Immobilized by change

I don't quite know all the reasons why, but I'm feeling a lot like this little turtle lately. My life is in the process of turning upside down. In three weeks I leave Taiwan. I move from Asia, which I have called home for nearly the past eight years, and I move back to the United States. I leave the community and friendships and daily life that I've grown accustomed to. I leave my church. I leave my favorite tea shops. I leave the interaction and the buzz of constant life around me in this bustling city.

I return to a place where I have no home to call my own. I have no car. I have no job. I have a few boxes of possessions. I have my family to welcome me back. And I have friends I haven't seen in years who are now scattered all across the country doing their thing, living their lives. It's a place I am not quite sure how I will fit back in to. And I've changed. My way of living is different from most Americans. I feel a lot like a foreigner when I come to a place I'm supposed to call "home."

And the biggest change of all....I am planning a wedding and preparing for marriage. My fiance and I are knitting our hearts and our lives together across the miles and planning to weave them together in the years to come.

I normally am a woman who embraces change with arms wide open. I initiate change. I change things that are good because I get bored with them. I rearrange my room just for fun. I cut my hair. I take a different route. I mix up my routine to keep from getting in a rut.

But for some reason, I've been in this season of wanting to preserve everything exactly as it is. I don't want to start packing or giving stuff away because it means change is that much closer. I find myself retreating from people because I can't bear to say goodbye or talk about the fact that I will not be seeing them every day in three short weeks. I have stopped journaling and I just want to sit and soak in each moment, savoring it.....and yet holding it with a vice grip so that it will not slip away.

change. Sigh. It's coming. And it's coming like a freight train. This is a bittersweet change. I'm so excited for what's ahead. And yet it's sad to leave things that are so good behind.

It makes me realize what a beautiful truth it is when it says Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8). There is something in my life that is so consistent, so trustworthy, constant, true and stable. Something I can stand on no matter where I'm at and what I'm going through. I anchor myself in Christ today. And when I'm standing firmly in that relationship, well, I guess I move forward with him into the unknown and face the adventure that lies ahead.