Re-visioned, re-fueled!

This has been a fantastic week of connecting with what God is doing in YWAM and being a part of seeing his purposes come to fulfillment at least in one small part of the world. I am so excited to be a part of this organization, this tribe, as we often call it...because it's not so much an organization as it is a group of people. I couldn't see myself doing anything else!

So, in the middle of lunch meetings and leading intercession times and connecting with leaders, we've gotten to get out and see some neat stuff around the island. We went to the Hilton to see the dolphins that they have there. It was the most palatial
hotel I've ever seen! And it cost $7 just to get a hotdog at the little cafe. I can't imagine what the rooms ran for.

This is me and a teammate of mine, Sarah and her daughter Kaiya



We spent some time this morning at a black sand beach a ways out of town from us. It was beautiful. My skin is seeing the sun after a LONG hibernation!

Then, a family that is doing their DTS at the base here owns a coffee plantation. So, they invited us up to hang out and get a tour of the place. These are pictures from our time there:



These are coffee trees in the center of the picture here. This family owns 38.5 acres of coffee trees.


These are coffee beans! They are actually a cherry fruit and if you bite into them inside are two seeds...the actual coffee beans. They go through a process to remove the sticky substance around the outside of the bean. Peaberry coffee is a smaller bean and you will only find a single bean inside the cherry for this type of coffee.


Here, the coffee beans are spread out to dry in the sun. They then get sent down the road to be roasted. It was fascinating to see how they do everything from start to finish. And being a huge fan of Kona coffee, this was nearly like an Elvis fan making it to Graceland once in their life. I was pretty darn excited. And yes, I bought some to bring home!

Fresh avacados! We're making guacamole tomorrow!

What a blessing this trip has been...refreshing in many ways but I think the greatest gift this time has given me is a realignment with the mission and excitement over what I feel God is calling me to. I want to continue to put one foot in front of the other in obedience and see where he takes me through this journey. I have to admit, I will probably find myself back in this place sometime. Some of the leadership extended an invitation to me any time I'd like to come. My heart of course is in Asia but who knows what future relationships God will cement in my life because of this time in Kona. It's a blessing.

A week in Kona, Hawaii

Well, as always, you never know where life will take you and what to expect around the next turn. I love that my lifestyle means I live without knowing what's next all the time. I trust God for many things: money, a place to sleep, etc. Well, once I again I found myself on a plane not really knowing where we were going to stay or what is happening for the week.

Two other teammates, their two kids and myself arrived in Kona, Hawaii to connect with people at the YWAM base here and take advantage of some opportunities to do some mobilization for our work in Central Asia. At the last minute we found an amazing place to stay and tomorrow we will begin our week at the base.

So, my skin is getting to see the light of day after beginning the winter hibernation. Funny how I was snowmobiling last weekend and snorkeling this weekend! I'm looking forward to seeing what happens this week! Please pray that God would lead us and that we could connect with people who are interested in working in Af!

For to us a child is born...

For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Isaiah 9:6

Merry Christmas dear friends!
I am just sitting down to the computer after a long day of cacophonous chit-chat among my family and sitting around the Christmas tree that my grandpa and I picked out together and watching the family open the presents that we so carefully selected for each other. My stomach is still warmly full of ham and potatoes and chocolate goodies. I am glowing with victories in games of Cribbage and Boggle. It was a wonderful day.

But this morning, before all the craziness began and people arrived, I put in the movie "The Nativity Story." I haven't watched it for awhile so it was perfect to see it again on a cozy Christmas morning. I was struck anew at the humility of Christ as he entered this world. I sat amazed at what it would sound like to hear our savior take his first breath as an incarnated human baby. I also marveled at the sacrifice involved in his life...not just the sacrifice he made, but the sacrifices Mary made...of her reputation, of her own plans for her life, of giving up her family and home in order to flee to Egypt. Joseph made some huge sacrifices too...providing for a baby that was not of his own flesh and blood, trusting God and leading his family, trying to be a father to the King of Kings!

And though the Christmas story can get dulled and often times becomes a fluffy, warm-fuzzy story that is often put in the realms of being mainly geared for children, it is anything but. There was death, sorrow, pain, complex politics, intricate prophesies, racial tensions and every day trials. The story of "the Word becoming flesh and dwelling among us" is raw and real.

I was also struck at how God blessed individuals in bringing deliverance to humanity. He chose a single woman to bear the Christ-child. He chose a few mangy, lonely, dirty shepherds to perform a heavenly concert to, he chose some wisened but no-named Persian men to deliver gifts confirming the kingship of Jesus, he chose straw and animals to be the witnesses of the most miraculous birth ever. How odd. I still amaze at the humility of God. The most glorious moments of history are often embedded in the most common and lowly of scenes.

I know we've all heard a hundred sermons and prayed your own prayers even and had glib discussions, or even maybe not-so-glib discussions about not forgetting the meaning of Christmas. But I hope that as you celebrate (or rather celebrated as this Christmas Day is coming to a close) that you have a greater revelation of Jesus Christ today and the abundant life you have the opportunity to experience because a poor woman gave birth to a baby that was the Savior of the world some 2,000 years ago in an obscure shelter for animals and yet choruses of Angels rejoiced and men came to bow their knees before him. May Christ be REAL in your life today and may his humility and his glory be evident in your life.

Merry Christmas.

Christmas newsletters!!

I just threw 200+ Christmas cards, newsletters and new prayer cards in the mail today. If you are on my mailing list and have gotten your info to me, one is possibly on the way to your mailbox. Those suckers are so much work; I always forget until I actually start them. Yikes. Putting them in the mailbox had the same sense of relief of handing over a research paper to a professor!

Tomorrow I take the bus (again...hopefully no adventures this time, I'm anxious just to get home) to Minnesota to spend the holidays with my family. I'm looking forward to it as well as looking forward to some extra time to do some reading and knitting (I know, I'm LAME!!!) Please give me a call for those of you around the Duluth, Iron Range area. I'm still not sure when/if I'll get to the Cities. We'll see.

Merry, merry Christmas to all of you. And don't take the holidays or time with family for granted. There are many Christians around the world who have to celebrate in secret or not at all. And celebration doesn't include pictures with Santa at the department stores or piles of gifts but humble prayers and thanks to God for the gift of his Son. Don't take your eyes off of what is important and worthy of our worship and devotion this holiday season.

The grandma-like side of me

So, I am addicted to a multitude of crafts...knitting, crocheting, quilting, scrapbooking, card making. I rarely get to do these things any more due to lack of time and lack of supplies. (Just so you know, there is no Hobby Lobby or a local Joann's in Afghanistan!) So, as I've returned and had a bit of extra time, I'm finishing up and starting some projects that have been a lot of fun.

This is a quilt that I started when I was working in COLORADO!!! (3 years ago!). All I had left was the actual quilting so I finished it up at my grandma's and took it with me to Chicago. It's a bit country for my taste, but I really like the colors and the fabric. The blue fabric with the darker blue flowers in the middle of the pattern is from India:




This is a scarf that I knit. The pattern can be found on Knitty's Website (a favorite of mine!):




And my final and most exciting accomplishment is a pair of fair isle mittens that I started when I was hanging out in California last year. (The pattern can be found here.) These were grieving therapy so I'm keeping them for myself (most of my crafts find their way into someone else's hands as they end up being great gifts!). These mittens were a number of firsts for me: first time knitting fair isle pattern, first time knitting with alpaca yarn, first time making mittens, first time knitting with needles that small, and the first time blocking my knitting. However, I was up for the challenge and they turned out pretty good, if I do say so myself!





And....here is a sneak peak on a project I am working on for a Christmas present. I can't tell you for who and I can't tell you what it is, but I can tell you it's going to be GREAT!

Adventures to Kansas City

About a month ago I stumbled onto the website of Megabus and found they had cheap tickets down to Kansas City. As I have been wanting to visit my friend Dana, check out IHOP (International House of PRAYER...not pancakes) and I was at about my 5 month limit of sitting still in one place I bought a ticket and scheduled a trip.

My adventure began before it even started.

I had a friend drop me off at the downtown location to catch the bus in Chicago. When I spotted what I assumed was my bus I waved goodbye and stood in line. By the time she was out of sight, I found out the bus was headed to Toledo, OH so waited for my bus, and waited, and waited, and WAITED. There were about 10 others with me and by about 1:30am I'm thinking "this bus is NOT coming" (it was scheduled to leave at midnight). Finally after much hassle from a group of drunk guys on the street asking for money we got ahold of the bus company who said the driver reported in saying she picked up all the passengers and left. I have no idea which passengers she picked up as the group of us clearly were not on the bus. So, I debated asking a couple of the passengers who were students at North Park if I could crash on their floor but ended up calling my friend back, who is thankfully a night owl. She jumped in her car and headed back downtown (with hot tea and chalupas from Taco Bell, might I add...who shouldn't have friends like this!) while I sat and warmed up in one of the bus passenger's Jaguar listening to high energy Gospel music. I couldn't help but feel oddly at home in the frenzy of canceled plans, inept transportation systems, the kindness of strangers and the adventure of the unexpected. I never thought Central Asia could find its way back to me so fast.

I was able to catch the next bus in the morning, catching about 2.5 hours of sleep on my friend's couch. I met some interesting people on the bus...a girl from Denmark traveling around the US since June (don't people go to Europe to do that?!), a really good-looking actor sat in the seat with me and we chatted it up much of the way. I nearly forgot my nervousness around men! ;) And behind me were a couple of girls chatting about their experience in a DTS in New Zealand. We bonded over shared interests!

I met my friend Dana and we spent much time catching up on our eventful 2.5 years that have passed since we last saw each other face-to-face. At that time she was not yet married and I was just on the verge of moving overseas. There was much to talk about. And as my world includes suitcases and other people's couches and hers includes a husband and remodeling a bathroom...it's amazing no matter which paths your life may lead you on, there are some friends who when your paths cross, it's nearly like you never left. That's my friendship with Dana. I'm so thankful to have friends willing to pick up like that! It makes the distance a little easier.

We spent time shopping, eating middle eastern food and visiting the Plaza in downtown Kansas City. Here's a few pics:




Sunday I made my way over to IHOP and spent 6 wonderful hours in their prayer room (IHOP has a 24/7 prayer room which leads people in intercession and worship as well as providing opportunities for prophetic prayer, prayer for healing and various kinds of intercessory prayer). It was so good just to soak in the presence of God, bring before him some things weighing on my heart and be back in the Spirit-led, charismatic worship that I've missed so much these last few months. During this time I also heard about the tragic shootings of the YWAM group in Denver and the New Life Church in Colorado Springs (by the way, I don't know any of the victims but I do know the YWAM and church community is pretty shaken by what happened. I have friends that were either on the scene or narrowly missed it. Please continue to pray for those who experienced this and for the victims' and the gunman's grieving families and friends).

My journey back to Chicago was thankfully uneventful. Although I have to mention a quote that I overheard while we stopped at McDonald's on the way:

"Wow! You guys are busier than a cat in a litter box in here!"
(a patron to a McDonald's employee)

(and I'm beginning to understand these are the treasures of life we would miss if people didn't blog! ha!)

more penny sightings

So, I had two random penny finds over the last few days. I don't know if I'm going crazy but I've seriously seen an increase in my finds. I'm keeping a bit of a record cuz it's really starting to fascinate me. (and if you don't know why this topic is so interesting to me, check out my blog on dimes)

The next penny I found while I was downtown Chicago with some friends this weekend. We were walking around the Marshal Fields building while the rain was dripping down upon us. As I walked around the corner of the building I spotted a bright penny on the ground and nearly created a domino toppling affect by stopping and picking it up while a line of people were still walking behind me!

The next one was a WEIRD one...I checked a book out at the library today. The guy checking out my books took my student ID card, scanned it and placed it on the counter and proceeded to check out my books. Well, when I picked up my ID, there was a penny just sitting under it! Without even thinking I picked it up, a little stunned and trying to think through all the logical reasons it would have seemingly "magically" appeared there.

So, call me crazy, or obsessed! It's okay. It makes me remember my brother so I'm okay with it all!

Contemplation

This was the sunset outside my window this evening. It was absolutely stunning (and of course, much more beautiful in real life than in the picture) but I thought I'd post it cuz I'm a sucker for good sunsets.

Today in my Intercultural Communications class we were talking about intercultural conflict resolution and we watched a really powerful documentary on apartheid in South Africa and the process of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission with the trials of those requesting amnesty. I cried through most of the movie. It was a powerful example of the depravity of humankind and the great atrocities of which we are capable. Throughout the documentary it also talked about the power of sharing your story as person after person shared of the torture they experienced or afflicted on others during the apartheid rule.

Over the past few weeks I've also listened to some speaking about Rwanda, watched some of the Mideast peace talks on the news today and saw a movie and sat in on a discussion on Radical Islam and terrorism. I sit through all of these things and with the stories of many of my Afghan friends echoing in my mind and I can't help but think what a fallen world we live in. And it can be so easy to see the pendulum swing either way...either get hopeless and think nothing can be done until Jesus returns, or become radical activists shouting and screaming for a cause and maybe making change, maybe not. I think there definitely needs to be a balance of activism and complete and prayerful dependence on Jesus. We are not excused from caring for the poor, the oppressed and the needy but neither is it our sole responsibility to eradicate all the injustices of the world. But, ours is the ministry of reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:18-19) and ultimately reconciliation takes place through the cross of Jesus Christ. And oh how our world needs reconciliation. I have dear friends from Rwanda, from South Africa, from Kosovo, from Vietnam, from Somalia, from Afghanistan and Iraq, from Israel. These peoples' lives and stories are powerful testimonies to me of the grace and the love of God that rises above human atrocities and administers healing and the power of forgiveness. I hope that even by my times of asking and listening about others' stories, especially in Afghanistan, that I could be used as an instrument of reconciliation through Jesus Christ.

Coincidentally, I watched another documentary on apartheid this last weekend over the Thanksgiving break. It's called Amandla! A Revolution in Four-Part Harmony. It talks about the role of song in the fight for freedom. I definitely recommend it for those who are interested...and the music throughout is fantastic and moving. They share a lot of the meaning of the lyrics and how songs corresponded to the movements that were happening among the people.

So, I'm holding this all open before the Lord and letting Him speak to me. I always want to have a heart that is broken for the things that break God's heart and hands and feet willing to minister healing where God is reaching out to bring healing. There is always hope in the darkness and beauty truly does come from the ashes.

Happy Birthday James

Today would have been James' 17th birthday. And yet, here I sit at my computer, just an ordinary day. There will be no presents opened, no cake to eat, no annoyingly out of tune birthday song sung, no hugs, no jokes. There's just a big fat empty space today.

I was thinking about how different life has become without him. People talk about "moving on" after someone dies, but I think that is an inadequate statement. I don't believe you ever truly move on from a person you love, from caring about them, from grieving the loss of them, from remembering life with them. In reality life now without them isn't just a continuation of the old, it is completely different. There will never be the same old life to move on to. It's a whole new world that is minus someone very special. My family and I will never be the people we were before we lost James, that is a different era, a different life almost.

17! I was thinking how stressed out we'd be with trying to have a birthday party and a Thanksgiving meal planned together, as well as preparing for my mom's birthday next week. James might be looking forward to a band concert in the upcoming month. And I was realizing he might actually be preparing for life after high school. He was wanting to join the Navy. Who knows if he'd have changed his mind or still be set on it and going through the process of talking with a recruiter and making plans.

So, instead of big celebrations and loud parties, I will hold his memory close and miss him dearly.

Tea and a Teammate

Tea
This last week I had the privilege of spending some time with an Afghan refugee family that some people I got connected with tutor once a week. When the tutors found out I'd lived in Afghanistan and spoke the language (as best I can), they were ecstatic and immediately invited me along.

So, we showed up at their apartment and in Afghan style though I was not known by them they welcomed me in and ushered me to a seat. I was promptly served green tea with Cardamom in it (yummmmm....my favorite and I haven't had it for 5 months so I was pretty excited) and they put a tray of raisins, almonds and pistachios in front of me. They then proceeded to tell me which of the part of the tray had the fresh almonds and which had the old ones, in Dari, and not to the other English speaking guests. I was part of the in crowd!

We had so much fun chatting away and I brought pictures to share. As we looked at many of them from Mazar, they told me about making a trip there (they are from the central part of the country, a ways away from where I had lived) before their kids were born. They have an incredible story of fleeing during the Taliban times on foot over the mountains of Pakistan and being separated from each other for years. I am truly humbled by what many people in this country have had to face. I definitely don't take freedom and stability for granted any more!

It was a great connecting time and I hope to be able to continue to meet with them. It hinges on me getting a vehicle though because they are a little ways away from me. I am looking forward to continuing this new-found friendship. And they all offered to help me with Dari in exchange for help in English (which admittedly I'm in need of!)

Teammate
One of my teammates is in town visiting relatives and spending the weekend with me on her way back for a break. Today we went downtown and visited the art institute of Chicago. It was great...there's much to see, although I was a bit disappointed that the section of American art was closed so I didn't get to see the Edward Hopper paintings I was hoping to see. We had a great time. We then walked around downtown and as today was the big lighting ceremony for downtown there was lots of events going on. We stumbled across a K.T. Tunstall concert just as she was singing "Black Horse and a Cherry Tree." Walked by Armani, Tiffany's, etc. on the magnificent mile. It's a whole other world! I passed on the diamond earrings though, maybe I'll put them on my Christmas list. If someone could mention to my future-husband that he should start saving for those, that would be great. ha! yeah, they don't quite match with my wardrobe of fleece and jeans though, do they?!

Pictures from the memorial

James sat beside me in the car. The box contained his remaining ashes that we were putting at camp. The picture was his last school picture taken. It's probably my all-time favorite because he looks so handsome in it...like a young man!


We stopped to get cheetos on the way to camp. James' first time going to camp him and mom stopped at a gas station and she let him get whatever he wanted as a treat. He chose cheetos and by the time he arrived at camp he was orange head to toe!


We chose the spot to plant the apple tree and Jeremy and William (my other two handsome brothers) started digging.


Grandpa and Mike put the tree in the ground.



The hard part...we put James' remaining ashes in with the tree. I thought it was a powerful symbol of beauty truly coming from the ashes. Isaiah 61:1ff. says, "He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted...to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor." How fitting. How beautiful that life does rise out of the ashes. And how beautiful to plant this tree that will be a representation of physical life in a place where all of us kids have come in touch with eternal life. James' life was truly a planting of the Lord, a display of his splendor.


We paused for a moment of prayer, thanking God for the gift of nearly 16 years with James.


James' apple tree. The pine tree in the background was actually planted at camp in memory of Steve Sommerfeld, who died in a rock climbing accident.


The only logical place to put this tree was in a spot overlooking the lake. James would spend any moment he possibly could in the lake between swimming and boating classes. He loved to play pirates on the boats and I swear he had gills he loved the water so much!


All of us in front of James' tree.


Just spending some good family bonding time together. Our family has truly come to appreciate our times together as we know all too well that those moments are precious and numbered. I'm so thankful for my amazing family!


And our time remembering James would not be complete without a bacon cheeseburger! They were his favorites...especially the one pound burgers (mine was only 1/3 pound and that was enough for me!)

In Memory of James, 1 year

One year ago today I was standing in an apartment of some girls I had known barely a week in Tajikistan and I had a phone conversation that changed my life forever. I can still here my grandfather's voice telling me, "There's been an accident, and your brother James is no longer with us." I yelled "NO!!!" and dropped to my knees and sobbed as a pain descended on my heart that still has yet to be completely gone. I never want to relive that day and yet the memory is so clear, I fear it will always be with me.

Today we had a "celebration service" of James' nearly 16 year life with us. We drove out to Covenant Park Bible Camp which is steeped in memories from all 4 of us kids as we all have spent a significant amount of our summers out there. And we planted an apple tree near the gazebo overlooking the lake. We also put his remaining ashes in with the tree as a symbol of his death sprouting a new life. It was a beautiful day and a great way to remember him today. Tears were shed. The hard thing is I just MISS him so much. That's what hurts the most. Not the death. Not the memories. But just the big empty space that is always there. It hurts to experience but at the same time, that space means that he was loved so very, very much.

We were laughing at many great James stories. From his first trip out to camp when mom stopped and let him pick out a treat on his way. He chose cheetos and was orange head to toe when he arrive at camp (we bought cheetos on the way to camp to celebrate that!). Or the time he came back convinced that midget whales existed in an underground cave system in the lake at camp. Or the summer I worked out there and he was a camper and every time I turned around he was there saying "hi" and then heading off to the next thing. Or the skit his cabin did about me and asking Santa for a boyfriend. Santa brought the man who would be my perfect boyfriend and they dressed up my brother as my perfect boyfriend. Weird, yes, but it makes me smile still. The current director was there reminding us of how excited he was his last summer out there talking about coming back and being on staff and looking forward to it so much. Ah....he had so much life in him.

We then finished the day with bacon cheeseburgers...his favorite. And the bigger the better!

And to top it all off....I found a dime on the airport floor in front of my gate, a penny on the floor in the guestroom at my grandparents and a penny out at camp! It made me smile and remember that even though James is physically gone, he will never cease to be a part of our lives and this family.

I'll post some pictures of our time tomorrow.

Fall break, y'all!

These lovely ladies and I headed down to Arkansas for fall break this last week. Amy, standing to the right of me, is from Hope, AR so we stayed at her house as well as experiencing Shephard of the Ozarks, a Christian retreat center. So, we drove all night long the first night (to avoid paying for a place to stay...definitely a group of college students!). The first day we went horseback riding (of which I don't currently have pictures, but will soon) and hiking and just hung out and enjoyed life without a pile of reading or papers to write.


In addition to a buffalo named Buford (yes, that is correct), a donkey, horses, a sheep, a goat and a deer that we saw there, I also stumbled across this critter in the picture above that was crossing the road in front of me. Can you find the walking stick in this picture?! I geeked out because I've never seen one and it just appeared in front of me! So cool.


After our adventures in the Ozarks we drove to Amy's family farm and enjoyed a great evening prepared by her dad. We went fishing in the pond, had a fish fry picnic and took a hay ride. It was a gorgeous night and lots of fun to meet Amy's family and receive some of that Southern hospitality I've heard so much about. In the picture above a hay fight ensued shortly after leaving me quite itchy.


And for those of you who don't know, Hope, Arkansas was where Bill Clinton spent his first 6 years of life. We got to see his house and his old kindergarden. You gotta love being a tourist!

So, I'm back at school beginning the second half of the semester. I finished three classes: Theological Foundations, Evangelism and Church Planting, and Spiritual Conflict. I'm beginning Historical Foundations (of Missions) and decided to audit "Issues and Trends in Missions" since I couldn't fit it into my schedule elsewhere. I will be sending out an email newsletter to those on my email list sometime in the next week.

And I'm still looking for a car and a job. I've applied at a ton of places but haven't gotten any takers yet. My job experience outside of ministry is pretty limited but if people only knew, I have mad skills. Oh well, I'll keep looking. Pray that I'd finalize something on a car because I really need one. Wheaton is very suburban and not a whole lot is within walking distance, and that mainly includes job opportunities.

dimes

I've been finding a lot of coins the last month or so. It makes me smile and almost cry every time. At the memorial service for James at his high school, his band teacher shared a story about when she noticed James' excitement whenever he found a penny on the ground. He would see it and exclaim, "whoa! A penny!" and every time he'd bend down and pick it up when others had passed by it either not noticing or thinking, "ah, it's just a penny." Well, his band teacher noticed this and started deliberately leaving coins on the ground, not just pennies but nickels or even dimes as well.

So, of course, that story and the love of my brother flows over me when I see coins on the ground and as I used to pass over the pennies, I now stop, smile and pick it up. A few weeks ago I found a stack of 3 dimes, neatly piled up at school. Another day I found two more dimes outside my house and just today I found a dime sitting on the ground outside the bookstore on campus. No pennies, just dimes. I know everyone has their various ideas about the nearness of people after they die but every time I find a dime I almost feel James standing in the distance, smiling as I pick up that dime. And so I return the smile, cuz the tears come so often that smiling seems more fitting in those circumstances.

November 1 is approaching too quickly. I can't believe that almost a whole year has passed without James. I can't believe that I will never hear him come inside, flop down on the couch and sigh and say, "so, yeah" and wait for him to share whatever is on his mind. I miss his crazy cowlicks in his hair. I miss him eating like a horse. I his newly deepened voice. I miss the short jokes from my "little" brother. I miss him like crazy.

flippin' creepy spiders

So, I've been around my fair share of creepy things...snakes, scorpions, an abundance of wolf spiders at camp, mice, rats (that was gross though...they were on the trains in India; you'd see them flash by and just hoped they wouldn't run across your feet!). But I've had two very intimidating encounters with spiders in the last week and I'm wondering if they are in conspiracy against me. You decide....

First encounter. I am lying on my bed, piano music lilting in the background, scented candles burning (and yes I was alone...but I'm a big fan of atmosphere and ambiance, even if, SIGH, there's no one to share it with), sipping a cup of "Sleepytime" tea and reading before bed. Then...(cue horror movie music), the biggest, ugliest, fatest spider I've seen in a while quickly repels from the closet door right next to me and I swear he was staring at me with his mass of eyes. Sick. So I jumped up, nearly upsetting my tea which wasn't doing a great job of relaxing me any more and I grabbed a newspaper and ended the creepy little things life with no remorse. I checked the closet door and corners for any signs of "big, ugly, fat spider webness" but it was clear. Then I tried to resume with my peaceful bedtime rituals, with a random shiver of disgust every now and then.

Second encounter. This morning I headed over to campus to get some homework done before a lunch meeting with the head of the Muslim ministries department. I had chucked my computer into its protective case which had been on the floor under my desk and took it and the contents of my backpack to school. I decided to work on one of my papers and took out my computer all nicely zipped up in its case. I pulled back the zippers, zzzzzzzzpppppp. (and here add scary horror movie music of sudden surpise...usually that sharp, abrupt loud kind of stuff when the guy in the shadows suddenly jumps out) And nearly jumped and screamed in the middle of the commons area as a similar looking ugly, fat spider was sitting right where I had first pulled the zipper from, on the inside of the case either waiting patiently for escape or in my opinion, waiting to freak me out so I'd wet myself in reaction. We had a similar stare down with my heart pounding so loud I could barely hear the din of students around me. I took my pen, flicked him onto the ground and with my shoe gave him the same fate as the last one.

So, now I'm waiting for a spider behind everything in my room and I swear I can feel them crawling on me. I haven't seen any before this but maybe it's with the cooler weather coming that they are making their way into my warm, sweetly scented room. ugh.....

Ice Cold Camping

I went camping this last weekend with a bunch of girls who are in my program here at Wheaton. I didn't really know any of them so it was a great chance to make some new friends and get to know them. And we definitely had quite the experience as the temperature mysteriously dropped...it was at freezing temperatures the first night (but a warm 41 degrees INSIDE the tent! cozy! ha!)

One of the girls ran a triathalon at Devil's Lake and finished well. We had a lot of fun cheering her on. Notice the warm clothes while our friend was diving into the lake and then getting out and hopping on a bike to air dry! yikes.


The weekend finished in Madison, WI where we walked around a bit and ate at an Afghan restaurant. It's strange to be paying $8 for a plate of food that I used to eat at the office every day for much, much less than that!


But, all in all, there was fun to be had. I have to admit, it was great to hang out with people who enjoy stuff like camping and such once again. I am definitely loving the variety and the caliber of people that I am getting the opportunity to spend time with. There's more of that in this week ahead as well. I was praying before I came back to the States that I could have a bit of a social life again. I totally enjoy hanging out with my team and we do have fun together but there is something about just hanging out and not talking about work or feeling like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. So, God is answering many of my prayers during this time.

So...as I'm writing this I have a pile of reading that is trying to get my attention. I suppose I should be a good steward of my time and get to that. :)

Ramadan

The Islamic holy month of Ramadan is upon us. It began September 13 and goes until October 12. During this time Muslims around the world fast (food, drink and sex) from sun-up to sun-down every day. Then when the sun sets they break their fast together. This is the month that is said the Qu'ran was revealed to Mohammed. For Muslims, this month is a time of reflection, devotion to God and self-control. They see it as a sort of "spiritual tune-up" so to speak. A secondary purpose for this time is to reflect on the poor and more unfortunate.

The "Night of Power" which is usually the 27th night of Ramadan is rumored to be the evening that Mohammad received the revelation which is now the Qu'ran. This evening Muslims every stay awake in anticipation for their own power encounter with God. They say this night is better than a thousand months.

During Ramadan much time is spent in the mosque reciting verses from the Qu'ran. Some even spend the last 10 days of the fast in the mosque entirely devoted to worship and prayer.

I just wanted to share a bit about this for those of you who may be unfamiliar with the month of Ramandan and I would encourage you all to be praying for Muslims around the world as they enter into this month of spiritual significance. They are seeking. May they find TRUTH. To aid you in prayer, you can get daily emails or you can order a printed prayer calendar as a guideline for how to pray for Muslims around the world during this time. You can also email me if you are interested in knowing more. Please also pray for Christian brothers and sisters both nationals and expats who are living and working among Muslims. Pray that they would be lights and that they would have opportunities to share the truth of Jesus with those who have not heard.

Social Butterfly

Today we had a "retreat" for our department at a local park. It was a day designed to spend time getting to know the other students and faculty outside of the classroom environment. I have to admit I've been a bit overwhelmed at beginning the social process of meeting and getting to know people all over again, especially outside the context of community living! So, I had a great time today playing games and just chatting with people for more than the 10 minute break during classes. Although I did feel like a royal idiot when I was sharing about training teachers overseas with one of the professors and he asked what my educational background was in teaching and I said, "I don't have one." ha!

After the "retreat" I had a time doing a group project for a class of mine and then some of us went out for dinner and just shared about our lives, our stories, what God was teaching us. It honestly was the first day when I really felt connected to people here. I hope for more continued opportunities like these.

I feel overwhelmingly blessed at the things I'm learning. All my classes seem to be weaving themselves together into a lot of common themes and things that I've seen over my last two years or have had questions about. It's great to have a neutral enviroment to discuss and think and theorize. Tomorrow, you'll find me reading, and reading, and reading, and reading....I'm discovering that this is a major component of grad school!

First Day of School!

So, I'm kind of a geek and I still take "first day of school" pictures. I think I look a little nervous in this one...and I was. I didn't eat all day I was so nervous. I'm so strange sometimes. But, I finished a few days of classes and will start a few more next week as well. One thing I'm finding that my nervousness about "intellectual spirituality" is not going to need to be a big worry of mine here. The professors and the department seem to encourage the "journey" more than the grade. And this is exactly what I am in need of...I think we are all in need of. Striving and achieving can be such a trap, especially when it comes to times when we are studying the Bible or other things related to our faith. I'm so glad I've waited 5 years after undergrad to go back to school and that I went to the field first before coming back because now I'm HUNGRY to learn. And I want to learn not just for the degree but to learn and apply what I'm learning directly to my situation overseas. For those of you rushing off to the next thing or racing to be on the field or get through school my encouragement is to slow down and to relish the experience, not just get to the next thing. Especially if you feel that God has called you to a specific thing or place and you feel like you just can't get there. Be patient...if God has called you, he'll bring you to that place. It's his plan in the first place, not yours. And there is a divine peace and joy in taking the steps as God leads them not as we push and strive and struggle through them.

Okay...so all that preaching to say, this is definitely where the Lord has called me for this season and I am eating it up! I think it was the first time in my school career that I was excited to get home and begin my homework! ha! Maybe after awhile I won't be so eager but I hope I still am. I want to soak up every drop that God has for this season.

Please pray for me...I'm looking for a job over these next few weeks. The cost of living overall is pretty expensive even after all I've done to cut back (renting a furnished place from a family, purposely not having a car and taking the train, being careful what I spend my money on, etc) so I'm needing to supplement my support. Pray that I'd find a place that works in my schedule, that I can get to easily not having a car and an enjoyable environment to meet new people. I am hoping to work off campus and hopefully with non-Christians. I enjoy having interaction with people outside the "church." They challenge me and I hope I can do the same.

Also pray for me as I begin fitting into a new community and new life yet again. I have such a turnover of relationships and it's always hard in the beginning starting to establish new friendships and a good, supportive community such as a Bible Study or church group. I can get easily discouraged and self-pitying and lonely. So, I want to be proactive in connecting with people and getting to know them.

Also, I've already heard of some Afghans in the area that I hope to connect with for the sake of language continuation and relationship building. Pray that I'd be able to balance that with everything else and God would open up doors to build friendships with Afghans here in the States.

Registered and ready to go!

Boy am I glad graduate orientation is different than undergraduate orientation. I remember heading off to Northwestern and it feeling like summer camp for 5 days. We had an "orientation group" and I remember the girls being way too pretty and the guys showing off way too much. We had excursions and even a full blown fair on the main lawn on campus, complete with sumo wrestling in the big blown-up suits! My roommates and I would fuss in front of the mirror just to go down to the student center or get a hamburger from the Eagles' Nest. Yikes.

Today I set off with similar butterflies in my stomach and was still pretty impressed at how dressed up people arrived but this time I was surrounded by random theological conversations, meeting people from places like South Africa and India and Vietnam. I was basically given a checklist of things to do and sent off to do them...much like I was a responsible adult. Sigh...so nice.

So, I'll be taking classes in Theological Foundations (of Missions), Historical Foundations (of Missions), Intercultural Communication, Evangelism and Church Planting, and Spiritual Conflict. I'm very excited for all of these classes and just feel blessed to be able to be here and study these things for this season. Classes start on Wednesday.

Moved in!

I have unpacked my bags finally! I have been living out of my suitcase for the last 2 months so it was so nice to settle in and put my luggage in storage! :) The place I'm living in now is great...I'm renting a basement apartment from a family here in West Chicago. Dr. Yammamoto is a history professor at Wheaton. I also have a roommate, Yoshiko, who is also from Japan and attending Wheaton as well. They have been so gracious and welcoming to me. I have not had my own space since I lived in my apartment my senior year of college, 6 years ago! So, this feels very overwhelming and is a huge blessing for this season of my life. I miss the family-ness of community living but I am loving the freedom and privacy that being on my own for a bit is bringing.

Yesterday I took the train over to Wheaton College (I'm about 7 miles away from the college and don't have a car so I'm discovering public transportation in America!) and took care of some paperwork things and walked around. I browsed through the bookstore and then and only then did I get nervous about going back to school!

See, I loved my time at Northwestern College for my undergrad years. But the one thing that scares me about going back to a Christian college is the tendency towards "intellectual spirituality" that can happen in places like these. I get so frustrated when your caliber of Christianity is viewed through the lens of how much theology spews from your mouth or if you know the exact references to support Calvinism or Arminianism...or even having to claim one view or another. To be honest, I don't even understand completely what "dispensationalism" or "reformed theology" is or what the differences are in all the different denominations. And this is from a girl who grew up going to church, has a Bible degree and is a missionary for goodness sake!

I understand the value in theological training. I know that we need to study the scriptures and do our best to "be diligent to present [ourselves] approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth" (2 Timothy 2:15), but the danger comes when our study and knowledge takes more importance over intimacy and relationship with Jesus. And knowledge can be a slippery slope if not walked out in the fear of the Lord. Even the Bible says, "knowledge makes arrogant" (1 Cor. 8:1b). I remember as I exited Northwestern with my degree in hand proclaiming to the world that I knew what I was talking about, I was so arrogant...at least on the inside! I remember sitting in my YWAM classes picking apart what the speakers were saying until God finally got me face-to-face in a quiet time and confronted me on my idolatry of HIS WORD! Amazing how we can even put things that are seemingly spiritual before God and worship them over him.

I think one of the biggest lessons I learned while being overseas these last 2 years is how unnecessary I am in the whole scheme of things. Now, don't misunderstand me here. I'm not touting some super hyped up form of humility or flogging myself to death for my unworthiness or whatnot. What I'm saying is I've seen the true meaning of what Paul talked about in 1 Corinthinans:

For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are, so that no man may boast before God. (I Cor. 1:26-29)

We have the PRIVILEGE of serving God. He chose us for our idiocy and weaknesses and patheticness and then endows us with the Holy Spirit and all of a sudden we are unstoppable...or we aren't, rather He is unstoppable and His Word is unstoppable. And without the Holy Spirit, without the love of God, without the salvation of Jesus Christ, as we stand solely by ourselves, we have nothing to be proud of or boast of. Even if we have all the training and degrees and knowledge in the world, we are still just a vessel, a clay pot, a body that is decaying, a mass of imperfections and good intentions and sinful thoughts and the occasional good deeds.

Wow...so all that rambling to say, my prayer is that what I study and the things I learn over this next year and a half would lead me closer to Jesus, and not puff me up or motivate me to climb up on my own pedestal. I so desperately want to fall deeper and deeper in love with God, to the point of laying myself aside and being fully consumed with him. I don't want to repeat my mistakes of the past and become the pharisee that I tended to be during my time at Northwestern...because even if I fooled many of you during that time, I sure didn't fool God. And in his love and grace he brought me to a place where I was merely resting in God's amazing love for me and not striving to become something I was not.