A few things that have made me laugh lately

Maybe their standards for handicap accessibility are a little bit different here in Taiwan.



This is actually a really delicious drink that I discovered: kumquat lemon juice with prunes. It's like a tangy lemonade but the prunes add a bit of natural sweetness to it. However, it's a bit embarrassing drinking this delicious beverage because it looks like floaties in toilet water.

It's the end of the world as we know it....

Ah. the book of Revelation!

Duh, duh, dunnnnnn!

Armageddon, a rider on a white horse, a great red dragon, the mark of the beast... it stirs up apocalyptic nonsense in our heads and really we wonder if God was so good and normal beforehand, why does he get so weird when it comes to the end times?

And when is the end of the world? 1984? nope. Y2k? evidently not? 2012? I guess we'll wait and see.

I approached Revelation not so much with fear but with frustration. I've heard this book taught from so many different points of view. I have heard the teaching of Israel being God's chosen race to the end of time and 144,000 of them are chosen to rule and reign. I have heard people get in arguments over this book. And I have been made to feel really stupid in the past because I just. didn't. get. it. I know Jesus wins and all, but why the craziness?

After studying this book, I see things in a whole new light. The way we approach the Bible in SBS is to lay aside all the things we've been taught or what's been interpreted to us before and just let the text speak for itself. It's been really refreshing because you don't have to be a genius or a theologian to study the Bible. In fact...most everyone who read the books of the bible for the first time were neither of those things either. In fact, the majority of them were illiterate. But this is a bit of a tangent....

Revelation is apocalyptic literature. This means that it is written in a certain style and form and follows certain rules of this kind of literature. I had never really thought about this before, but it should be one of the main things we grasp when interpreting this book. It is structured in cycles looking at one event but from many different angles...it's like creating a 3D movie: a lot of different cameras are set up from different angles so when all put together it creates a picture with greater dimensions. This is the book of Revelation. So, it is not a chronological book but is looking at the return of Christ from many angles. Also, in apocalyptic literature, numbers are symbolic according to the Jewish mindset to which this book was written. Too often we have chosen which ones we like to be symbolic and which we take literally. So, I won't express all my interpretations and views of this book because it might spark debate which is not the intent of this post.

The intent is to say, I was REFRESHED by this book. One thing that really stood out to me is that Jesus appears among the lampstands. The lampstands are symbolic for the church and the crazy thing is that he is among them. His presence is their promise to endure, to stay strong, to keep preaching his word. Then when the Bride appears, the New Jerusalem, what is the defining feature is that the dwelling place of God is now with man. We just started Genesis this week and the fulfillment of what happened at the fall, the separation of man from God because of their sin, God then promises that he will bring a redeemer. Eternity comes with the promise of God's presence; that is a GOOD promise. This is the promise that we can hold to. God wants to be with us for eternity. His goal is to be with his Bride.

Another thing that struck me was in chapter 22 it says, the Spirit and the Bride say come. God is calling people to himself, but the church's job is to do the exact same thing. This is our job until Jesus returns, to extend an invitation to the world for the marriage supper of the Lamb. The Spirit and the Bride have the same goal. To be together for eternity, and to invite others into that.

Amen! Come Lord Jesus!

Gospel of John

So, here's the crazy thing I've been experiencing about studying the Bible...there are some well known and well loved passages in there for me. But, with my face in the Bible and my heart open to the Word every day, there are things that I have brushed over or really thought insignificant that are making the greatest impact in my life. For example, the story of Philip sharing with the Ethiopian eunuch was so powerful to me when we studied Acts.

This week we dove in after our week break into the gospel of John. John wrote this book after Jerusalem was sieged and the temple was destroyed (70AD). If you remember, this book is full of Jesus' "I am" statements: I am the bread of life, I am the resurrection and the life, I am the good shepherd, I am the light of the world. John is writing his gospel that people would believe in Jesus for eternal life. Judaism in most of its forms is gone. Jesus is what they need. John was also coming against teaching of the day called Gnosticism. This teaching said the flesh was evil and the spirit is good so Jesus must have been a spirit that appeared to be a man or he was a man who was blessed with the "Divine Spirit" for awhile and then it was removed. So, John shows the absolute need for Jesus as well as him being fully God and fully man.

So, the whole Gospel was great, and for those of you who know and love this book, John is a very personal gospel. It's the only one that includes things like the prayer Jesus prays for his disciples and the washing of the disciples' feet, John leaning against Jesus at the last supper, the vine and the branches. You feel the friendship of John with Jesus and how it changed his life when you read this book. I personally was blessed by that.

But, what hit me unexpectedly was the raising of Lazarus and the weeping of Jesus. It happened at an opportune time as Wednesday would have been my Grandpa Gene's 73rd birthday. I came into class and we had worship that morning. In worship, I tend to just let my heart be at a real honest place before God and so often I end up very emotional. In the middle of worship I realized the date and was hit but how deeply I miss my grandpa. I remember calling home last year and talking to him. He always called me names like Pumpkin or Sweets. He was a man of few words on the phone but sometimes he would pray for me. He would always tell me how much he loved me. My grandpa is the man who most treated me like a princess.

And it hurts that he's gone. It hurts that James (my brother) is gone. I know I will see them again on the other side of life, but there are two huge empty spaces in my family that will never be filled. They will always be there. The tears come and go, but there's always an awareness that there should be another person around. Family photos are just a little bit emptier.

When Jesus hears of Lazarus' illness and then that he has died, he knows that he will raise him back to life. And for that reason, I've always wondered why Jesus weeps at the tomb. It's the only time it's recorded that he cries and it's when he knows he's coming to raise someone back to life for goodness sake! But Mary comes to Jesus, falls at his feet and says, "Lord if you had been here, my brother would not have died." She weeps. Jesus sees her tears and those with her grieving. He weeps.

It hit me....Jesus is moved by what moves us.
Jesus is moved by my deep loss over my grandfather even though they are together in heaven at this very moment. Jesus may even grieve and weep with me now, though he knows that resurrection and life is to come.
Jesus cares about how I feel. I don't have to change it, fix it, overcome it, hide it. I can feel and Jesus will be there.

I so needed that this week. Because in that time of worship, I lost it. I wept. That ache of loss over my grandpa and also my brother was like a bowling ball in my chest and it sent the tears cascading down my face. And I admit, I was embarrassed. Why couldn't this happen when I could run to my room and be alone and let it all out? Why in front of 70+ people? And these people have no idea it was my grandpa's birthday. They just watched me lose it and some felt awkward and wondered from a distance if I was alright. Only a few gave me a hug.

But Jesus, he sat there and he wept with me. He didn't feel the need to give me words that made me feel better, or made him feel better. He didn't fix it. He just wept.



I wanted to post a photo that i have by my bed right now. My grandma sent it to me in a package because she found it while going through things at the house. In the photo on the left is my mother, in the middle is my great-grandma Potter (my grandpa's mother, who died when I was pretty young) and to the right is my grandpa, the man who has been there for me since I was born. The man who always treated me like a princes. The constant in my life when so many things changed.
And me...I'm the one week old baby in my great-grandma's arms. I love my family. Through all we've been through, we've stuck it out and still love each other and we're still there. And we miss and grieve so much because we have loved.

Direction

Ha! If only getting direction in life were as easy as seeing a sign and following it.
I am on my week-long break for SBS right now so I have some extra time for things like reading and visiting the zoo (which is where I took the above picture because I loved it so much)....and blog. For those who follow my blog, it has been awhile. I'll post again soon about my studies and my trip to MT, but for now, back to the subject at hand.

I picked up the book Just Do Something, by Kevin DeYoung and have been reading it since I was in Montana. It's a pastor's response to young people's confusion about the will of God and lack of commitment in today's world among Christians. I sometimes found him hard to follow because he'd make a bold, clear statement followed by a "Not that I'm saying such and such is a bad thing..." to refute what people would say in response to his bold statement. So, it was hard to discern the line of logic he was drawing sometimes. I also hesitate to agree 100% with him on his theological outlook to that never-ending debate of the sovereignty of God and the free will of man. I also differentiate from him a bit on how I think God speaks and directs his children. But, all that to say, he makes some very valid points. Too many Christians are sitting around on their butts waiting to understand the perfect plan for their lives rather than getting up, taking a risk, and seeing what happens...or as the title denotes: just doing something.

I admit, I've been tossed around in a season of indecision, confusion over the direction of God, and wondering what I should do with my own life this last year or so. The Lord, in his mercy, revealed unrest in my soul and even anger at him for feeling like I was "forced" to stay in Af....a country that I love with my whole heart, but it had worn down my soul and my own pride and stubbornness had led me on a journey that I could see was headed toward burnout. I wrestled with the question "If God clearly spoke about moving here in the first place, if I leave, will I be disobedient to God?" I had many a conversation with wise counsel with this issue and that pointed me to my two months in Scotland to pray, debrief, seek God and more counsel.

So, there I began to see God's heart for me. I was not a machine he had programmed to get something done for the kingdom so I could rest in eternity. He truly does care for my soul. He cares for the relationships in my life. He cares for my family. He cares about the fact that I want my own family. And those desires on my heart and the things I love to do are not more spiritual if I set them aside to do what is "hard-core" or ministering in areas I feel people expect me to do. In other words, I just got honest with who I am and the truth of who God is.

Which led me to SBS and this season of life. I am continuing to see that I love teaching. There is something about getting in front of a group of people with the Bible in front of me, or teaching about things I'm really passionate about like culture or the oppressed or worldview or whatever, and leading people through a process that turns lights on in their heads and stirs their hearts towards the things I feel are on God's heart. I have spent a lot of time thinking that wanting to be a teacher was prideful because it put me up front. I taught for 12 hours in Montana and each hour, though draining mentally and physically at times, gave me more energy and excitement than the last.

So, many of you and even I myself at times may be wondering what I'm doing here in Taiwan. I keep getting asked if I'll go back to Af. and I honestly don't know at this point in time. But, I made a decision this last week to speak with the leadership here in Taiwan about staying on at least another year and staffing the SBS, the school that I am currently in. It would mean opportunities to teach different books of the Bible, to grow in my understanding about the SBS and how it works (because in the back of my mind there is still a desire in my heart to see Bible training duplicated around the world in places where there is not access to training yet), I can disciple and train up other future leaders in the mission and of all things....I'm really enjoying it here and the growth this place is adding to in my life and would like to stay on another year. It's not official yet as the leadership still has to make staff decisions and such, but the process is started.

I've been reflecting on the direction of God quite a bit. I've been fascinated to follow Paul's journey in all his ups and downs. He had divine guidance (the road to Damascus, the Macedonian call and God speaking to him to not be afraid and preach in Corinth), but he also had moments where he said "it seemed good for us...." to head out on their second missionary journey, at another point to travel through Macedonia, and his desire to see Rome. I believe this is a season of "it seems good for me" to stay on another year in Taiwan.

a little bit of catching up to do....

I had this eager ambition to blog after every book of the Bible that I've been studying but in two weeks we went through six books and that just flew out the window. However, after my nose in the book of Romans this last week, I realized I need to blog something otherwise I will get snowballed under and lose sight of the reason I wanted to do this in the first place: to process and share the revelation which I've been blessed to receive in this season.

To start, a few photos from last weekend:


A group of us went hiking up a nearby mountain. I climbed this same one last year when I was in Taiwan and I'm so pleased to say I'm in MUCH BETTER shape this year than I was last year. I've been able to go running about 3x a week and have been doing yoga on my roof in the mornings. The day was beautiful and so life-giving. The next day we had "base fun day" at the beach (where I didn't get any photos...sorry) and I spent the day playing volleyball, playing rugby with a bunch of hard-core women, and trying my hand at surfing (which resulted in a gnarly bruise on my right thigh from the surfboard smashing into my leg)...oh yeah, and the best tan I've had in years.

But, all that being said, my head has been buried in the word and my face has been consistently tear-stained. I love what God is doing in my heart as he peels away layer after layer of brokenness, guilt, condemnation and wrong-thinking, replacing it with healing, freedom, love and truth.

So, here is the brief synopsis of what's been impacting me:
Philippians: God has been hammering at the issue of pride in my life and this book dealt another swift blow to it. The Philippians took a lot of pride in who they were as Roman citizens and their status. But, our pride should come from nowhere except in Christ. Paul curses in this book...do you know where?

Colossians: For some reason, I struggled just getting the work done for this book, getting hit with a wave of overwhelming perfectionism. Then 2/3 of the way through my work I realized, that's the whole message of Colossians! Christ is ALL we need. It's not about what we've done, what we know, what we can accomplish or even how spiritual we are. I don't have to live like I owe God anything.

Philemon: This small book brought up a mighty work in my life. I showed up in class that day as Miss Grumpy Pants, angry about some personal stuff in my life. I vented to a staff member who just smiled and hugged me. Then the lecture was as if the teacher had just eaves-dropped on said conversation. I wept all through class, went for the most intense run I've had for awhile, and made steps to bring about reconciliation and repentance in two areas of my life. Don't discount a SINGLE PAGE of the Bible, because this one little page, little Philemon exposed some deep things in my heart by the Holy Spirit.

1 & 2 Thessalonians: Our staff put on a great production with a skit helping understand the "Man of Lawlessness." But, one thing I was struck by was that these books were written to new believers--6 months to a year after Paul had preached to the Thessalonians, and he is talking about the return of Christ and suffering for the gospel. How often are these things we use in discipleship for new believers? But, one thing I was struck by is Paul's encouragement not to grow weary in doing good and to allow the Holy Spirit to sanctify us. That can be hard work, believe me, but so worth it.

1 Timothy: I thoroughly enjoyed this book!!! Paul is writing to Timothy while he is in Ephesus telling him to stay on, confront the false teaching and to disciple the believers and train up leaders in the church that was having some major issues. He encourages Timothy to persevere and that God will enable him to do such a great task. I found myself in Timothy's shoes in light of my last year in Af. and wishing I had had someone like Paul to write to me and encourage me like he did Timothy. When people were saying "you just gotta pray more" or "maybe it's a sign you should leave" I needed someone to say "this is God's work, he will do it." And "you are able to do what God has called you, through the power of God alone, not yourself." For my final application, I wrote a letter to Paul as if he had written 1 Timothy to me. Very good debriefing time!

Romans: Oh Romans. That pinnacle of theological thought. Predestination, the sovereignty of God and free will of man, justification by faith alone, Jews and Gentiles, the elect, etc. My head was wrapped around all this, all week. But then as I was finishing my final chapter, thinking I could just turn my theological brain off because it was mostly the greetings to those in Rome, I had this revelation: Paul ends the book in the same way he begins. He summarizes the theology of the whole book (and well, all of his letters and minstry) (see Romans 1:1-6 and 16:25-27). He basically is saying:
1. the gospel has been revealed through all of Scripture
2. the gospel is Jesus Christ and salvation through him alone
3. it is for all nations (all peoples)
4. It was given by the power and command of God
That's it. All that theological stuff in between fleshes out these things. The gospel is that simple, and it's that complex. If I can just believe, preach and live out these things, this is what God's purpose has always been and is today. This is the purpose of my life. And now I'm in 1 Corinthians and it makes so much sense that Paul is saying "I resolved to know nothing but Christ and him crucified", because this is the heartbeat of God himself. So in Romans...keep it simple. The gospel. Given for all people. Salvation through Christ. By the power and command of God. Amen.

Okay...if you are still reading, bless you my friend. I will release you to get on with life. But, if anything, these posts are a good time of reflection for me, and it is my blog after all.

I'm also getting involved in ministry here with the English club at the local university. I went out with some of the students last week to hang out and share life (and some stinky tofu...a Taiwanese specialty). Maybe I'll take some photos with the English club this next week. We had a discussion of Lady Gaga and her use of sexuality in her videos. Quite different from my discussions in Af-stan, that's for sure.

Identity

It's amazing how many things in our life tell us who we are...our family, friends, culture, society, experiences, rejection, love, hurt, joy, God, the church, winning and losing. I'm amazed at the fact that we really know who we are at all when these voices clamor in our ears day after day.

One thing God is going deep with during this SBS is my identity. I am spending every day, all day in the TRUTH. When I come face-to-face with who God is and what he speaks about his people, the darkness is exposed in me and it can't help but be stripped away. Every week finds me peeling another layer aside.

I have to admit, in this very public forum, I struggle so much with my worth. My default is to think my worth is in what I do, in that person looking at me and saying "wow, Danika, you are really good at _________." But that fades, and I go searching for it again. It's like drinking salt water in the desert. It never quenches and it only damages me inside.

The thing is I KNOW the truth of my worth. I know God's word. I hear his voice. I read of it, I even disciple others in it, I even TEACH this! But, do I believe that God's word for me is true? Do I say, "Yes, I have worth because GOD has given it to me" not because I've done something really well. (Or that i don't have worth because I'm not good at something). It seems like such a fundamental message, but I wonder how many of us, especially us women...because I don't understand the male psyche and if they struggle with this...really wrestle with our worth. That when we hear God speak his love over us, do we hear it as fluff, or do we drink deep of it and savor it? Do we reject it or do we embrace it?

There's a song that I have been listening to repeatedly because I almost feel like it's God's word to me right now. It's not a Christian song, but I believe the message comes from the heart of God:

Shine On, By Eric Bibb

Keep on when your mind says quit
Dream on ‘til you find your living it
I’ll be right by your side
Yeah baby keep on
Don’t stop ‘til you win your prize
Lean on all the love that is in my eyes
You’re a diamond to me, yes you are
Shine on

I know what you’ve been through
I see
But it’s time to leave it behind and let it be
Yeah

Hard-earned wisdom is something you can’t buy
It’s the wings of experience
That make you fly

Don’t look back
Don’t look back
Don’t turn around
You’re on the right track

I love the words "hard-earned wisdom is something you can't buy. It's the wings of experience that make you fly." I feel that who I am today has not come easily. I have never really had a simple life filled with ease. And even in this time of rest and refreshment, it's not been easy. The wisdom that God is refining in me is coming at a great cost. But it's because of these difficulties that I am me. I am tough because life has beaten me up a bit and by God's strength, I've gotten up and kept running. I am gentle because God has allowed my heart to be softened by heartache and the deep stuff of life and the suffering of others.

And I've wondered often, am I on the right track? This year I've sought the advice and wisdom of so many people I couldn't even count them, I've prayed and heard from God, but I've doubted myself. And here I am, in this new phase of life. I have no idea where the path is headed, and God is healing where the path has gone. I am on the right track.

And right now, my only duty is to lean on all the love in God's eyes. Because that love, that love is for me. It's for me.

Luke-Acts

In two short weeks, we studied 25% of the New Testament. That is how much the book of Luke and Acts is. Amazing. I have pretty much dedicated every spare minute of my day to these two books over the last few weeks. I wish there was a way to succinctly put what has impacted me here onto my blog. I don't think it's possible though. I'll make a small effort.

Luke-Acts is written by a Gentile for a Gentile, the only book in the Bible written by a Gentile. One thing I was amazed at while I was reading is Luke's intentionality at showing how Jesus in the book of Luke crossed some pretty strong boundaries to show his love and how that theme extended into Acts as the Holy Spirit was moving in the apostles and disciples to take the gospel beyond boundaries as well. For example, for nearly every miracle, healing or teaching that involves a man in the book of Luke, there is one involving a woman as well. Jesus reached out to women, who in that day were excluded from the temple, from learning the Scripture, and from respectability in society.

Then in Acts, the Holy Spirit through persecution scatters the believers to take the gospel to the Samaritans, a people group rejected by the Jews. I love the story of Philip. God speaks to him to go down to a remote desert place where he meets an Ethiopian eunuch. As a eunuch, this man would have been excluded from temple worship his whole life. He was never allowed, under the Jewish system, to really be close to God. But God sends Philip to show him, he CAN be! There is an intimate place of belonging for this man!

Wow, the heart of God to reach those who society excludes! Amazing! The day that we talked about women and outcasts during the book of Luke, I just lost it. I have lived as an outcast in a society where others have been even more outcast than I felt. I had pictures of women, the sick, the crippled, the beggars, the gypsies, the broken flashing through my head. People I've touched and prayed with, as well as people I've walked by or ignored. God's heart broke me. I wept all during class that day and I had this overwhelming question in my heart....WHO IS GOING TO THESE PEOPLE? They are not walking into our pristine church doors. They are not jumping on airplanes and flying to America and knocking on my front door. They are not calling me to ask me to tell them about Jesus. WE MUST GO TO THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How dare we think the call to the broken and the lost of the world is for someone else. The outcasts are all around us. They are the people we walk by and don't notice. They are the men like blind Bartemeaus that we, like the crowd, wish would just shut up and go away. These are people living in villages in Muslim countries and have NEVER HEARD THAT SALVATION IS FOR THEM!!! God is a God who reaches out to people, and we as his church have no excuse not to be doing the same!

It's a good thing that I am teaching on missions in a DTS in a month (in Montana). I need to release this stirring and the message on my heart. I can't hold it in! But, that poor DTS doesn't know what's coming to it! :)

In some other news: I am an AUNTIE! My brother and sister-in-law had their baby on April 27. She is a beautiful little girl. So, congrats to Jeremy and Rachael! I miss them so much and so wish I could be there and hold and snuggle precious little Alexee Iyla!


And here are some photos of some amazing women that I got some fabulous time to hang out with this weekend. And I must say, it's nice to have some semblance of a social life once again!




Alright, I'm off to bed. We start bright and early tomorrow morning and I'm hoping to get a nice early run in before class.

Ephesians and Mark

Wow, time flies. I am nearly finished with the book of Luke and realized I haven't posted anything about Ephesians and Mark.

One of our teachers said that SBS is like trying to take a drink out of a fire hydrant. SO TRUE! Truth and revelation is being blasted at me and I'm trying to soak in what I can, but there is so much!

EPHESIANS:
I love this book, always have. It's like a mouthful of worship in the first chapter. I love how Paul busts out into worship just because he's so overcome in 3:20. One thing we talked about in class was how impressed Paul is with God. I want to be that impressed with God that I spontaneously break out in worship because I can't keep it contained.

I was thinking back to my time in Ephesus in 2004 as I read this book. If you EVER get the opportunity to walk the ruins of Ephesus, it's well worth it. I remember standing in the amphitheater there, closing my eyes and trying to hear this massive crowd chanting "Great is Artemis of the Ephesians!" and how I would feel as Paul having preached the Gospel and having this confusion and anger all around me and my heart for the people to know Jesus. The Ephesians' culture was pretty intense, steeped in spirituality, magical practices, abundant sexual immorality, and secret cult practices. But Paul addresses these issues telling the Ephesians they have rich inheritance and a new identity and to get out of these practices!!

What greatly impacted me about the book of Ephesians was towards the end of the passage about putting on the armor of God...Paul encourages the Ephesians to pray, and to pray for boldness for him to preach. Sometimes we think that defeating the darkness is to stand up and shout and go through all these intense spiritual warfare practices. There is a time for that I believe, but what defeats the darkness more than anything: PREACHING THE GOSPEL!! It's that simple. This brings people from darkness into light. This is what rescues people from the lies and bondage over their lives, is knowing they have freedom in Christ. For some time, the gospel has felt like sawdust in my mouth, I'm not sure why, but I feel I've lost focus of who it is I preach for and what the good news really is. So, I'm having a fresh revelation of the gospel and there is a stirring in my spirit to share that with others again, praise God!!

MARK
I'm continually in awe at the fact that even though I've read through the Bible in it's entirety numerous times in the past, listened to sermons, studied the Bible on my own, and even took a class on some books, like Mark, that I feel like I'm reading some things for the first time and really SEEING it. I never stopped to think about the context the book of Mark was written in, but it was written during the time of intense persecution to the believers in Rome. Nero, the emperor at the time, was rumored to have set fire to the city of Rome and when people started pointing the finger at him, he in turn blamed it on the Christians. He did the most horrible things to torture and punish them, like turning them into human candles and slowly burning them alive. So, the life of Jesus that Mark portrays is one of urgency for the believers to understand Jesus' authority over all things: disease, the demonic realm, earthly authorities, natural elements, etc. And Jesus was going to suffer and die. He was going to be rejected. Mark is using the gospel of Jesus to tell the believers in Rome that their suffering is worth it because Jesus suffered and gave it all for them.

What I was really struck with in the book of Mark as we went through it was the interaction with the disciples. Oh my gosh, they didn't get it. Jesus says to them: "I will suffer, die and rise again." and they immediately questioned "What does he mean by that?" (i.e. Mark 9:31-32) We have the gift of hindsight, but still, the disciples kept hitting a wall. And oh, the patience of Jesus. And how much patience has Jesus had with me in my life? I believe I am in this SBS because of the patience of Jesus. I tried to a lot in my own strength and wisdom, like Peter, like James and John. Yet, Jesus is patient in my block-headedness.

**********

Well, that catches you up a bit on just a taste of the revelation blasting out of that fire hydrant. I am very excited to share with you about Luke. God softened my heart in a big way this week. But, I have a lot of homework in that book still yet to finish, so that will come hopefully this weekend.

A little tour of my life

In the busyness of moving across different continents and countries, I've been very bad at playing "tourist" and taking photos of everything. But a couple of days ago I grabbed my camera and took it along with me throughout a bit of my day.

First, here are some photos from the YWAM 50th celebration we just had this last week. The founders of our organization are traveling around the world this year to 43 locations where there will be gatherings to celebrate what God has done over the last 50 years and to cast vision for what lies ahead. It is an exciting time to be a part of YWAM and I've been blessed to be a part of the celebrations here. I'm sad I'll be missing the one in C.Asia because much of my time in YWAM has been invested there, but celebrating with the YWAM family here has been a blessing.


With friends at the 50th celebration:


Now, welcome to my world here in Taiwan:
This is the apartment building where I live. The apartment is the entire top floor. Believe it or not, I live with 19 other people! We have 7 bedrooms and a big living room (you can see the living room in an earlier post.)


This is the street in front of my place. Motos (scooters) are ubiquitous here.


This is the view from my roof. I come up here to get some quiet, alone time. It's been quite the transition from a big village to a big bustling city!


And here's my bedroom! Yes, there are three bunkbeds here. I have 5 roommates. But, the reality is, I pretty much just sleep here. The rest of my time is pretty full.


This is our classroom. There are 58 students and 19 staff members. It gets pretty full in here. The cool thing about this place is that it used to be a night club and not a reputable place. Now, it's packed full of people learning the word of God. God can redeem anything.


And this is where I will be spending most of my time these next nine months...devouring the word of God, many many hours in the Bible. Bring it on! I'm so thirsty for some refreshing and have already been greatly impacted by what we have been studying.


So, I hope that lets you get a better peek into what I'm doing and what my life is like. It's quite the change from the last 4 years but I believe I'm right where I should be and though there are a lot of unknowns ahead, I have peace and trust that God is holding me and things will unfold in their time.

Confessions of an SBS student

We just finished the celebrations here in Taiwan for the 50th anniversary of YWAM. It was a fantastic time to hear where we've been and to dream about where we are going. Loren and Darlene Cunningham, the founders of the organization, were here to impart to us. I was impacted by Darlene sharing about some mistakes of the past and times of correction of the Lord. She spoke about being blessed by the intervention of God when they/we had gone astray and thinking about where we would be if he would not have given that correction.

Well, I feel in a season of correction and re-alignment myself. One thing God is shining a light on, a very bright one at that, is my pride. I'm seeing that I am a big reason why I was burning out this year. I thought I was more than I was. A lot of the reasons I said yes to things wasn't so much because I felt called by the Lord to do them, but because I wanted people to be impressed with me. So, I'm confessing this in a public forum. I want to welcome the correction of God on this.

And now SBS (School of Biblical Studies) has begun. Already, as I've mentioned, the Word of God has shown me areas of my wrong understanding of the character of God. And I am struck again at what a privilege it is that I am here, just being refined by the Truth of God, able to spend hours soaking it in.

I have a bit of a rebellious spirit, I must confess. If someone tells me I should do something, I want to run in the opposite direction just to show that I can be right without their advice (uh, hello again Pride!). I have secretly wanted to do an SBS since I joined this organization and gotten really annoyed when people told me I should do one. I thought to myself, I can understand the Bible as well as you without doing the school (ahem, pride). I even have a fancy Bible degree and have spent a lot of time studying the word on my own, even using the inductive method. When people were expressing their positive experience in SBS, I read it as judgment on my own journey with the word of God (and there again, my pride).

However, I must renege on that because I've realized, if I were to quit SBS today, I would never read the Bible the same way again. And I also realized, it's not because the school is better than any other school, or because I've suddenly got "the answers," but it's because I am not allowed to be lazy about studying the Bible any more. The things we are learning are not hidden or unavailable for every person...we are just looking at the text and allowing it to shape us! But, I have no excuse not to know the Word, and not to be impacted by it. Today we looked just at the background of Ephesians...had a little experience of it, and though I have even been to the city of Ephesus, I am reading the book with new eyes, seeing even deeper levels of truth.

So, there it is...pride, rebellion and laziness. But, the beauty of it is: "In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight" (Ephesians 1:8) I am loved and accepted in all my rawness and yet God continues to bring me into newness.

Titus and Easter morning!

I turned in the book of Titus yesterday. And while, it didn't find me on my balcony crying my eyes out, there were some great things I got out of the book.

Titus is on the island of Crete (I guess I never really thought too much about that before!) and Paul is asking some big things of him...to appoint elders, to confront the false teachers and to teach. You know, no big deal.

I could really feel for Titus. He had a big task ahead of him, his church members were a little unruly (issues of drunkenness and lack of self-control), and he was young and had to take a stand.

One of the things that struck me, was a statement that Paul makes about rebuking (and normally, I'm not drawn to passages on rebuking!). Titus 1:13 says, "rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith." There were some big issues in the church that needed to be dealt with, and it must have been intimidating for Titus as an outsider to come in and bring correction. But, Paul's heart comes through...it's for their own faith, not for Titus' or Paul's reputation.

Now, I HATE confrontation. I love when things are peaceful and everyone loves one another. But, I also know, that is not always the case. I've also learned in leadership this last year, that often the most loving thing you can do for a person is to confront them, not allow them to continue in their error. I want to keep this motive in mind...that rebuking is for the sake of the faith of the person.

************

on a separate and unrelated note, we had brunch in our apartment this morning and a time of worship. It was so great to celebrate Easter morning with this group of people. I have been blessed by the people in my school already so much. Here are some photos from that time:

Galatians

So, I started my SBS (School of Biblical Studies) last week and we just finished our first book, Galatians today. For those of you unfamiliar with this school in Y, it's nine months of studying the entire Bible inductively. You go through each book of the Bible five times throughout the course, aiming to observe, interpret and apply. It is a school I have been wanting to do since I did my DTS and haven't had the time to do until now. I consider it an immense privilege to be able to be here.

There are 59 students in my school, 19 staff members. It makes for quite a crowd of us. I am living in an apartment in the city of Dan Shui, Taiwan until the end of this year with 19 other people, 5 of whom are my immediate roommates. Despite the intense community and my introverted tendencies, I've been really enjoying the fellowship of the other students, hearing their stories and getting to know them. It is immensely refreshing to just be a student, to soak in the word of God for HOURS throughout the whole day, and to just allow God to work on my heart (all while enjoying the occasional cup of coffee at Starbucks!).

So, I hope to blog here about the things I'm learning from each book. It will probably be a bit more personal and less informational, but if you are wanting to share with me things you are learning from these particular books of the Bible as well, I'd be happy to open it up for dialogue! "Iron sharpens iron." I'd love to be sharpened by you.

So, Galatians. First, I must share a bit of personal history with this book. I took a class in college on Romans and Galatians for my Bible degree at Northwestern College. I'm sure the professor was great, but I really struggled with that class and felt like I hated theology, I hated the term 'justification by faith' and I felt like I nearly lost my salvation by the end of it all. We got really deep into theological debates and I felt like these books turned to sawdust in my mouth. I was so confused as to what I really believed. To top if all off, I ended up doing a project with the person I was dating at the time out of the book of Galatians, and it ended up being a real interpersonal struggle and we didn't get a very good grade.

So, I came to Galatians this last week with that history. I had to admit, I was disappointed that we didn't start somewhere else, anywhere else. But, dive in we did. We learned the method of inductive Bible Study and tore apart Galatians for ourselves. As I saw Paul's heart for the Galatians, how they had once embraced the Gospel so wholeheartedly and now they were being taught by false teachers that what they received wasn't enough, but they needed circumcision/the law as well. I believe Paul sums it up when he says if they turn back to the law, they are saying Christ died for no purpose (2:21). When we look to anything else for our worth, identity, value, salvation we say that Christ was useless. That is the seriousness of legalism!!

I have really been challenged by this especially after running myself in the ground and nearly hitting burnout. I was so convicted this week of the pride in my heart . I thought I was a super-leader. I thought I could do so much in my own strength. And I started looking outside of God to fulfill my needs. It brought me to the place I am now...brokenness, weakness, dependency. I am thankful for where I am now, but so saddened that I de-valued Christ and that is what brought me here. Grace. Oh the sweet, freeing grace of God. I spent a good deal of time this week just repenting of my pride.

Another thing that really hit me was areas of my understanding of the nature and character of God that are untrue. One of the staff was giving a lecture about the phrase "the fullness of time" that God brought Christ into the world (4:4). God's purposes were never just the law but it pointed to Christ. And this took 2000 years to happen. God's timing is never wrong. And he doesn't lie. Then she said, "God doesn't play games with you." This struck me straight to the core. I have been believing that God has messed with me this last year. I committed to things that fell apart, I hoped for things that were huge failures, and I somewhere along the way came to believe that God was messing with me, speaking promises and not fulfilling them. Again, I was up on my balcony just weeping at the revelation of my unbelief.

But, it's been SO GOOD! If I was spending so much time in the word and not being changed by it, I would surprised. It's a huge privilege to be able to just allow God's truth to wash over me. And the beauty is that God brings up these areas in our heart for healing, for freedom, to give us something new. Before I came to do this SBS, the word God has been speaking is "Behold, I make all things new." He is taking away the garbage to give me something new and beautiful.

So, thank you friends for letting me be a bit vulnerable, and I just ask for your prayers. I'm asking God every day for the spirit of wisdom and revelation (Ephesians 1:17) not just for head knowledge, but for heart change, so that I may share it with others.

Dubai

I've made my way through Dubai a number of times as it's the easiest port of entry to Af. Most times I crash for a night and continue my journey. This time, because I had to get my visa for Taiwan, I ended up staying about 5 days and renting a car.

My last day I drove to see the Burj Khalifa, which is now the tallest building in the world standing at 162 stories. Oddly enough, I'm about to board a plane where what used to be the tallest building is, Taipei 101. This building is so tall it reaches the clouds. Unfortunately it is temporarily closed so I was unable to get up there. But a word to the wise...if you do want to visit it, buy tickets ahead of time on the internet. They're about 4x as much if you just show up.

Anyways, I just wanted to post a photo, say I'm still alive and making the journey. There's so much to write and a number of times I've wanted to sit down and blog, but it's been quite a busy and emotionally exhausting season. I will post things here as the muse stirs.

(and I took much better photos of the building with my camera but it's currently in my checked baggage as I sit through a layover in Malaysia. When I get settled in Taiwan, I'll post some more).

All the Single Ladies...

At the risk of sounding like a cynical single woman, I wanted to post something I’ve wondered about for a long, long while. I joined the organization I currently work with eight years ago (!!). I did my training in a semi-comfortable location in the USA and attended conferences packed with lots of young people of all shapes and sizes eager to “Go!” and serve where God has called them. We heard people serving from all areas of the world in all areas of the world, challenging us to take up the places where no one or few people are serving.

Tonight I sat around the table at our single girls’ house. There are six of us here and one currently out the country. The two families and the one single guy live at the other house. We were talking about the ratio of single men to single women in these parts of the world. Many of us have served in other areas and as we “compared notes” we realized, us single women DRASTICALLY outnumber the single men. In this country in my organization, it’s currently 2 single men and 14 single women, another location: 17 single women, 0 single men, you get the picture. It seems the further away I get from developed nations, the less men who are “workers” I see. And yet when I listen to M’s theory in classes or seminars or read books on it, most strategies are geared towards men, especially in predominantly Mus. parts of the world.

My question is, “where are the men?” Why is it that very few take up the challenge to go to the hard places, and yet single women seem to flock to those areas? And, men….don’t you realize how many amazing, marriageable women there are on the field…ones that aren’t afraid of the icky spiders or walking through mud but yet still want to have a hero in their lives and someone to care for them? Women who are sold out and are going to serve Jesus with or with out you?

Of course, I wish I could objectively ask these questions so people don’t point and go “ah yes…she just turned thirty and is now starting to get desperate and bitter.” I’m not. But, I’m just curious. And I’m wondering if maybe we should start championing strategies that focus on women, especially since we make up the majority of the workers in remote places. I have heard it said that Mus. women are the largest unreached people group in the world. Maybe that’s why so many women are taking up the call…because it is definitely on the heart of God.

But if you are a single man, sitting at home on your computer, wondering what to do with your life that will make a difference in this world...I could offer advice and make a few suggestions. I know this nation would welcome you with open arms.

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end

I'm gradually making my way back overseas again and saying plenty of goodbyes along the way. I spent a few days in Scotland getting in as many conversations as I could with people, grabbing the few things that I left there and soaking up the things I enjoy about that place. I'm so thankful for my time there to rest, pray, process and just be. The people at the Scotland base welcomed me with open arms and created a space for me to heal and spend time with God.


My first morning I went to get a cup of coffee and a scone at a local place and then walked along the beach. It's a bit hard to see in this photo above, but the Isle of Arran is in the distance, but all you could see was the snow covered peaks of the island and it was perfectly framed by the clouds. It was so beautiful and I took this photo with my camera phone because my nice camera has a dead battery and the charger is still in Af-stan.

It was hard saying goodbye to my family. It almost felt that if I stayed that we could stay in this incubated period of mourning my grandpa's death, but leaving was like saying "I'm moving on with my life." The emotions of it is struck me more than I was anticipating. The next time I return home (wherever home really is any more), it will be a very different place.

On a positive note, I've enjoyed the phase of being Auntie Danika to Bella, my brother and sister-in-law's daughter and their new daughter they are expecting in May. I managed to make two blankets while I was home, one for each girl and went on a bit of a shopping spree for new clothes for the girls. I only wish I was going to be home when Alexee is born! Here are some photos of the blankets:

for Princess Bella:

A pink blanket for a pink-loving princess.

and for baby Alexee:





She's been a very active little one so I found it fitting that I found a pattern for a monkey blanket. It was a bit more work than I expected being that it was color-work and it's two-sided. But, I'm very happy with the way it turned out and was so happy to be able to give these to Bella and Rachael before I left.

Goodbyes never get easier, in all their forms. You would think in my line of work where people are constantly in and out of my life, I'd get used to it or find better ways of dealing with all the emotions that come with saying goodbye. Yet, I suppose it's a good thing that it's hard to say goodbye because it means you love and are loved.

A Chicago getaway

This last weekend I had a beautiful gift of a plane ticket out to see some good friends. I was so happy to be able to travel out and see Sasha and Beth and catch up on life and everything else. It was a quick trip...I stayed 2 nights, but I was able to see where both these beautiful and wonderful women are living and where post-grad school life has taken them.

Saturday we managed to cram in breakfast downtown, a stroll through the Art Institute (free all February for those who want to go!), a little shopping, coffee, a Valentines' comedy sketch (pretty hilarious...people send in their breakup letters, texts, voice mails, etc, and they turn it into a show once a year. Very cathartic for the broken-hearted or single at Valentines' Day), and my dear birthday buddy Sasha (her birthday is 2 days before mine) made me tiramisu early morning the day I arrived which we took spoons to in Beth's apartment and finished off the next day.

Sunday was a day for church downtown and another coffee shop and then off to the suburbs to hang out at Sasha's, pray for the people she's been interacting with and enjoy a wonderful homemade dinner. Later that evening, a Turkish friend of hers called concerned about a bump her baby boy had taken to the head. We went over and I immediately felt at home....cushions on the floor, tv blaring, vibrant curtains and plaques of Mecca and passages from the Qu'ran on the wall. The kids ran around and the tired mother talked and asked me questions about not being married and such. I felt instantly back in Central Asia...and I loved it! The next day we stopped by to see how the little boy was doing and the woman had made an Uzbek rice dish I LOVE and homemade bread and green tea. Delish! If I moved back to the US, I would be her neighbor!

I'm so, so, so thankful for friends that are willing to stay connected despite the distance and love moments like these where I can descend into peoples' lives and share our hearts, our prayers and a few laughs together. These ladies are the best valentines a girl could have!

Turning 30

So, I turned thirty today.
I think your thirtieth is one that there is a lot of hype leading up to, but it felt a bit anticlimactic today. I thought I was either supposed to have some kind of emotional crisis or be jumping up and down about all that life holds. It felt a bit like the day after yesterday.

All that being said, I'm pretty happy to be thirty. I have no regrets about life. I've seen things and had experiences that people classify as "once in a lifetime" and I get to view as another ordinary day. I've seen much of the world. I've gotten to make a difference in peoples' lives. I've been deeply impacted by other people. I don't know how much more living I could have crammed into these thirty years!

And I look forward to what is ahead. I have no idea what truly is ahead. (do any of us really?) But after next December I have no idea what life may hold. I'm such a planner and not having at least a plan in process used to really freak me out. But, now I'm seeing the potential of all the possibilities and knowing I'm following in the footsteps that God has laid out for me. And that makes the unknown exciting rather than scary.


Today my family didn't have plans until the evening so I pulled my brother out of bed at about 10am this morning and asked if he wanted to go x-country skiing with me at Giants' Ridge, the nearby ski hill here in northern MN. I went downhill skiing on Wednesday but have never tried the x-country ski trails. We rented skiis and hit the trails. Well, I am a much better down hill skier than I am x-country. I was wobbling as I tried to skate ski, and I forgot what a full-body workout it was!

Here's some photos from our day:



My brother William was a brave soul as I dragged him along. He took a number of spills but kept getting up and pushing on.



I was pretty excited that I was upright most of the time and enjoyed the trails. However, as we were coming down a hill and around a corner, another skier was just standing at the bottom of the hill. William fell to avoid hitting her, and I tried getting off the track to avoid hitting him. Well, I basically belly-flopped head first on to the groomed trail, going down the hill at a pretty good clip, and I'm pretty sure I bruised or cracked a rib on my right side. If I laugh or breathe deeply I feel a good amount of pain. Funny, I've been rocketing my body down mountains on skis for a number of years and have never done that and then I go down a bit of an incline going cross country and get a pretty good injury.



But after it all, we still had smiles on our faces! I'm thankful for a brother who's willing to get out and do some fun stuff with me. I see my family so rarely so times like these are ones I'll treasure for a long time.

So, cheers to a new decade. I hope there are many adventures to come, many new friends to meet, continued relationships that will deepen and grow, and a God who is the spearhead of it all and loves me so much that he is writing me a pretty awesome story.

Thanks for all the birthday wishes!

Sorting through memories

It's amazing how the line between life and death is so thin. One can jump across it so fast. You lose a loved one in an instant. But, after that death, the changes come...some slowly, some hitting like a freight train.

This last week I have tackled the task of cleaning out my grandpa's office. We are going to transform it into a guest room as the first order of business in all that is ahead this year with my aunt and uncle coming back for a season and helping to get the house ready to sell.

I have to say, this office was my grandpa's lair. I was sorting and tossing things and realizing if he were alive, I never would have been allowed to do it. I felt mischievous in a weird sort of way. Like I was eating out of the cookie jar or sneaking money from his wallet. And I've realized, my grandpa hated to throw anything away. He'd replace things that needed replacing...like, let's say his wallet wore out after years of use, he'd buy a new one. But, I found all the old worn out ones in his desk. And he saved not only every bill and receipt over at least the last 15 years, but he didn't even throw away the envelopes the bills came in. Whew. It's been quite the task.

But, tomorrow some guys from the church are coming to take the desk and filing cabinets into the church. So, I had to get everything ready...I'm happy to show a piece of my work:



Here's the desk area that is clean not only on top, but inside and underneath. You literally could not see the top of this desk to begin with.

But, in the midst of throwing a lot of things away, I came across some real treasures as well. I had my share of tearful moments, remembering the legacy my grandpa left and the life that he lived. Here are a few things I found:


This photo is of my grandma and grandpa in their first year of marriage. What a good looking couple!


These are my grandpa and grandma's high school diplomas. My grandpa graduated from Gilbert High School in 1956 (I attended this same school while I was in Junior High), and my grandma graduated from Biwabik High School in 1960 (where I went for a short time in Elementary school).

And I also found my grandpa's senior yearbook:


He was quite the handsome guy!


And here my grandma signed my grandpa's yearbook, full of giddiness as you can see by her excitement about being the "future Mrs. Gene Potter." How cute!

My grandfather was by no means a perfect man, but he was one who provided for and cared for his family and loved so many people along the way. It's been a hard process to sort through his very personal room, but I'm thankful for the experience. I feel like I know him a bit better. And I still miss him as much as ever.

A different kind of book recommendation....

I've not been too diligent with my blog lately, not because I don't have much on my mind, but I have felt as though I keep having the same thing on my mind. These last few weeks my grandma, my aunt and myself have begun a journey of helping my grandma move forward in a life that no longer includes my grandpa. It's a task that I feel we are all doing out of necessity (vs. desire) and therefore has had it's stressful and difficult moments. In many ways, we are protected within our little bubble of grief but all of us are facing major life transitions that we could not have anticipated even a few months ago. There have been moments that reminded me of the novel "The Secret Life of Bees" in which a bunch of sisters and friends living on a bee farm face all that life has brought them or taken away from them together. I am thankful for our moments of breakdown and tears, the arms that are always there to give a hug, the frustration or anger that we each take with a grain of salt because we know it comes from a place of deep grief and hurt, and the moments of laughter and odd impulses (like the day we burnt piles and piles of wood from the yard, keeping a fire blazing well into the night and roasting bratwurst on precariously assembled skewers).

Our pastor gave my grandma the book Tear Soup, by Pat Schwiebert & Chuck DeKlyen, which looks like a children's book but is story about a woman walking through grief. In the book, making tear soup is the metaphor for the grief and it shares the story of how this woman makes the soup...it's bitter at first and she spends much time at the stove adding each drop. People around her get tired of eating nothing but tear soup and so for a season, she eats it alone. It talks about how everyone's soup is their own recipe and it can't be duplicated, and it always takes longer than expected to make a pot. For those of you who have walked through grief, are facing grief, or have friends that are grieving, I recommend this as a beautiful resource. I cried and cried when I read it. At the end of the book there is a list of advice and resources for people who are grieving or who have friends that are grieving.

I wanted to post here the list for "If your friend is making tear soup" as I found it to be helpful advice:

** Be there for your friend, even when you don't understand.
** Be a source of comfort by listening, laughing, and crying.
** Stick close to your friend and defend their right to grieve.
** Allow your friend to make mistakes... or at least to grieve differently from the way you would grieve.
** Send flowers. Send money if you know this would help.
** Send cards. The message doesn't need to be long. Just let them know you haven't forgotten them. Send one every few weeks for a while.
** Call your friend. Don't worry about being a bother. Let your friend tell you if they don't want to talk about their loss right now.
** Answering machines and e-mail are great ways to keep in touch, allowing the bereaved person to respond only when they feel up to it.
** Try to anticipate what your friend may need. Bereaved persons sometimes don't know what to ask for.
** Avoid offering easy answers and platitudes. This only invalidates the grief. Be patient. Don't try to rush your friend through their grief.
** Give your friend permission to grieve in front of you. Don't change the subject or tell them not to cry or act uncomfortable when they do cry.
** Ask them questions. But don't tell them how they should feel.
** Invite your friend to attend events together, as you normally would. Let them decide if they don't want to attend.
** Don't assume because your friend is having a good day that it means they are over their loss.
** Be mindful of holidays, birthdays and anniversaries.

Etiquette

After sending out nearly 250 acknowledgement cards after my grandpa's funeral, I would like to give a word of advice to all of you out there....when you send a card or give a gift to someone whether it be at a wedding, a funeral or a baby shower, PLEASE put your return address on the card!! It saves people a LOT of time and hassle and it's not arrogant or self-serving. People actually want to send you a thank you or express their appreciation someway. It helps in the grieving process, believe it or not.

And I've also wondered why so many people send a copy of the obituary? Is this customary as well? Why is this?