Ever "cram" for a test? I'm excellent at that....I can study and memorize then spit information out on to a piece of paper and really feel like I have a good grasp of the material. Then ask me about it next week, next month and it's a blurry memory. How do we maintain what we "know"? Since I've really got into teaching, for me the things that stick the most are what I pass on to others, and those things that have poignant life lessons attached to them.
This has been a testing season to say the least. I moved back to my home country where I haven't lived for eight years. That is challenging whether you may be aware of it or not. I transitioned out of a ministry that I've been working with for eleven years. I have been looking for a job for nearly five months now and have been without consistent financial support for two months. And the greatest challenge is maintaining a very long distance relationship while planning our wedding which has the risk of having to be rescheduled if my fiancé's visa has any glitches.
I know there will be a time when I look back on all of this and see the 20/20 hindsight perspective. I'll see how it was all woven together for my good and how each thing that did or did not happen would turn out to be a blessing. But right now I stand in the unknown. Right now I'm in the thick of it with 10 days to a wedding I'm not even 100% sure will happen on that day.
But I've learned. And, oh, how these lessons didn't come easy. I wanted to put some things in writing before this season whisks away and dissolves into the next and I forget the poignant things written into my soul.
1. God is trustworthy.
As a student and teacher of the Bible, a committed Christian and a woman who has given my life to serving God, you would think this would be a given piece of information. This simple truth has been tested to the max and I am ashamed I spent far too many days in tears wondering if this was in fact true. When job after job faded out of my grasp. When delay after delay happened in Roy's visa. When day after day went by and I am still facing reverse culture shock and asking if I truly heard God right because the journey in front of me feels so difficult and at times impossible. But God's character stands above circumstances. I don't know why I still don't have a job (and believe me, it's not for lack of trying or experience or education). I don't know why Roy and I have spent seven straight months apart. I don't know why it seems he will only arrive here two days before the wedding. But what I DO know is that none of those things makes a dent in God's trustworthiness. His plans are not our plans. His best is not always what I think is best. That challenges can be far better for me in the long run than ease and comfort. God is trustworthy. Even if we have to change the wedding. Even if we have to live with family and work odd jobs for awhile. Even if another circumstance comes our way. God is trustworthy. I don't ever want to forget that.
2. Marriage is far more important than any wedding/wedding detail.
I now know why the "bridezilla phenomenon" happens. It makes sense. And it's been a tempting reaction. The entire wedding industry sells you this fact that you can and indeed should have the wedding of your dreams and every detail can be perfect. (as long as you're willing to pay for it of course). You are paraded through this list of expectations and then if that isn't overwhelming enough, they tell you that because you are a unique couple you can break any one of those expectations and do whatever you want because it's YOUR wedding and you are the princess and you rule for that day. Self, greed, pride, reigns on your wedding day and you have every right for that to be so.
But really, if my groom makes it here, the church could burn down, no one could show up, the food could be foul, the music like nails on chalkboards, my dress stained or ruined and as long as I say "I Do" and make a covenant before God (and at least one witness!) then our marriage has begun. And that is a beautiful thing. Roy and I have had the clarity of seeing that at the end of the day, if him and I are together, THIS is what matters. The rest is insignificant and fades into a list of memories. Our relationship endures.
3. Money is not the most important thing (though it is needed in life).
I believe the teachings of the church on money often leave Christians confused. We are told money is not to have any power over us. We are never to bow to money, make it our idol. And yet the simple fact remains, we need money. Money provides us with food. It takes care of our bills.....without it we could go to prison for never paying our taxes or ignoring our medical bills or end up homeless for not paying our rent. We do NEED it. But it is not to be the all-consuming power of our lives. That's a fine balance to walk, which I think always leads us back to our God as our ultimate provider. I have been without a job for five months. My financial support dwindled and was finished two months ago. At each moment I needed it I got either a temp job for a week or two or a phone call or a check from someone who wanted to help us with the wedding. I've had to cut back. I've stopped going out to eat or doing "extras." The only things I've purchased are things needed for the wedding or groceries. We need a job. But money is not the most important thing and cannot dictate my life, our lives. Roy and I don't know financially what lies ahead for us. We both need jobs. But we know that God is our provider and will make a way....either through opening a door for us to work, or sending the ravens while we sit by the stream as he did with Elijah. What we do have, we don't want to hoard or keep back but still continue to be generous and wisely take care of the necessities.
4. Communication is a priceless gift in relationships
A long distance relationship basically has to be built on communication. Thats about all you can do over the phone. It's hard to watch a movie together, to do a puzzle, to go out to eat, to hang out with a group of friends, to hold hands or watch a beautiful sunset. When you are in a long-distance relationship, you connect and then you talk. Because of that, our relationship has been forced to have a bedrock foundation of communication. We have talked about it seems like everything. We talk twice a day. We have read books together. And then we have talked about them. This is a priceless treasure. Good relationships have good communication. Not just dating/engaged/married relationships, but friendships and family. I have learned to value open communication in a new way over this last year.
5. A job is not your identity
This has been a lesson that has been years in the learning. What we do often stems out of who we are. We seek something where we can exercise our strengths and gifts. Where we can learn and face challenges that we enjoy. But what we do is not the sum total of who we are. Easy to say when you are doing something you love. A whole lot harder to believe when you are sitting day after day, filling out job apps, having to answer peoples' questions about what you do with "well, I did this for awhile and now I'm looking for some new opportunities." I've doubted myself. I've doubted my worth. I've doubted that all my experience was valuable. I doubted the path that I took in the pass because it didn't lead me to (what I imagined would be) "success." And when those moments came I realized that I was wrapping myself in the identity of job (or lack thereof). When I worked a temp job where I was treated like the office gimp, I had to remind myself that I had so much more to offer than the people around me assumed. When applying for jobs I knew I was qualified for and yet didn't receive, I had to remind myself that it wasn't because "I wasn't enough." Those are hard lessons. The job seeking season is brutal on the soul and punches your identity in the face. I definitely will have a lot more grace and compassion for those walking through that season in the times to come.
Well, this has been a very personal blog post, but I hope something God has taught me in this season could be a lesson for you....or at least that we can nod our heads and say, "yeah, that's true" together. Our journey is always an opportunity for God to teach us something new or deepen our understanding of something we already know.
So what have you been learning in your season of life? I'd encourage you to pass it on. Or to at least write it down so you can come back to it in the seasons ahead.
This has been a testing season to say the least. I moved back to my home country where I haven't lived for eight years. That is challenging whether you may be aware of it or not. I transitioned out of a ministry that I've been working with for eleven years. I have been looking for a job for nearly five months now and have been without consistent financial support for two months. And the greatest challenge is maintaining a very long distance relationship while planning our wedding which has the risk of having to be rescheduled if my fiancé's visa has any glitches.
I know there will be a time when I look back on all of this and see the 20/20 hindsight perspective. I'll see how it was all woven together for my good and how each thing that did or did not happen would turn out to be a blessing. But right now I stand in the unknown. Right now I'm in the thick of it with 10 days to a wedding I'm not even 100% sure will happen on that day.
But I've learned. And, oh, how these lessons didn't come easy. I wanted to put some things in writing before this season whisks away and dissolves into the next and I forget the poignant things written into my soul.
1. God is trustworthy.
As a student and teacher of the Bible, a committed Christian and a woman who has given my life to serving God, you would think this would be a given piece of information. This simple truth has been tested to the max and I am ashamed I spent far too many days in tears wondering if this was in fact true. When job after job faded out of my grasp. When delay after delay happened in Roy's visa. When day after day went by and I am still facing reverse culture shock and asking if I truly heard God right because the journey in front of me feels so difficult and at times impossible. But God's character stands above circumstances. I don't know why I still don't have a job (and believe me, it's not for lack of trying or experience or education). I don't know why Roy and I have spent seven straight months apart. I don't know why it seems he will only arrive here two days before the wedding. But what I DO know is that none of those things makes a dent in God's trustworthiness. His plans are not our plans. His best is not always what I think is best. That challenges can be far better for me in the long run than ease and comfort. God is trustworthy. Even if we have to change the wedding. Even if we have to live with family and work odd jobs for awhile. Even if another circumstance comes our way. God is trustworthy. I don't ever want to forget that.
2. Marriage is far more important than any wedding/wedding detail.
I now know why the "bridezilla phenomenon" happens. It makes sense. And it's been a tempting reaction. The entire wedding industry sells you this fact that you can and indeed should have the wedding of your dreams and every detail can be perfect. (as long as you're willing to pay for it of course). You are paraded through this list of expectations and then if that isn't overwhelming enough, they tell you that because you are a unique couple you can break any one of those expectations and do whatever you want because it's YOUR wedding and you are the princess and you rule for that day. Self, greed, pride, reigns on your wedding day and you have every right for that to be so.
But really, if my groom makes it here, the church could burn down, no one could show up, the food could be foul, the music like nails on chalkboards, my dress stained or ruined and as long as I say "I Do" and make a covenant before God (and at least one witness!) then our marriage has begun. And that is a beautiful thing. Roy and I have had the clarity of seeing that at the end of the day, if him and I are together, THIS is what matters. The rest is insignificant and fades into a list of memories. Our relationship endures.
3. Money is not the most important thing (though it is needed in life).
I believe the teachings of the church on money often leave Christians confused. We are told money is not to have any power over us. We are never to bow to money, make it our idol. And yet the simple fact remains, we need money. Money provides us with food. It takes care of our bills.....without it we could go to prison for never paying our taxes or ignoring our medical bills or end up homeless for not paying our rent. We do NEED it. But it is not to be the all-consuming power of our lives. That's a fine balance to walk, which I think always leads us back to our God as our ultimate provider. I have been without a job for five months. My financial support dwindled and was finished two months ago. At each moment I needed it I got either a temp job for a week or two or a phone call or a check from someone who wanted to help us with the wedding. I've had to cut back. I've stopped going out to eat or doing "extras." The only things I've purchased are things needed for the wedding or groceries. We need a job. But money is not the most important thing and cannot dictate my life, our lives. Roy and I don't know financially what lies ahead for us. We both need jobs. But we know that God is our provider and will make a way....either through opening a door for us to work, or sending the ravens while we sit by the stream as he did with Elijah. What we do have, we don't want to hoard or keep back but still continue to be generous and wisely take care of the necessities.
4. Communication is a priceless gift in relationships
A long distance relationship basically has to be built on communication. Thats about all you can do over the phone. It's hard to watch a movie together, to do a puzzle, to go out to eat, to hang out with a group of friends, to hold hands or watch a beautiful sunset. When you are in a long-distance relationship, you connect and then you talk. Because of that, our relationship has been forced to have a bedrock foundation of communication. We have talked about it seems like everything. We talk twice a day. We have read books together. And then we have talked about them. This is a priceless treasure. Good relationships have good communication. Not just dating/engaged/married relationships, but friendships and family. I have learned to value open communication in a new way over this last year.
5. A job is not your identity
This has been a lesson that has been years in the learning. What we do often stems out of who we are. We seek something where we can exercise our strengths and gifts. Where we can learn and face challenges that we enjoy. But what we do is not the sum total of who we are. Easy to say when you are doing something you love. A whole lot harder to believe when you are sitting day after day, filling out job apps, having to answer peoples' questions about what you do with "well, I did this for awhile and now I'm looking for some new opportunities." I've doubted myself. I've doubted my worth. I've doubted that all my experience was valuable. I doubted the path that I took in the pass because it didn't lead me to (what I imagined would be) "success." And when those moments came I realized that I was wrapping myself in the identity of job (or lack thereof). When I worked a temp job where I was treated like the office gimp, I had to remind myself that I had so much more to offer than the people around me assumed. When applying for jobs I knew I was qualified for and yet didn't receive, I had to remind myself that it wasn't because "I wasn't enough." Those are hard lessons. The job seeking season is brutal on the soul and punches your identity in the face. I definitely will have a lot more grace and compassion for those walking through that season in the times to come.
Well, this has been a very personal blog post, but I hope something God has taught me in this season could be a lesson for you....or at least that we can nod our heads and say, "yeah, that's true" together. Our journey is always an opportunity for God to teach us something new or deepen our understanding of something we already know.
So what have you been learning in your season of life? I'd encourage you to pass it on. Or to at least write it down so you can come back to it in the seasons ahead.
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