I have unpacked my bags finally! I have been living out of my suitcase for the last 2 months so it was so nice to settle in and put my luggage in storage! :) The place I'm living in now is great...I'm renting a basement apartment from a family here in West Chicago. Dr. Yammamoto is a history professor at Wheaton. I also have a roommate, Yoshiko, who is also from Japan and attending Wheaton as well. They have been so gracious and welcoming to me. I have not had my own space since I lived in my apartment my senior year of college, 6 years ago! So, this feels very overwhelming and is a huge blessing for this season of my life. I miss the family-ness of community living but I am loving the freedom and privacy that being on my own for a bit is bringing.
Yesterday I took the train over to Wheaton College (I'm about 7 miles away from the college and don't have a car so I'm discovering public transportation in America!) and took care of some paperwork things and walked around. I browsed through the bookstore and then and only then did I get nervous about going back to school!
See, I loved my time at Northwestern College for my undergrad years. But the one thing that scares me about going back to a Christian college is the tendency towards "intellectual spirituality" that can happen in places like these. I get so frustrated when your caliber of Christianity is viewed through the lens of how much theology spews from your mouth or if you know the exact references to support Calvinism or Arminianism...or even having to claim one view or another. To be honest, I don't even understand completely what "dispensationalism" or "reformed theology" is or what the differences are in all the different denominations. And this is from a girl who grew up going to church, has a Bible degree and is a missionary for goodness sake!
I understand the value in theological training. I know that we need to study the scriptures and do our best to "be diligent to present [ourselves] approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth" (2 Timothy 2:15), but the danger comes when our study and knowledge takes more importance over intimacy and relationship with Jesus. And knowledge can be a slippery slope if not walked out in the fear of the Lord. Even the Bible says, "knowledge makes arrogant" (1 Cor. 8:1b). I remember as I exited Northwestern with my degree in hand proclaiming to the world that I knew what I was talking about, I was so arrogant...at least on the inside! I remember sitting in my YWAM classes picking apart what the speakers were saying until God finally got me face-to-face in a quiet time and confronted me on my idolatry of HIS WORD! Amazing how we can even put things that are seemingly spiritual before God and worship them over him.
I think one of the biggest lessons I learned while being overseas these last 2 years is how unnecessary I am in the whole scheme of things. Now, don't misunderstand me here. I'm not touting some super hyped up form of humility or flogging myself to death for my unworthiness or whatnot. What I'm saying is I've seen the true meaning of what Paul talked about in 1 Corinthinans:
For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are, so that no man may boast before God. (I Cor. 1:26-29)
We have the PRIVILEGE of serving God. He chose us for our idiocy and weaknesses and patheticness and then endows us with the Holy Spirit and all of a sudden we are unstoppable...or we aren't, rather He is unstoppable and His Word is unstoppable. And without the Holy Spirit, without the love of God, without the salvation of Jesus Christ, as we stand solely by ourselves, we have nothing to be proud of or boast of. Even if we have all the training and degrees and knowledge in the world, we are still just a vessel, a clay pot, a body that is decaying, a mass of imperfections and good intentions and sinful thoughts and the occasional good deeds.
Wow...so all that rambling to say, my prayer is that what I study and the things I learn over this next year and a half would lead me closer to Jesus, and not puff me up or motivate me to climb up on my own pedestal. I so desperately want to fall deeper and deeper in love with God, to the point of laying myself aside and being fully consumed with him. I don't want to repeat my mistakes of the past and become the pharisee that I tended to be during my time at Northwestern...because even if I fooled many of you during that time, I sure didn't fool God. And in his love and grace he brought me to a place where I was merely resting in God's amazing love for me and not striving to become something I was not.
3 comments:
Danika,
Jan S. sent me a link to your blog since we have similar interests. I'd love to connect sometime while you're at WC. My email is eagles_wings98@juno.com. -Betsy
Hey Danika it's been fun reading up on all you have been doing. It's wonderful to see what the Lord has been doing in your life.
I understand what you are saying about theology becoming an idol and I struggle with that quite often but there's something that I want to point out:
When we study the scriptures in humility and with the intent to learn more about our Master's character and will rather than trying to import some meaning into the text through the lens of our own sinful pride it bring about a closer "relationship" (though I prefer the term patronship) with Christ. We can not truly have relationship unless we genuinely know about the individual and the only way we can know God is by what he has reveled to us in scripture everything else is subjective and insubstantial.
You said: "but the danger comes when our study and knowledge takes more importance over intimacy and relationship with Jesus."
I have heard that said more than a number of times and it some what baffles me. How can we be more "intimate" or "relational" with Christ if we don't learn how he wants that intimacy to manifest itself? And how can we cultivate relationship with Him if we don't understand who it is we are relating to or in what way we should relate to Him.
My point is this: When it comes to theology there is no secondary issues. It is all the reveled word of our Lord. How can we teach some one about God's Love and Forgiveness if we don't first understand the doctrines concerning his wrath or the depravity of man? How can we teach about his mercy when we don't understand his justice? Without a proper biblical grounding in these things which requires the study of theology how can we possibly proclaim the gospel with accuracy and maintain a steadfast faithfulness to the objective truths set forth in his word. A proper grasp of theology is ESSENTIAL especially for some one who is called to teach to others. Remember that we that teach are held to a higher standard and will be held accountable at the Day of Judgment for the words that we speak when proclaiming his truths. It’s a burden that I would admonish you not to take lightly which I am sure you do not.
I agree that simply being able to rattle off words like propitiation or hypostasis is unnecessary but we should understand the concepts behind them and I also think that understanding the debate between Calvinism and Arminianism is very important. God has been gracious enough to us to revel himself through his word and we should study it with all due diligence and humility to the best of our God given abilities, taking in the whole council of God as it were.
On a personal note by His grace my study of Reformed theology has brought me to a much deeper love of God and has brought me to my knees in humility before a Holy and Sovereign Savior.(Its harder to puff your self up when you understand our innate depravity :) Knowledge without wisdom (which is what Paul is referring too) puffs up but knowledge that's reveled by God and accepted in trembling awe makes us bow before his throne in gratitude.
Words can be so imprecise so I imagine that you probably all ready know all that I just wrote but I wanted to clarify just in case.
In Christ
Luke
Luke,
Thanks for your clarifying contribution. I wholeheartedly agree with you of the deep, deep importance of truly knowing God...and via his WORD.
And God's word is the vehicle of intimacy and depth of relationship with him, absolutely. I guess I am just taking this whole issue from the pespective of my own failure in the past of approaching my studies of the scriptures and theology in pride rather than humility. And I am not underemphasizing the study of many of the things we mentioned (reformed theology, the sovereignty of God). Much of this is a beautiful tension that we find ourselves in. For example, how can we divorce the sovereignty of God and the free will of man? Or, deal with the character of the Justice of God without his character of Mercy (and vice versa). That's what I love about the Christian journey...the tensions that we find ourselves in. I love that it takes faith, that we step into ambiguity and mystery in the presence of God so often. I love that God can be completely logical and completely mysterious all in one breath. I believe we are definitely seeing eye-to-eye but I am merely emphasizing that I recognize my weakness for intellectualism and know my struggles with it and so see the need for the experiential/spirit-filled side of relationship with God as well as study. I get comfortable in the logic that I avoid the mystery. I want to embrace all of Him.
I miss conversations with you Luke! I hope that we can connect again and I can spend some time with you and Sarah. I pray that your journey with God goes deeper and deeper every day!
Blessings!
Danika
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