the post office for 45 minutes and the baby starts crying because he's hungry? When you are out running errands and in the middle of them the baby needs to be fed...what do you do? I've now discovered the backseat of my car and utilize it more than ever.

5. Taking baby to church
Where do you sit? In the back? Near the aisle? In the family room outside of the sanctuary? I never even knew we had a nursing mothers room in our church until Josiah came along. Although I've now discovered that it's quite the chit-chatty place and I don't get to listen to the sermon if I am not the only person in there. What age do you decide to put your kids in the nursery? We still haven't because for one Josiah is pretty quiet and doesn't fuss at all. We like having him with us. Also, it's cold and flu season, and we feel he's still pretty little to be in a big crowd of little-bitties with runny noses. Do we go to the early service (where we usually go and have lots of friends) but interrupt baby's morning nap, or the later service (we don't know anyone, it's packed and louder and more chaotic) after the baby naps?

6. Childcare when you don't live near family
We have lived in Colorado Springs for two years so thankfully we have a community of friends and connections here. However, we don't want to just take advantage of all those relationships for childcare. It's a delicate balance of expressing need and not being a burden to others. I am working from home part-time so for the most part, I am able to be here for Josiah. But, I do go into the office once a week, or we have things come up, or we need a date night. So, who do you call? How do you ask? And most of our friends available during the day also have little kids at home so you don't want to just add to the masses.

7. Shopping with baby
So, I know you should not put your baby's car seat on the top part of the shopping cart. So we tried putting him in his car seat in the basket part. However, this does NOT work for grocery shopping day when we have to fill the cart. I've tried taking the stroller/car seat in when we have smaller things but that is only when I am picking up one or two items. So I've also tried putting him in the baby carrier but then have to deal with the cold element (see #1) in transferring him to and from the carrier and the car seat and walking through the parking lot in the cold temperatures and snow falling. So far, the carrier is the best (but not perfect) option. 

There are many more in addition to this. And I'm realizing, each parent has to discover the way that is best for their family, and best for their baby. For some things, there is no RIGHT way, just what works best for you. And then just when you get it figured out, something new comes along. This is the joy of parenthood and I have realized, it keeps me dependent upon God to lead us as a family. It keeps me and my husband communicating to figure out what works best for us. And it makes for some good memory-creating moments as we make our way together.