2011 Reflections

New Year's Eve and all is well. 2011 is fading into history, and 2012 looms in front of us all. I love this time of year. I love new beginnings. I've always loved starting something new....a new project, visiting a new place, starting a new school, meeting new friends. Not that I despise the old, but the new really get's my imagination rolling and all the possibilities get me excited.

But I want to take a few moments and just reflect on this past year, the highlights that made it a great year to remember. This year was one of stability in the fact that the only places I traveled was home to visit family. I remained in Taiwan from January through the beginning of November....this is the longest time I've remained in one place since I joined YWAM....nearly 10 years ago! Staffing SBS challenged me and blessed me in so many ways. I was able to deepen friendships that began when I came to Taiwan, said goodbye to friends, and met new people.

The year began in the snowy wonderland of Minnesota on vacation but was interrupted a bit abruptly by a visa crisis in Taiwan and I had to return early in order to take care of my visa. This began a number of long hours helping with visas this year. God worked a number of miracles to help keep me and others in this country I learned so much this year. And I'm convinced visas are the most faith-building endeavors, no matter where in the world you are.


Staffing SBS

Studying the Bible has been one of the best things I've ever pursued and being able to staff the school of Biblical Studies was an incredible opportunity to go through the Bible again and learn and grow with other staff and students. As with every school it presented it's own challenges, ups and downs, sleepless nights, tearful moments and many laughs and hugs and deep conversations. Most of the people I worked with this last year will be staffing next year as well so we have an opportunity to go deeper and grow and learn and improve.

Enjoying my 30's
I know many milestone birthdays can be scary. However, I've been amazed at how much I've been enjoying being in my 30's. Making decisions hopefully with more wisdom and less compulsiveness. Discipling younger men and women out of what I've learned and seen in life, and enjoying friendships with people of all ages. I've just been really thankful for this season of life



Studying and Teaching the Word
There are so many days when I have this moment of realization and think to myself, THIS is my job! I spend most of my days reading God's word, speaking about him, counseling others in knowing his word better and talking about what we are learning. This season has been such a blessing in really cementing a foundation of truth in my life. For much of my life I secretly found the Bible a bit boring and dry and after SBS and now even more being able to teach, God's word has become so alive and so fresh and so relevant in ways that I never expected it. I feel as though I discover something new nearly every day.
I was able to teach a lesson on Figures of Speech in the SBS, shared an hour during the book of Acts on Pioneering, taught the book of 2 Timothy to the DTS, and taught Psalms, Exodus, Jeremiah and Lamentations to the SBS here in Taiwan.  One huge thing I've been seeing is how God so perfectly orchestrated history and it's events to point us to our need for salvation from our sin and it all pointed to Jesus. He has always intended to be in relationship with us and did everything possible to make that happen.

Teaching English and Making new friends
Each week I work at our coffeeshop having English conversation with local students and helping with the Advanced English class. I've been able to deepen friendships, pray with people, share the gospel and really get to know more about Taiwanese culture and life through the people I've met. This has been a huge blessing to be a part of and get to know some amazing people. Pray for more fruit in this upcoming year.

Running
This year I was able to do a 5k with my mom, run a 10k on Thanksgiving Day and then ran my second half marathon here in Taipei. There is a great group of people here that loves running and working out together so it's been great motivator this year. Next year my goal is to get in even better shape and really invest in my health.

 Time with Family
This year has been incredible in that I got to see family all throughout the year. My grandma and Dad came to Taiwan to visit me....my first visit since I moved overseas 6 years ago! I was home over Thanksgiving and just relaxed with everyone. My niece Alexee is growing so quickly and I got some Auntie Danika time with her. I am so blessed by these people.

Looking ahead to 2012

I'll be continuing here another year in Taiwan. I recently moved to a new apartment so it feels like a whole new beginning full of possibilities. I'll be staffing SBS again but before that I'll be leading a Bible teaching team to India and central Asia. I'm looking forward to being able to merge three of my passions: the Bible, teaching, and central Asia into one. 

I'll be teaching the book of Hebrews in May in our SBS, a book I'm greatly looking forward to studying and getting to know more. I'm also hoping to do some traveling and teaching this year and will be making more of those plans as the year unfolds. 

So, here's to a great 2011 and anticipating a fantastic 2012!

What have been the highlights of your year?? What are you anticipating this next year??

My New Apartment

Well, after sharing stories of the crazy man in the stairway of our old house, moving houses, and leaving out all the sordid details of the frustration of dealing with our old landlord, I'm excited to show you a little bit of my new home. The photos of the living room and kitchen turned out a bit dark because (thankfully, and at this time of year it's a rarity) it was a sunny day outside and I'm not a gifted photographer. 

But this will be my home for the upcoming year and this place has really been a God-story. We needed to move very quickly and we found this place in ONE DAY which was in our budget, was partially furnished and had perks in it like the flat-screen TV (and the 100 cable channels including some English ones) on the wall, AC in every room of the house, and a good amount of space for the three of us. 

So, come on in...make yourself at home: 

Our living room.....all decorated for Christmas too! 

The kitchen...this is nice and big for Taiwan

The bathroom...everything in here was newly remodeled

My bedroom

and my bedroom...my study area

the living room and kitchen shelves as seen from my bedroom
The place is really open and spacious

This apartment used to be a four bedroom dorm housing for students with a kitchen, but they remodeled it taking out one bedroom which is now the living room so the kitchen and bathrooms are remodeled and the whole place is newly painted and quite well taken care of. This was definitely God's gift to us girls this upcoming year. You are always welcome to come on over for a visit to Taiwan!

Christmas Eve celebrations

 Christmas Eve arrived in Taiwan and I invited a bunch of people over to celebrate together. We had some pumpkin pie (I made with cans of Pumpkin from the US!), homemade cider (see below), eggnog, gingerbread cake and of course, pizza!! I made the above paper babbles to hang in the living room and they turned out pretty nice. We watched Christmas movies and talked about all the great things that happened in our lives this past year. God has truly been good.

Starting to make homemade cider...turned out delicious! 

Our cute little tree

Can you see me waving at you?? Merry Christmas!!

A toast, from two distinguished gentlemen

Friends

More friends

I hope that you got to spend the holidays with people who you love and that there was love and fellowship around you to share in. Merry Christmas from Taiwan everyone!

Taipei Half Marathon, Round 2

Oddly enough, the half-marathon at the end of the SBS is starting to become a bit of a tradition around here. Last year fifteen of us ran and it was about the same this year.  This has been such a great community to challenge one another in getting out and running, staying healthy and fit. In an environment where study and sitting takes the majority of the day, this half is quite a motivating endeavor. 

This next year I'm hoping to be better at eating healthy and exercising. It's just hitting me as I continue to get a bit older every year (though I know I'm still a little young'un) that I want to be better at taking care of myself because then I'm able to also give out more to others. 

Those races and running while I'm at home in MN paid off because the last two weeks being back and finishing SBS, my training suffered a bit. But, I still finished the half, my time was a few minutes slower than last year but I also made a full-on potty break in the middle of the race....stood in line for the bathroom and everything. 

I'm so thankful for the friends who I got to run late evening, sweaty humid runs at the university track with, Sunday morning mountain runs, running along the river together and of course, celebrating at a finish line with. It's been another incredible year, another amazing time of persevering with God through teaching, studying, living, witnessing, laughing, crying and celebrating life with. 

"crossing the finish line"

NOW we're almost all the same height

A beautiful day for a race at 101
Thanks to all who came out to cheer us on! We have some amazing friends!!!

For those of you who are wanting to get out and accomplish something great this year, I'd challenge you to pick a half-marathon where you are at, and get out and start running. Two years ago I couldn't run more than 5 minutes without  needing to stop, but you have to start somewhere. One of these days, I hope to accomplish a marathon as well. 

In the spirit of the season....

Thankful

So so so many things to be thankful for. I don't know why it is, but often times, it's easier to sit around and complain about all the things in life that are difficult, kinda suck, don't go the way we want, or are just a bit frustrating. I've been wanting to be more intentional about the way that I speak. I realize that often just to start conversation I'll complain about something....i.e. ugh, it's cold out today. or "man it's been raining a lot lately.""Dang, I'm tired today..." But what does that do? Where does that get any of us? 

 Coming home to MN has been a huge blessing. This trip has been different from many others in that I don't have a lot "to do" scheduled. No support raising (though, I need to do that soon, but felt I was to just relax and God will open up the doors for that at another time). No speaking, and this time, no running around trying to visit everyone I know. I felt this was a time just to BE and relax. Do a few things I love, and mostly just soak up down time with my family. The last few years of family time have surrounded tragic events rather than the mundane. I could use some mundane in my relationships.

Great friendships/Relationships
I've been able to have and maintain some amazing friendships despite the miles and the long periods of time not being able to see people. I was able to make a trip out to Colorado and the sole purpose was just to see good friends. I stayed a few days with my friends Nate and Steph (pictured above) who I served in A-land with. I also saw my cousin and her boyfriend, friends I met in Taiwan, a friend from grad school, other friends I served with in A-land, a friend and supporter I know from my days working at camp in high school, and another friend from Northwestern College (undergrad). I walked away from that week realizing that every season of my life has yielded some incredible friendships and though seasons of life change and we all change with them, we can still stay connected, learn from one another, build one another up and be invested in one another's lives. I'm so blessed by friends no matter where I've gone.

Health and Fitness
(photo taken after the 5k my mom and I did this weekend)


I came out of central asia very out of shape and carrying a lot of carb-filled-diet induced pounds. I still have a little ways to go in getting more healthy but I've been thankful to be able to do things I never thought were possible....like running a half marathon last year, regularly exercising and being active. My family is also getting more and more healthy and I'm so thankful because it means we can enjoy life together and we can enjoy our relationships a whole lot longer. (sadly as I write this though, I have fallen miserably behind in my half-marathon training for this current year! Gotta just get out there and run!...10k to come on Thanksgiving Day!)

Beauty in my Upbringing
(photo from Canal Park, Duluth, MN)


Coming home always reminds me of where I came from and what it took to get me to where I am today. I love my homeland of Minnesota and who it contributed to me being. I love my family and in all our ups and downs, tragedies, fights, laughs, failures and successes, it's impacted who I am. I started reading the book of Matthew this last week and was just meditating on the first chapter of Jesus' genealogy (can you tell I'm a Bible student/teacher??! Who meditates on genealogies?!) and the news of Mary's pregnancy to both Joseph and Mary. I'm continually struck by Jesus' humble roots. Yes, he came from a line of kings, but that line was birthed through prostitutes (Rahab), infidelity (David and Bathsheba), deception (Tamar and Judah) and questionable circumstances of parentage (really Mary? pregnant through the Holy Spirit??!). Jesus' primary concern was not how others viewed his family or trying to make a statement of who he was according to the world's values. We talk about the humble king who came on a donkey but the way he came into the world is a great picture of humility as well. God chose this path for his Son. He was not ashamed of it. Neither should we be ashamed of the origins in which God placed us.

more thanks to come....

I love my brothers, so much!

November 1 is here in Taiwan. I was wanting to get up this morning and push through my to-do list. But I needed a moment, or a few, to sit and just remember and shed a few tears and miss my brother James.

Five years ago today he left this earth and there has been a hole in our family ever since. We all have walked through some incredibly painful times of grieving and in my perspective it has brought us all to a realization of how much we truly love one another. My brother William lost his best friend. My mom lost a child...a deep loss no parent is ever prepared to face. All of us lost a person who we treasured and deeply cared for.

What's strange to me is to think that James would be turning 21 this year. This year we could be going out for dinner and I could by him his first drink as a legal adult. Or he could have been in the Navy as was his plan and I'm sure it may have not been his first ;). He would be stepping into those dreams he had as a kid. But instead, he is burned in my memory as this young man. Our family has gone from us 4 kids around to three...though James is never really not with us. He always remains a part of all we do and all we are and all we are becoming.

I would do anything to reach out and give this guy a hug. I know he's with Jesus and God can do the hugging for me, but there is still an emptiness on this side of death when our loved ones are no longer here. I shouldn't be so resistant to remembering, even though it's painful and as I sit here, tears stream down my face. My brother was in incredible guy. I miss you James. I miss you so much.

Jeremiah teaching begins

Yesterday I started my week on teaching Jeremiah and Lamentations. I've been so blessed this year to teach books that have allowed me to really see others' journey in their relationship with God. Psalms brought me into the communion between King David and God, Moses challenged me in Exodus in his journey of discipleship by the Lord and his ever growing confidence as a leader, and Jeremiah has challenged me to the core on what commitment and obedience to the Lord truly looks like. 

The above "wordle"....(you can make your own at www.wordle.net) is of the text of Jeremiah. I've spent many hours and read over that text many times and am only beginning to feel like I'm digging into it. 

One of the greatest things I have been challenged in is Jeremiah's call and his life's work is his obedience that went beyond understanding what God is doing. I like to know the "why" behind things. I like to know that what I'm investing my time and energy in has value and is producing something that will last. But God doesn't always give us that reassurance before he asks us to do something. This really stands out to me when the city of Jerusalem in under siege. Jeremiah is in prison and God speaks to him to buy a piece of property in his hometown. By this point in time he's prophesied the destruction of Jerusalem for nearly 40 years. He's seen it happen in his prophetic understanding, his circumstances don't lend to this being a wise decision and yet God tells him to. The text tells us he purchased it, and then he turned to God and asked for understanding about why he was supposed to do this. But, his obedience wasn't halted or even slowed by his need to understand. 

In my journey with God, I don't feel I've been so trusting. Even now, there are things being laid upon my heart, stuff I've been processing about for the future, but I'm wanting a bit more of an understanding that it might be worth it, that I will see good things come out of it. But obedience to the voice of the Lord doesn't come with a guarantee of results, the guarantee we have is that the one speaking is trustworthy and good. 

I hope to take some photos this week from class. I transformed the front of the classroom into a giant timeline and it's proving to be fun teaching this way. I have a few tricks up my sleeve for the rest of the week as well. 

What the Poop just happened?.....or, thoughts on loving my neighbor

Friday afternoon....seemed like any other ordinary day here in Taiwan. Minding my business, meeting with people, getting some work done. In the midst of normal, crazy walked into my apartment building.

Our second floor neighbors have some cleanliness issues. Serious cleanliness issues. They have piles of bags of something unidentified that have been in our stairwell for 2+ years and have never moved. Their living room is one big pile of junk/garbage with a small pathway through it. They own a dog....a very stinky dog who they also let out "secretly" at night to pee in the stairway cuz that's easier than taking him for a walk. They also chew and spit out beetle nut, also on these lovely stairs. These people are a constant source of frustration to me. When we have guests over, we have to apologize for the journey up the stairs to the apartment. Some friends run as fast as they can so that it can be over quickly.

So.....back to the crazy (yeah....we haven't even gotten to the crazy part yet!). While my roommate was waiting at the bottom of the stairs for a friend, a man who was "not all together there" walked into the building and tried loudly and quite adamantly to try to get into the first floor apartment. He must have known these people. When he couldn't get in, he dropped trou and went diarrhea ALL OVER the landing in front of the first floor apartment. He came running back down, poo down his legs and took off, leaving his poo in the hallway, which soon sent odors all the way up to our fifth floor apartment. I showed up at home just a few minutes after this all happened....there was no way to avoid the stinky lake of diarrhea. You had to walk in it to get up the stairs.

I was so frustrated I left....I spent the rest of the afternoon just boiling up with frustration inside. I arrived home 6 hours later to find nothing had changed, and the paper towels my roommate had put down so that you could somehow get beyond the poo-river, had been strewn all over and the other people in the building had just walked through this and scattered the poop up and down the stairs. and I can't even begin to describe how disgusting the smell was. I couldn't eat anything all day.

I don't get angry very easily...frustrated yes, but not angry. This made me so, so ANGRY. I was ready to go down and give my neighbors a mouthful of nastiness in English, but my other roommate was home and was not in such a rage so we calmly and quietly went down to ask them to clean it up. The man who lives there came and walked through the middle of the mess, just looked at us, said nothing, walked into his apartment (shoes still on....gag) and shut the door.

I didn't get much sleep that night. The angry monster kept my thoughts racing.

Next day, my roommate and I bought 2 bottles of bleach, pulled out some old mops and cleaned our stairwell top to bottom. It took us 2 1/2 hours and we used almost the whole 2 gallons of bleach and countless buckets of water. The "substance" of the poo had been kind of removed sometime during the evening, but there were crusty remnants everywhere.

This turned out to be actually very therapeutic for me. After we had thoroughly cleaned off the "landing of abomination" we just stopped and prayed for our neighbors. In that moment, I got a glimpse of how sad these people's lives are. Their external reality was just a reflection of their internal. They are a mess. They are broken and lost. They are in a really sad and pathetic state. It made me realize that loving my neighbor is not just having a cup of coffee with a really fun university student and sharing about my life and Jesus. Sometimes loving my neighbor means you scrub their crap....sometimes literally. Sometimes loving  your neighbor means it costs you and benefits them. Sometimes loving your neighbor means that you have to speak hope into complete hopelessness. I learned a valuable lesson.

And the dog peed on the stairway again that night. Just an ordinary day.

Countdown to the USA!!!

With all the mediums of technology to communicate through these days email, blogs, twitter, Facebook, etc, it still means you have to sit down and actually tap out the letters on the keyboard or screen and send it off to everyone.

Right now I'm in the process of switching over all my email updates to a newsletter email program so that I can send photos and nice looking updates without the hassle or sending ginormous attachments. This process is taking longer than I thought because I realized half the addresses I have are outdated, life here in Taiwan is quite busy at the moment, and it takes more motivation than I seem to have to sit down and work through all this.....
but it's coming soon!!!!
(and if you want my new and shiny updates, I'd LOVE for you to send me a current email that you actually check!)

And not only are my emails coming, but SO AM I!!!! to Minnesota and Colorado, and soon.

I'm taking about 3.5 weeks in the States for some rest and rejuvenation and reconnection with people because I will be working with Titus Project here in January (this will be included in said newsletter when it makes it's way to you!). I'm mixing it up with my visit home in that this time I'll be primarily at my mom's house in Mankato and therefore more in the area of the Twin Cities and southern MN. If you are reading this and you are near that area, I SERIOUSLY would love to see you. I'm really missing friends and family from back home and don't want people to feel shy about finding me (did you know I am an extrovert....it's true! I miss people a lot). I'll be home from Nov. 7-Dec. 2.

AND>>>> I'm also going to be in Colorado from Nov. 10 or 11 to 17. I'm flying into Denver and will also be visiting Ft. Collins...so again, I'd love to see you.

For both locations I'm not sure what the transportation situation will look like so if we get together, I'll make you a deal....I'll fly across the ocean, and then you can drive to meet me the rest of the way, sounds good?!

Before I head home I'm teaching the books of Jeremiah and Lamentations in the SBS here. For those of you who may not know this fun fact, Jeremiah is the second longest book in the Bible (Psalms is the first) so I've been spending a lot of hours pouring through the text and being very challenged by the life and message of this prophet. Take time to pray for me and for the students that will be studying this book. I teach three days: Oct. 31, Nov. 2, 4.

Well....I hope you enjoyed what is basically an email update in blog format. Just killing two birds with one stone. Next blog update will be more fun-filled and hopefully include some photos.

Oh yeah, and the countdown: 29 DAYS!!!!!

Chiggers: boo!

Normally, this blog is for sharing my deep contemplative thoughts, or sharing a story of cross-cultural significance, to keep friends and family around the world connected with my daily life. It's my way of keeping you involved in the highs and lows of life while living far away from so many of you. So, here's to keeping connected.....

This is something I never thought would be a result of overseas living and ministry: Chiggers.

Now, I grew up in the Northwoods of Minnesota. My summers were spent building forts among the trees. I learned at an early age the proper way to search for and remove ticks after a day in the woods. I know how to bear-proof a campsite and have tried everything known to man to prevent bites from the mosquitoes that are the size of small birds in my back yard. But I've NEVER dealt with chiggers before and I have to say, I hope never to deal with them again.

About a week and a half ago, I spent two days outside doing various activities: A picnic in the grass after church with friends, an outdoor lunch with my church, a BBQ for the Moon Festival with students from my English class near the beach. Somehow over those two days, these little guys found their way onto my skin and burrowed deep.

I initially was afraid all the little red bites that appeared on my skin were bed bugs and I was freaked out. Bed bugs are near impossible to eliminate. I was imagining the discussion with my landlord, buying a new mattress, and figuring out how to clean everything in my room. However, I had no additional little red spots. So then I just assumed they were ant bites from the various outdoor eating adventures and they'd disappear shortly.

Oh, how wrong I was. Now I know that chiggers latch on and after about a week they fall off. THIS is when the itching really happens. And so it did. My arm started to itch like CRAZY and later that night it was near impossible to sleep and the welts on my arm were about 10 times their original size.

Thankfully, with Taiwan national health insurance, I marched into the doctor and for $5 got a diagnosis and some anti-itch cream and antihistamines. But these suckers are gonna itch for a few more days and I'm just gonna whine (a bit...) and shake my head at the crazy things that happen while living overseas. So the moral of the story is....no matter how enticing the grass looks in Taiwan, don't sit in it! And, living for Jesus sometimes requires weird suffering. And, building relationships sometimes costs you physical discomfort! ha ha!

Remembering....

I woke up this morning and went through my morning routine: worked out, showered, made coffee and sat down to read the news while eating breakfast. It was very similar to the same morning exactly 10 years ago when I stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom in my college apartment, getting ready for class and listening to the radio. That morning the plane hit tower one in NYC...and I watched on TV as the second hit tower two.

I watched the video on CNN today and could not hold back the tears. The emotions that day were suddenly upon me and I sat there thinking of all that has unfolded since that day. I watched as those buildings collapsed and the graves of 3,000 people were there, right before my eyes. People who have friends, relatives, children still alive today that watch that with even more pain in their hearts.

And so much has transpired. That day opened a door, unknown to me at that time, to move into the very land of these "enemies" of my country. I looked into their eyes, I passed Talibs on the street. I heard bombs and gunshots go off in their own backyard. I was taken in as family by these people who in the minds of my own nation are the enemies of all that is good: prosperity, education, democracy, the right to freedom and comfort, women's rights and liberalism, secularism, etc.

Now, my post is not intended to be a political rant, nor is it intended to express my opinion on America's war on terror (though I do hold my own opinions!)...but I've really been challenged lately from a lot of different angles. I've just recently finished reading the book "Tea with Hezbollah" in which Ted Dekker and Carl Medearis travel the Middle East and ask people what they think about the teaching of Jesus to love your neighbor and the parable of the good Samaritan. The dialogue is intriguing, some of the answers predictable, but the glimpse into the human heart and it's struggle to get beyond it's own hatred and prejudice, is humbling.

9/11, if we are not careful, may cause a bitterness in our own souls that will cause us to hate Muslims, to hate anyone with dark skin and an accent revealing Arabic as a native language. When we meet those who kneel on prayer rugs and press their head to the ground facing Mecca, those of us who to look to the teachings of Jesus and the way of the cross, we can't afford to hate. This is not the "ministry of reconciliation" Paul speaks of in Corinthians.

This morning I wept over the senseless loss of my own people who were killed for the sake of an ideology. Those who died that day never looked into the eyes of their killers. They never interacted on a personal level. They never had a conversation about what life was really about and what they believed. And I wonder, I wonder if anyone dared to set foot where these men, men who'd we'd label killers, and shared a message of love and reconciliation, of relationship with their creator, and common human condition of sin...I wonder if the result would have been the same. And this causes me to weep over those who haven't had a chance to even consider the message of Jesus. Afghanistan will never be "enemy territory" to me. I weep over that nation as I weep over my own. Oh God, help me to love my neighbor.

approval addiction

There's something I've been greatly challenged by over the last while, a thing God is speaking into the depths of my soul, as well as the shallow areas of my sin and insecurity. This last week in church here in Taipei, the pastor shared on "approval addiction" or what we may call "the fear of man" in churches. I've heard so many talks and speeches on the fear of man, but calling it by the term approval addiction kind of shook me to the core.

An addiction is something that you usually orient your whole life around to have and it implies that you have an unhealthy relationship with that thing, depending upon it to temporarily fill some kind of need...you're stressed so you have a smoke, you're depressed so you down half a gallon of ice cream, you're an adrenaline junkie so you gamble, etc, etc.

And each one of us has this need to be loved by others. But what about when it gets out of hand, when you orient your entire life around getting people to like you, to praise you, to affirm who you are as a person (and usually who YOU want them to know you as...something you portray yourself as.) This is temporarily filling a need that needs a more permanent solution.

I thought this little image was a pretty powerful example:

This person is saying "love me, see me, don't walk away from me!"

Now here's the honest truth...I have a lot of the fear of man in me. I would like to deny it, talk about my utter dependence upon God's identity for me, my security in who I am, but there is a lot in me that wants others to think very highly of me, to paint an image in people's minds of a woman who is capable, fearless, bold, confident, intelligent, loves everyone and doesn't need anyone. Sigh, but inside, I'm often intimidated, fearful that what I think or believe will cause a negative reaction from others, I sometimes doubt the Lord can fulfill what he has promised, I feel rejected, neglected, over-looked, etc, etc, etc. I'm human. I'm fallen. I'm weak.

This week we are in the book of the Samuels in the SBS...a book that speaks volumes into the fear of man. Saul was a man who oriented his whole life around what people thought of him and this came at the expense of walking in obedience to God. I've been realizing the more we orient our lives around what others think of us, who the "right" people are to associate, or even spiritualizing it and calling it ministry when really we are doing things only to look good or to feel like we are making a contribution and have something to offer others, it can be at the expense of walking in our true identity and living a life of obedience to God. Saul could have been a great king...he had the greatest opportunity in all of history and yet he threw it all away for the sake of himself.

So...I throw this out there to open up a discussion. Honestly, I think we all struggle with this to a degree, some more than others. How willing are we to admit this, walk this out, hold one another accountable. And I want to be a woman who walks in the fear of the Lord, who holds the thoughts of God higher than all else, who is not swayed or makes decisions based on others' reactions. I've wanted to find a "quick solution" to shocking my heart into the fear of the Lord, thinking maybe I need weeping and repentance session with my face on the floor, maybe have someone shout at me and tell me how awful I am until I come back at them with confidence in my true identity, a self-help book and council and wise advice from humble leaders, but really, I know that walking in the fear of the Lord means KNOWING my Lord...spending all the time I can with HIM, hearing HIS heart, being honest with HIM. It can't be about me any more....it's gotta be about HIM.

The calm before the storm

This is the most recent (as I type this) satellite image of these two twin typhoons baring down on the little island of Taiwan and heading toward Japan. I grew up in northern MN with the worst storms involving thunder and lightening and the occasional tornado warning. Typhoons (the Pacific Ocean's hurricanes) are quite a whole other thing. I experienced a few of them last year...the most epic one being when a bunch of us threw paper airplanes off the top of a building and watched them literally fly over half of the city that we live in because the winds were so strong and gusty.

But, today is such a weird day...before Typhoons hit, it is absolutely GORGEOUS outside. The sky is clear blue because all the clouds have been sucked back into the storm, it's a little breezy and the temperature has dropped (for a normally hot, humid tropical climate, this is a wonderful phenomenon to experience in August). And it makes me realize what that phrase "calm before the storm" really means.

And if you look at the map above, it's going to hit all of Taiwan pretty hard, but we are in the north so we'll get the storm a bit later. So, today I'm going to enjoy some time with friends and get out and just enjoy the blue sky and cooler temps. If only I could take a lesson from this, when I know busy or difficult times loom on the horizon, but still appreciating the NOW moments, enjoying the beauty, the change, even when it is mixed with uncertainty, dark clouds, and a lot of wind and torrential rains.

So, for those of you East-coasters who just braved your own storm, please keep Taiwan in your prayers as we brave our own! :) See you on the flip side.

Pain is a part of the process....

I ran a half marathon a little over half a year ago, believe it or not.
I still have the medal in my room.
I still remember how it felt to cross that finish line.
I even have pictures to prove it (see below)...

And now I'm feeling like I'm back at square one trying to train for another one!
I took a 3 week "break" while I was prepping and teaching Exodus...BAD idea. I should not skip workouts to study and stress. That defeats the purpose. The workout is supposed to ease the stress and make sure those snacks I ate while studying don't take up permanent residence around my waist.

So....
I'm back on the training circuit. And sending out my intentions into the cyber-world maybe in a manner of accountability or of confessions from a slacker. But, I'm excited to run another half. It's true, you really do get addicted to them.
But I know these next few weeks will be a little painful. It's embarrassing when I can barely bust out two miles but I have to keep in mind, it's the way training goes! And I was thinking it's a bit like life, you know...sometimes you are going and you know you're prepared for it, when it gets a bit rough it's okay, you've been trained for it. But there are other times when you're stepping into something new or getting back into something again and the learning curve is steep and a bit painful...it hurts the pride, and maybe even the physical body.
So, I'm facing the pain and going to get back in shape to conquer these 13.1 miles!

Hopefully you'll be seeing me like this in a few months: :)

thoughts on the presence....

presence of God that is. :)

Exodus has been mulling around in my mind and in my spirit after I finished teaching. I've been SO blessed to study this book and really, really loved the journey God brought me through with it. One thing I've been really challenged by is God's presence and I wanted to share a bit about it here...if I get too "teachy" or "preachy" please forgive me....but then again it is my blog, and my space to share my thoughts.

Anyways, the instructions for the tabernacle are given in the book of Exodus. I have always considered this kind of the "boring" part of this book, or the part that you could probably just not include, maybe mention that it was built and move on with life.

But, as I went through and processed this part of Exodus, I made the connection to Hebrews 8:5 in that what God did in the wilderness was a shadow of what was to come, namely through Jesus. The tabernacle was a shadow. It pointed to a much more glorious reality. And the whole end goal of the tabernacle was that God's presence would dwell with his people. He made a way that their sins could be atoned for and a holy God could dwell in their midst. The end goal was relationship and God's presence.
Well, hello....that's exactly the purpose of Jesus! The end goal of his death and resurrection was that God could dwell in relationship with his people. He provided a way that their sins could be atoned for and a holy God could dwell and draw near to a sinful people (ahem....you and me). The end goal is relationship and God's presence with man.

And this is the epic conclusion of all of history that is pointed to in the book of Revelation 21:3 "...Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man..."

God wants to be present in our lives.

After the sinning of the people by worshiping the golden calf, Moses interceded for the people. And God commanded them (Exodus 33:1-3) to leave Sinai and head towards the promised land. He says that he will still fulfill his promise for the people and bring them into the land but his presence will not go with them....

I asked myself this question: "If God promised to fulfill every promise in my life and yet he was not present in it, would I be content with that?"...namely, do I just want the benefits of God, the working of his power and great plans for my life, or do I really truly desire the presence of God in my life...Him, for who he is, no strings attached. The passage after this is Moses' well known interaction with God asking that his presence go with them and if it doesn't, it's not even worth it for them to go. Then he asks to see the glory of God.

Moses and Exodus has taught me a lot of God's intentionality with his people. God has pursued me. He has saved me. He has given me his word and his truth. He has set me free. But it also begs a response on my part....the design of my life has always been God's presence, not just "all things working out in a really good way."

So...let me leave you with that question:
Are you asking God only for the fulfillment of his promises or do you truly recognize and seek the presence of God in your every day life? What keeps you from the presence of God?

Teaching and teaching prep

Yesterday I taught my first day of Exodus. The more I teach, the more I love teaching. I am quite the academic nerd in that I love the WHOLE process...I love studying. I love learning new information. I love when I come across facts that takes me to a deeper level of understanding about something. I love it when people ask challenging questions that make me dig deeper. I love studying current events and cultures and history and literature. sigh...I'm such a nerd. But it's who God made me so I will continue to be that.

I'm also very thankful that God took me on a non-traditional route of education. I could have studied and worked in a university (when I went to undergrad, my goal in studying English literature was to become a lit professor at a university!). But, I love that my academic passion has been an area that I've been able to used in the nations. I love that I got to work with training teachers in schools in Afghanistan....as a 25 year old young punk. I love that I'm getting to train future missional leaders in Taiwan as a 31 year old, not quite as young punk. I love that studying the Bible just doesn't bring about a head full of knowledge but it challenges the way I live, the way the students live, the way we see and know and love God.

Anyways, can you tell I love what I do?

When I was an SBS student I used to romanticize the studying/teaching prep process. I pictured the staff the few days before they are teaching sitting at a desk with a Bible open and God is just pouring out revelation on them, they are weeping and getting brilliant ideas for words to share in class.
Well, guess what I did the day before I taught?
Made cookie monster cupcakes:

I found the recipe online and I just couldn't resist! My small group got to enjoy these little guys....and it happened to be my dinner last night after I got done teaching too.

So, I thought I'd post a few photos from class yesterday so you can get a bit of a visual of what life in the classroom looks like. It's where a lot of my time is spent and each and every one of those people in that room has come to be so precious to me. I'm so proud of them as they put in very long hours to know God's word and to ultimately know God more. Please pray for them this week (and as you think of them through the middle of December) as they study through the Old Testament...some have never even read it before so this is going to be a deep and eye-opening season for them. Pray that they'd be following God's lead as to how to give out to others what they are receiving in this season. And pray for me as I finish out teaching tomorrow. Thanks for being a part of my journey!

(ha ha! Can you tell I have a common hand gesture when I teach?!)

What probably won't be included in my Exodus lecture.....

Tomorrow I teach Exodus.
Tomorrow I will stand in front of a classroom full of people and wax (semi-)eloquently for two and a half hours.
Tomorrow all of my prep is summed up in a few brief hours.

It has been such a privilege to be studying and teaching the Bible full-time. And I'm even more amazed that I feel like I am growing and being impacted by the book and my teaching time than the students most likely are. I'm walking away from my journey through Exodus extremely humbled by the process.

I've put my lecture together, my powerpoint is ready to go and I have things to talk about but I feel the things of the heart, how God has REALLY touched my life through this book will not be the primary content of tomorrow or Wednesday. That's probably a good thing though...this lecture is not about me and my transformation, but about God and what he did throughout history to love and care for his people.

God's really been speaking and teaching me a lot about "being" lately...and I have to admit that I tend to roll my eyes at people who feel like God is teaching them this. They get all over-emotional and just spend "soaking" time with God and slack in their responsibilities because God is teaching them it's okay not to be perfect all the time. So, if you're rolling your eyes at me, no worries friend, you're in good company.

But he truly is...and it's not so much about stopping and laying on the floor with my arms stretched out listening to praise music for hours while my lecture notes sit neglected on the table. But, it's more about allowing my heart to grapple with the fact that God chose to make his dwelling place with man. You know...he is perfection itself and he chooses to dwell with imperfection and sin...and not only that but to have relationship with people who reject him and do their best but always fail. God chooses us. God chooses me, Danika.

The students have read through Exodus in preparation for class and studying this week already and I've heard that the "part on the tabernacle is boring!"...which yeah, I don't really care how many cubits the curtains were either. But the tabernacle is touching my heart and moving me to tears at times because God dwells....God resides, he created this picture for the Israelites that expressed a spiritual reality for all time. God dwells with his people. God is not far off. He is not hidden. He is with me.

And because God chose to make his dwelling place with man, I don't earn anything from God. Who I am is who I am and God is with me. Yes, I want less sin in my life. Yes, I want to be less selfish. Yes, I want to be better at what I do and able to connect with people in a way that God is honored and I can go deeper with people. Yes, I want to do well at my job. But all those things don't define the personhood of Danika. I am who I am and I am the temple of the Holy Spirit.

I don't even know how to put these things into words today....which is probably good I'm not spending my six teaching hours talking through all of this. But, I am amazed today. Amazed by a dwelling God. We make a big choice when we choose to live together on this earth, whether roommates or living with family or the ultimate choosing to live together: marriage. But the fact that God pursued humanity and is present with us, though we reject him and question him and misunderstand him and for some even hate him, this humbles me.

If this concept moves your heart, take some time to meditate on Rev. 21. This is our eternal destiny with God. Amazing.

Emerging from the Wilderness

Wow...long time, no write.

My family has come and gone. I had a GREAT time having my dad and my grandma visit. We ventured all over the place...spent time in Taipei, went to the night market, hung out with my English class, had a bbq with my staff, and then spent a few days at a gorgeous hotel in Hualien, a city on the east coast of Taiwan, with an ocean view room. It was good to reconnect, hang out, introduce them to my life here in Taiwan and my friends, and just BE together. This is the one thing that is very limited in living life overseas, just BEING with good friends and family. It's something I treasure so greatly now that it happens so rarely.

This photo was taken on top of Taipei 101, the second tallest building in the world.

Since they've left, life continues to be full and busy as always. It's been a great season of life thoughtI'm still learning the balance of everything that is currently on my plate.

This is a photo of my English class that I work with on Thursday evenings here. I'm getting to know many of them much better and have really enjoyed the growing friendships.

And here is another class I am involved with every day, our SBS!!!

Next week, July 25 and 27 I will be teaching the book of Exodus. So, pretty much every day since my grandma and Dad left I have been studying, thinking, preparing, typing, reading and getting ready to teach the book. I've been blown away by what I've learned from Moses' life and the things God does among the Israelites. It's a book whose story most of us are familiar with and it's been a joy and a privilege to be able to study it more in-depth. I'm excited about teaching so ask for your prayers as i finish my final prep work, as I teach and as I interact with the students as they themselves study through the book in about a week from now.

One thing that really challenged me was how intentionally God makes himself known in this book. It's caused me to reflect on my own journey of knowing God and realizing that God does all things in our lives so purposefully and his goal is knowing him and relationship with him. So, my question to you is, in what ways has God intentionally made himself known to you? How has that impacted how you live?