I've had a few people say to me recently "I bet it's so exciting to be going home after being gone so long"....the assumption being that I haven't been home for nearly eleven years now.
Where is home?
We know the old adage:
"Home is where your heart is"
......where is that exactly? My heart is in hundreds of pieces, scattered across the globe.
Afghanistan is home then. It's familiar Persian tones in extended greetings that make me feel like I've been embraced by something deep. The smell of cumin and coriander can send me into a spin of memories of dinners, huddled around the floor, scooping handfuls of rice into my mouth and sharing my life with people who have forever written themselves on my soul. Home is that place and that moment when you look in someone's eyes as they ask you a question about life and death, eternity, God, and you know what you say in response is the biggest gift you could ever offer them. My heart is all over that.
Taiwan is home. The bustling crowds and the faces of friends in the crowd who have lavished their generosity to welcome me. The students who open their homes and their lives and their hearts for this "big-nosed foreigner." Those moments when I get asked, why is it you are here and knowing I have a story that is only authored by our Creator and Redeemer in response to that question. Oh, my heart is there.
My heart is in the countless friends who have journeyed life with me whether for a short time or long, whether they have dropped in on my life and left or whether I am merely the one that finds them and visits for a short time before heading off to the next place. My heart is there. Home is scattered across the globe.
My heart is with Y....the values of this organization have become ones of my own life. I have been forever imprinted with walking out a faith in God that is not merely religion, rules, principles or guidelines. But have been trained and led and embraced a living breathing relationship with my God where he shares his heart with me and I share mine with him in a response of worship. He used this group all over the world, in all its strengths and weakness to show me what it is to be a disciple of Jesus, day-to-day, anywhere in the world he takes me.
My heart is in the tender embrace of the man to whom I will soon say "I do." My heart is waiting at the most stable, secure, comfortable and loved place, with a man who pursued and opened his heart to me and is willing to walk this crazy adventure of life with me until death do us part. My heart is waiting in India to come be with me and create home wherever our God may lead our feet.
Most of all, my heart rests with my God, anticipating in hope the fullness of eternity with him. My heart does not rest on earthly treasures no matter how much I anticipate shopping in America or gathering things to make a physical location a place to call home. My heart is at peace and rests in the culture of the Kingdom of God, and yet merely enjoys the new experiences of the cultures around the world.
I have no idea anymore where home is. I had no idea that as a kid, the place I thought was home would become something foreign, strange, even difficult sometimes to squeeze myself back into. My home doesn't have walls, that's for sure. It doesn't have a limit to how many people can fit inside. It doesn't have any storage for valuables or possessions.
But I have become a sojourner, and a sojourner I can see myself as until I am at home in eternity.
And honestly, I've needed this perspective and understanding as I head back to the place that once embodied the word "home" for me. But I have mixed emotions about it all. I'm excited. I'm nervous. I know I don't "fit" but I also know it's a part of who I am.
I was realizing yesterday that when I left "home" to begin this journey of nearly eleven years making my home all over the world, lots has changed. When I left home gas was $2.05 a gallon (I have no idea why I remember that) and people were freaking out. When I left, Facebook and Twitter didn't even exist yet. When I left, Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden were still alive. When I left, the ipod had only been released for one year and I purchased one thinking it was bit of an extravagant purchase heading into missions but it would help my packing process as I wouldn't have to take my whole CD collection. When I left you could still take two pieces of luggage weighing 70lbs apiece overseas, for free! When I left the economy all over the world was doing well. When I left I had a collection of small experiences and big dreams. When I left I was full of my self, my culture and my own understandings of the world. I hope I'm returning a little more "empty-handed"...a little less of me, a little less of my ethnocentrism, a little less of my understandings and expectations.
I step into the unknown this weekend, getting on a plane and traveling lots of miles, but really making the biggest journey from 11 years in a particular way of life and beginning a new life. Hopefully full of adventure and learning experiences and new friendships. And of course full of love and all that comes with the journey of knitting your life together in marriage with another person. And I know there are more adventures with God to come. I know though this chapter is closing in some way, there is a new one to begin and many, many more that will be written.
Where is home?
We know the old adage:
"Home is where your heart is"
......where is that exactly? My heart is in hundreds of pieces, scattered across the globe.
Afghanistan is home then. It's familiar Persian tones in extended greetings that make me feel like I've been embraced by something deep. The smell of cumin and coriander can send me into a spin of memories of dinners, huddled around the floor, scooping handfuls of rice into my mouth and sharing my life with people who have forever written themselves on my soul. Home is that place and that moment when you look in someone's eyes as they ask you a question about life and death, eternity, God, and you know what you say in response is the biggest gift you could ever offer them. My heart is all over that.
Taiwan is home. The bustling crowds and the faces of friends in the crowd who have lavished their generosity to welcome me. The students who open their homes and their lives and their hearts for this "big-nosed foreigner." Those moments when I get asked, why is it you are here and knowing I have a story that is only authored by our Creator and Redeemer in response to that question. Oh, my heart is there.
My heart is in the countless friends who have journeyed life with me whether for a short time or long, whether they have dropped in on my life and left or whether I am merely the one that finds them and visits for a short time before heading off to the next place. My heart is there. Home is scattered across the globe.
My heart is with Y....the values of this organization have become ones of my own life. I have been forever imprinted with walking out a faith in God that is not merely religion, rules, principles or guidelines. But have been trained and led and embraced a living breathing relationship with my God where he shares his heart with me and I share mine with him in a response of worship. He used this group all over the world, in all its strengths and weakness to show me what it is to be a disciple of Jesus, day-to-day, anywhere in the world he takes me.
My heart is in the tender embrace of the man to whom I will soon say "I do." My heart is waiting at the most stable, secure, comfortable and loved place, with a man who pursued and opened his heart to me and is willing to walk this crazy adventure of life with me until death do us part. My heart is waiting in India to come be with me and create home wherever our God may lead our feet.
Most of all, my heart rests with my God, anticipating in hope the fullness of eternity with him. My heart does not rest on earthly treasures no matter how much I anticipate shopping in America or gathering things to make a physical location a place to call home. My heart is at peace and rests in the culture of the Kingdom of God, and yet merely enjoys the new experiences of the cultures around the world.
I have no idea anymore where home is. I had no idea that as a kid, the place I thought was home would become something foreign, strange, even difficult sometimes to squeeze myself back into. My home doesn't have walls, that's for sure. It doesn't have a limit to how many people can fit inside. It doesn't have any storage for valuables or possessions.
But I have become a sojourner, and a sojourner I can see myself as until I am at home in eternity.
And honestly, I've needed this perspective and understanding as I head back to the place that once embodied the word "home" for me. But I have mixed emotions about it all. I'm excited. I'm nervous. I know I don't "fit" but I also know it's a part of who I am.
I was realizing yesterday that when I left "home" to begin this journey of nearly eleven years making my home all over the world, lots has changed. When I left home gas was $2.05 a gallon (I have no idea why I remember that) and people were freaking out. When I left, Facebook and Twitter didn't even exist yet. When I left, Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden were still alive. When I left, the ipod had only been released for one year and I purchased one thinking it was bit of an extravagant purchase heading into missions but it would help my packing process as I wouldn't have to take my whole CD collection. When I left you could still take two pieces of luggage weighing 70lbs apiece overseas, for free! When I left the economy all over the world was doing well. When I left I had a collection of small experiences and big dreams. When I left I was full of my self, my culture and my own understandings of the world. I hope I'm returning a little more "empty-handed"...a little less of me, a little less of my ethnocentrism, a little less of my understandings and expectations.
I step into the unknown this weekend, getting on a plane and traveling lots of miles, but really making the biggest journey from 11 years in a particular way of life and beginning a new life. Hopefully full of adventure and learning experiences and new friendships. And of course full of love and all that comes with the journey of knitting your life together in marriage with another person. And I know there are more adventures with God to come. I know though this chapter is closing in some way, there is a new one to begin and many, many more that will be written.
No comments:
Post a Comment