Heading back overseas!!

I just recently sent out a email newsletter but wanted to post on my blog as well that I am in need of prayer and financial support for this summer still. I will be leaving the country on May 8 and arriving in A-land May 10 (yes...it takes awhile to get there! But it could be worse...I could have to travel by ship and overland like in the old days!)I will be there through mid-July.

This summer is a very important one for me as I'm in a season of prayer and preparation for my long-term return in spring of next year. It would mean a lot to me if you could partner with me in prayer as I seek the Lord for guidance, timing, and wisdom in the steps that he has laid out for me. Our team also is moving forward in some new areas as well as strengthening what we are currently involved in. (Do you know we now have 1500 students registered with our resource center. That means 1500 individuals have passed through our doors to partake in learning with us! Praise God!)

For those of you wanting to give, the address you can send donations to is:
Donor Services
P.O. Box 60579
Colorado Springs, CO 80960

Checks can be written out to "YWAM" and write the number #371 on the memo line which designates it to my account.

Also, if you are interested in receiving email updates from me but you are not on my mailing list (if you ARE on the list...you would have gotten an email from me today!) please email me or post a comment on my blog letting me know.

I normally like to keep this blog for personal reflections but I can't stress enough how important your partnership is, both for financial provision but prayer, prayer, and more prayer...that is my deepest need right now. Let's seek God together to see great things happen in the nations this summer!

The latest adventures

My weekends have been quite full the last two weeks. Here's some pictures of the fun times:

April 6: Some friends that worked in the area of northern Af. with me were passing through town and we went to a Cubs game together at Wrigley Field. Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures with me and my friends taken on my camera. But really, they were there.





April 12:
This weekend I was in the Los Angeles area for a wedding of two dear friends of mine, Dave and Mia McCoy. We all worked in Af-land together with the same organization but in different parts of the country. It was so exciting to share in their special day together...and 80 degrees on the sunny beach wasn't so bad either!



There were 14 of us who have been in Af-land at some point in time. We didn't all know each other but it was great to hang out and share our common bond.


Dave drove off with Mia sitting on the back of the bike, Afghan style.

Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. McCoy!! It was a great joy to share in your day!

A Quintessentially Chicago Weekend

This weekend, my dad and his girlfriend, Connie, flew in to spend the weekend with me here in Chicago. We had a great time exploring (and for me re-exploring) the typical touristy places of Chicago. We did everything from Chicago style pizza to the Sears Tower, a drive through the Magnificent Mile and along Lakeshore drive, and a concert at the House of Blues. As I was downloading my pictures I realized that Connie actually took a majority of the pictures of us and my dad took a LOT (as always) of the buildings and things like that). But here are a few from our little adventure:



So, our first day we drove downtown and made our way to the top of the Sears Tower. I've been living in Chicago for 8 months now and I still have not been up there (the $13 ticket price could have something to do with it!). But, I got the bird's-eye view of Chicago on a beautiful, clear day. I was amazed at how fast the elevator rockets you up to the top. Your ears can feel the pressure both going up and coming down it goes so fast! These pictures are taken of downtown (1). You can see the black Hancock building. And (2) you can see "Museum Campus" on the Lake which has the Aquarium, the Planetarium and the Field museum (which we went to the next day).


We had Chicago-style pizza and then headed to the House of Blues to see Big Head Todd and GB Leighton. It was a great concert. Both bands were a mixture of rock and blues, not the classically deep blues I was expecting. But, I really enjoyed it.








Our second day we took the train downtown, rather than deal with parking, and we went to the Field Museum. The worlds largest and most complete T-Rex skeleton, nicknamed Sue, resides there. They also have an amazing exhibit of Egyptian mummies, 23 in all. There's enough stuff in this museum to take a couple of days to browse through. So, we hit the highlights. I'm definitely wanting to go back though, and to the aquarium, and the Edward Hopper exhibit that they have at the Art Institute. Anyways, we explored the Field Museum, walked through Grant Park and Millennium Park where my dad paused for a deep meditative moment on top of the BP Bridge (the metal, twisty, windy one across the freeway) and counted the stories in a couple of his favorite buildings. We took our picture(s) in The Bean (a metal sculpture in Millennium Park that looks like a gigantic, shiny bean. We finished out the evening with Thai food, tea, and browsing through Borders bookstore (Where I bought The Kite Runner, the movie, finally!! I brought it home and cried through half of it! I couldn't believe how much they made China, where it was filmed, look like Kabul. It was incredible!).

Our final day we stuck around the 'burbs and went to church, saw a movie (Vantage Point...liked it for the most part despite it's few political jabs and I also get frustrated that every show, be it a movie or a tv series like 24, its nearly always a Muslim that is the terrorist. Let's all remember people that not all Muslims are terrorists. And not all terrorists are Muslims. A small percentage of the Muslim world uses terrorism to make a point. Just like the Muslim world needs to know that not all western women are prostitutes. We fail one another when we live by stereotypes and we do a disservice when we believe those stereotypes...just a small, ahem, soapbox of mine. ) We had Chicago-style hotdogs to complete our classically-Chicago weekend. It was great to meet Connie and to spend time with my dad. I don't get to see my family nearly enough, even with being here in the States.

Red River Gorge, Day 3&4

Day 3: Rock Bridge
Day 3 had me solo-hiking for part of the day until the rain really started coming down. I hiked back to this arch in the second picture which is a natural arch over the river. Right before the arch was a beautiful little waterfall, also pictured below.


After a while hiking there I headed over to another section of the gorge and was going to check out a couple arches but the rain really started to come down. I found the "hidden arch" which is pictured below. I took a (slightly out of focus) self-portrait and headed back to the dry hostel for the rest of the afternoon.



Day 4: Double Arch
A group of 5 of us did a five mile loop to check out the double arch. It was a beautiful trail as the first half of it followed the top of this ridge and you could see the gorge on either side.

This was overlooking the gorge on the top of a really high cliff. I was getting a little woozy on top of this, especially as I was running worst-case scenarios through my mind. But, I pushed all that aside and took this picture as a tribute to all the foot pictures I've seen of friends of mine sitting on the beach (usually couples mind you) to show what my life is all about: just me and the wilderness. And it's beautiful!


A light-headed smile on top of the cliff. We hiked on top of the ridge in the background and got a sweet view of the cliff we were standing on top of.


Here's a view of the double arch from the opposite ridge. We climbed up underneath the arch, which yes, meant we hiked down from the ridge we were on and back up to the other side. My calves are in enough pain to prove it!


A tribute to the cliff bar industry. These are awesome for hiking. May I recommend the Cool Mint Chocolate and the Black Cherry Almond.


And the sign of a good hike: wet, muddy shoes. Mine are in the forefront.

Tomorrow the rest of the group wants to get a couple climbs in before we head back to flat, cold Illinois so I'll probably just hang out with them. I've put in a grand total of 23 miles over the last three days. Pretty excited about that.

Red River Gorge, Day 2

So, today I became a true rock star of the hiking world. Myself and another girl, Jenni, hiked about 10 miles along the aptly named trail called "The Rough Trail." This trail runs along the gorge but not just along the top of it but UP and DOWN in the gorge. INSANE! The hike started nicely following a little stream and then we hit the uphill climbs and the knee-killing descents. I would say we went up and down the gorge about 6-7 times. It was intense! Here are some pictures from our extravaganza:

This is called the Gray Arch. At the bottom there was a memorial dedicated to a guy that fell off the arch. Scary.


You can see how big the gorge area can be. Jenni is down at the bottom here. I felt so small throughout the entire hike. It was awesome!


Another self-portrait! But I'm not a narcissist!


Some sweet rock formations that I saw along the trail.


We had to cross this river four or five times. We had a combination of rock jumping, walking over logs and this crossing, there was nothing I could do but take off my shoes and walk. It was FREEZING!!!! I'm trying to smile here while Jenni too my picture but I don't think I could feel my toes by this time.


A pretty picture I took of the river. The entire gorge area was so beautiful. I took a ton of pictures along the way but pictures can never truly capture the breath-taking beauty when you are actually there. Hiking is something you can't just read about, you actually have to do it.


Here we are at the end of our ten mile hike, completely exhausted, but feeling like we had just conquered the world!

Spring Break 2008!!

This spring break I am in the Red River Gorge in Kentucky with a group of people from Wheaton going hiking and rock climbing. I will probably be gracing the trails and not pretending to be spiderwoman on the side of the cliff because I'm afraid of heights and I'm not going to pretend to be buff and strong at the expense of my life pummeling off the rock face! But, I'm SO HAPPY to be out of the concrete jungle and into the REAL wilderness. Today we threw our stuff down at our hostel and set out for a short hike to a place called the Indian staircase.

This is the view from the top of the Indian staircase overlooking the gorge. It looks a little drab without their being leaves on the trees, but trust me, the view was AMAZING!


This is the "Indian Staircase." If you look closely you can see the divets that make up the staircase in the sandstone.


Here's the ubiquitous self-portrait at the top of the hike. Always need a good self-portrait I always say.


This picture is of me and my friend Augustine. She'll be the rock-climbing queen for the week but I'm excited for the rest of the time we'll be hanging out. We are in the same program at Wheaton.

Well, look forward to more adventures in the days to come. Tomorrow I'm planning on hitting "The Rough Trail"...nearly 8 miles of up and down along the sides of the gorge. Looking forward to a good workout. If I can pick up my fingers to blog, you may be hearing from me. If not...I've crashed for the day and will see you another time! :)

Confessions of an over-achiever

Anyone who knows me knows I'm pretty driven and can be pretty busy, all the time. I spent this weekend taking some deliberate down-time. I haven't been feeling the best the last few days and decided I would just spend the weekend not doing a lot of anything. For some that is sheer bliss, for me it can be really difficult. I'm finding that sometimes when I get a big gap of free time I either 1. try to fill it as quickly as I can or 2. get really down on myself that I don't have people pounding my door down to hang out or 3. feel guilty because maybe I should be doing something like praying for the next 3 hours. The object of all of them is putting my identity in something I do or the people I know. Not good.

God's been speaking to me a lot about my identity during my time here at Wheaton. I like being in class with other people who are just like me...involved in missions, doing crazy things for God, and some of them have been doing this for a lot longer and a lot better than I have. I've needed the humble perspective I've been handed during this season. I'm not a rockstar, I'm not some "holier than thou" missionary in a hard place (it's a weird position to grapple with when I return to speak or meet with people. They feel intimidated or say things like "you're such a hero" or "I could never do what you're doing" when these things are meant to encourage, often they puff me up if I am not careful and allow my identity to be defined by God's opinion of me, which he sees how weak I am, my failures and victories...which I can usually attribute the failures to myself and the victories to him. Yeah...a bit of a rabbit trail and a bit of exposing my humanity).

I read through my journal from this last year on Friday. I was struck by how many times I was lamenting how tired I was, especially before I came back to the USA. I wrote over and over, "I just wish I had some time to spend with me and the Lord without any interruptions" and now I'm here at Wheaton, no job, no car, no responsibilities outside of my school work and less relational and leadership obligations, there are only interruptions if I allow them. This is a gift that has been handed to me. And I don't want to overlook it or not take full advantage of it.

So, I've been having great times with the Lord. I am not going through a structured study because I usually get caught up in the "gotta get this done" mentality, but just taking chunks of time where I just focus on the Lord. Sometimes it involves a journal, sometimes I do something creative, sometimes I listen to music, sometimes I go for a walk, but often I'm finding myself just sitting in the quiet and soaking it all in. I've been praying that my passion for God and my intimacy with him would be the defining feature of my life this year. I want to go deeper than I've ever been with him, and that doesn't come through passivity nor does it come through hyper-activism FOR God. It comes out of being WITH God. So, pray for me. Pray as I pray that God would increase his passion in my life. That I'd go to deeper places with him, that I'd open up areas of my heart I've been reluctant to let him in to, that I'd radically pursue him. And this will be my prayer for you dear friends, for I can think of nothing greater in our lives than a deep relationship with our Savior and King.

Knitting update

So, I realized that I never posted pictures of the "secret project" I referenced in an earlier post. So, here are the revealing pictures of my first attempt at lace knitting for my mother's Christmas gift:

This is the finished product as it is drying after being blocked. It took FOREVER to block it. This was also my first experience with blocking lace. It's tricky because it's so pliable. I used Feza Kid Mohair Yarn color #202 which was a varigated orange. I was initially skeptical about the pattern and the varigated coloring but it was subtle enough not to be too busy. I also loved all the colors so much because they really reflected my mom's love for the color orange.


The edges turned out beautiful and delicate looking. On each end the color worked such that the edge was all one color and different from the knitting to that point. This end the edging was the darkest orange and the other end finished with the lightest orange. I was ecstatic about that because you really can't plan those things...and the fact that it happened TWICE! very cool.



And here's my mom, the lovely model. So, this can be used as a scarf or a shawl or whatever she chooses. It's totally impractical for winter (although the mohair is surprisingly warm even though it's lace) but it turned out beautifully. Thanks again to Knitty for a great pattern!

For baby

So, over Christmas break on a day when I was feeling like I had a lot of time on my hands to try to be productive with, I made a trip to Hobby Lobby (ALWAYS dangerous for me!) and bought a pile of yarn and came home armed with ideas and ambition to make a few baby blankets for a number of my friends expecting this spring. Well, I finished my first one and it turned out really, really good. I just learned to crochet before I left for Afghanistan (and I crocheted an ungodly amount of snowflakes in my free time in the evenings, so it was a worthwhile skill to learn. We hung them all up our first Christmas there and I gave a bunch to my language teacher as a gift) and as usual, I like to undertake projects with a little bit of a challenge. This blanket wasn't so much of a challenge this time as it was fun. It was my first crochet project with more than one color. I also learned how to crochet stars. The whole thing took about a month in my spare time (which greatly decreased once school started!). I gave this to Bill and Jaemey Bush today who are leading my small group and are expecting their first child this coming month.

Sojourning

(I wrote these thoughts down in a coffee shop after my two classes today: Cross-Cultural Perspectives in Gender and Leadership and Holy Spirit and Mission. I was quite stirred and these are the thoughts out of my day. It might be a bit long but I hope you'll stick it through!)

I find it striking that the two things I once lost sleep over and have wrestled with and been tossed about by are the two very things I sat in class today discussing, thinking about and realizing where my journey has brought me, namely women and leadership, and the person and role of the Holy Spirit.

One of my classmates made the comment, "So, I know you have this all figured out..." and proceeded to ask a question, but this preface to the question struck me. Apparently, something about me, either in my character, personality or in my role in ministry (which honestly, always sounds way more impressive than it feels to me-just an FYI) would cause someone to believe that I had come to some solid conclusions about the role of women related to leadership and the work of the Holy Spirit. Even as I write this I'm reminded of an interaction with someone TODAY asking advice about direction to pursue as a woman who feels inclined towards leadership. How did I emerge into this position of being a person of authority on these issues?

If you were to look inside my head and heart (which you should thank the Lord you can't see those all the time!) you'd find me not standing in one conclusive position but rather on a journey. I love to think of myself as a sojourner. I think we are all on a journey of discovery with God. And some people have been journeying longer than others but I think many of us are not on the same, straight-forward path but rather, like explorers, criss-crossing, sometimes finding ourselves in a familiar place with others we know, sometimes alone on a craggy precipice wondering how we got there, where to go next, and wondering what the heck can I actually get of value in this place? (But as I put forth this metaphor, which is not perfect but just a way I relate this in my mind, I am NOT stating that all paths ultimately lead to God...that is for another discussion at another time).

I don't believe this journey is like a hierarchical scale or even like a stairway but rather like discovering the world. For example, let's say I have a friend who is a worship leader. They would have spent way more time, thought, and prayer (I hope!) on hearing God's heart about worship. Liken that to the metaphor: compare this person to a friend who lives in Seattle. I may know about Seattle, have some understanding and opinions on what the city is like, may have seen pictures and even visited and somewhat familiar with the city, but not as well or as comprehensively as my friend. But, every time I go, I discover a bit more, understand more, enjoy it or dislike it more, etc. (okay, have I stretched the metaphor enough?!)

To go back to the original part of this writing...I am on a journey of discovery of God's heart, purpose and value as it relates to women, and women in leadership at that. I am on a journey of discovering the depths of the work and person of the Holy Spirit. I could pause in my journey and tell you that "I am a spirit-filled woman, gifted and empowered to train and release leaders for the glory of God by the grace of Jesus Christ" and you could even pull out your map and maybe even draw a "you are here" arrow to me. You could also slap a label on it: missionary, charismatic, egalitarian, evangelical, apostolic/pioneer, leader, feminist (?), freak, etc. etc. But, I'm not static...tomorrow I will wake up, get on my knees, spend time in the Word and the world, go to school, spend time with friends, laugh, read, have conversations...and life will happen to me in return. I may be mugged, get lost, be grieved over the death of a loved one, see a friend of mine lose faith in God. I will fall, get up, run across an oasis or a desert; it will rain and it will be sunny. There is no way to sit still on this journey.

So what am I trying to get at in all this? LET'S JOURNEY...and let's allow one another to journey as well. For some the journey may be slow and arduous. It may take them through some rough places. Hopefully our journeys may be graced with companions and others to spur you on when you get weary. But I don't want to be pegged and classified and have four walls built around me with no promise of anything beyond that. God may bring me to new places of understanding and experiencing his Holy Spirit (oh and I pray that he DOES!). He may take me out of the role of leadership and into another area of ministry (and I want to be willing if it's where HE'S leading and not just because I'm afraid or someone else has decided that's what I should do).

I know I'm sounding a bit "John Bunyan-ish" but as we were looking at different perspectives and views of these two major issues (Gender, and the Holy Spirit) in my classes today, I was overwhelmed with the understanding that these are things that we can become divided over and wound one another over in our quest for understanding when we don't allow people to be on the journey of discovery of God, but instead put them in one camp or another and label and....well, you get the picture. And I'm not saying we can't disagree or question another person or pull out the Scriptures and discuss. I'm finding I disagree over some of these things with some Godly, wonderful people with major influence and fruitful ministry. What matters most to me is that we are all at least on the journey--that Scripture, the Holy Spirit, and other members of the Body of Christ are imputing into our lives and we, with humility, are ever growing and deepening in our intimacy and understanding (with head and heart!) of the character and person of God.

So...let's continue to journey!! And as you discover new lands, greater heights and greater depths or maybe rounding that mountain you've viewed many times but from different angles, I'd love to hear of your experiences, your thoughts, your wisdom that you have acquired along the way. We can swap pictures and travel-logs! :)

Re-visioned, re-fueled!

This has been a fantastic week of connecting with what God is doing in YWAM and being a part of seeing his purposes come to fulfillment at least in one small part of the world. I am so excited to be a part of this organization, this tribe, as we often call it...because it's not so much an organization as it is a group of people. I couldn't see myself doing anything else!

So, in the middle of lunch meetings and leading intercession times and connecting with leaders, we've gotten to get out and see some neat stuff around the island. We went to the Hilton to see the dolphins that they have there. It was the most palatial
hotel I've ever seen! And it cost $7 just to get a hotdog at the little cafe. I can't imagine what the rooms ran for.

This is me and a teammate of mine, Sarah and her daughter Kaiya



We spent some time this morning at a black sand beach a ways out of town from us. It was beautiful. My skin is seeing the sun after a LONG hibernation!

Then, a family that is doing their DTS at the base here owns a coffee plantation. So, they invited us up to hang out and get a tour of the place. These are pictures from our time there:



These are coffee trees in the center of the picture here. This family owns 38.5 acres of coffee trees.


These are coffee beans! They are actually a cherry fruit and if you bite into them inside are two seeds...the actual coffee beans. They go through a process to remove the sticky substance around the outside of the bean. Peaberry coffee is a smaller bean and you will only find a single bean inside the cherry for this type of coffee.


Here, the coffee beans are spread out to dry in the sun. They then get sent down the road to be roasted. It was fascinating to see how they do everything from start to finish. And being a huge fan of Kona coffee, this was nearly like an Elvis fan making it to Graceland once in their life. I was pretty darn excited. And yes, I bought some to bring home!

Fresh avacados! We're making guacamole tomorrow!

What a blessing this trip has been...refreshing in many ways but I think the greatest gift this time has given me is a realignment with the mission and excitement over what I feel God is calling me to. I want to continue to put one foot in front of the other in obedience and see where he takes me through this journey. I have to admit, I will probably find myself back in this place sometime. Some of the leadership extended an invitation to me any time I'd like to come. My heart of course is in Asia but who knows what future relationships God will cement in my life because of this time in Kona. It's a blessing.

A week in Kona, Hawaii

Well, as always, you never know where life will take you and what to expect around the next turn. I love that my lifestyle means I live without knowing what's next all the time. I trust God for many things: money, a place to sleep, etc. Well, once I again I found myself on a plane not really knowing where we were going to stay or what is happening for the week.

Two other teammates, their two kids and myself arrived in Kona, Hawaii to connect with people at the YWAM base here and take advantage of some opportunities to do some mobilization for our work in Central Asia. At the last minute we found an amazing place to stay and tomorrow we will begin our week at the base.

So, my skin is getting to see the light of day after beginning the winter hibernation. Funny how I was snowmobiling last weekend and snorkeling this weekend! I'm looking forward to seeing what happens this week! Please pray that God would lead us and that we could connect with people who are interested in working in Af!

For to us a child is born...

For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Isaiah 9:6

Merry Christmas dear friends!
I am just sitting down to the computer after a long day of cacophonous chit-chat among my family and sitting around the Christmas tree that my grandpa and I picked out together and watching the family open the presents that we so carefully selected for each other. My stomach is still warmly full of ham and potatoes and chocolate goodies. I am glowing with victories in games of Cribbage and Boggle. It was a wonderful day.

But this morning, before all the craziness began and people arrived, I put in the movie "The Nativity Story." I haven't watched it for awhile so it was perfect to see it again on a cozy Christmas morning. I was struck anew at the humility of Christ as he entered this world. I sat amazed at what it would sound like to hear our savior take his first breath as an incarnated human baby. I also marveled at the sacrifice involved in his life...not just the sacrifice he made, but the sacrifices Mary made...of her reputation, of her own plans for her life, of giving up her family and home in order to flee to Egypt. Joseph made some huge sacrifices too...providing for a baby that was not of his own flesh and blood, trusting God and leading his family, trying to be a father to the King of Kings!

And though the Christmas story can get dulled and often times becomes a fluffy, warm-fuzzy story that is often put in the realms of being mainly geared for children, it is anything but. There was death, sorrow, pain, complex politics, intricate prophesies, racial tensions and every day trials. The story of "the Word becoming flesh and dwelling among us" is raw and real.

I was also struck at how God blessed individuals in bringing deliverance to humanity. He chose a single woman to bear the Christ-child. He chose a few mangy, lonely, dirty shepherds to perform a heavenly concert to, he chose some wisened but no-named Persian men to deliver gifts confirming the kingship of Jesus, he chose straw and animals to be the witnesses of the most miraculous birth ever. How odd. I still amaze at the humility of God. The most glorious moments of history are often embedded in the most common and lowly of scenes.

I know we've all heard a hundred sermons and prayed your own prayers even and had glib discussions, or even maybe not-so-glib discussions about not forgetting the meaning of Christmas. But I hope that as you celebrate (or rather celebrated as this Christmas Day is coming to a close) that you have a greater revelation of Jesus Christ today and the abundant life you have the opportunity to experience because a poor woman gave birth to a baby that was the Savior of the world some 2,000 years ago in an obscure shelter for animals and yet choruses of Angels rejoiced and men came to bow their knees before him. May Christ be REAL in your life today and may his humility and his glory be evident in your life.

Merry Christmas.

Christmas newsletters!!

I just threw 200+ Christmas cards, newsletters and new prayer cards in the mail today. If you are on my mailing list and have gotten your info to me, one is possibly on the way to your mailbox. Those suckers are so much work; I always forget until I actually start them. Yikes. Putting them in the mailbox had the same sense of relief of handing over a research paper to a professor!

Tomorrow I take the bus (again...hopefully no adventures this time, I'm anxious just to get home) to Minnesota to spend the holidays with my family. I'm looking forward to it as well as looking forward to some extra time to do some reading and knitting (I know, I'm LAME!!!) Please give me a call for those of you around the Duluth, Iron Range area. I'm still not sure when/if I'll get to the Cities. We'll see.

Merry, merry Christmas to all of you. And don't take the holidays or time with family for granted. There are many Christians around the world who have to celebrate in secret or not at all. And celebration doesn't include pictures with Santa at the department stores or piles of gifts but humble prayers and thanks to God for the gift of his Son. Don't take your eyes off of what is important and worthy of our worship and devotion this holiday season.