Jeremy and Rachael's wedding

My brother is a married man!
In one day I gained a sister-in-law and a new neice!

Through my blurry-eyed jet lag I was able to arrive at home, get my hair cut, get a cute dress for the wedding, and engage in the rehearsal dinner and all other wedding activities in style. It has been so great to be home for this event as Jeremy is the first of our family and my cousins to get married.

The wedding was very casual and it was a beautiful day in the park. The ceremony was quick, simple and sweet. Rachael's beautiful daughter, Bella, stood up front with Jeremy and Rachael. She seems to be quite taken with her new dad as well as her "Uncle Bill." I have to admit, it was quite the adjustment to hear this little girl call my mom, "Grandma." I love how our family is growing!

The reception was a lot of fun with dancing and visiting with relatives. It was very special for me to be able to share this day with them. I'm so thankful I was able to make it back. I often feel so far away from home and distant from people but being able to make it back and participate in these important occasions makes the distance seem a little less.

So, congratulations Jeremy and Rachael (and Bella!). I wish you the best in your future together and may you grow closer as a family (and to our whole family) and continue to love one another even more every day!



With the bride and groom



The siblings together again

Engagement Party

As in most cultures, engagements and weddings can be all-consuming, big events. This culture is no exception. At the time of engagement, after back and forth communication between the man's family and the women's family (most marriages are arranged here), an agreement is made and then an official party is held to announce the engagement. Unlike my own culture however, the woman stays at home while the families party. Last week I had the privilege to attend the party.

If the family has money they rent a wedding hall and have a big ordeal, but if the family has less money, like the family that I attended the party with, the event is held in the home.

So, I donned my visiting clothes (the ones with the sparkly sequins all over them...yes, I'm contextualizing!), went over to a local friend's house and then we went together to the party. We were seated in a room which proceeded to fill to the brim with women and children. And just when I thought we couldn't fit more people in, the whole bride's family showed up announcing their arrival with hand drums, carrying a tray of gifts on their head. Later they will present these gifts for the bridegroom and members of his family. They usually consist of clothes, scarves, toiletry items and such. The women entered the room, and we proceeded with the formalities of kissing each other three times on the cheek with each woman. I was trying to count how many kisses I gave/received but after the first ten women went by, I lost track!

We sat around and had tea while the young teenage girls played the hand held drums and took turns dancing in the center of the room. After a few cups of tea we went to another room where the lunch was set out for us. I had to smile when I was seated next to a plate of rice that I was told was made with less oil (my friend knows foreigners don't consume as much oil as they do here) and I was handed a spoon, rather than expected to eat with my hands (which by the way...I have mastered the art of, but still prefer the spoon if it's an option!).



So there was more eating, and there was more dancing, and there was much chatting. I love the world of women that I get to experience here. They sit around talking of weather and kids. The women are nursing their babies, chatting about their children's upcoming school exams and laughing and dancing. There is so much beauty seated in that room. I can sense God looking down on them and delighting in them and longing to call them his own. What a privilege to experience!

Beauty in the desert

In my compound, surrounded by concrete, sits a garden of beauty...reds, oranges, yellows, pinks. The flowers greet me in the morning and remind me of how we as humans are attracted to beauty. With my garden in full bloom, my eyes don't dwell on the brown, mud-brick walls, or the gray cement. They dart straight for the brilliant colors and complementing hues of the flowers.

Beauty can be found in unlikely places here, hidden in the lines etched on a woman's face, peeking out from under her scarf. It can be found in the hand that slips into mine by a little girl walking down the street next to me. It can be found in the lilting language as someone says, "you are like family to me." There is dust and dirt and sweltering heat and violence and fear, but there is a beauty to be found in this land.


I'm also finding there is a beauty to be found in the spiritual desert. In seasons of dryness, when the voice of God seems a far-off whisper, when circumstances buffet us like a storm, when people wound us in uexpected ways, Beauty breaks through. The soft breeze of the Spirit blows through our life. The nearness of God breaks the distance of humanity. He kisses our foreheads and floods our hearts. And we can't help but turn our eyes to the beauty and away from the grays and browns and dullness of our lives.

Let us fix our eyes on Him!

Where am I again?!

In the capital city, there is a hotel that costs $250 a night to stay in. When you walk through the massive security gates you enter into a world that is nothing like the one you left behind. You can change into a bikini and go for a dip in the pool. You can sip a cappuccino while checking your email on your computer via wireless. You can get a massage or a facial. You can eat at the buffet for a mere $35 a person. You can stroll through the garden with the roses in bloom, the fountain flowing, and the grass soft beneath your feet. For some, in other parts of hte world, this is may be an everyday experience. Here, it is a rare treat.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to see the dance recital of a studio here in town. Some of my friends' children were in it. So, I went with others to see the performance and then afterward we sat in the courtyard, eating the best bowl of ice cream I've had in awhile, letting the breeze blow through my hair as my scarf rested on my shoulders and then topped it off with a nice strong cup of coffee. I was in heaven. What a blessing! Here are a few photos from my day:





In this last photo I am wearing an antique wedding headdress. The shopkeeper said it came from the city that I live in, but the stitching on it was from a group in the south part of the country. I don't know if any of that was true, but it looked so funky I couldn't resist a photo opp.

Dr. Mom

11 May 2009 marks the day my mom officially completed her PhD. studies! She successfully defended her dissertation and can now be called by the prestigious title of Dr. I'm so proud of her because she went back to school when I was still in high school and went on to continue her Masters and PhD studies in Indiana. She persevered through some really difficult times, especially when my brother died. She put in the long hours, the sacrifice and stuck it through even when she felt she couldn't add another word to her dissertation. She's an amazing woman and I'm so proud of her!

Beginning of the school

Today was our first day with our students. We still have a few more on the way as they are coming from remote locations around the world. It's an exciting season and I have a lot of anticipation as to what He wants to impart to us. However, I am still struggling to juggle the responsibility of my role here and saddened over not being able to do as much of things that I enjoy doing, such as teaching. I've also been processing how I might be able to have an opportunity to do a bit of writing. We'll see.

I thought I'd post some photos for some updates on our work on our house. There is still more to do in the kitchen and in the classroom but here is where we are at right now:

The kitchen:




The classroom:



I wish I had some before pictures because then you'd be able to see we got a LOT of work done! I'm looking forward to all the things happeing in these rooms...great food being created for fellowship times over meals, and great teaching and prayer times in our classroom.

Construction and New Beginnings

In a short time we will have a house overflowing with guests, new students and long-term staff. Our school will be beginning (and if you need more details...email me as I won't post about that on here too much). But, because of that we are expanding our kitchen which meant rerouting our front door. In addition to that we are fixing up our classroom, readying our house for more people and basically, keeping busy all day long.

Construction in this country always intrigues me. I picture what people like my grandfather would think if they came here...like when I first moved into my house in 2005. it was a "brand new" house but I had to turn on my ceiling light by putting two wires together without getting shocked by 220 volt electricity. One day I went to open my door and the doorknob snapped off in my hand, thereby locking me in my room until someone heard me and opened the door from the outside. Things are cheaply made, jimmy-rigged, temporarily "fixed" and done as cheaply as possible. We discovered this when finally decided to tackle the issue of our basement walls constantly leaking water thereby causing mold and damage to the wall. We dug out next to the wall and discovered that the evidently the hole for the basement had been dug, some bricks thrown against the sides of the hole, and some plaster and paint was put over the bricks. There were big gaping holes where large quantities of water were seeping in. Lovely.

So, to give you a peek into the world of construction here, I thought I'd show you a bit of what we've been having worked on lately:

This is our kitchen after the cupboards and everything was taken out. As you can see, we have a ways to go. We are expanding it out into what used to be our entry-way. We are adding a serving window because we eat outside for half of the year. We are also adding nice marble counter tops, some storage areas, and a new sink. So, consider this the "before" picture.




Here are the guys helping us get this done. Yes, he is applying plaster with his hands. That's the way things get done here. The guy on the far right has worked for us for a few years. He has been such a blessing to us here...he is a man of integrity and has such a soft heart. We'd love to see him in the Family some day.



This is how cement gets mixed here. You can see the shovel and the bag in the background.


Here's our newly installed front door. The room that this door enters into was my first bedroom I lived in here. This room has been used for many things. Now it's the entry-way and bit of a community hang out place.

The exciting thing about all this is it reminds me that there are new things to come, more people to walk through this place, and more that He wants to do among us. I'm looking forward to seeing how things grow and change among our community here.

Visiting Basil in Taiwan

Well, friends, in response to the floods of emails and messages on facebook, I was going to give you a little update on my trip to Taiwan to visit Basil. I was able to get away from work for a week and visit. I stayed with some other girls working with my same organization at the base there in Taiwan. However, I have to admit, most of my time was spent with one person....

Taiwan is beautiful, especially when coming from the deserts of central Asia! We had a chance to go to the beach, cruise around the city on Basil's moto, hike one of the nearby peaks, spend some time in Taipei, sit at starbucks, and just spend some quality time together. It was great to be able just to see Basil's life in Taiwan, meet his friends and roommates and be in the midst of the places he spends his time. So, he's seen A-land and now I've gotten to see Taiwan.

This week was a real blessing...thanks for all of you who expressed your excitement and your support and your prayers for us. We are both very excited about this season and the way God has brought us together. The week FLEW by but I'm so thankful for the time we were able to hang out. I'll continue to keep you posted! ;)

Here are some more photos from the week:


The ferris wheel...on the top of which we took the above picture of the two of us. The view of the city was fantastic!


A typical scene of the streets of Taiwan.


The view from the top of the hill we climbed. Unfortunately it was a little hazy but it was still beautiful!


Driving around on the moto.

Spring picnic

In a world lived behind walls, under a veil and hiding from the darting eyes of the crowd, freedom is something that can be a rare experience. A woman's life is all about hiding, not standing out. But then Friday rolls around and the entire city bursts out of the walls into their cars and taxis and drives away from the city to enjoy the beauty of the rugged landscape. The time is limited...if you don't go now the scorching summer sun will beat you there, rendering the landscape brown and you wasted by the heat.

But springtime means hills are green, the weather is cooler and people are ready to get out after having tons of relatives staying for the new year.

So, this last weekend, me, some teammates and my staff headed out to the green hills in the shadow of the craggy mountains. We were in an area that was heavily trafficked by fighting about 8 years ago. Now, thankfully, the mines have been cleared and the tanks have rolled out, leaving just overgrown memories of tragic days.

I love days like these, when I have the freedom to be outside the wall, without staring eyes, the sun shining down (not beating down) and the wind blowing. I can let my scarf slip a little to my shoulders and I can race my teammates up the foothills and toss a frisbee around and play soccer to my hearts content. I was so at peace. I wish I could get out like this more often. I also wish I would not have taken my time in Colorado so much for granted and gotten out hiking and skiing more. So, I hiked until my calves were stiff and ran around until I was out of breath and took advantage of the beauty of a day of freedom, out in the hills.


Riding donkeys


The beautiful scenery


The ladies

A bit of the language learning process

Believe it or not, it has been a whole month since I left American soil! Returning to this place has been quite the adventure with it’s ups and downs. It’s a good thing I like life to have a bit of advenutre and the unexpected, because that’s what I get every day.

But, in the process of getting settled in here and back into life, I have started up with language lessons again a few days a week. I’m very conversant in my language but I’m finding that I tend to use the same words and grammar structures over and over to make my point. People understand me, but I was getting in a rut. Thankfully, we are connected with a woman who is an amazing teacher, and I’ve been working with her. She doesn’t let one object marker or one mis-conjugated verb slip by. Frustrating sometimes, but so helpful!

So, yesterday we met again and rather than just go into sentences and the picture story we have been working through, she spent some time telling me about the customs here surrounding New Years. Many of them I was familiar with but there were some things, like the things that they do at home that I hadn’t heard much about. So, there I was listening (and feeling pretty proud of myself that I was picking up probably 80-90% of what she was saying) and asking questions.

Then she tells me about what happens at home the night before New Years day here. The young children will put henna on their hands and wrap cloth around it overnight so that it sets in really nice and dark. They then wake up early, pull of the cloth and run around showing everyone how beautiful their hands are (My opinion is still to be decided on that….I love henna if it’s the decorative and intricate designs, but here also, they just cover their entire palm in it…so their skin is a brownish/orange. They think it’s beautiful…often I just think it’s, well, orange.)

Then my teacher tells me that they spread out the dasterkhan which is a giant tablecloth put on the floor for eating. Then she tells me that they fill it with things that have seen in them (not the english word seen but a word here pronounced the same way). Now I was wracking my brain to try to remember the word seen. I didn’t know this word. So, I kept listening to her story to figure out if I could pick up the meaning. She gave me some examples and then continued on telling me the whole family sits around these things, and they are really good things and they pray for the New Year together that God would bless it, that they would have health, etc. Now, my training from Wheaton was kicking in and I was thinking, well, this sounds a bit like folk religions, and I bet seen maybe means something like a magic power, or something that has strong characteristics to it. I wrote these notes in my language notebook and made a mental note to check with a local teammate of mine.

My language lesson ended and I went to talk to my teammate about it, thinking I’d hit on some deep meaningful thing in the culture. As I told him the story he said, “oh yeah. Seen…as in the letter S. They are all things that start with the letter S.” Sure enough I looked over my list of things she mentioned: sabzi, safed, somoloq, etc. Not the deep spiritual meaning I was thinking for sure! But my next question is, “why? Is there a meaning behind it, or just a tradition?” I’ll have to find out and get back to you. (although, I’ve figured out “why?” is a frustrating question to ask here because you usually don’t get an answer, or not an answer that seems conclusive!)

New Years is coming!

I took a couple pictures while I was out and about in town this week. The streets are more full of people than normal, both from the warmer weather (it was up to 80F this last week!) as well as preparations for the New Year festivities which will happen a week from now. The city is full of energy, they are beautifying everything and planting tons of trees and flowers, repaving the streets, and I keep waking up to the sounds of my neighbors beating the dust out of their rugs and cushions outside every morning.

Myself, I'm also expectant of the year to come. There is lots of energy here, lots of expectation and lots of anticipation for what this year is bringing. I know that I too have to do a little house-cleaning, some preparing and some time just sitting with Him.

What a wild two weeks!

It has been quite the whirlwind being back here these last two weeks. I feel like I've been here for a few months with all that's been going on! About a week after I was here one of the short-term team members ended up having to be brought into the military hospital because he had a seizure in our bathroom. It was an incredibly scary day and one of my worst fears as a team leader was realized.

However, the peace of God was upon all of us as we sprang into action and got on our knees. The photo above was the day that the student was released from the hospital. (the sign says welcome back). He's currently on his way out of the country to get further care. We were very sad to see their team leave.

This is a new season here. I'm realizing how much more my focus is on equipping the team and getting ready for our school in May. I am enjoying it in that a lot of my giftings in the area of leadership and teaching are going to be used, but I really miss having as much time with the local people as I did before. I am hoping to get some visiting time in this week as I've been in the house having meetings all day the last few days.

Home again!

I wish I could take video of all it takes to get to my home here in Asia. Yesterday I took a taxi drive up through the mountain pass that has banks of snow on either side of the road at least 10 feet tall in the deepest parts. There are these huge trucks that are painted so brightly with tassles and jingling things hanging off of them. They don't seem to fare well over the pass so every so often there would be one stuck in the middle of the road, or the tunnel. In front of one I even saw a small fire going and a bunch of guys gathered around warming their hands and chatting while the hood of truck stood gaping open and traffic passed by around them.

I got up to my house last night and was so warmly welcomed by my team and the short-term teams we have here. They made pizza and cake for my birthday! amazing! I got the biggest hugs and hugest smiles from my Afghan friends. It's times like these that I realize how much I love being here and what's truly important here.

Then I went home to my room and also realized how much work I have ahead of me as I glanced at my pink and purple walls in desperate need of paint, my curtain-less windows which I draped a sheet across and an empty room that needs a bit of a domestic touch to feel like it's my sanctuary. The cable for electricity for our street also blew out last night. It is being worked on as we speak so I am using a friend's computer at our other house. The realities of life here. So, no shower today...maybe tomorrow, maybe not. And I hope to at least get some new carpet today for my room. We'll see how it all goes.

Ladies Taxi

Yesterday evening I arrived in Dubai. This city never ceases to amaze me on how cosmopolitan and globalized it looks and feels, and yet how much a part of the Middle East it is.

As I exited the airport to catch a taxi to my hotel (which by the way, had the HUGEST bed I've ever seen. Between that and the cold medicine I took, it was a delightful night's sleep) I was ushered off to the side to what they called the Ladies Taxi. What an amazing idea! The driver was a woman, she only drove women passengers (and families) and get this...instead of yellow and white the car was PINK and white!!! The woman wore a pink and white uniform (complete with a pink head covering). I wish this would catch on in Af! I would LOVE to avoid being hassled by men in a small space for a extended periods of time as he drives me across the city. Maybe I could open up a ladies taxi station in my city! ;)

And you know you're in the Muslim world when: there is a sign on the ceiling and on the wall indicating which direction mecca is in the hotel room.

Well, my flight leaves in less than an hour. I was just taking advantage of the free internet at the airport. My next update will be from AF!

My new camera

Well, I'm excited about my recent purchase of a new camera to take with me overseas. I was disappointed when the lens on my old one malfunctioned last summer and I've been without it since. It was going to cost about $150 to get fixed so I decided rather than doing that I'd invest that money in a new one. I find that a camera is such a necessary item to let people in on the world that I am experiencing as well as useful for our advertising, brochures, and slideshows that we do. I've been wanting a digital SLR for a long time but opted for a high-end point and shoot...about as good as you can get without getting into the professional range of cameras. So, after I get everything set up, I hope to share some good photos with you!

Packing my bags, taking only memories

I know many of you reading this have had your fair share of transitions and maybe even lots of moving in your life. It's never easy. I forget the tumult of emotions I face every time I pull out my suitcase and begin to fill it. However, this time I've been unpacking my suitcase to refill it again. I've been bouncing around from place to place for over a month.

You know what the weirdest experience for me is? It's when people are discussing their plans for the week or two after my departure date and I'm realizing, I won't be here! Many people have joked saying "yeah Danika, every time I see you, you're saying goodbye!" I know some have this perception that I just can't or don't want to sit still. But the truth is, the transition is always hard. I am missing out on my friend's first child, missing out on my friend's new house, missing out on my friends' marriages.

But, I set out again in hopes of a future that has been called into being by God himself. This was his plan from the beginning. And, to be honest, the adventure is fun! The land of the Afghans beckons to me once again promising many conversations over cups of tea, many giggles with my team over random incidents, many tears, many friends, many experiences, many lessons, many visits to government buildings. The good and the bad and everything in between lie ahead and I anxiously await it.

I depart Saturday.
Can you believe a year and a half has passed since I made my way to start grad school? wow! For those of you following my blog, you'll know that my camera died at the end of the summer this last year. The lens somehow got off it's tracking and refused to work. So, after much debate and research on the internet, I purchased a new camera and will be back in the business of giving you a visual of my life. (though I still have to pick it up at the store, so you just get my words in today's post!)

Pray, pray, pray....and for those of you who post, please remember my location and keep your comments "sanitized." Thanks!

Return from Amsterdam

Though I had intended to blog more while I was in Amsterdam, not blogging meant more time with my team. We had a great time together learning, hanging out, praying for each other and just getting to know one another. I am very excited for the group of people that will be serving in our location and believe that God has brought a great mix of gifts and abilities to the team. I wish I had a picture of all of us but it was such a busy week, we didn't even stop to photograph us all!



It was great to be back with those serving in my same organization. Throughout this week I was able to learn from others with a wealth of experience and wisdom. We ended the conference with some great interactive intercession/prayer that is often a part of Y's ethos. (and fyi...in future posts I will be using Y to represent my organization as I'm needed to keep things a bit more secure online. Thanks for understanding!) So, we prayed over maps, kneeled before the cross, jumped into the "river," or lit a candle to represent in the physical things that we were engaging in in the spiritual. It was an evening full of blessing and worship.



I really enjoyed being able to experience Amsterdam beyond the Schiphol airport! I have flown through so many times but didn't realize what a great city lay beyond. I would recommend a visit to anyone who hasn't been able to come through yet. I was able to enjoy some great cafes, wonderful food, the Van Gogh museum, Anne Frank's house and walking along the canals. The photo above is of the pancakes for which the dutch are famous for...as they should be. They were fantastic and I will never think of pancakes the same way again. Yum.

Well, I'm back in Wheaton and am on the countdown until I head back overseas. I will be in the country for about 3 weeks more.

Amsterdam, Day 1

Well friends, I am here in Amsterdam enjoying the warmer-than-the-midwest-deep-freeze-but-still-quite-cool temperatures. It rained this afternoon as I was wandering around the city but it was blowing wind and I haven’t been able to shake the chill.

I’m staying at a Christian hostel one night and then at the Y base for the time of the training that I’m going through. It was so much fun to wander around the streets of a city I haven’t been to before (this is country #21 for me). I have flown through the Schipol airport countless times but this time I actually got out of the Transit Lounge and into the city. Don’t let this disconcert you but the area where I’m staying is right on the edge of the red light district. I kind of stumbled into one of the main streets of the area today while I was out and about with the women wearing very little clothing, posing like an advertisement in the front window of the shops with the triple x on it and the loud music blaring inside. The more I travel, the more I see the best and the worst that this world has to offer. What made me sad was my innate instinct to look away, not make eye contact…the whole escapade leaves you forgetting for a moment that the “object” in the window, is a human being. This is a place that needs Jesus, a connection in the deepest parts of the soul of the people…and because of him, there is hope even in a place like Amsterdam.


As I continued my wanderings I sat down to have a good ol’ European lunch of some cappuccino and a tomato, mozerella and pesto sandwich on a bagette. Yum!

I also figured I’d get out and see at least one of the endless museums that Amsterdam has to offer. I settled on the Anne Frank house mostly because it cost less than the Van Gogh museum (which I still may break down and get to that one too before I leave). The Anne Frank House was well worth the entrance fee. The museum is structured so you physically walk through the house where eight Jews were hiding from the Nazis. You get just a taste of what it was like as you enter the hidden passageway behind the bookshelf, climb the steep stairs and hear your footsteps creak underneath; all the while quotes from Anne’s diary are prominently displayed on the walls reminding you how quiet and unseen they needed to be. At the end in a display case is her original journal with pictures she pasted in, scribbles and pages filled with her powerful testimony to her life in hiding. You can’t leave the museum untouched and passive. This is a photo of the house from the front, although the family was hidden in an annex to this building on the 3rd and 4th floors in the back.


Well, jet lag has settled in and I’m starting to mumble as I chat with others staying at the hostel. I may need to crawl into bunk #6, put in my earplugs and enjoy a goodnight’s sleep in a room with 15 other girls. You gotta love the romanticism of “backpacking in Europe!”

A homeless wanderer once again

I finished the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. And, as I usually shun pop culture out of a bit of a rebelliousness in my heart, I actually enjoyed this book along with the others who have raved about it. It is one woman's journey, physically, emotionally and spiritually after a brutal divorce. I don't see eye-to-eye with her on everything but it was enjoyable and encouraged me to continue to live my own life to the fullest and not according to how others perceive it should be lived.

Anyways...in the first section of the book she has a discussion with an Italian man about The Word that would sum her up. If she could be described in one word, what would it be. She comes to her own word at the end of the book (which you'll have to read yourself to discover) but I found this concept intriguing. If I could be summed up in one word, what would it be?

I may have to give it more depth of thought but what immediately came to my mind is the word SOJOURNER. I've always been drawn to this word because it's not someone who just travels but one who journeys with a purpose. I believe that my journey in life is one with purpose. Also, I believe that on this side of heaven, I will continue to sojourn. I have not found my true home yet. Therefore, I will be a sojourner even if I do have a permanent address.

But, I begin my physical journey once again. I drove up from West Chicago yesterday to my grandparents' house in northern Minnesota to again shove my small pile of earthly belongings in its place under the stairs in their basement and begin the transition process of heading back overseas. I admit, there is a part of me that increases as I get older that really longs to have a place of my own to call "home." It's been a small dream over the past few years to acquire a place (maybe a townhome or something so someone else can do my yardwork) that I could live in when I come back from overseas. I could rent it out to someone while I'm gone, but know I had a place to stay when I came back. But, that's part of the sojourning adventure. And so many have taken me in, given me a guest bedroom for a night, a week or more. I have friends all over the globe and a lot of physical places I could call "home." Even so, the uprooting and the transition does take its toll on me. Especially when I look around at my friends buying homes, having their second child, involved in their community and church. But, a friend of mine once said, "Know what you are called to so you know what to say no to." I know that I'm not called to unpack my suitcase just yet.

So, once again, my email address and my blog are about the only permanent address I actually have! Stay connected with me here because even though I'm in and out, I still love to hear from friends and be a part of your lives.

Happy 2009!

The New Year event is like a drug for sentimental people like me. It actually is a viable excuse to take a trip down memory lane, read through old journals and blogs, reflect, analyze, ponder the future. I love the new year just for that.

So, guess what I did...I read through my blog from this last year (haven't even touched my journal...it's a bit more of a tome) and was amazed at what this last year held. In juxtaposition to all the dim and dreary news (economic crisis, war in Iraq, violence in the Middle East, shady Illinois politics....)I found my life over the last year one to be happy about and not a year that I need to forget or drown myself in alcohol to make disappear.

I'm hoping that's a sign of a life well-lived.

So, here's what this last year held for me:

Travels:
as always, I'm amazed at the places I've been able to go and things I've been able to experience. This year found me on the beaches of Kona, Hawaii last January, hiking through the Red River Gorge in Kentucky over Spring Break, in Los Angeles for my friends' wedding in April, traveling through Afghanistan, Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan and Dubai, U.A.E. over the summer, in Montana tromping around Glacier National Park in August, visiting New York for the first time in November, and meandering between Minnesota and Chicago, IL in between all that! Whew! What an amazing journey it's been physically. I should wear an odometer to keep track of all the miles!

Education:: of course the highlight was my graduation from Wheaton College grad school with my Masters Degree. I never fully considered further education after my graduation from undergrad and yet here I am. I'm now even considering the possibility of doing PhD studies in the future!

But...I also got my certificate in TESOL this summer which I hope will be a useful tool and beneficial training for the years ahead.

And I got a little "hands-on" education learning how to really wear a burka on the dusty streets when it's 110+ degrees out. I learned how to be a better cook this year. I learned what an art recruiting is. I learned how to ask better questions.

Friends and Family: life would be so boring with out the people in our lives to experience it with. I'm so thankful for the dear friends I've made from the Y friends that seem to come in and out of my life all over the world, the friends I've made a Wheaton, the local friends I make whose names are so difficult to pronounce correctly, and my family who watches me flit in and out of their lives like the wind, embracing me while I'm home and praying for me while I'm gone. There are those people who send emails and notes on facebook and yet we have not seen each other in a long time...friendships that stand despite distance. And of course my faithful team of supporters whose financial sacrifice and bended knees I couldn't live without. Thanks to all of you who have loved, embraced, prayed for, and laughed with me over this last year.

2009
And as always the New Year has us hoping for better no matter how great the previous year has been. Some things that I hoping for this year is that I want to be more open to deep relationships in my life...truly connecting with people, not holding back or shutting people out. Same for my relationship with God...I want a greater revelation of him this year, to go deeper with Him, to devour his word and ache to hear his voice.

I want to love the stranger, help the poor and speak hope into the lives of as many as I possibly can.

And I want to see God be God this year. I want to stand in awe at what He does and who He is.

Bring on 2009!

I emailed this out to the group of people that receives my regular email updates. But thought I'd post it here too in case you read my blog, but don't get my updates. If you'd like to hear from me via email...just post me a comment with your email and I'll get back to you.

Finishing a chapter, beginning a new one

Well, it's been awhile since I've updated my blog but considering in the last two weeks I graduated, finished my final papers and exams, and spend Christmas with my family in Minnesota....well, consider yourself blessed by an actual update on my blog!


The above is a photo of the Billy Graham Center at Wheaton College. This is where I spent the majority of my time at Wheaton.



Well, I'm officially a Master in Intercultural Studies if you can believe it! The year and a half program has flown by and saying goodbye to this chapter of my life is bittersweet. I've made some amazing friends:


and have some fantastic memories and wonderful experiences and feel as though I'm walking away from here with a new understanding of cultures and worldview that will be a great benefit to me in the months and years ahead. However, I admit, I was getting a bit restless over the last few months. I get this rush of excitement as I search for ticket prices on flights. I went to the library to check out some "candy" reading (non-academic reading, now that I'm finished with my degree) and ended up checking out The Lost Continent by Bill Bryson and Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert...they are both travelogues. hmmm....I sense a theme.

I can barely keep track of my own schedule, but for those interested in tracking me down, I will be back to Chicago for a week to pack up my stuff, back in MN for a fundraiser at my home church on January 9 (please come if you're around! There will be yummy Afghan food!). Then I will be traveling to Amsterdam Jan 16-26 to take part in some training for the school we are going to run in A-land this upcoming year and to do some team building. Then I'll be back in the USA to finish up raising support, to represent my organization at Wheaton's Mission in Focus week, and to pack and head back to A-land mid-February. It's going to be a lot of travel and I'll be doing a bit of couch hopping before I head back "home" in central Asia.

So, stay in touch. I want to see you if you are in MN or Chicago (or happen to be passing through Amsterdam the same time as me!).

This picture is by far one of my favorites from my time at Wheaton. It was taken a whole year ago at the Christmas party for our department. As of Friday, all of us will be graduated and headed out around the country, and eventually the world to the things God is leading us into.

I graduate on Friday....really.
It's hard to believe that a year and a half has passed by, that I earned 40 credits for a Masters Degree, that I made some great new friends, that I laughed and cried, slept a lot and drank lots of coffee. I wonder how many hours I wracked up between the library and caribou coffee studying.

One thing I've been most blessed by is time to just cultivate new friendships. I love the friendships I have working overseas. It's almost as though when you meet people in settings like that that you avoid all the meaningless chitchat because you both know a bit of the depths of that person's heart being that you are meeting them in a context that they are living out their passion. It makes for some intense interactions and you go deep with people you may never have gotten a chance to know if it wasn't for that place and calling that you both share.

Wheaton has been a time to meet a variety of people...people I hadn't expected to enjoy their friendship so much; people who think like me and yet differently as the same time. I've been able to socialize and be silly and do things with people just for the fun of it. That has been a wonderful gift!

And these women above have taught me much...how to live life with abandon, how live life making calculated and deliberate decisions, how to follow your passion, how to persevere, how to be a friend, how to share my heart, how to let the tears flow, how to laugh more, how to "study" with out really studying, how to be a better cook, how to call up friends just to talk, how to create community while not living in community. There are more than just these faces that I am taking away with me and many others not included in this picture but I felt like the photo was representative of some great, great times here at Wheaton.

New York City (in four days)

In typical fashion for my team, I got a phone call from my team leader asking if there was any way we could meet up to discuss some team stuff and plan for this next year while they were in the United States. Well, three days later, I was on a plane headed to New York City. A stash of air miles and a cheap ministry guesthouse made it possible.


This is the place where I stayed, a place called Hephzibah House which boards guests who are involved in some kind of full time ministry whether pastors, missionaries or other ministry workers. (so if you fit into this category and need a place to stay in New York City...). The guesthouse is located in Manhattan on the Upper West Side, which made for an ideal location to explore the city as well while I was there.


So, in the mornings I got out to places like the picture above, Cafe Lalo. This is the cafe in the movie "You've Got Mail" where Meg Ryan's character is supposed to meet her mystery friend from the internet. When I visited though, I forgot my copy of Pride and Prejudice as well as my flower. To top it all off, Tom Hanks never showed up. sigh. But, I did get a great (and expensive!) cappuccino and some time to journal. Also in typical New York fashion, while I was sitting in the cafe I was hearing French, Korean, Russian and English being spoken. You gotta love America.

In the afternoons I met with some good friends of mine who are leading our team and work in Central Asia. We had a great time catching up with one another as well as planning, dreaming and praying together for this next year. Those of you who receive my email updates know that there is a lot of things happening this year, so it was good for us to get on the same page and see things moving forward. I will be sending out a newsletter hopefully within this next month to update people, but as a heads up, I will most likely be headed back to Asia earlier than I had originally planned, and therefore have to get my support at a sustainable level before that time...again, these are details for a newsletter to come.



The last day of my trip I took the subway down to the area of the World Trade Center tragedy. I have wanted to pay a visit to this place since the day it happened. This visit was more emotional for me than I had expected. As I walked around the area with other camera-sporting tourists, it was interesting to me that as people walked around the area, there was still a sense of reverence and quiet among them. They talked to each other in near whispered voices. They paused quietly to look upon the construction site where they are working on the foundation for the new building. I felt odd taking pictures because being a tourist there didn't seem appropriate. But, I couldn't leave without taking a few images with me.

I also was contrasting in my emotional capacity, the balance of American patriotism and love for my country, and my love for the people of the nation that was the breeding grounds for this action. Oh how we need reconciliation in this world. And we need more than just memorials, but we need to look each other in the eye, face-to-face and forgive and LOVE. And I believe that that love doesn't come from within ourselves, but from a God who created and loves all the peoples of this world. I want to continue to love the people of both these nations whose history was written together unexpectedly at this location seven years ago. I'll never forget but it's not merely because the tragedy of that day hangs in my memory, it's because the hope of a nation and people in Central Asia is before me every single day.

Come here often?

I am right in the middle of taking my comprehensive exams and thereby winding down with grad school. In fact, in about three hours I will be taking part in my oral exams, the final section of the exams. I'm excited to be done with them, to say the least.

But, I have to share some humorous experiences that I've had taking these exams. The last two weekends we've had take-home essays as part of it. We have a couple hours to write on each section (no notes, no books). So, since at home I feel rather distracted and not so ambitious or intellectual, I packed up my laptop and headed to Starbucks the first weekend. I made a point to head to a coffee shop in a different suburban area than where I'd encounter other Wheaton students. I got my coffee and was happy to see that this shop even had a semi-partitioned off section. I cozied up and felt a little private to take my test. Well, about 5 minutes after I had tore into that envelope with my test question a couple who was just screaming with insecurity walked in and sat down right across from me. There sat on two living room chairs with a coffee table between them. After arguing about who gets the chair facing the rest of the coffee shop (to which I turned up the volume on my headphones and missed the conclusion of that discussion), about five minutes later the guy moves over and sits with the girl on her tiny little chair. They then proceed to take part in touching and kissing activities to which I'll leave out to keep this G rated. By now, I'm feeling a little bit uncomfortable. I try turning up the volume, shifting in my chair, leaning my head on one hand so I can't see them out of the corner of my eye, trying to focus on my exam! Eventually I look over and ask them if they wouldn't mind doing that somewhere else. I got a LOOK from behind the heavily make-uped eyes of the girl. So, I moved myself to the other side of the coffee shop and the couple made their way out the door soon after. I finished the rest of my essay in peace.

This weekend my exams were longer and had some breaks in between. I spent part of them at the library and part at Caribou coffee. At caribou after I had grabbed my coffee and was plugging in my computer this curly-haired undergrad sat right next to my table and joked about my computer (which was the same as mine). He started to gab on and on and was asking me about myself and started to ask if I'd like to grab a drink (was he old enough, I thought). I told him I had a lot to do and put my headphones on. Then, five hours later after I had finished my exam (yeah!) I was packing up my stuff and there was another guy near my table who struck up a conversation with me (also inquiring about my computer...it kind of had that "cute dog" affect I guess). He proceeded to ask if I come to the coffee shop often and next time I come in if I'd like to get a cup of coffee with him and talk! (and may I interject that he is from North Africa, most likely Muslim. Ironic, given my line of work.)

So, I drove home, laughing outloud. What an experience. I have spent hundreds of hours studying at coffeeshops and nothing remotely like these two days has ever occurred. Then when I am taking the biggest exams of my grad school career, the men swarm like bees. I wonder if there was something on those exam papers?!

Singled out at church

I don't know what the deal is but the last two Sundays at church I've managed to sit behind "That Couple"...you know the one: young, oozing with beauty and smelling of suburbia. They absolutely can't keep their hands off each other (his arm is around her waist during worship and around her shoulders during the sermon) and they whisper to each other the entire service. My church meets in a high school auditorium and so we have the typical folding auditorium seats. I happen to be a little short (ahem) so every time this couple leans in to tell each other about who knows what I am cut off from any view and feeling of participation in the service.

Sigh.

I'm going to have to start choosing my seat more carefully in the Sunday service, sadly enough.

Needing a change

Yesterday I went into my hairstylist with the intention of getting my hair about shoulder length, some subtle layers, and I left with a short, sassy little do. I was feeling a bit crazy and sensing that ever-present, itching desire within me for change and something new. I really like the new look and kinda feel a bit more grown-up.

I've realized I have a really hard time sitting still. I've had other adults, further down the path of life than me, tell me it's just a phase but I'm beginning to realize this is a part of who I am. I really like experiencing the new. I love digging into a new project, no matter what it may be: trying a new recipe, checking out a new store, starting a new book, starting a new craft project, starting a new class, venturing into a new country, starting a new NGO, meeting a new person, planning a new adventure, learning a new language. What I have a hard time with is carrying through the new to the finish. I'm realizing how many half-crocheted blankets I have sitting around, how many plans I'm making when I have responsibilities to finish, other languages I'm wanting to start learning. In YWAM I tend to fit in well because "pioneering" is an every day word in that crowd. Here in the Wheaton, suburban area, I'm feeling like a fish out of water in a land that is putting down roots, prides itself on it's long standing history, you can't get a job unless you're willing to commit a year etc, etc. I wonder if I will always be an anomaly in America. I'm definitely feeling like it lately.

So, friends, in a moment of vulnerability, I'd ask for your prayers. I am feeling a bit lonely and disconnected. I feel like a puzzle piece without the rest of my puzzle, trying to figure out how to fit in a puzzle I wasn't designed for (how's that for deep metaphorical language!) But for real, I think this is the typical experience of every cross-cultural worker or anyone who finds themselves in varying contexts. Believe it or not, I'm missing the intensity of my lifestyle overseas. I'm growing weary of the "coffee shop" culture of spending way too much time chit-chatting over the every-dayness of life. I want to put my hands to something new and messy and chaotic again.

At the same time, I guess it's good that I'm feeling this way. I did fear a bit I'd return to America and never want to leave and go back because I enjoyed it too much. Granted, I've loved how comfortable life has been this last year and a half. But I know from experience that comfort is not the highest goal in life. I want to get back to aiming higher.

Election madness

On my way to class Tuesday morning, my drive was an interesting one. I had to change lanes to go around this big truck that was pulled over to the side of the road with it's hazard lights flashing. Then in my rearview mirror I see this guy jump out of the truck, run over to the side of the road and full on kick the McCain/Palin sign stuck in the ground. Then, evidently pleased with his childish actions, he jumped back in the truck and sped away. hmm.

Then, I've been hearing the talk and getting the crazy forwards from those who are speculating that Barak Obama is actually the antichrist. I'm pretty sure that having a Muslim name, friends who are Muslims, and being a the favored candidate by some in Muslim areas of the world automatically means he's evil to the core...especially in today's naive and narrow thinking that anything Muslim is associated with all things evil. Well, for any of you who know me, you know how I feel about that.

So, a kind reminder to all my fellow American citizens....let's not be haters this election; let's not act like children. But let's vote responsibly and with integrity.

Oh Death, where is your sting!

My time in the Word of God today has been particularly poignant. It's amazing to me those times when the Word of God seems like it was etched out for you just for this time, this circumstance. As if God read your thoughts and penned these specific words thousands of years before to speak to you today. How beautiful the life that is contained in that book and in the breath of the Holy Spirit whispering in my ear.

Death has been weighing heavy on my heart. Watching the news about the tragedy of the death of the worker in Kabul, then a few days later the death of three others. To top it all of, the two year anniversary of my brother's death looms next week (November 1). My journey with God over the last two years has been infused with deep moments of prayer, frustration, resolution and paradoxical confusion of the experience of death.

This week in my study of the book of Daniel we have been concentrating on the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego as they refused to bow to the golden statue that Nebachudnezzar erected of himself and then were thrown in to the furnace of fire as punishment. And lo and behold, a fourth person appeared with them in the furnace and they were not even singed, did not even have the scent of smoke on them.

In the Beth Moore study I'm doing, she talks about this miracle and how a deliverance from death really builds your faith. But then turns to the inevitable question...what about all those who perish in the fire? Unexpected tragedies? seemingly "untimely" death? This is something that I haven't theoretically pondered but has been a soul-wrestling for me.

One thing that has deepened in my heart is knowing that death is not an end, but a moment along the journey. Death is not something to be avoided (because we can't!) but an event which closes one chapter and begins another. To be honest, I held a lot of fear in my heart after the initial news of the aid worker in Kabul. But, if we spend our whole lives trying to make everything as safe as it can possibly be, chances are we will never fully live the abundant lives God has called us to live. As I approach the two year mark of life on earth devoid of James' physical presence, I feel more resolve to not tip-toe around death (but neither do I cast myself into that fiery furnace either!). God has called me, God will guide me, and it is my hope that I will not be singed or even smell like smoke, but I want to stand and say with these three men, "even if [God does not save us from the fire] we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold." My loyalty is to God, not the fear of men, not the fear of death, not hiding under a safety blanket, not the golden image of anything on this earth.

I hate injustice.

I'm sitting in a coffee shop reading my required class reading on cross-cultural ethics. I paused to jump on the internet and see what has been happening in the world. There seems to be a bit of "chatter" among some of my friends in Central Asia so I jump over to the news page and read about Gayle. (if you haven't read this news story, read it first before continuing my post. Just click on the hyperlink.)

I also scrolled through the other news about the Taliban killing people aboard a bus (women and children included), a suicide bomber in the next province over from my city in Central Asia.

Then I sit here in said comfortable coffee shop under a cloud of emotions. I'm grieved at the loss of this woman who I know was probably not much different from me...felt compassion and a call, put a comfortable life aside and took on the harsh realities of life under a head scarf. I'm sad to have lost a fellow worker and sister.

Then I'm just angry that these people who kill and maim and destroy for an ideal in the name of religion, serving God, creating a land in the name of "God", etc, etc, etc. What kind of a God can see that the end justifies the means?!?! How can killing children in the name of Allah be a worthy cause? How can killing a woman, even if you believe her to be a spy, actually cross your mind, let alone be something you follow through on? Our world is a sad, psychotic, desperate place.

Then I'm scared. I'm scared at the way the people on my side of the globe are reacting my equating all Muslim people with Fundamentalist Terrorism (if this is you, DON'T! It's not true and it's a form of racism!). I'm also scared at how drawn I continue to be to this nation where my life could be taken from me. I'm scared at the discussions I'm having to have with my family about where to put my body should I die "over there." I'm scared that after all the effort, blood, sweat, tears, prayer, money, etc that's been put into A. that sometimes it feels like one step forward, two steps back. I question if what we (and by we I don't mean the US government) are doing is making a lasting difference. I want to go and give 150% there but at the same time I sometimes feel like running away because it's so complicated and overwhelming.

Because of my "occupation" I'm sure some people are waiting for the "light at the end of the tunnel" conclusion and I want to find that myself and cling fast to it. I want to be able to say glibly with others "there's a reason for everything" and actually believe it, but that would be merely a Christian-ese band-aid (and more in-line with fatalistic Islam than the message of the Bible). Truth is, encountering the injustices and tragedies of the world that I have has made me question God even more. Please don't misunderstand me. This questioning is not a losing faith or a doubting the existence of God. In fact, "questioning God" is probably not it so much as questioning MY perception of who God is. If God is too small to deal with these issues or too callous to feel about them or too ignorant to have expected them...then that's probably not God but my shallow image of God.

So, tomorrow I may wake up with more hope, but today I'm just a bit angry at the world. I'm a bit saddened by the perpetual fallenness of humanity and the endless loss that we inflict upon ourselves and others. And today, I'm really, really angry at the Taliban. I may not be a great Christian today. I'm probably not the most gracious M-worker, but this is just how I feel.

A solo retreat

One thing you may notice about this post...there are photos. However, my camera is still out of commission so I had to resort to pulling out my 35mm which still had half a roll of film in it and pictures from who knows when. So, I got all the photos put onto a CD and I'm realizing once again why digital is definitely the way to go.

That being said, last week my Thursday class was canceled and the weather was gorgeous so I thought, why not take some time away? I hopped in the car I'm getting to borrow (which enables me to have opportunities like this! yeah!) and drove to Mississippi Palisades State Park...which is on the Mississippi River that is the border between Illinois and Iowa. I pitched my tent and spent a couple nights out in the "wilderness."




The campground was pretty empty and I found this little area where I couldn't see or really hear anyone and there was a little creek that was flowing through the trees.



(I tried to take a "cute camping photo" in my sleeping bag. But, the photo turned out a little bright.)

The time was so refreshing. I am so renewed when I get to spend time in nature and this time was no different. I hiked around on the hiking trails, read a bit, roasted marshmallows and bratwurst, watched the stars, prayed, journaled, read my Bible, and talked to God some more. It was refreshing. I didn't have any earth-shattering revelations but I came home with my spirit refreshed, my body energized, my hair smelling of campfire, and feeling that warm glow of spending time with God.

The only crazy thing was the first night I heard this growling near my tent at about 3am...I was hoping it was a racoon because I had seen one as I was pulling into my spot. The next night, there was something screaming and fighting in the trees near my tent. In my half-awakeness I was a afraid I was going to have to start rebuking demons...didn't help that video we watched in History of Christianity talking about the mystic Coptic monks in Egypt going into the wilderness and then encountering demons...hypothetically or real.



Some highlights of my time: I saw the most beautiful sunset as I was driving to the park, this spot in the picture above was a little isolated place off the path on the edge of the bluffs that I found to eat my lunch; I felt like a bird in its nest perched up here. I saw a shooting star the first night that trailed across half the sky, I feel asleep to the sounds of crickets, frogs and the creek, and I felt a lot more "centered" when I left.

Thoughts on Babylon

I started a new Bible Study with some women from my church this last Monday. We are going through a Beth Moore study on the book of Daniel. I'm pretty excited to delve into this book as I've kind of shied away from it feeling like it's too much to take on...prophecy, endtimes stuff, yikes. And yet it contains all those "oh so simple" Bible stories of Daniel and the Lion's Den, the fiery furnace, etc.

So, in our first session Beth Moore (via video) talked about the comparisons between Babylon at the height of it's success and present day America (or pick your choice of prosperous, wealthy, nation). Babylon (in Isaiah 47) is encapsulated by the phrase, "I am and there is no one besides me." (this is HUMANS saying this, not God). We talked about the concept of living for your own pleasure, as if you deserve all the things in your life. Now, before you dismiss me as ranting and being an American-culture hater, just stop and give it a thought as to how true this is in our society. I currently live in the suburbs of the third wealthiest county in the nation. There is not a thing I can't get to satisfy every whim I have within a 10 mile radius of me...and if I can't find it there I can get on the internet and find it. Now, this is not necessarily a bad thing, but what I do with all those choices and luxuries is where the true matter is. Where is my heart?

As we were gathering together I had that sense, you know the one, of conviction from the Holy Spirit. When I return from overseas I tend to be a bit overindulgent. I find myself thinking, "because I can." I'm going to have the large coffee, topped to overflowing with whipped cream and carmel, because I can. I'm going to watch tv for 4 hours because I can. I'm going to buy some new clothes for myself because I can...now, these things are not wrong inherently, but my attitude is. I find myself bemoaning my self-martyrdom status due to giving up these things (by necessity) while overseas and then letting the pendulum swing back and control my life here.

And now that I have all this in the back of my head, I've been noticing it all around me. I was reading the magazine "Real Simple" and they had a whole article on reorganizing women's closets so they can maximize what they have. They said that most women are finding they have too much clothing and can't utilize all that they own. One woman in the article had THREE FULL CLOSETS in her home!!!! The article was teaching her how to organize it so she could streamline her process of chosing her outfit in the morning! what?! Then I sat in the coffeeshop milking my small cup of regular cup of coffee for all it's worth (free refills!! I was shaking a bit). A guy came in and ordered something that the coffee shop was out of. He proceeded, in a very loud voice, to express his frustration. He said (and I quote), "You do understand how mad I am that I came here and wanted one certain thing and you don't even have it?! I will be back here this time tomorrow and you'd better have that drink. I don't want to be disappointed again." If our needs can't be met immediately, in the exact way that we want them to, we flip out and lash out at those around us. "I am and there is no one besides me." yikes.

So, I'm excited about this study, and nervous at the same time. The Bible has that way of "reading you" as well, doesn't it? I think it was Martin Luther that said, "The Bible is alive--it has hands and grabs hold of me, it has feet and runs after me."

Grad chapel

Wednesday October 1, I will be sharing in the graduate school chapel time at Wheaton with a friend of mine. We were both in Af-stan this summer. Looking forward to doing some sharing again and also looking forward to some more opportunities (like with you, your church, etc.). Pray that it goes well!