Five years ago today he left this earth and there has been a hole in our family ever since. We all have walked through some incredibly painful times of grieving and in my perspective it has brought us all to a realization of how much we truly love one another. My brother William lost his best friend. My mom lost a child...a deep loss no parent is ever prepared to face. All of us lost a person who we treasured and deeply cared for.
What's strange to me is to think that James would be turning 21 this year. This year we could be going out for dinner and I could by him his first drink as a legal adult. Or he could have been in the Navy as was his plan and I'm sure it may have not been his first ;). He would be stepping into those dreams he had as a kid. But instead, he is burned in my memory as this young man. Our family has gone from us 4 kids around to three...though James is never really not with us. He always remains a part of all we do and all we are and all we are becoming.
I would do anything to reach out and give this guy a hug. I know he's with Jesus and God can do the hugging for me, but there is still an emptiness on this side of death when our loved ones are no longer here. I shouldn't be so resistant to remembering, even though it's painful and as I sit here, tears stream down my face. My brother was in incredible guy. I miss you James. I miss you so much.
3 comments:
Thinking of you, sweet friend. Anniversaries are difficult, & I can't believe that it's already been 5 years without James. I know you miss him; those feelings are painful. I have never experienced loosing a sibling, but Dave lost his sister 5 years ago too. She lost her battle w/cancer then, but they were never close. That makes a difference too! You will see him again, & that has to be what you can keep remembering. And, knowing that he has such a good life & all those hugs from our Savior can keep your joy so full. I love you, as I'm sure many, many others do! Gail
Thinking and praying for you, friend. Thinking of the Macbeth quote: Give sorrow words, the grief that does not speak whispers to the o'er fraught heart and bids it break... i'm listening. You're loved.
So sorry you have to mark this day as any other day than November 1. I'm so sorry you two aren't out having his first beer with his big sis. I'm just sorry. Praying for those memories to be sweet and the future with those you love to be full and rich! xoxox
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