Needless to say, walking the journey of life can have its confusing moments. These last few months or so have been no exception. Roy and I knew that making a relationship work across a very long distance and waiting for visas so we can be together would be no easy task. The daily reality of that though, has been eye-opening and faith-challenging.
We have been in the continual process of making wise decisions with planning our wedding and future. We have sought counsel, talked together, come up with multiple options and paths to take, and above all got on our knees and sought God in prayer.
All of us want clear direction. We want to know that when we take a step forward, make a really big decision, that the general outcome is going to be positive. We may even want specific details of how the situation will unfold: a time frame, a response from others, that dream job, or the house finished just the way we were expecting, the plans to come together exactly how we researched and planned. And yet the reality of life is that things change, plans fail and sometimes, we can never anticipate the outcome or the twists and turns along the way.
I've been reading in the book of Isaiah over the last few months. Isaiah is a book that really shows God is a God who can be trusted. I've needed the message of this book as many moments along my most recent journey I've questioned, "The circumstances are difficult. Is God really coming through?" It's revealed the areas of doubt in my heart that my head-knowledge just couldn't hide for too long. But in Chapter 30 of Isaiah, God calls out the nation of Israel for trusting in foreign powers (i.e. Egypt) to protect them. They make their own plans but they are not necessarily God's plans. He tells them that "In returning and rest shall you be saved; in quietness and trust is your strength." (30:15) When I'm facing uncertainty, the last thing I usually am is quiet and restful.....He then tells them if they return to him and trust him that "And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. And your ears shall hear a word behind you saying 'This is the way, walk in it,' when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left" (30:20-21) In the middle of uncertainty, this sounds like a breath of cool relief and peace, to hear the one in control direct the way and guide the path.
But what about those moments when you're not in rebellion, just traveling the path and you're uncertain..."am I going right, or left or is this still the way I am to walk?"
About a week ago, Roy and I got the news that his visa interview was scheduled for AFTER our intended wedding date. While a wedding date is not impossible to change it is VERY, VERY much a hassle. We decided to see if we could get an earlier date, he called the embassy and I called the Minnesota US Senator. We waited and we got an earlier date....one that would put Roy here a day or two before the wedding IF everything goes absolutely flawless. We had a decision: go ahead with the intended date, or change the wedding before people finalize tickets and travel plans. Stressful times.
I took off for a walk in the woods to clear my head and just have it out with God in the semi-privacy of nature. Living in Duluth, I am very near the Superior Hiking Trail which is nearly 300 miles of trail that snakes along Lake Superior's North Shore area. Much of it winds its way through Duluth itself.
I was walking the path, zoning out and just mindlessly following the path wherever it would lead me. The final destination was not the goal, but just the fact that I was journeying along the path. There would often be other trails that would intersect, places where the winter cross-country ski paths or snowmobile trails would cross the hiking path. At these junctions I would notice that there would be a little sign posted on a tree indicating the way the SHT continued. At some points, the woods would open up with a somewhat discernable path but have other areas people had walked or that seemed to look like trails to follow. At those moments I'd maybe slow down and look around and I'd see the blue paint mark on the tree that you can see in the photo above. Then I knew I was on the right path. But sometimes, I'd have to walk in what I felt like was the right direction and only after a little while, spy the blue indicator on the tree.
It dawned on me, that this is what the journey of following God is often like. We have a trail, there is a journey set before us and our omniscient, all-good God knows the best for us. And even when we are well intended and on the right path, we can question or feel a bit lost or disoriented. Sometimes the assurance and the direction doesn't come in that immediate moment when we feel we need it the most. Sometimes we put one foot in front of the other, using our best judgment and wisdom that we are still on that path, and seek above for that indicator that we are to keep heading in that direction. God's heart is not chaos and disorientation, but sometimes, he wants us to check in with our Guide to slow down and not just assume we've got everything under control.
This season has been building a foundation in mine and Roy's relationship of absolute abandonment and trust in the character and intentions of God. Even when the plan looks unclear, there is still something we can know with absolute certainty, and that is that our God is good, he loves us and he is never going to abandon us. We have decided to keep our intended wedding date not because it's absolutely certain that it will all work out, but we know we've sought wisdom, we have peace in our hearts and we know that no matter what happens...if Roy's feet are on US soil come Oct 26 or not, our God is still amazing, he is good and he knows the path ahead for us. We trust him, not our own plans and we will praise God on our wedding day no matter what it takes for it to come about.
Keep on the journey dear friends. Put that next foot forward even if you don't know where the one after that will land. Keep your eyes above for that blue marker, that sometimes small indication that yeah, God is here and the path is firm. And often, it's the moments of quietness and rest, not chaos and planning and preparing where our most amount of certainty and security will be found.
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