Unto us a Child is Born

In my School of Biblical Studies, we finished with the book of Matthew. Prior to that, we had spent 6 months going through the Old Testament. The book of Matthew is FILLED with Old Testament scriptures and prophecies that are fulfilled through the coming of Jesus. Many times studying the Old Testament I had moments where I thought, "Man, I miss Jesus!"...then we'd study passages in places like Isaiah and he seemed to jump out of the pages. All of the OT is in anticipation of Jesus.

The Christmas story is something that we can dull our hearts to. I know I have. This year it took on a new reality. When I was finishing my school, we read the book of Matthew outloud and i got to chapter four when it says Jesus went out preaching "Repent for the kingdom of God is at hand." I used to listen to that phrase as a harsh statement kind of like that "turn and burn" type preaching. But as I read this outloud this time, tears welled up in my eyes. The kingdom of God was made available because Jesus came as human being. Until then, it was a shadow, it was a distant reality and something that men fell into sin because of their impatience to wait for it and hope for it.

The kingdom of God, the place of acceptance and love and hope and peace, it's available only because the supreme ruler, creator and magnificent and all powerful God of the universe became a child. He suffered human maladies, limited himself to the human body and experience, and suffered death and rejection by the very people he came to save.

Christmas...what a beautiful event. Our God, became one of us, so that we could be with him. Such a simple truth, and yet such a profound one. I hope each one of you takes a moment to meditate on the meaning of this holiday and the implications for your own life. Allow truth be be profound in your own life and stir your heart.

Running the Race with Endurance

Well, it's been awhile hasn't it?

Sadly, the prophets never made it to my blog. This season of life studying the Bible went by faster than I anticipated. I savored every minute, but many of those minutes didn't make it to blog-land.

Much of that is because these last few months, my extra time was spent training for the Taipei half-marathon which I just ran on Sunday, Dec. 19, two days after I finished SBS and the day before I flew back to the US for Christmas.

I only started running in January of this year. My exercise routine in Afghanistan consisted of pacing my courtyard, jumping rope, and workout videos. When I hopped on the treadmill at the gym in January I could barely run 5 minutes at a time without needing to stop. On Sunday I ran 13.1 miles in 2:38:12--not a super fantastic time, but my Personal Record considering it was my first half-marathon.

But, this time training for my marathon has really got me thinking about some things and I feel it parallels the life lessons I've been learning throughout SBS. Hebrews says it this way:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (Heb. 12:1-2 emphasis mine)

If I had just shown up at the race without training, I never would have crossed that finish line. If I had not started out slow, I would not have had the endurance to push through the 13.1 miles. I've been thinking about this concept of endurance. I believe I hadn't taken endurance into account in my Christian life, in missions and just in my personal well-being. I beat my body and my soul into the ground very quickly over the last few years. And I've been having to make choices and alter my lifestyle to live in a way that runs with endurance. I think too often we can tackle things as if they were a sprint--"I'm gonna get up at 5 am EVERY MORNING and pray for 2 hours." "I'm gonna lead this outreach team without taking a break because if I don't people are dying and going to hell" "I'm going to say yes to this ministry or this commitment because no one else is doing it and I want to serve others. It doesn't matter I'm already struggling to keep up with what I'm doing."

One thing that really struck me is that in training and building to endurance in running, the rest days are just as important as the days of 10 mile long runs. Without the rest days, the muscles don't get a chance to recover and remain weak and could even lead to injury. I believe this is the way God wants us to live our lives. This is why he was adamant about Sabbaths for the people, for the animals, and even the land in the OT. God designed us to rest, so that we could run further and faster.



The half-marathon was an epic way to finish SBS. For the past four years that I was unable to really run, it was freedom to me, both body and soul. For the physical discipline I was able to commit to during hours of study during SBS it was a life saver. And for the ways that God spoke to me, it was a priceless experience. Plus, I accomplished something that less than a year ago seemed like an impossibility.....and I'm even contemplating a FULL marathon this next year.

So, keep running....but with endurance. Take your rest days, slowly build up the miles, don't expect something out of yourself that you just can't deliver on, but don't give up...you may be able to do it in the future. And in our spiritual journeys, God wants people who will endure, who are committed to the long-haul, who will put in the early hours and the long distances so that when race day comes you can run with a smile on your face.

Wisdom Literature, part 2

The Bible journey continues and the path that leads through the wisdom literature has challenged me and refreshed me all at the same time. So, I'll update you on the highlights of this last week:

Song of Songs
he he,
I thoroughly enjoyed this book, let me just say. It's one that we don't tackle too much because of the nature of its writing. It's either awkward and embarrassing or we over-spiritualize it. There are a lot of differring view points on the interpretation of this book. Is it talking about a relationship between a man and a woman, or between Christ and the church? There is a lot happening in the church and the 24/7 prayer movement around the world that takes a particular stand on the issue. I listened to some of the music coming out of that movement while I charted (aka...studied and interpreted) this book...it made for some interesting thought processes as I looked at the text and what I believe it is saying.

One thing I've ALWAYS struggled with is that this book is credited to being written by Solomon. How can a man who had 700 wives and 300 concubines be the authority on relationships and love? How can God use him as an example, especially when he led the entire nation of Israel into a downward spiral of idolatry because of his wives? (see 1 Kings 11 for more on that). After studying this book, I can say with near absolute certainty, I don't think Solomon wrote it.

And I can also say with near absolute certainty, I don't think this was intended to be interpreted as Christ and the church. (gasp!) (The intent of this post is not to theologically defend this position, though if you're interested in further conversation on this, I'd be up for that dialogue). This is a documentation of a relationship of commitment and a example of marriage, fidelity and healthy sexuality that stood in opposition to the immorality and the extravagance of Solomon's lifestyle choices.

As an area that spoke to me personally, in Songs 8:8-10 the woman's friends are questioning her what to do with their sister who has not reached puberty yet. How do they help her when she begins a relationship? The conclusion is if she guards herself (is a wall) then they will encourage her. If she however is loose morally (a door) they will lock her up and guard her for themselves. The woman's response is the following:
"I was a wall, and my breasts were like towers; then I was in his eyes as one who finds peace."
So, she's saying that she guarded herself as a grown woman and it brought peace to her marriage. That to me was an encouragement in my own lifestyle choices. I don't throw myself on every man that crosses my path. I don't flirt for fun. I guard my heart....but that means i will have a peaceful marriage in the future. A man will not doubt my commitment to him some day.

This is a book worthy of study and contemplation on an area that sometimes the church is really silent about but the world speaks so loudly to us, our sexuality. We should be asking God for his highest in this area.

Ecclesiastes
This is a book I'd like to spend more time thinking through. It is quite an interesting read and I admit, I'd love to sit down with someone who was not a Christian, who was maybe agnostic or a bit a of a skeptic, and just ask them about this book. This book views life through an earthly viewpoint--seeing the meaninglessness of daily life and the futility of all human effort because we all end up in the same plight--dead. And yet there is a hope that is woven throughout the book that God is bigger than the hopelessness of this world and one's greatest way of living is to fear God. There is a balance of good and bad in life. All are part of the human experience and we aren't to run away from any of it. But, neither are we to find life's greatest meaning there. We studied through this book quickly and this is a book that needs some more thought and meditation. I hope to come back to it after SBS and think more on it.

and now...the prophets
The prophets are the part of the Bible I think I could tell you the least about before I started SBS. We are finishing the rest of the school with them and then capping it off with Matthew (we begin and end with Jesus). So, I hope to have some great revelation and understanding over the next few months. Stick around....

Wisdom Literature

Well, break is over.
And we're back into the swing of things. Third quarter had begun and the next break I get will be graduation from SBS. Hard to believe it's going by so fast.

This week and next we have the privilege of Ron and Judy Smith teaching the OT wisdom literature: Proverbs, Job, Song of Songs, and Ecclesiastes. They are the founders of SBS and very wise people themselves.

Proverbs
The proverbs assignment was so enjoyable. I was so amazed at how much great stuff is in this book. We picked four themes of the proverbs and then assembled all the proverbs related to that theme from the book. I've always intended to do something like that out of the book, but now I actually had the time. I encourage you to do that if you are able. One of the themes I looked at was the fear of the Lord. I am realizing now how much of the Christian life requires the fear of the Lord. And wisdom is not something you get without it. Another thing I was challenged by in this book is that it repeatedly says "Get wisdom." I always viewed wisdom as something that passively happens to you as you experience life and learn from those experiences. But, Proverbs says that we must work to get wisdom....we cultivate the fear of the Lord, we put ourselves around wise people, and we do humbly but actively learn from our experiences. I want to make it a life journey to get wisdom.

Job
What an intense book....the great OT book on suffering. Though, I'm realizing how much Job is also about wisdom. Job demonstrates the failure of human wisdom in the face of suffering and in comparison to the wisdom and sovereignty of God. When we did our first outloud read through of this book and I had listened to Job's friends repeatedly trying to get Job to repent from some great sin he had committed so it would alleviate his suffering, and listened to Job cry out to God asking why wasn't he answering him, when God finally answers, I nearly wanted to cry. God's answer is essentially was "Job, who are you? And who am I?" And I believe this is the great fundamental question of human existence....who are we? And who is God? And when those two things get put into perspective....worship is the response.

I was greatly challenged by Job in the midst of my own grieving and suffering over the last few years...and seeing more of the reality of human suffering in general. Our God is great. And we are small. And there is so much in life we don't understand.

So, next week we are diving into Song of Songs and Ecclesiastes. I'm sure it will make for some interesting discussions with my fellow classmates!
And as promised, a few select photos from the last few weeks of my time in Taiwan:
With a friend visiting the National Palace Museum


Mmmmmm....fresh grilled squid anyone?


A peek inside a temple as I walked by. It's been interesting going from an Islamic culture to a Buddhist/Daoist one. There is definitely so much to learn and understand here. But, bottom line is, we are all looking for something/someone to worship.



A gorgeous sunset at a beach party over the break. This was also during the Moon Festival so after the sun set, people lit tons of red lanterns and set them floating off over the ocean. This was probably one of my favorite evenings of the break. I'm so thankful to be experiencing so much beauty.

A break in the kingdom...and a break in SBS

Whew!
I can't begin to describe the state of exhaustion I was in when I handed in my work for 1&2 Chronicles and made my way to a local restaurant for a celebratory burger with some friends. SBS is 2/3 finished and we've made it through history to the fall of Israel and Judah into exile.

I've been fascinated that even though I've read through the Bible a few times before, there's still more and more that I am discovering I never knew. The kings were a fascinating study....what I'm realizing over and over in the Old Testament is that God is faithful to his promises, men are not, and yet God shows them his mercy. That, in a sentence is what really stands out to me.

And I used to look at the Old Testament and deep down in my heart I thought, wow, God's kind of vindictive and mean. He lays out rules and then punishes people for breaking them. But I'm realizing, especially since the book of Deuteronomy that God is like a parent...he gives people the option to choose the higher way. He puts structure and rules in place for our good. He punishes people when they disobey, for their good and they should know the good way to live. God gives us choice, and depending on our choices, God either disciplines us or blesses us. We would call this good parenting, and I don't know why we fault God for this. My view of the character of God is definitely deepening.

BREAK TIME
Our break started out with a typhoon here. I have never experienced one before so it was a new experience. The whole city shut down and there weren't many people to be found on the streets. In Asia, that makes it feel like a ghost town outside! Some of us decided to make paper airplanes and shoot them off the roof of our seventh floor apartment in the middle of the gusts of wind. I have never enjoyed paper airplanes so much!! Some of them we watched fly around for literally a few minutes. Amazing!

I was so tired, I've spent most of the last week sleeping, reading, knitting (I found a craft store in Taipei!!!!!) and enjoying friends here in small groups. Last break we did so much stuff in large groups that I was exhausted by the time class started again. Tomorrow morning we will be diving into Proverbs and I feel much more refreshed.

I hope to post some photos from our evening last night when we honored our SBS staff. It was such a delightful time....and a great excuse to dress up and look great! I MC'd the evening so didn't take may photos myself. So, when I steal some from friends, I'll post them.

900 years of the history of Israel

Yesterday I woke up at 6am, made breakfast and my standard french press of coffee. Then I made my way to Starbucks, opened up my computer and my Bible, drank yet more coffee and made my way through most of the book of 2 Kings over the next twelve hours. I find on days like yesterday, I finally wind down the work and walk away with what I am sure is a scientific term: SBS coma. Wow. it takes about an hour or so to snap back to reality and have a conversation with real human beings.

This next week we will finish the book of Chronicles so since I last posted, the Israelites have just made it in the promised land, they did a lot of really stupid things and turned away from the Lord again and again in the book of Judges. Ruth shines as a bright light in the midst of the Judges and leads us to King David who appears on the scene in 1&2 Samuel and then everyone who comes after him is measured up to his standard (and fails) throughout the times of the kings of Israel and Judah. So there is about 900 years of the history of Israel in just over 3 weeks. Whew.

So, in effort to keep up with writing about the books I'm studying, here we go.....
Judges
This was quite the difficult book. At the end of it I just felt....well, really sad. Joshua was such a book of hope and promise and it all comes crashing down in Judges. There are some decent people that God uses (aka Deborah) but then you have some real characters like Samson who you just want to smack across the face and tell him to take a cold shower! What struck me is that Judges reveals the real side of humanity. Without the grace of God, without his standard of goodness and his moral law, humanity would spiral further and further into its own sin. The Bible has caused me to see how prone to sin humanity is, and then I turn that mirror upon myself and realize, yep. That's me too. It's been a good reality to face because a lot of times I think I'm pretty awesome. So, to bring some good ol' embarrassment into my life, I thought I'd also post the skit that my group did for the book of Judges. We got assigned our classmates and portions of scripture and my group ended up with Deborah....guess how played Deborah?

Ruth
The book of Ruth occurs during the time of the Judges. When humanity is wrecking havoc in their own sin, Ruth and Boaz and Naomi arise as a bit of a light in the darkness. An interesting study for you if you are so inclined is to look at the character traits of all three, a little character study if you will. And Ruth shows how the line of David came....which as we all know, is also the line of Jesus.

1&2 Samuel
We study these as one book because they were written as one book, just divided on two scrolls, when they were first written. Samuel focuses on the lives of Samuel, Saul and David, and then a bit on David's son Absalom (And as a side note, I'd recommend the book Tale of Three Kings by Gene Edwards for those of you who have not read it). A major contrast and lesson that runs through the book of Samuel is the fear of man vs. the fear of God. Saul embodies the fear of man, lives and even dies by it. David continues to walk in the fear of the Lord time and time again. Throughout this book, it held the mirror up to my own soul and I can see the fear of man so much in me. I make decisions based on what others think, I view myself in comparison to others, I like my strengths and try to hide my weaknesses. Saul peeled back a lot of my layers this week of study. Another thing I'm always impressed with in King David, is his willingness to bring people around him and to encourage them and see them grow into leaders. I get a kick out of the four hundred men who gather around him in a cave while he's on the run who are in distress, in debt, and bitter in soul in the cave of Adullam. Then at the end of Samuel you have a list of David's mighty men and their exploits and their bravery. God can use the least likely people to do some great things for the Lord. There is hope for all of us yet.

So, folks there you have it. I'll get to Kings and Chronicles next weekend when we begin our second break! I'm looking forward to some time to relax, hang out with friends, get some good nights of sleep in, and maybe try to see some new things, besides the classroom and my Bible, as thankful for both of those as I am.

Running through the wilderness

AH! life goes by so fast and you never know what one day will bring. I apologize for the email I sent to many promising a blog update on Leviticus a few weeks ago...but some events in life put blogging by the wayside. However, I wanted to take some time to sit down and update you on some continuing thoughts from the Pentatuech (the books of Moses: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy) and Joshua.

Leviticus
I had no idea how deeply this book was going to shake me. When talking about Leviticus it is usually that boring book of sacrifices and laws; what can be so interesting about that? As we began this book, I realized I had to wrestle with some very foundational questions....Why is blood necessary for forgiveness of sins? (Heb. 9:22) Why did God put a sacrificial system in place that man has never been able to live up to? Why do the people need to put so much energy and focus into the tabernacle, why do the priests need to give their whole lives to burning animals and going through all these rituals? How does Jesus really fit with all of this? I have a bazillion and one sanitary Sunday school answers and things that I know Christians should say. But Leviticus halted me in my tracks and made me think, "hey wait a minute, why exactly was Jesus the only way to God and the only thing that brings forgiveness of sins?" Now, before you think I've lost my salvation or turned my back on God, let me reassure you that I haven't....
And let me turn aside on a bit of a rabbit trail to encourage you if you are a Christian, to really think about why you believe what you believe. I really needed the foundations of my faith to be questioned to realize that they were secure. And people can smell a fake from a mile away. I can tell when people are just spitting out what someone else told them. This week in Leviticus, was surprisingly deep for my walk with the Lord.

Now, at risk of sounding too "Sunday school-ish" I realized this week that this whole system was put into place to show humanity that there is absolutely no way that we ourselves can attain holiness. When man sinned, the only remedy became the redemption through perfection, through Jesus. I don't understand fully why God put things into place that only he could fulfill in Christ. Why the cross? But, what I do know, is there is nothing righteous in me. There is no way I can attain any goodness or keep myself living a perfect life, free from sin. The sacrificial system exposes that...there are two sins that are to be offered for unintentional sins. We sin without intending it because that's what people do...our heart tends toward selfishness.

All of this is still stuff I'm processing and filling in my own theological gaps with truth as I continue to study. But here's what I do know after Leviticus: "I am a great sinner. Christ is a great savior." (John Newton)

Numbers
Numbers is often referred to as the "armpit of the Old Testament." I can definitely see how this is possible as the whole book deals with the constant rebellion of the people of Israel. They complain, they doubt God, they fight their leadership, they get themselves sentenced to forty years in the wilderness. But what makes this book like an armpit is the people; God is still the hero.

One thing that spoke to me out of Numbers was something that I saw in the character of God when I was in A-stan. In chapter 12 of Numbers, Miriam and Aaron grumble against Moses saying that God is playing favorites with him but they also are just as special as he is. They are jealous of him and want some credit for themselves. The great thing about this event is that Moses is silent through the entire chapter. God is the one who responds to the accusations and crappy attitude of Miriam and Aaron. He calls them to his presence in what I can picture a parent would do with a bunch of children bickering in front of them. And God speaks to Miriam and Aaron saying that Moses is faithful. God defends his reputation and shames them for questioning Moses' character.
---the reason this speaks to me is this was a lesson God so clearly challenged me on in Af. There were times when my character and integrity were in question as a leader and as an individual, some times by other teammates, and many times by locals around me that saw me through their worldview lenses. I am a single female away from my family. Through their eyes, my character is immediately in question. One day I came home to graffiti on my front door of a very inappropriate accusation. It had been there all day while people walked by reading it, knowing who lived inside. A dear man who is like a grandfather to me helped sand the word off my metal door. And I knew it hurt him as it hurt me that people would do something like this. But that day God spoke so clearly...my reputation was in his hands. He defends me and I don't have to defend myself. My job is to live for the Lord and if I am misunderstood, then I am misunderstood. If we spend our lives consumed with proving to other people our intentions, we are living in the fear of man and can become slaves to others' opinions. I hope I, like Moses, can live a life allowing God to be the defender of my character.

Deuteronomy
I won't say too much on this book. The week we worked on this book was a very intense week for me personally so I have to admit I wasn't able to focus too much. What I do love though is that you really get Moses' heart for the people he leads. He talks of interceding for the people time and time again after they rebelled in the wilderness, laying on his face for forty days and nights without food and water (Chapter 9). That was a great challenge to me to be interceding for others I lead. Moses' life has for a long time been a challenge and example to me. We did a character study of his life during this book that I hope to continue to grow and learn from.

Joshua
We just turned in the book of Joshua yesterday. What an amazing testimony of obedience to the word of God! Throughout the book God speaks something to Joshua and in the next sentence it says, "So Joshua told the people" or "So Joshua did as the Lord commanded." He feared the Lord even when God asked him to do things that seemed opposite to human logic....like circumcising all the men right after they entered into the land they were supposed to make war on (chapter 5). Or marching around a city just blowing trumpets (Jericho--6). Or turning back to fight against a city that they had just lost a battle to (Ai--chapter 8). God's faithfulness is so clear in this book: "not one word has failed of all the good things that the Lord your God promised concerning you." (23:14) And this same God is the same faithful God today. I was challenged as to how I fear the Lord and if I see him as a God who fulfills his promises and a God who is trustworthy. Do I live that way?

So....if you are still here with me to the end of this novel, bless you. I have great intentions to continue to blog but life sometimes takes over. This week I am apartment sitting for some friends so have been able to get by myself and take some more concentrated time to pray and process through things. This opportunity could not have come at a better time. Thanks to all of you who pray, support and love me. I need your friendship so dearly. It means so much to me!

The Old Testament begins!

We are into the Old Testament right now. I'm absolutely loving it and have had many moments already of exclaiming "Have I ever really read my Bible?"

So, let's get into it...
One thing I haven't really considered is that the Old Testament was also written for an original reader. With the New Testament, it's easier to keep in mind because you're reading actual letters from a person and for a person or people. We are diving into the Pentateuch, the first five books of the Bible, books that Moses wrote. He wrote these for the second generation of Israelites after they had left Egypt and before they entered the promised land. Moses documented their journeys and all that God had done as a reminder and an encouragement as they continue into the promised land without him.

But he is writing to a society that has come out of pagan religion in Egypt. He is showing over and over again how their God, their Yahweh is higher than any other god they have ever met.

Genesis
This book is full of stories that those of who grew up going to church have heard time and time again. But if you read through Genesis, it is also full of "adult" moments, sexuality gone wrong, rebellion, selfish-ambition and manipulation. I was struck again and again at how dysfunctional the patriarchs (Abraham, Isaac, Jacob) were and how full of grace and mercy God is. One thing that struck me was the vow Jacob made to God after he had his awe-inspiring dream of the ladder going to heaven and the angels ascending and descending upon it. God had just spoken his promise of redemption to him that had originally been promised to Abraham, that he would make him a great nation and give him land. But Jacob has the audacity to tell God "If God will be with me and will keep me in this way that I go, and will give me bread to eat and clothing to wear, so that I come again to my father's house in peace, then the Lord shall be my God." (Genesis 28:20-21) This shows me the prosperity gospel is not something we invented in my generation. Jacob is saying "if you'll bless me and keep me comfortable, then I'll serve you." Well, we can look at Jacob and say "shame on you" but how often is this the way we approach God? God, if you take care of my family and give me a good job and a good church and keep my life pretty stable and comfortable, then I'll worship you with all I've got. One thing our teacher this week challenged us on was what would you do if God never blessed you again? Would you still serve him? Would he still be good? Would he still be your God? What a challenge! Do I serve God for what I get from him? Do I love God more than I love his promises?

Exodus
I have an affinity for Moses. From the first read-through we did of this book (we go through the book five times) I wanted to teach it next year! I love seeing Moses go from a blithering coward to being the leader of a nation of 2 million people, walking in the fear of the Lord. The biggest thing Moses' life speaks is that it doesn't matter what you think you can't do, God can use you. And, God refines those he calls.
One thing I was struck by was in the section on building the tabernacle. God asked everyone to bring a contribution towards the tabernacle from "whoever is of a generous heart" (Ex. 35:5) This section repeats the phrase "all who were of a willing heart" who gave towards the building. So, we see a great example of abundant generosity on the part of the Israelites. But additionally, these are people who are coming out of slavery. They had been made to build entire cities to store Pharaoh's wealth in egypt (Ex. 1:11). However, they are giving out of a willing heart and offering their own services willingly to build the tabernacle of God, the dwelling place of God. God doesn't make slaves of his followers but invites people with a willing heart to be a part of his purposes. So, this also is a hugely applicable point: Do I view God more as a slave-driver or do I give to him with a willing heart and participate in what he's doing with joy? Is God your task master or is his presence and dwelling place with you your delight?

And this week we are diving into Leviticus. Believe it or not, there's already so much I'm getting out of that book. Seeing how God desires that his people are set apart in a way that shows their God is different from all other gods is so important. I've been thinking a lot about atonement throughout the New Testament and why exactly it is that God requires blood in order for forgiveness (Heb. 9:22). As a Christian, I take this for granted, but I'm stepping back and asking okay, why is blood required for forgiveness of sins? Why couldn't there be any other way? What does true forgiveness mean? What does it mean to be atoned?

Gah...Isn't Bible study amazing?! For years, I deep down found the Bible a bit dry and too full of rules and strange things that seemed a bit irrelevant. I've grown in my hunger and understanding of the word over the years, but this season is like a Bible dessert buffet. I just can't stop....it's all so good. I just want to eat and eat until I explode! The word of God is a treasure truly to be delighted in and savored!

So, I'll leave you with a few pictures from my every-day life:
This first one is a breakfast place a block from my apartment. This lady makes amazing dam bing which is a homemade dough she rolls out and cooks on the grill pictured along with an egg and green onion. Then you drizzle this brown thick soy-sauce like substance on top and you have a FANTASTIC breakfast for a mere $0.60. I spoke my first full sentence in Chinese to this woman: I want one dam bing. :)

And this photo is of my small group on a study day we recently had during the book of Genesis at Starbucks. In a school of 50 students, it's nice to be able to have a small group to meet with, pray for one another, share a bit of our lives and what God is teaching us in this season. I've grown to love and appreciate each of these ladies so much!

A few things that have made me laugh lately

Maybe their standards for handicap accessibility are a little bit different here in Taiwan.



This is actually a really delicious drink that I discovered: kumquat lemon juice with prunes. It's like a tangy lemonade but the prunes add a bit of natural sweetness to it. However, it's a bit embarrassing drinking this delicious beverage because it looks like floaties in toilet water.

It's the end of the world as we know it....

Ah. the book of Revelation!

Duh, duh, dunnnnnn!

Armageddon, a rider on a white horse, a great red dragon, the mark of the beast... it stirs up apocalyptic nonsense in our heads and really we wonder if God was so good and normal beforehand, why does he get so weird when it comes to the end times?

And when is the end of the world? 1984? nope. Y2k? evidently not? 2012? I guess we'll wait and see.

I approached Revelation not so much with fear but with frustration. I've heard this book taught from so many different points of view. I have heard the teaching of Israel being God's chosen race to the end of time and 144,000 of them are chosen to rule and reign. I have heard people get in arguments over this book. And I have been made to feel really stupid in the past because I just. didn't. get. it. I know Jesus wins and all, but why the craziness?

After studying this book, I see things in a whole new light. The way we approach the Bible in SBS is to lay aside all the things we've been taught or what's been interpreted to us before and just let the text speak for itself. It's been really refreshing because you don't have to be a genius or a theologian to study the Bible. In fact...most everyone who read the books of the bible for the first time were neither of those things either. In fact, the majority of them were illiterate. But this is a bit of a tangent....

Revelation is apocalyptic literature. This means that it is written in a certain style and form and follows certain rules of this kind of literature. I had never really thought about this before, but it should be one of the main things we grasp when interpreting this book. It is structured in cycles looking at one event but from many different angles...it's like creating a 3D movie: a lot of different cameras are set up from different angles so when all put together it creates a picture with greater dimensions. This is the book of Revelation. So, it is not a chronological book but is looking at the return of Christ from many angles. Also, in apocalyptic literature, numbers are symbolic according to the Jewish mindset to which this book was written. Too often we have chosen which ones we like to be symbolic and which we take literally. So, I won't express all my interpretations and views of this book because it might spark debate which is not the intent of this post.

The intent is to say, I was REFRESHED by this book. One thing that really stood out to me is that Jesus appears among the lampstands. The lampstands are symbolic for the church and the crazy thing is that he is among them. His presence is their promise to endure, to stay strong, to keep preaching his word. Then when the Bride appears, the New Jerusalem, what is the defining feature is that the dwelling place of God is now with man. We just started Genesis this week and the fulfillment of what happened at the fall, the separation of man from God because of their sin, God then promises that he will bring a redeemer. Eternity comes with the promise of God's presence; that is a GOOD promise. This is the promise that we can hold to. God wants to be with us for eternity. His goal is to be with his Bride.

Another thing that struck me was in chapter 22 it says, the Spirit and the Bride say come. God is calling people to himself, but the church's job is to do the exact same thing. This is our job until Jesus returns, to extend an invitation to the world for the marriage supper of the Lamb. The Spirit and the Bride have the same goal. To be together for eternity, and to invite others into that.

Amen! Come Lord Jesus!

Gospel of John

So, here's the crazy thing I've been experiencing about studying the Bible...there are some well known and well loved passages in there for me. But, with my face in the Bible and my heart open to the Word every day, there are things that I have brushed over or really thought insignificant that are making the greatest impact in my life. For example, the story of Philip sharing with the Ethiopian eunuch was so powerful to me when we studied Acts.

This week we dove in after our week break into the gospel of John. John wrote this book after Jerusalem was sieged and the temple was destroyed (70AD). If you remember, this book is full of Jesus' "I am" statements: I am the bread of life, I am the resurrection and the life, I am the good shepherd, I am the light of the world. John is writing his gospel that people would believe in Jesus for eternal life. Judaism in most of its forms is gone. Jesus is what they need. John was also coming against teaching of the day called Gnosticism. This teaching said the flesh was evil and the spirit is good so Jesus must have been a spirit that appeared to be a man or he was a man who was blessed with the "Divine Spirit" for awhile and then it was removed. So, John shows the absolute need for Jesus as well as him being fully God and fully man.

So, the whole Gospel was great, and for those of you who know and love this book, John is a very personal gospel. It's the only one that includes things like the prayer Jesus prays for his disciples and the washing of the disciples' feet, John leaning against Jesus at the last supper, the vine and the branches. You feel the friendship of John with Jesus and how it changed his life when you read this book. I personally was blessed by that.

But, what hit me unexpectedly was the raising of Lazarus and the weeping of Jesus. It happened at an opportune time as Wednesday would have been my Grandpa Gene's 73rd birthday. I came into class and we had worship that morning. In worship, I tend to just let my heart be at a real honest place before God and so often I end up very emotional. In the middle of worship I realized the date and was hit but how deeply I miss my grandpa. I remember calling home last year and talking to him. He always called me names like Pumpkin or Sweets. He was a man of few words on the phone but sometimes he would pray for me. He would always tell me how much he loved me. My grandpa is the man who most treated me like a princess.

And it hurts that he's gone. It hurts that James (my brother) is gone. I know I will see them again on the other side of life, but there are two huge empty spaces in my family that will never be filled. They will always be there. The tears come and go, but there's always an awareness that there should be another person around. Family photos are just a little bit emptier.

When Jesus hears of Lazarus' illness and then that he has died, he knows that he will raise him back to life. And for that reason, I've always wondered why Jesus weeps at the tomb. It's the only time it's recorded that he cries and it's when he knows he's coming to raise someone back to life for goodness sake! But Mary comes to Jesus, falls at his feet and says, "Lord if you had been here, my brother would not have died." She weeps. Jesus sees her tears and those with her grieving. He weeps.

It hit me....Jesus is moved by what moves us.
Jesus is moved by my deep loss over my grandfather even though they are together in heaven at this very moment. Jesus may even grieve and weep with me now, though he knows that resurrection and life is to come.
Jesus cares about how I feel. I don't have to change it, fix it, overcome it, hide it. I can feel and Jesus will be there.

I so needed that this week. Because in that time of worship, I lost it. I wept. That ache of loss over my grandpa and also my brother was like a bowling ball in my chest and it sent the tears cascading down my face. And I admit, I was embarrassed. Why couldn't this happen when I could run to my room and be alone and let it all out? Why in front of 70+ people? And these people have no idea it was my grandpa's birthday. They just watched me lose it and some felt awkward and wondered from a distance if I was alright. Only a few gave me a hug.

But Jesus, he sat there and he wept with me. He didn't feel the need to give me words that made me feel better, or made him feel better. He didn't fix it. He just wept.



I wanted to post a photo that i have by my bed right now. My grandma sent it to me in a package because she found it while going through things at the house. In the photo on the left is my mother, in the middle is my great-grandma Potter (my grandpa's mother, who died when I was pretty young) and to the right is my grandpa, the man who has been there for me since I was born. The man who always treated me like a princes. The constant in my life when so many things changed.
And me...I'm the one week old baby in my great-grandma's arms. I love my family. Through all we've been through, we've stuck it out and still love each other and we're still there. And we miss and grieve so much because we have loved.

Direction

Ha! If only getting direction in life were as easy as seeing a sign and following it.
I am on my week-long break for SBS right now so I have some extra time for things like reading and visiting the zoo (which is where I took the above picture because I loved it so much)....and blog. For those who follow my blog, it has been awhile. I'll post again soon about my studies and my trip to MT, but for now, back to the subject at hand.

I picked up the book Just Do Something, by Kevin DeYoung and have been reading it since I was in Montana. It's a pastor's response to young people's confusion about the will of God and lack of commitment in today's world among Christians. I sometimes found him hard to follow because he'd make a bold, clear statement followed by a "Not that I'm saying such and such is a bad thing..." to refute what people would say in response to his bold statement. So, it was hard to discern the line of logic he was drawing sometimes. I also hesitate to agree 100% with him on his theological outlook to that never-ending debate of the sovereignty of God and the free will of man. I also differentiate from him a bit on how I think God speaks and directs his children. But, all that to say, he makes some very valid points. Too many Christians are sitting around on their butts waiting to understand the perfect plan for their lives rather than getting up, taking a risk, and seeing what happens...or as the title denotes: just doing something.

I admit, I've been tossed around in a season of indecision, confusion over the direction of God, and wondering what I should do with my own life this last year or so. The Lord, in his mercy, revealed unrest in my soul and even anger at him for feeling like I was "forced" to stay in Af....a country that I love with my whole heart, but it had worn down my soul and my own pride and stubbornness had led me on a journey that I could see was headed toward burnout. I wrestled with the question "If God clearly spoke about moving here in the first place, if I leave, will I be disobedient to God?" I had many a conversation with wise counsel with this issue and that pointed me to my two months in Scotland to pray, debrief, seek God and more counsel.

So, there I began to see God's heart for me. I was not a machine he had programmed to get something done for the kingdom so I could rest in eternity. He truly does care for my soul. He cares for the relationships in my life. He cares for my family. He cares about the fact that I want my own family. And those desires on my heart and the things I love to do are not more spiritual if I set them aside to do what is "hard-core" or ministering in areas I feel people expect me to do. In other words, I just got honest with who I am and the truth of who God is.

Which led me to SBS and this season of life. I am continuing to see that I love teaching. There is something about getting in front of a group of people with the Bible in front of me, or teaching about things I'm really passionate about like culture or the oppressed or worldview or whatever, and leading people through a process that turns lights on in their heads and stirs their hearts towards the things I feel are on God's heart. I have spent a lot of time thinking that wanting to be a teacher was prideful because it put me up front. I taught for 12 hours in Montana and each hour, though draining mentally and physically at times, gave me more energy and excitement than the last.

So, many of you and even I myself at times may be wondering what I'm doing here in Taiwan. I keep getting asked if I'll go back to Af. and I honestly don't know at this point in time. But, I made a decision this last week to speak with the leadership here in Taiwan about staying on at least another year and staffing the SBS, the school that I am currently in. It would mean opportunities to teach different books of the Bible, to grow in my understanding about the SBS and how it works (because in the back of my mind there is still a desire in my heart to see Bible training duplicated around the world in places where there is not access to training yet), I can disciple and train up other future leaders in the mission and of all things....I'm really enjoying it here and the growth this place is adding to in my life and would like to stay on another year. It's not official yet as the leadership still has to make staff decisions and such, but the process is started.

I've been reflecting on the direction of God quite a bit. I've been fascinated to follow Paul's journey in all his ups and downs. He had divine guidance (the road to Damascus, the Macedonian call and God speaking to him to not be afraid and preach in Corinth), but he also had moments where he said "it seemed good for us...." to head out on their second missionary journey, at another point to travel through Macedonia, and his desire to see Rome. I believe this is a season of "it seems good for me" to stay on another year in Taiwan.

a little bit of catching up to do....

I had this eager ambition to blog after every book of the Bible that I've been studying but in two weeks we went through six books and that just flew out the window. However, after my nose in the book of Romans this last week, I realized I need to blog something otherwise I will get snowballed under and lose sight of the reason I wanted to do this in the first place: to process and share the revelation which I've been blessed to receive in this season.

To start, a few photos from last weekend:


A group of us went hiking up a nearby mountain. I climbed this same one last year when I was in Taiwan and I'm so pleased to say I'm in MUCH BETTER shape this year than I was last year. I've been able to go running about 3x a week and have been doing yoga on my roof in the mornings. The day was beautiful and so life-giving. The next day we had "base fun day" at the beach (where I didn't get any photos...sorry) and I spent the day playing volleyball, playing rugby with a bunch of hard-core women, and trying my hand at surfing (which resulted in a gnarly bruise on my right thigh from the surfboard smashing into my leg)...oh yeah, and the best tan I've had in years.

But, all that being said, my head has been buried in the word and my face has been consistently tear-stained. I love what God is doing in my heart as he peels away layer after layer of brokenness, guilt, condemnation and wrong-thinking, replacing it with healing, freedom, love and truth.

So, here is the brief synopsis of what's been impacting me:
Philippians: God has been hammering at the issue of pride in my life and this book dealt another swift blow to it. The Philippians took a lot of pride in who they were as Roman citizens and their status. But, our pride should come from nowhere except in Christ. Paul curses in this book...do you know where?

Colossians: For some reason, I struggled just getting the work done for this book, getting hit with a wave of overwhelming perfectionism. Then 2/3 of the way through my work I realized, that's the whole message of Colossians! Christ is ALL we need. It's not about what we've done, what we know, what we can accomplish or even how spiritual we are. I don't have to live like I owe God anything.

Philemon: This small book brought up a mighty work in my life. I showed up in class that day as Miss Grumpy Pants, angry about some personal stuff in my life. I vented to a staff member who just smiled and hugged me. Then the lecture was as if the teacher had just eaves-dropped on said conversation. I wept all through class, went for the most intense run I've had for awhile, and made steps to bring about reconciliation and repentance in two areas of my life. Don't discount a SINGLE PAGE of the Bible, because this one little page, little Philemon exposed some deep things in my heart by the Holy Spirit.

1 & 2 Thessalonians: Our staff put on a great production with a skit helping understand the "Man of Lawlessness." But, one thing I was struck by was that these books were written to new believers--6 months to a year after Paul had preached to the Thessalonians, and he is talking about the return of Christ and suffering for the gospel. How often are these things we use in discipleship for new believers? But, one thing I was struck by is Paul's encouragement not to grow weary in doing good and to allow the Holy Spirit to sanctify us. That can be hard work, believe me, but so worth it.

1 Timothy: I thoroughly enjoyed this book!!! Paul is writing to Timothy while he is in Ephesus telling him to stay on, confront the false teaching and to disciple the believers and train up leaders in the church that was having some major issues. He encourages Timothy to persevere and that God will enable him to do such a great task. I found myself in Timothy's shoes in light of my last year in Af. and wishing I had had someone like Paul to write to me and encourage me like he did Timothy. When people were saying "you just gotta pray more" or "maybe it's a sign you should leave" I needed someone to say "this is God's work, he will do it." And "you are able to do what God has called you, through the power of God alone, not yourself." For my final application, I wrote a letter to Paul as if he had written 1 Timothy to me. Very good debriefing time!

Romans: Oh Romans. That pinnacle of theological thought. Predestination, the sovereignty of God and free will of man, justification by faith alone, Jews and Gentiles, the elect, etc. My head was wrapped around all this, all week. But then as I was finishing my final chapter, thinking I could just turn my theological brain off because it was mostly the greetings to those in Rome, I had this revelation: Paul ends the book in the same way he begins. He summarizes the theology of the whole book (and well, all of his letters and minstry) (see Romans 1:1-6 and 16:25-27). He basically is saying:
1. the gospel has been revealed through all of Scripture
2. the gospel is Jesus Christ and salvation through him alone
3. it is for all nations (all peoples)
4. It was given by the power and command of God
That's it. All that theological stuff in between fleshes out these things. The gospel is that simple, and it's that complex. If I can just believe, preach and live out these things, this is what God's purpose has always been and is today. This is the purpose of my life. And now I'm in 1 Corinthians and it makes so much sense that Paul is saying "I resolved to know nothing but Christ and him crucified", because this is the heartbeat of God himself. So in Romans...keep it simple. The gospel. Given for all people. Salvation through Christ. By the power and command of God. Amen.

Okay...if you are still reading, bless you my friend. I will release you to get on with life. But, if anything, these posts are a good time of reflection for me, and it is my blog after all.

I'm also getting involved in ministry here with the English club at the local university. I went out with some of the students last week to hang out and share life (and some stinky tofu...a Taiwanese specialty). Maybe I'll take some photos with the English club this next week. We had a discussion of Lady Gaga and her use of sexuality in her videos. Quite different from my discussions in Af-stan, that's for sure.

Identity

It's amazing how many things in our life tell us who we are...our family, friends, culture, society, experiences, rejection, love, hurt, joy, God, the church, winning and losing. I'm amazed at the fact that we really know who we are at all when these voices clamor in our ears day after day.

One thing God is going deep with during this SBS is my identity. I am spending every day, all day in the TRUTH. When I come face-to-face with who God is and what he speaks about his people, the darkness is exposed in me and it can't help but be stripped away. Every week finds me peeling another layer aside.

I have to admit, in this very public forum, I struggle so much with my worth. My default is to think my worth is in what I do, in that person looking at me and saying "wow, Danika, you are really good at _________." But that fades, and I go searching for it again. It's like drinking salt water in the desert. It never quenches and it only damages me inside.

The thing is I KNOW the truth of my worth. I know God's word. I hear his voice. I read of it, I even disciple others in it, I even TEACH this! But, do I believe that God's word for me is true? Do I say, "Yes, I have worth because GOD has given it to me" not because I've done something really well. (Or that i don't have worth because I'm not good at something). It seems like such a fundamental message, but I wonder how many of us, especially us women...because I don't understand the male psyche and if they struggle with this...really wrestle with our worth. That when we hear God speak his love over us, do we hear it as fluff, or do we drink deep of it and savor it? Do we reject it or do we embrace it?

There's a song that I have been listening to repeatedly because I almost feel like it's God's word to me right now. It's not a Christian song, but I believe the message comes from the heart of God:

Shine On, By Eric Bibb

Keep on when your mind says quit
Dream on ‘til you find your living it
I’ll be right by your side
Yeah baby keep on
Don’t stop ‘til you win your prize
Lean on all the love that is in my eyes
You’re a diamond to me, yes you are
Shine on

I know what you’ve been through
I see
But it’s time to leave it behind and let it be
Yeah

Hard-earned wisdom is something you can’t buy
It’s the wings of experience
That make you fly

Don’t look back
Don’t look back
Don’t turn around
You’re on the right track

I love the words "hard-earned wisdom is something you can't buy. It's the wings of experience that make you fly." I feel that who I am today has not come easily. I have never really had a simple life filled with ease. And even in this time of rest and refreshment, it's not been easy. The wisdom that God is refining in me is coming at a great cost. But it's because of these difficulties that I am me. I am tough because life has beaten me up a bit and by God's strength, I've gotten up and kept running. I am gentle because God has allowed my heart to be softened by heartache and the deep stuff of life and the suffering of others.

And I've wondered often, am I on the right track? This year I've sought the advice and wisdom of so many people I couldn't even count them, I've prayed and heard from God, but I've doubted myself. And here I am, in this new phase of life. I have no idea where the path is headed, and God is healing where the path has gone. I am on the right track.

And right now, my only duty is to lean on all the love in God's eyes. Because that love, that love is for me. It's for me.

Luke-Acts

In two short weeks, we studied 25% of the New Testament. That is how much the book of Luke and Acts is. Amazing. I have pretty much dedicated every spare minute of my day to these two books over the last few weeks. I wish there was a way to succinctly put what has impacted me here onto my blog. I don't think it's possible though. I'll make a small effort.

Luke-Acts is written by a Gentile for a Gentile, the only book in the Bible written by a Gentile. One thing I was amazed at while I was reading is Luke's intentionality at showing how Jesus in the book of Luke crossed some pretty strong boundaries to show his love and how that theme extended into Acts as the Holy Spirit was moving in the apostles and disciples to take the gospel beyond boundaries as well. For example, for nearly every miracle, healing or teaching that involves a man in the book of Luke, there is one involving a woman as well. Jesus reached out to women, who in that day were excluded from the temple, from learning the Scripture, and from respectability in society.

Then in Acts, the Holy Spirit through persecution scatters the believers to take the gospel to the Samaritans, a people group rejected by the Jews. I love the story of Philip. God speaks to him to go down to a remote desert place where he meets an Ethiopian eunuch. As a eunuch, this man would have been excluded from temple worship his whole life. He was never allowed, under the Jewish system, to really be close to God. But God sends Philip to show him, he CAN be! There is an intimate place of belonging for this man!

Wow, the heart of God to reach those who society excludes! Amazing! The day that we talked about women and outcasts during the book of Luke, I just lost it. I have lived as an outcast in a society where others have been even more outcast than I felt. I had pictures of women, the sick, the crippled, the beggars, the gypsies, the broken flashing through my head. People I've touched and prayed with, as well as people I've walked by or ignored. God's heart broke me. I wept all during class that day and I had this overwhelming question in my heart....WHO IS GOING TO THESE PEOPLE? They are not walking into our pristine church doors. They are not jumping on airplanes and flying to America and knocking on my front door. They are not calling me to ask me to tell them about Jesus. WE MUST GO TO THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How dare we think the call to the broken and the lost of the world is for someone else. The outcasts are all around us. They are the people we walk by and don't notice. They are the men like blind Bartemeaus that we, like the crowd, wish would just shut up and go away. These are people living in villages in Muslim countries and have NEVER HEARD THAT SALVATION IS FOR THEM!!! God is a God who reaches out to people, and we as his church have no excuse not to be doing the same!

It's a good thing that I am teaching on missions in a DTS in a month (in Montana). I need to release this stirring and the message on my heart. I can't hold it in! But, that poor DTS doesn't know what's coming to it! :)

In some other news: I am an AUNTIE! My brother and sister-in-law had their baby on April 27. She is a beautiful little girl. So, congrats to Jeremy and Rachael! I miss them so much and so wish I could be there and hold and snuggle precious little Alexee Iyla!


And here are some photos of some amazing women that I got some fabulous time to hang out with this weekend. And I must say, it's nice to have some semblance of a social life once again!




Alright, I'm off to bed. We start bright and early tomorrow morning and I'm hoping to get a nice early run in before class.

Ephesians and Mark

Wow, time flies. I am nearly finished with the book of Luke and realized I haven't posted anything about Ephesians and Mark.

One of our teachers said that SBS is like trying to take a drink out of a fire hydrant. SO TRUE! Truth and revelation is being blasted at me and I'm trying to soak in what I can, but there is so much!

EPHESIANS:
I love this book, always have. It's like a mouthful of worship in the first chapter. I love how Paul busts out into worship just because he's so overcome in 3:20. One thing we talked about in class was how impressed Paul is with God. I want to be that impressed with God that I spontaneously break out in worship because I can't keep it contained.

I was thinking back to my time in Ephesus in 2004 as I read this book. If you EVER get the opportunity to walk the ruins of Ephesus, it's well worth it. I remember standing in the amphitheater there, closing my eyes and trying to hear this massive crowd chanting "Great is Artemis of the Ephesians!" and how I would feel as Paul having preached the Gospel and having this confusion and anger all around me and my heart for the people to know Jesus. The Ephesians' culture was pretty intense, steeped in spirituality, magical practices, abundant sexual immorality, and secret cult practices. But Paul addresses these issues telling the Ephesians they have rich inheritance and a new identity and to get out of these practices!!

What greatly impacted me about the book of Ephesians was towards the end of the passage about putting on the armor of God...Paul encourages the Ephesians to pray, and to pray for boldness for him to preach. Sometimes we think that defeating the darkness is to stand up and shout and go through all these intense spiritual warfare practices. There is a time for that I believe, but what defeats the darkness more than anything: PREACHING THE GOSPEL!! It's that simple. This brings people from darkness into light. This is what rescues people from the lies and bondage over their lives, is knowing they have freedom in Christ. For some time, the gospel has felt like sawdust in my mouth, I'm not sure why, but I feel I've lost focus of who it is I preach for and what the good news really is. So, I'm having a fresh revelation of the gospel and there is a stirring in my spirit to share that with others again, praise God!!

MARK
I'm continually in awe at the fact that even though I've read through the Bible in it's entirety numerous times in the past, listened to sermons, studied the Bible on my own, and even took a class on some books, like Mark, that I feel like I'm reading some things for the first time and really SEEING it. I never stopped to think about the context the book of Mark was written in, but it was written during the time of intense persecution to the believers in Rome. Nero, the emperor at the time, was rumored to have set fire to the city of Rome and when people started pointing the finger at him, he in turn blamed it on the Christians. He did the most horrible things to torture and punish them, like turning them into human candles and slowly burning them alive. So, the life of Jesus that Mark portrays is one of urgency for the believers to understand Jesus' authority over all things: disease, the demonic realm, earthly authorities, natural elements, etc. And Jesus was going to suffer and die. He was going to be rejected. Mark is using the gospel of Jesus to tell the believers in Rome that their suffering is worth it because Jesus suffered and gave it all for them.

What I was really struck with in the book of Mark as we went through it was the interaction with the disciples. Oh my gosh, they didn't get it. Jesus says to them: "I will suffer, die and rise again." and they immediately questioned "What does he mean by that?" (i.e. Mark 9:31-32) We have the gift of hindsight, but still, the disciples kept hitting a wall. And oh, the patience of Jesus. And how much patience has Jesus had with me in my life? I believe I am in this SBS because of the patience of Jesus. I tried to a lot in my own strength and wisdom, like Peter, like James and John. Yet, Jesus is patient in my block-headedness.

**********

Well, that catches you up a bit on just a taste of the revelation blasting out of that fire hydrant. I am very excited to share with you about Luke. God softened my heart in a big way this week. But, I have a lot of homework in that book still yet to finish, so that will come hopefully this weekend.

A little tour of my life

In the busyness of moving across different continents and countries, I've been very bad at playing "tourist" and taking photos of everything. But a couple of days ago I grabbed my camera and took it along with me throughout a bit of my day.

First, here are some photos from the YWAM 50th celebration we just had this last week. The founders of our organization are traveling around the world this year to 43 locations where there will be gatherings to celebrate what God has done over the last 50 years and to cast vision for what lies ahead. It is an exciting time to be a part of YWAM and I've been blessed to be a part of the celebrations here. I'm sad I'll be missing the one in C.Asia because much of my time in YWAM has been invested there, but celebrating with the YWAM family here has been a blessing.


With friends at the 50th celebration:


Now, welcome to my world here in Taiwan:
This is the apartment building where I live. The apartment is the entire top floor. Believe it or not, I live with 19 other people! We have 7 bedrooms and a big living room (you can see the living room in an earlier post.)


This is the street in front of my place. Motos (scooters) are ubiquitous here.


This is the view from my roof. I come up here to get some quiet, alone time. It's been quite the transition from a big village to a big bustling city!


And here's my bedroom! Yes, there are three bunkbeds here. I have 5 roommates. But, the reality is, I pretty much just sleep here. The rest of my time is pretty full.


This is our classroom. There are 58 students and 19 staff members. It gets pretty full in here. The cool thing about this place is that it used to be a night club and not a reputable place. Now, it's packed full of people learning the word of God. God can redeem anything.


And this is where I will be spending most of my time these next nine months...devouring the word of God, many many hours in the Bible. Bring it on! I'm so thirsty for some refreshing and have already been greatly impacted by what we have been studying.


So, I hope that lets you get a better peek into what I'm doing and what my life is like. It's quite the change from the last 4 years but I believe I'm right where I should be and though there are a lot of unknowns ahead, I have peace and trust that God is holding me and things will unfold in their time.

Confessions of an SBS student

We just finished the celebrations here in Taiwan for the 50th anniversary of YWAM. It was a fantastic time to hear where we've been and to dream about where we are going. Loren and Darlene Cunningham, the founders of the organization, were here to impart to us. I was impacted by Darlene sharing about some mistakes of the past and times of correction of the Lord. She spoke about being blessed by the intervention of God when they/we had gone astray and thinking about where we would be if he would not have given that correction.

Well, I feel in a season of correction and re-alignment myself. One thing God is shining a light on, a very bright one at that, is my pride. I'm seeing that I am a big reason why I was burning out this year. I thought I was more than I was. A lot of the reasons I said yes to things wasn't so much because I felt called by the Lord to do them, but because I wanted people to be impressed with me. So, I'm confessing this in a public forum. I want to welcome the correction of God on this.

And now SBS (School of Biblical Studies) has begun. Already, as I've mentioned, the Word of God has shown me areas of my wrong understanding of the character of God. And I am struck again at what a privilege it is that I am here, just being refined by the Truth of God, able to spend hours soaking it in.

I have a bit of a rebellious spirit, I must confess. If someone tells me I should do something, I want to run in the opposite direction just to show that I can be right without their advice (uh, hello again Pride!). I have secretly wanted to do an SBS since I joined this organization and gotten really annoyed when people told me I should do one. I thought to myself, I can understand the Bible as well as you without doing the school (ahem, pride). I even have a fancy Bible degree and have spent a lot of time studying the word on my own, even using the inductive method. When people were expressing their positive experience in SBS, I read it as judgment on my own journey with the word of God (and there again, my pride).

However, I must renege on that because I've realized, if I were to quit SBS today, I would never read the Bible the same way again. And I also realized, it's not because the school is better than any other school, or because I've suddenly got "the answers," but it's because I am not allowed to be lazy about studying the Bible any more. The things we are learning are not hidden or unavailable for every person...we are just looking at the text and allowing it to shape us! But, I have no excuse not to know the Word, and not to be impacted by it. Today we looked just at the background of Ephesians...had a little experience of it, and though I have even been to the city of Ephesus, I am reading the book with new eyes, seeing even deeper levels of truth.

So, there it is...pride, rebellion and laziness. But, the beauty of it is: "In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight" (Ephesians 1:8) I am loved and accepted in all my rawness and yet God continues to bring me into newness.

Titus and Easter morning!

I turned in the book of Titus yesterday. And while, it didn't find me on my balcony crying my eyes out, there were some great things I got out of the book.

Titus is on the island of Crete (I guess I never really thought too much about that before!) and Paul is asking some big things of him...to appoint elders, to confront the false teachers and to teach. You know, no big deal.

I could really feel for Titus. He had a big task ahead of him, his church members were a little unruly (issues of drunkenness and lack of self-control), and he was young and had to take a stand.

One of the things that struck me, was a statement that Paul makes about rebuking (and normally, I'm not drawn to passages on rebuking!). Titus 1:13 says, "rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith." There were some big issues in the church that needed to be dealt with, and it must have been intimidating for Titus as an outsider to come in and bring correction. But, Paul's heart comes through...it's for their own faith, not for Titus' or Paul's reputation.

Now, I HATE confrontation. I love when things are peaceful and everyone loves one another. But, I also know, that is not always the case. I've also learned in leadership this last year, that often the most loving thing you can do for a person is to confront them, not allow them to continue in their error. I want to keep this motive in mind...that rebuking is for the sake of the faith of the person.

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on a separate and unrelated note, we had brunch in our apartment this morning and a time of worship. It was so great to celebrate Easter morning with this group of people. I have been blessed by the people in my school already so much. Here are some photos from that time:

Galatians

So, I started my SBS (School of Biblical Studies) last week and we just finished our first book, Galatians today. For those of you unfamiliar with this school in Y, it's nine months of studying the entire Bible inductively. You go through each book of the Bible five times throughout the course, aiming to observe, interpret and apply. It is a school I have been wanting to do since I did my DTS and haven't had the time to do until now. I consider it an immense privilege to be able to be here.

There are 59 students in my school, 19 staff members. It makes for quite a crowd of us. I am living in an apartment in the city of Dan Shui, Taiwan until the end of this year with 19 other people, 5 of whom are my immediate roommates. Despite the intense community and my introverted tendencies, I've been really enjoying the fellowship of the other students, hearing their stories and getting to know them. It is immensely refreshing to just be a student, to soak in the word of God for HOURS throughout the whole day, and to just allow God to work on my heart (all while enjoying the occasional cup of coffee at Starbucks!).

So, I hope to blog here about the things I'm learning from each book. It will probably be a bit more personal and less informational, but if you are wanting to share with me things you are learning from these particular books of the Bible as well, I'd be happy to open it up for dialogue! "Iron sharpens iron." I'd love to be sharpened by you.

So, Galatians. First, I must share a bit of personal history with this book. I took a class in college on Romans and Galatians for my Bible degree at Northwestern College. I'm sure the professor was great, but I really struggled with that class and felt like I hated theology, I hated the term 'justification by faith' and I felt like I nearly lost my salvation by the end of it all. We got really deep into theological debates and I felt like these books turned to sawdust in my mouth. I was so confused as to what I really believed. To top if all off, I ended up doing a project with the person I was dating at the time out of the book of Galatians, and it ended up being a real interpersonal struggle and we didn't get a very good grade.

So, I came to Galatians this last week with that history. I had to admit, I was disappointed that we didn't start somewhere else, anywhere else. But, dive in we did. We learned the method of inductive Bible Study and tore apart Galatians for ourselves. As I saw Paul's heart for the Galatians, how they had once embraced the Gospel so wholeheartedly and now they were being taught by false teachers that what they received wasn't enough, but they needed circumcision/the law as well. I believe Paul sums it up when he says if they turn back to the law, they are saying Christ died for no purpose (2:21). When we look to anything else for our worth, identity, value, salvation we say that Christ was useless. That is the seriousness of legalism!!

I have really been challenged by this especially after running myself in the ground and nearly hitting burnout. I was so convicted this week of the pride in my heart . I thought I was a super-leader. I thought I could do so much in my own strength. And I started looking outside of God to fulfill my needs. It brought me to the place I am now...brokenness, weakness, dependency. I am thankful for where I am now, but so saddened that I de-valued Christ and that is what brought me here. Grace. Oh the sweet, freeing grace of God. I spent a good deal of time this week just repenting of my pride.

Another thing that really hit me was areas of my understanding of the nature and character of God that are untrue. One of the staff was giving a lecture about the phrase "the fullness of time" that God brought Christ into the world (4:4). God's purposes were never just the law but it pointed to Christ. And this took 2000 years to happen. God's timing is never wrong. And he doesn't lie. Then she said, "God doesn't play games with you." This struck me straight to the core. I have been believing that God has messed with me this last year. I committed to things that fell apart, I hoped for things that were huge failures, and I somewhere along the way came to believe that God was messing with me, speaking promises and not fulfilling them. Again, I was up on my balcony just weeping at the revelation of my unbelief.

But, it's been SO GOOD! If I was spending so much time in the word and not being changed by it, I would surprised. It's a huge privilege to be able to just allow God's truth to wash over me. And the beauty is that God brings up these areas in our heart for healing, for freedom, to give us something new. Before I came to do this SBS, the word God has been speaking is "Behold, I make all things new." He is taking away the garbage to give me something new and beautiful.

So, thank you friends for letting me be a bit vulnerable, and I just ask for your prayers. I'm asking God every day for the spirit of wisdom and revelation (Ephesians 1:17) not just for head knowledge, but for heart change, so that I may share it with others.